Should I stay or walk away from a married man?

[Chrissy21]

I could have ignored the signals. I could have resisted the temptation. Simply, I could have said no and walked away. Maybe one day I will realize that is exactly what I should have done. But I ignored the sensible side of me and listened to my heart. Maybe it was the fact that it was such a bad thing to do that turned me on. The thought of getting caught that gave me an adrenaline rush. I just got finished taking my mid-terms last March and it was spring break for me. I was looking for a little fun. Of course, the plan was it wasn't supposed to last for more than a week-that was the plan. Maybe it was karma or fate. But I didn't get what I bargained for. What should have been a week turned into what will be a year. And what was supposed to be a fling turned into love. I have never been in love before. So I have to ask myself how I managed to fall in love with a married man.

 

The simple facts are either of them in the marriage love each other. She got pregnant with his baby without his knowledge or consent in order to make him stay. She won't leave because of the money in the family and the last name that she wants to keep. It's hard for him to walk away from his little baby girl that he has came to love so much. What kind of father leaves? My opinion: the baby would be better off in the end once some kind of stability was established-but then what do I know? I'm just in college. They both got married too young. They have only been married five years and they both fell out of love almost in the beginning. They both cheat on each other, so I don't feel so guilty. The money is the only thing she wants from him. Yes, sometimes I feel guilty-but not because of her. I feel guilty because of the act itself. I know that one day I will probably be dealt the same hand and I will understand what it's like to be the married woman cheated on. But I can't help but feel in my heart he is "the one." He's still pretty young-only about three years older than me. So maybe this was just a foolish mistake of his youth and he'll move on to make a better life-or maybe I'm a fool.

 

My parents or his don't know about us. They all will be disappointed and even more angry. There will never be an excuse for infidelty. And the small town that we both live in- it's simply not tolerated. His "last name" has to be kept proud in the eyes of our community. Sounds pretty lame to me, but I guess that's how it goes.

 

So my question is statistically he'll never leave no matter how much he may want to right? So what should I do? I know that I'm wrong for letting it become a year and for staying. What I need to know is what I should do?

[EnigmaXOXO]

So my question is statistically he'll never leave no matter how much he may want to right?

 

I think its better to say that 'statistically' its unlikely that he'll leave ... but if he REALLY wanted to he would and could. There are no such things as invisible chains, except the one he has shackled around your heart. But even *you* have the power to break free...if and when you really want to.

 

By the way, I'm glad to see you've decided to come back, Chrissy! … And are finally asking real questions. Believe it or not, I've been waiting with my fingers crossed to see your post. I admire your courage and hope you will find the kind of answers and 'help' you are looking for.

 

You've taken the first brave step!!

[quankanne]

read Loveweary's post below ... I think she pretty much sews up any argument for just walking away from that kind of situation.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t33574/

[SoleMate]

...neither of them loves the other. She got pregnant with his baby without his knowledge or consent in order to make him stay. She won't leave because of the money in the family and the last name that she wants to keep. ... They both got married too young...they both fell out of love almost in the beginning. They both cheat on each other...The money is the only thing she wants from him.

How do you know this? You don't have hearts to heart conversations with his wife, do you? I'm surprised that you are her confidant and she is sharing all her innermost feelings with you.

 

 

Ohh. The MM told you all these "simple facts". I see (cough cough).

[loveweary]

Chrissy21,

 

I feel like I can relate to you in a lot of ways. You sound like you are pretty young as well (I am 23), and this is the first time you have really been in love. I felt the exact same way about my 7mo relationship that just ended. The feelings were so intense, and unlike anything I have ever felt before, and it was SO easy for me to be sucked up into it all. Especially with a man who is older and is pretty much established- I think that is part of the whole whirlwind fantasy. The love feels so strong and worth overcoming all obstacles for.

 

But honestly, I look at the situation now, and I am glad to be out of something so destructive to EVERYONE involved. Now I have the time to concentrate my energies on finding a relationship where someone can value me and love me as much as I love them, and someone with whom I can start off a life without all the emotional pain and baggage that would come from a broken marriage and family.

I realize now that I have plenty of time to do that, and so do you!!!

 

The longer and deeper you get involved, the more hurt you will eventually get. Be strong about it. you have a lot of support behind you here.

