Should I stay or walk away from a married man?

[kechara]

Don't contact him. It sounds like you both need some space- you need some space to find a little peace and a break from the ups and downs (although I'm sure NC is causing a big downer right now) and he needs some space to sort his own things out.

 

Good luck.

[istilllovehim]

Chrissy, where are you. No posts since the 31st. Are you okay? I gave you my phone number in my PM to you. Call me or something. I can return your call if you like. You are I are in the same situations as usual.

 

(((((()))))))'s to ya.

 

Cynthia

[Chrissy21]

It has been a horrible, horrible week. His wife called my parents house and talked to my mom. Again. For like the fifth time now. She told my mom that she was leaving him and that her (my mom) sluty daughter could have him. That was Tuesday. That same night I got a voicemail from my MM saying that he heard about what went down and he also heard about me and some guy that I work with. Someone told him that I have been messing around with this guy for over a month now. Obviously, if any of you really know me, you would know how hopelessly in love I am with my MM. There is no way that I could ever do that. We didn't talk for three days then finally yesterday I called him and he told me that he didn't want me to call him anymore or send him any text messages. He told me just to quit calling him. I was crying over the phone, but finally I stopped crying so hard and when he said that I felt like my heart quit beating. All I could say was "alright, goodbye." I said in a pretty weak voice because I just felt so defeated. When I hung up I cried harder than I ever have in my life. It felt as though someone tore my heart out of my chest. He called back not even three minutes later and said he didn't mean that. And he said when I said "alright, goodbye," he felt like sh*t.

 

Alot has happened in the last few days. I never cheated on him and it breaks my heart for him to think that I did. I think that it is going to take a while for us to be the same as we were. But maybe this happened for a reason. But I'm hopelessly in love with him. I can't change that no matter how hard I try. I just can't walk away. I don't want to. I'm in this thing for the long haul and I'm not going to stop fighting for what I really want. We were meant to be together.

[shamen]

Good luck Chrissy.

 

When you're ready to talk about the reality of the situation again, I'll read your posts and respond with all the support that I can give you...

 

Why are you even worried about whether or not he thinks that you cheated on him? Ridiculous!

 

If you're in for the long haul, what else can I tell you? Reminders about addiction and a night well spent in a truck alone... these are the realities.

 

My last comment: you were not meant to be together or we wouldn't even be having this conversation on the net, would we? You would already be together and all would be hunky dory...

 

Peace and well wishes on your ability to walk away from him. You'd be better off.

 

Shamen

[shamen]

Chrissy,

 

You know what? I feel bad that I left my last post like that. I'll try to help you however I can. What's going on with you? You know that I'll keep trying to persuade you to go... But I'll keep checking in to see if you've shown back up.

 

How are you?

 

Shamen

[sara1974]

I understand where your coming from Chrissy. Im currently dating a MM. (we even live together with his children) We've been dating for about 2 years. When we first met he said the divorce would be finalized asap. humm we'll 2 years later they still havn't even FILED the divorce yet. I have gottin so impatient with waiting for him to file the divorce. Last month I finally had the courage to leave, yet 8 days later I went back to him. Why I went back? I don't know. Maybe Im hoping that if I wait patiently that he will eventually file it. I hope I didn't make a mistake. Good luck to you Chrissy...

[Chrissy21]

I haven't posted here in a while because I don't exactly know what to say anymore. I put up with way more than I should. My life seems to be spinning out of control. Last night an ex boyfriend of mine killed himself. He shot himself in the head. They life flighted him to Austin, and later on he passed away. He was using alot of different drugs and lately mainly coke. I saw him the day before yesterday and I didn't even wave. I don't know why I didn't, I guess I just thought there would always be other days.

 

As far as my MM and I, we are still together. My mom wants me to quit seeing him because she is afraid of my safety. I don't think his wife is that crazy. But my MM says that I intimidate her. I cannot imagine having the ability to intimidate anyone.

 

She left me a voice mail saying that she was looking up stalking laws. As if. Her husband calls me as much as I call him. I'm so sure I'm stalking him.

[shamen]

Chrissy,

 

I'm so sorry that that happened! Having someone that you know die is hard enough. I'm so sorry.

 

I can't remember, are you seeing a therapist? It sounds like maybe you could use a little extra help right now. You said that your life is spinning out of control. Maybe if you walked out of this relationship, you might not feel so confused. His wife knows now, so what is going to happen next? You all will not be able to keep it secret anymore.

 

Are you still seeing him or just talking on the phone? Is he still living with his wife?

[Chrissy21]

Shamen:

 

Actually I have found a therapist that I think that I could be comfortable sharing my life with. I haven't decided if I am going to start seeing her, but I think that I should. I probably will. My ex-boyfriend's death had a devasting impact on me. I still cannot believe he's gone. His funeral is Thursday. My MM is also going to the funeral. They were pretty good friends. It will probably be pretty weird seeing him there. I feel like I am slipping into a deep depression. I have never stopped feeling for my ex. I was crazy about him; he was a great guy. Even though we broke up, we have always been friends. But, we always kept a distance from each other. He knew I was seeing J****. And I guess that was pretty weird for him.

 

No, I haven't been seeing him. I talk to him alot though.

[Pisces23]

Dear Chrissy

 

I want to introduce myself as someone who understands what you are going through. I am involved in a relationship with a married man myself. We grew up together and are very best friends. I have always had feelings for him and never had the nerve to tell him. he went away to the navy and about 3 years ago we came into contact with each other. I feel very gulity, ashamed, and confused. I don't know what to do. I am really in love with this man. He always calls and we just have a unquie friendship and not to mention the most passionate sex. If there is anyone out there that can hear me and my plea I just need someone to listen to me. Don't judge anyone until you have taken a walk in their shoes.

