Should I call her?

[Snowflower]

HH, first off you were so kind to me on my thread a few weeks ago and I wanted to thank you!

 

As for your situation here, I think you did the right thing. I don't normally support the OW contacting the BW in most situations but I think in this situation, you did the right thing.

 

Now, don't worry about what she does next. I know that is hard if you are wondering if she is going to contact you but if she does, handle it at that time.

 

Like others have said, you have acted with integrity and are seeking to become a better person and learn from bad choices.

 

I believe that it is not the bad decisions that we make that define us-because we all do that, but how we pick ourselves up from them, move on and atone for them that counts.

 

Good luck!

[Hazyhead]

Thank you for your comments, unfortunately I'm on my phone so can't respond individually as i'd like, but i will as soon as I get to Pc. Here's the thing, I'm 95% certain that xMM has gone back home from his flat to intercept any messages or letters that might come. So, now I'm at a loss. Do I just let it go even though I know she won't get the letter? I don't want to hassle her by ringing or sending another.

[Fieldsofgold]

Thank you for your comments, unfortunately I'm on my phone so can't respond individually as i'd like, but i will as soon as I get to Pc. Here's the thing, I'm 95% certain that xMM has gone back home from his flat to intercept any messages or letters that might come. So, now I'm at a loss. Do I just let it go even though I know she won't get the letter? I don't want to hassle her by ringing or sending another.

 

Boy, he IS a snake, isn't he. First, I'd wait a few days to see if she contacts u. Then, if u don't hear from her and u think he has intercepted it . . . Can u text her or e-mail her without him getting it? Just tell her he contacted u again, against ur wishes, and u sent her a letter but are concerned he intercepted it. If u can't text her, could you drop it off at herhousewhile he's at work? Is there someone who could give it to her for you? Do you know places she goes? Could you walk up, hand it to her and walk away? IDK. I feel you should not let him thwart you, and get by with this.

 

I'll have to think about this some more.

Edited October 5, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[Hazyhead]

Wow! Wow! Girl, you have guts, backbone, and just plain courage! I'm very proud of you! You did the right thing. Now what she does with it is none of your concern. Your conscience is clear.

 

Now go find yourself a wonderful relationship with a man who will fully appreciate your many fine qualities, and love you for the wonderful woman you are!!!

 

Yay, HH! Yay, HH! Yay, HH!

 

Thank you. Don't feel brave right now but do feel like I'm doing the right thing. I've spoken to her and will be phoning her back - I've updated on the Infideltiy forum as it's not so simple but I'm sticking to my guns.

 

HazyHead

 

 

I Think you did the right thing. MM WAS bullying you and trying desperately to make you responsible for the pain he is causing. Yes, his wife will be hurt, his actions could devastate her. But they are HIS actions. HIS responsibility. She deserves the opportunity to make decisions about her life based on the truth.

 

AND just as important, you have operated from a place of personal integrity. You told MM if he continued to contact you you would tell his wife. You honored your word to yourself and to him. If you had backed down you would have reinforced to MM his belief that he could play around in your life whenever he wanted to without consequence. He would believe that no matter what you say, he will always be able to manipulate what you do.

 

I think you did a good thing for the BW. I also think you took a really big step forward for yourself.

 

Thank you Phoenix. It means a lot coming from you as you have the experience of learning that horrible news and, despite what he thinks, I'm not only doing it to cause trouble, or split them up, I'm doing it because he's a lying snake who hurts people repeatedly, mostly her and she deserves better. I do hope it sets me free too.

 

HH, first off you were so kind to me on my thread a few weeks ago and I wanted to thank you!

 

As for your situation here, I think you did the right thing. I don't normally support the OW contacting the BW in most situations but I think in this situation, you did the right thing.

 

Now, don't worry about what she does next. I know that is hard if you are wondering if she is going to contact you but if she does, handle it at that time.

 

Like others have said, you have acted with integrity and are seeking to become a better person and learn from bad choices.

 

I believe that it is not the bad decisions that we make that define us-because we all do that, but how we pick ourselves up from them, move on and atone for them that counts.

 

Good luck!

 

She has contacted me, Snowflower, and does want answers. I was driving so I said I'll call her back. I really do want to atone, not that this will, but it's the right thing to do now. I hope.

 

Thank you. I know you've been having a rough time yourself; I hope you are well.

[Fieldsofgold]

Thank you. Don't feel brave right now but do feel like I'm doing the right thing. I've spoken to her and will be phoning her back - I've updated on the Infideltiy forum as it's not so simple but I'm sticking to my guns.

 

 

 

Thank you Phoenix. It means a lot coming from you as you have the experience of learning that horrible news and, despite what he thinks, I'm not only doing it to cause trouble, or split them up, I'm doing it because he's a lying snake who hurts people repeatedly, mostly her and she deserves better. I do hope it sets me free too.

 

 

 

She has contacted me, Snowflower, and does want answers. I was driving so I said I'll call her back. I really do want to atone, not that this will, but it's the right thing to do now. I hope.

 

Thank you. I know you've been having a rough time yourself; I hope you are well.

 

Still WOW! I'm glad you are talking to her. You ARE brave!