[Chrissy21]

Loveweary:

 

This weekend we were "caught" together at a convience store off of an interstate exit almost 60 miles out of town. The only thing that I could rationalize in my mind was no matter how far you run your problems always follow you. The girl that saw us together is only about two years younger than me and we both live in the same town. So it was only a matter of time before she would talk-she knew exactly who I was. And exactly as planned she told two guys I work with only the next day.

 

Yesterday the married man I am seeing told his wife that he wasn't going to move into the new house that is about ready to move into. He also told her that he wanted a divorce. I should be happy right? Then why am I scared and feel such anxiety that I find it hard to breathe? I promised him that we were in this together and I know now that that was a huge mistake. I made a promise that I just don't think I can keep. It seems to me now that the terms of the divorce are only if i intend to stay and be with him. I know in my heart that if he couldn't bear to stay married to her he would leave-and it wouldn't be because of me. It still shouldn't be because of me. How can he put such of a weight on my shoulders? It makes it hard to live life.

 

I know that you are right-that I should walk away from this painful situtation that will bring me nothing but misery in the end. But it's so hard. What if I walk away from the one true love in my life? He's not much older than me-that makes me believe this could work. It just feels right to me. It's not the perfect love story, but it's real. So what made you finally walk away? Where was the point when you decided enough was enough?

[Arabess]

Why don't you consider taking a break from the relationship until the divorce is final. That way, you aren't caught up in the middle of things.

 

Then, once he's single, he can date you like a proper man and you can see how the relationship feels without all the lying and hiding.

[Chrissy21]

Arabess:

 

In some ways I agree with you. He should take care of his divorce on his own without me by his side. I would only be an interference. But it seems to me that this will be the time when he needs me the most. How can I make him deal with all this alone when I'm partly to blame? I feel that I'm in this as much as he is. I have to deal with the facts-I got involved with a married man on my own. I don't feel that he should have to deal with everything in the divorce on his own. But you do raise some validity-he does need to face his own problems and leave me out of the messiness that is about to come. And I also agree with you about dating me in a normal way-without all of the dishonesty. Thanks.

[jenny]

i'm not sure if you are aware of this, but your post reads a lot like a dime store romance novel. (those ones with sentences that read like: then, despite our reservations, we came together as one...) you deserve better than this poor use of the ellipsis, anyone would. is this really how you imagined your romantic future?

 

in my opinion, i think you need to stop lyricizing about this and do something about it. cut him loose, and move on. find a better life and a better man.

[Arabess]

Thanks Jenny...I'm feeling like the Harlequin Ho!

 

I understand your point Chrissy. I'd probably make the same decision. However, then you'll have to accept what comes with the territory. Ultimately, people will blame YOU! Not to mention, a honey on the side isn't going to play well in divorce court.

 

Tell him to call you if he needs to talk.....but no sex till it's a done deal.

 

If nothing else, it'll speed up the process. LOL!

[loveweary]

Chrissy21:

 

Wow- you've defintely got a whole new aspect to deal with now that he has brought up divorcing his wife. And I think your anxiety about it all is natural and it shows that a part of you is really trying to think rationally about this whole situation. I think the advice that Arabess has given you about waiting until the divorce is final to be with him is right on the mark. When it all boils down to it, the divorce involves him and his wife. He needs to evaluate that relationship, independent of you, to figure out what (and who) he truly wants. And like you said, you want to know that he is leaving the relationship because he is truly unhappy in it and would leave on his own, and not because he knows he has you waiting there for him on the side. And it is definitely NOT fair of him put any sort of pressure on you- this is his decision to make.

 

As for your question, I didn't make the decision to get out of my relationship. He did it very suddenly and unexpectedly (read my original posting for all the details), so I was shocked, hurt, and upset. But now I am coming to realize that a future with him would not have been as easy as I had foolishly envisioned during the relationship. I was kidding myself thinking that a relationship with so much baggage and carnage behind it (and also all the pain it would cause for both families, the children, etc.) would ever be the fairytale that I had always pictured. But of course, it's hard to realize all that when your MM is only fueling the fire on the whole fantasy. But I think that you are sensing that now, since the seriousness of your situation seems to be really hitting you right now. And I think that is a good thing, because a getting a good dose of reality is defnitely a step to getting out and moving on.