 

 

Pisces 23

Originally posted by Chrissy21

I could have ignored the signals. I could have resisted the temptation. Simply, I could have said no and walked away. Maybe one day I will realize that is exactly what I should have done. But I ignored the sensible side of me and listened to my heart. Maybe it was the fact that it was such a bad thing to do that turned me on. The thought of getting caught that gave me an adrenaline rush. I just got finished taking my mid-terms last March and it was spring break for me. I was looking for a little fun. Of course, the plan was it wasn't supposed to last for more than a week-that was the plan. Maybe it was karma or fate. But I didn't get what I bargained for. What should have been a week turned into what will be a year. And what was supposed to be a fling turned into love. I have never been in love before. So I have to ask myself how I managed to fall in love with a married man.

 

The simple facts are either of them in the marriage love each other. She got pregnant with his baby without his knowledge or consent in order to make him stay. She won't leave because of the money in the family and the last name that she wants to keep. It's hard for him to walk away from his little baby girl that he has came to love so much. What kind of father leaves? My opinion: the baby would be better off in the end once some kind of stability was established-but then what do I know? I'm just in college. They both got married too young. They have only been married five years and they both fell out of love almost in the beginning. They both cheat on each other, so I don't feel so guilty. The money is the only thing she wants from him. Yes, sometimes I feel guilty-but not because of her. I feel guilty because of the act itself. I know that one day I will probably be dealt the same hand and I will understand what it's like to be the married woman cheated on. But I can't help but feel in my heart he is "the one." He's still pretty young-only about three years older than me. So maybe this was just a foolish mistake of his youth and he'll move on to make a better life-or maybe I'm a fool.

 

My parents or his don't know about us. They all will be disappointed and even more angry. There will never be an excuse for infidelty. And the small town that we both live in- it's simply not tolerated. His "last name" has to be kept proud in the eyes of our community. Sounds pretty lame to me, but I guess that's how it goes.

 

So my question is statistically he'll never leave no matter how much he may want to right? So what should I do? I know that I'm wrong for letting it become a year and for staying. What I need to know is what I should do?

[mrs.sarah]

You've got some problems.

 

Do everyone a favor and leave him.

[shamen]

Chrissy, Hope that you're OK at the funeral. They are hard... but it'll be good to have other people there who share your grief.

 

Sounds like the woman you're talking about for a counselor would be a good choice! Why don't you just go see her? Now probably would be a good time to go if you're feeling really depressed...

 

I'm glad that you have just taken to just talking to him on the phone. Step one.

[unluckylady]

My heart hurts.

[shamen]

Chrissy, so what's up?

[Chrissy21]

Mrs. Sarah and Shamen:

 

Yes, I have problems. But I don't think that leaving him is going to solve everything. There are some things that you just can't change no matter how hard you try. Just like there are people that you cannot change. And what we feel for each other will not change. We have both seperated from each other for about two months. Things got pretty bad. So we mutually decided to give each other some space. With the help of the counseling I have reached a different attitude about our relationship. Suprisingly, even he has had two sessions with her. I think he has realized what he put me through in the past year and five months. I don't really think he did before. I have been through a lot of rough stuff in the past few months. When my ex-boyfriend killed himself I thought I didn't want to live anymore. We saw each other the night before he shot himself. I wasn't as nice as I could have been. You just think that there will be other times, you know? I didn't realize until his death that I never really got over him. It hurts. His death made me realize I had to change my life or I would end up where he is. I don't want to say that his death is what made me realize I had no where left to go but deeper in this hole that I was digging for myself- but it was.

 

So at the moment he is seperated from his wife, and I am mutually seperated from him. We limit phone conversations to once a week- "doctor's" orders. I am not seeing anybody else. I just don't think that would help. Nor does my psychiatrist think that it would help. I still love him as much as I always have if not more. We have somehow built a stronger bond between us with the help of counseling. Everything is not better and it won't be for a long time. He still has to make a final decision. And I still have a lot of bottled up anger and hurt inside of me that I have to learn to deal with. I have realized how unhealthy our relationship was for the both of us. But I feel better and better a little more everyday. And I guess that a few steps up from where I was.

[shamen]

God Chrissy... I am soooo proud of you! You started seeing the counselor. That was soo the right step for you. Know that you did the right thing by starting to see someone. You've finally been able to really get all of this pent up stuff out of your system.

 

I'm also glad that you are following the doctor's orders by only talking to him once a week and that you aren't seeing anyone right now. Seeing someone right now would just be too confusing.

 

It's probably a good thing that he too is separated to figure out what he really wants. He's a man who doesn't know who he is at this moment. I'm happy that he is seeing a therapist as well.

 

I know that the outlook is bleak right now, but I also know that you are a strong woman. You were able to start doing all of the things that you needed to do to become the person that you knew you could be. Good for you! Whenever you feel bad, you HAVE to remember this about yourself. It will get better.

 

I wrote someone once that life sometimes seems like it's full of thunderstorm skies. But there comes a point that the sky clears up and you don't even notice it's happening. But it will happen. Slowly. The storm has rolled in for you. But the clearing of the skys always has to happen. You won't even really notice it when it does, but it does. Slowly but surely life will become a different thing and a sky filled with puffy white clouds.

 

Know that this will get better, and that I will check in with you once in a while if you don't write, just to see how you are. You can pm me anytime that you want.

 

Many hugs, Shamen