 

I know you feel like you need to be there for him during all of this, but this is his marriage, not yours. HE needs to get his head together and figure out what he wants. I think the best thing is to let him know that, and to get out of this as soon as you can. You sound like a strong girl- you can definitely do it.

[loveweary]

"It's not the perfect love story, but it's real."

 

Not being with him until the divorce is final will prove this to be true or not. If you let him go now, and then he comes back to you when all is said and done, then maybe it is a real love worth pursuing. But right now the situation has so many complicated "parts", you have no way of seeing if it is truly real....

[Chrissy21]

Loveweary:

 

I appreciate your thoughtful advice and the wisdom of your past that you can pass along to me. It's nice to know that there are people out there that are open-minded and can understand what I'm going through. There are so many people quick to judge others-but you know what I'm going through.

 

You're right-I do have alot to deal with right now. And I'm going to listen to your advice and let him deal with his divorce on his own. I will be there for him by talking to him on the phone but I think that he's needs to be alone for the most part right now.

 

And to be honest, I never expected it to come to this-I really didn't. He told me that he was really unhappy before he even met me. But i never expected him to leave. He knows that when it's all over and done I will be there for him. i think mostly he needs support.

 

I'm sorry about what happened in your relationship. Maybe it's better that it ended(as maybe mine will too) but you definetly deserved to be told that in person. You deserved at least that much for all you went through. Being told by an email is just a really bad way of ending something that lasted that long.

[Chrissy21]

I'm glad that I have found a place to come to. It's kind of like a place to vent all of my anger, fears, and hopes. I'm must have been naive, but for a very long time I actually believed my situation was specific-that mine was so different from anyone elses. It turns out there are probably thousands of stories as specific as mine. Many of the details are identical. So it puts alot of things in perspective for me. And yes, to those who thought my posts sounded a little like a cheap dime store novel- you're probably right. Sometimes when you're blinded by love it's easy to want to romantize everything.

 

Now that he is leaving his wife it's real-too real. Now I have to face the choices I made and all that comes with a divorce. I'm too young for what I got myself into. I find myself lying in bed at night wondering what is going to happen. In most ways I wanted him to get a divorce. I just don't think I was prepared for the real thing. The fact is: I was living in a fairy-tale. As long as I could pretend everything would work out in the end it was easy to go on with the affair. But now things are different. At 25 years old his parents are furious that he jumped into a marriage he wasn't sure about. His mom called me and invited me over to have a little talk yesterday. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life. She wanted to know my intentions, my plans, and why I decided to have an affair with her married son. It was awful-I felt like a complete slut. I told her that it was her son's choice-that he came to me. I told her that he had many chances to end our affair-but that he didn't want to. The worst part: she asked me if I was in love with her son. She went on to tell me that she didn't want us seeing each other until the divorce was final-and even then she wants us to wait until a couple of months after that. And I had to face that alone. She said that there was nothing she could do about it, but she didn't have to like it-or me.

[loveweary]

Chrissy21,

 

Wow- I can't believe that this is all happening so fast for you. I can't even imagine your nervousness and fear talking to his mother. That did NOT sound like an easy conversation at all. I honestly don't know how I would have dealt with that situation. Did he know that his mother talked to you? Does his wife you about you or know of you? Are they definitely going forward with the divorce?

 

I can imagine the thoughts and fears going through your head about all this. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the fantasy of it all when you are together, and it seems logical to want your MM to get a divorce in order to make that fantasy real. But when it actually starts to happen.....you wonder what you have gotten yourself into. My situation obviously did not get that far, but even after the breakup I thought about what would have happened if he had gone through with the divorce, and I realized that I would NOT have been ready to actually live out that fantasy life with him that I thought I had wanted for so long. That is the redeeming thought that I always try to think of when I start getting sad about him....

 

What are you going to do? Have you talked to him about everything that is going on? Have you told him about your feelings and your fears about getting in too deep? I still think that not being involved with him until after the divorce is the smartest thing for you. I even think that giving him some time alone after the divorce (if it does happen) is important. I think that you are a strong and rational girl, and you have a good head on your shoulders. You will make the right decision. Keep us posted.....

[Skittles]

She wanted to know my intentions, my plans, and why I decided to have an affair with her married son. It was awful-I felt like a complete slut. I told her that it was her son's choice-that he came to me. I told her that he had many chances to end our affair-but that he didn't want to. The worst part: she asked me if I was in love with her son. She went on to tell me that she didn't want us seeing each other until the divorce was final-and even then she wants us to wait until a couple of months after that. And I had to face that alone. She said that there was nothing she could do about it, but she didn't have to like it-or me.

 

oh boy Chrissy...Do you love this guy? His mom seemed pretty civil to you considering the mess her baby boy is going through.

 

You are under no obligation to marry this guy if you didn't make noises like that around him..But you did manage to influence his exit from his marriage, not something too many ows can do.

 

I get the feeling you are not up to this.. All parties involved may need to know that you will not make a commitment to him.

[Chrissy21]

Loveweary:

 

No, to answer your question he did not know at first that his mom had talked to me. What happened was the girl that saw us together happened to date his younger brother. For some reason this made her think that she was still somehow connected in way with his family. She is friends with their first couisin- and she told her. Then the first cousin promptly told his mom. The one thing you need to realize is how small our town is. Our population is somewhere around 3300. It's small-too small for secrets. His mom sees me at least two or three days out of the week when she comes into my place of employment. And I had always made conversation with her about whatever. So that makes it even worse. What kind of person knowingly talks to the mother of the married man she seeing and not ever say anything. She was pretty upset by that. She called my job and asked me to meet with her. She said that she just had to get things straight in her head. I told my MM later that night. I could just see the regret in his eyes and I just felt like the most wicked person in the world. I feel like he is doing this for me-and I no longer think he is doing it for himself. And I'm terrified because he talks about suicide sometimes.

 

And to answer another question about what I'm going to do: I have no idea. I think that I have somehow caused a huge disaster. I had to tell my parents because i didn't want them to find out the wrong way. This hasn't turned out like the fantasy i imagined. There isn't anything magical about it. And if someone was to ask me for advice in a similar situation: I would tell them to end it before it even begins. It is tearing our families apart. And I can't find a way to fix it.

 

The damage has already been done. His wife already knows about me. It is going to make the divorce in court even worse. I feel like I'm already a part of this and there is no looking back. I can't believe this happened-but I am the maker of my own misery. I'm just not that strong-I can't deal with this. I have been getting frequent anxiety attacks and my grades are starting to become failing. My doctor asked me what kind of stress have I been dealing with lately. What am I going to tell him?

 

I don't know what I would do if my MM killed himself. I would forever feel like I was the blame. I really wish that I could disappear. I am young-I should feel happy and free. But instead I chose the pain and misery of being with a married man. The happy times we have spent together is becoming few. We aren't really all that happy anymore.

[Chrissy21]

Skittles:

 

You asked if I loved this guy: I do love him, but I'm not for sure if it is enough love to help me get through this whole mess that I helped create. I feel like I have caused a whole lot of misery for alot of people.

 

There are alot of things that I'm not for sure about anymore. Like the whole trust issue that I have been feeling insecure about lately. If he would cheat on his wife-who he made vows to-why wouldn't he cheat on me? I know that it is a little late for those kind of thoughts. I just never thought he would actually leave his wife. I didn't. I never expected our little affair to exceed the "Harlequin" fantasy I had conjurred in my head. Most of you all were right-I was living in a fantasy world. And now everything is falling apart.

 

As far as his mother treating me in a "civil" manner. There was nothing civil about it. She basically thinks I'm a little home-wrecking slut. The questions she asked me were just humilating. Questions like," Is it the money your after?" Or, " Do you just like having sex with married men-does it turn you on?" I honestly felt like ****. She never raised her voice or cursed-so I guess in that manner she was civil. But that just makes you feel worse.

 

Another issue that I need help with is his talk of suicide. He talks about it all of the time. I don't know if it's just to make me feel guilty or what. But I think it's getting worse. He talks about blowing his brains out all of the time. Last weekend we were on the freeway and there was an eight car pile up on the opposite side of the freeway. There were fatalities and he told me later on that he wished he would have been one of them. It makes me feel so bad. And it also worries me. I have been thinking that maybe I should talk to his mother about it. What do you think? I don't think that it has to do with just the divorce. I think it is a combination of things. His third brother died to years in a boating accident. And the way he died was so stupid-it could have been prevented. And it makes him so angry inside when he looks at pictures. He was upset about that a few days ago. I just think he is blaming himself for too much. I just know if I talk to his mother about it she is going to blame it on me. That will just make it worse. But I just think someone other than me needs to know. Maybe his oldest brother?

[Skittles]

You asked if I loved this guy: I do love him, but I'm not for sure if it is enough love to help me get through this whole mess that I helped create. I feel like I have caused a whole lot of misery for alot of people.

 

 

HI Chrissy,

 

I'm sorry for your unhappiness. If you love him, that is one thing, if you feel guilty for loving, him that is another.

 

It sounds like your are remorseful...you do have a conscience and you put your shoes on, one at a time, like the rest of us.

I know one thing, you can't assume all the blame for this mess yourself. All parties are responsible.

 

His mother spoke to you in a degrading way because she was venting her anger...to be expected, but I wouldn't have sat there through it, that's for sure...

 

As far as your mm is concerned, his talk of suicide. imo, needs professional intervention asap...He sounds very, very despondent.

Perhaps talking to a counselor yourself will help you work out your feelings...mbgi....may be a good idea...

 

True, you have to claim some of the responsibility in this situation, but not all of it...

 

 

 

triangle

 

\Tri"an`gle\, n. [L. triangulum, fr. triangulus triangular; tri- (see Tri-) + angulus angle: cf. F. triangle. See Angle a corner.] 1. (Geom.) A figure bounded by three lines, and containing three angles.

 

It takes three people to make a triangle, Chrissy, not just Chrissy...

[Chrissy21]

This week my MM and I had a very long...long conversation about what we both wanted from this relationship. It was the first time since we started seeing each other that we talked so candidly and sincerely about everything that was going on in our lives. It was kinda sad in a way, but in another way I think it was good for the both of us. It's easy to ignore things that you don't want to see. It's easy to block things out of your mind so you never really have to think about them, but they never really go away. In my case I felt like I was starting to regret all of the choices I made. Did I really want to be with a married man?

 

I started to cry when my MM told me that I deserve a decent guy to take home to my parents. That I deserve so much better than him-that I could do so much better than him. It made me feel so sad inside when he told me he was in love with me but didn't want to hurt me. He said that our relationship will never be what I deserve. He said I deserve to be treated better than how he's been treating me lately. To me it felt like the end. Like we were saying goodbye in some way. And to be honest I think that I would have been relieved in some way.

 

He started crying when he talked about his little baby girl. He doesn't know how he can leave her behind. He won't get to tuck her in every night. It made me feel horrible. I cannot look back and imagine my life without my dad being there. I remember him tucking me in every night and kissing my cheek. I remember how he used to rub my legs when I had growing pains at night. I remember all of our family vacations and how happy my parents always were. And still are. How can I cheat her out of all those memories? I mean obviously he isn't in love with his wife anymore but if it's for the sake of his child maybe they can try to rekindle some of their feelings for one another. I love him, I truly do-but the most unselfish thing I think I can do is let him go. I have been so selfish, thinking only of me-what I want. I forgot there was an innocent little girl that loves her daddy waiting every night for him to come home.

 

I never thought that something could be this hard to do. I don't want to let him go. I don't know if I can deal with that kind of pain. But I don't know if there is any other choice.

[Arabess]

Chrissy,

I wish I could hunt these guys down like dogs and just beat the crap out of them. The scourge of the OW is in thinking she is in love with a 'wonderful guy'. She will never see his manipulation, his lies or how he is totally self servicing. WHY? Because he doesn't even see it himself. He is soooo friggin delusional...he thinks HE'S the victim!

 

I'll let my feelings about him go. The important person right now is YOU. There are two paths you can take at this time. You can see him for the manipulator he is and walk away, or you can hang on and hang on with a fresh batch of excuses from him month after month. And JUST when you get the courage to walk out....he tears up like a friggin 4 year old and plays the sympathy card. THEY ALL DO!

 

He has a wife and a new baby. She will forgive him for all transgressions because she probably thinks her loves HER ...as much as you think he loves YOU. In short, she thinks YOU are the problem. I'll bet she gets the same tears you do.

 

Anyway, you are a lovely young woman who deserves to have a husband and a baby of your own. He will NOT be this man for you. As painful and horrible as it seems at this moment to get out of this relationship, for your own sanity, you will have to do so. It will represent one of the darkest days of your life as you stumble thru it trying to find who you were until you got sucked into his pathetic Make Believe World.

 

Everytime you about get yourself together...he'll come whining back. Now, HE will still HAVE a family.....but you will be drifting thru life alone! How romantic!

 

So Chrissy, I'm begging you....walk the hell away and don't look back. You CAN survive this....I promise!!!!

 

Arabess

[Chrissy21]

Arabess:

 

Your advice has been what has somehow helped and guided me through all of this madness. I could never turn to my mom and tell her these "dirty" secrets that I keep hidden from her. She would never understand and I think that she would probably hate me for the choices I made. She is happily married to her high school "sweetheart" going on 25 years. She loathes women like the one I let myself turn into. So you kinda have been my guiding light in my hours of darkness. You have made me realize what's real and what will never be. I've cried too many tears, spent too many weekends alone, and for what? I'm tired of being faithful to a married man that says he loves me. I don't think he even knows what real love is. I think he is selfish and believes that the world revolves around only him. You have made me see these things that I blinded myself to. His tears are for me to feel sorry for him. But he was never there all the nights I cried myself to sleep. The tears I kept hidden from him and the world. The pain I felt he never saw. For once I'm going to do something for me. I'm leaving him. He can leave his wife or not. I don't care anymore. But I will not be there.

[loveweary]

Chrissy21:

 

I'm so happy that you've realized that you deserve so much more than your MM is able to give you. You're young, you have tons going for you, and you're smart. One day you'll find someone who can give you everything you deserve!

 

Good luck in everything!

[Chrissy21]

Loveweary:

 

I have to say that I feel like a ton has been lifted off of my shoulders. I just feel so much better overall. I do have my moments of sadness because I did truly love and care alot about him. But I made myself realize that it wasn't worth it in the end. Mainly, the one thing that really made me wake up from this ridiculous fairy-tale was that I would never get to experience all of the firsts with that come with marriage. Getting married would not be that exciting to him because he's already been there. And having our first child. It wouldn't be a first for him. In the end, it was more than I was willing to give up. I'm just sorry it took over a year of my life to realize that. I'm not going to say that I wasted a year of my life because I feel that I have gained alot of knowledge from that situation.

 

I still talk to him. He calls me alot just to talk. I think that he believes we'll get back together again. It's tempting but I am going to remain strong because I know that there will only be more hurt awaiting me once I fall back into his pattern of manipulation. I realize now, looking back, that he was very manipulative. He could have probably convinced me to jump off of a bridge. But thanks to all of you I am stronger and smarter. I think that it is really going to take me awhile to get back into the whole dating thing. And that's kinda crazy because I'm only 21. But I just don't trust guys anymore. And I know that I have to start trusting again before I get into another relationship. It's just so hard. I think I'll just date for awhile and not rush into anything.

 

Well, I guess that I will not be using the "other man/other woman" site ever again. So I just want to thank everybody for helping me wake up. I appreciate all of the help from everybody.

 

Thanks

[Chrissy21]

I should have taken baby steps. I just cannot seem to walk away from this man. I know that I am beyond stupid. This is crazy insane. But I just love him way too much to walk away from him. His mother told me that he just isn't happy now when I'm not around. She say's that he really is in love with me and that she just wants him to be happy. His soon to be ex-wife keeps calling me on my cell phone. She's driving me crazy. This whole situation is just too much to bear sometimes. She called his cell phone company and got my number. That right there is just insane. Since when does Sprint breach someone's confidentiality like that and just give out that kind of information?

 

Everyone notices a change in me. I'm different without him in my life. I'm not happy anymore. I spend my days saying as less as I possibly can. I cry myself to sleep. My doctor gave me coedine to help me sleep. I'm just a wreck. I cannot concentrate at school. He's moving after the divorce. He wants me to come spend weekends with him. I haven't decided what to do yet. At least he isn't asking me to move in with him- just weekends.

 

I said I was through with this man. And I really thought I was-so why is this happening? Now his mom is telling me she thinks we should be together. She's says that everything will work out the way it should. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride that never slows down. I know that you all think I'm an idiot. I just stay confused. I thought that I could walk away from him, now I'm not so sure. I talked to his mom about the way he was treating me these last few months and she said that that would change once he got a divorce. She said he was just under alot of pressure. I don't know what direction to go in. His mom is all pushing for this-which makes me wonder why. I cannot help but wonder why.