Should I stay or walk away from a married man?

[loveweary]

Chrissy21:

 

We're both in the same boat- again.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much turmoil right now. It sucks. Being so confused and caught up in this kind of thing is so hard, and it's so hard to figure out what to do. Just when you think you are ok, and doing well, and moving on.....it all comes back.

 

Like you, I got to a point where I was ok with the relationship ending. I wanted to start fresh with someone new, someone who would be able to give me everything that I deserved in a relationship. I still loved him, and knew I always would, but I was able to file those feelings away and live my everyday life. But to make a long story short, my MM told me he had cancer...and then he started talking to me again, all the time. Now we communicate like we used to, and he tells me that my love and support are what gets him through the days. He doesn't talk about the future b/c I think he is scared to, given what he is going through. But I know his nature, and I know he wouldn't hurt me again, by bringing me back into his life in a huge way during such a critical time, and then letting me go. So much of me wants to tell him that I can't be with him, unless he ends things with his wife. But I also know that they were in the process of that, and then when he found out about his cancer, he panicked, and told me that he needed an immediate family for his kids. I respected and understood that, and stopped all contact. But now he's back, by his choice.....and I'm as confused as ever.

 

I thought that this was what I wanted. And part of it is- I am still so in love with him. But if we do continue things, I want it to be right- I want him to end his marriage officially, and then be with me.

 

So I can completely understand your confusion. You can't erase the love so quickly, and now that your MM is getting divorced, it seems like the two of you can possibly be together in the future. Are you doubting that you want this? Are you feeling that because you are so young, you are in over your head with this? I know that I feel like the "fairytale" aspect of my relationship is gone- it's so much more real now. But that's what also makes it more scary- because this could possibly go somewhere in the future. I'm sure you're feeling the same way right now.

 

What I don't understand is the whole thing with his mother all of a sudden pushing this, especially when she said such horrible things to you in the past. I just don't get it. Is she all of a sudden being really nice to you? Do you know her well? What could her possible motives be?

[Chrissy21]

Loveweary:

 

I'm sorry about what you're going through with your MM. Him having cancer is such a devasting thing to deal with I'm sure. I know that that has to complicate things. I feel like you and I are very much alike in many ways. I just don't think that I can walk away from my MM while he is going through all of this. I am very much confused about what to do. Sometimes I just want to get into my truck and drive as far as I can away from all of this.

 

I, like you, was very curious of what my MM's mother had in mind. I went to her house awhile back and just told her the whole story from the very beginning. I told her everything. And I told her that I never intended for any of this to happen. I told her that I never expected him to fall in love with me. But I knew that I would from the very beginning. I always knew that I would. She told me that she knew that he has been very unhappy for awhile. She doesn't want her family to be torn apart, but it has been on the verge for a long time. She says he loves me and she cannot stop her stubborn son from doing anything. He's always been hard-headed. I have to say, once we both got past the anger and hurt, we started to really talk. We started to understand each other. And maybe she really just wants her son to be happy. I don't really think she has any motives behind her sudden niceness. I think her hostility had faded because she knows she's fighting a battle she can't win. You can't make two people stay in love when it's just not there anymore.

 

It gets harder everyday. I thought I could start over new, but I can't. I feel empty when he's not there. It hurts to think about him not being in my life. We been through so much together. There have been as many good times as bad times. And we have both become stronger because of them. I can't picture him not being in my life. I want to marry him, start a new life with him, and grow old with him. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anybody. So, yes, I know about everything you are going through. But him having cancer has to be hard. I can't even imagine how painful that must be for you. Thanks for understanding me Loveweary.

[istilllovehim]

Chrissy, I understand what you are going through and I would like to talk to you.

Thanks,

 

Cynthia

[Chrissy21]

His wife keeps leaving threatening, hateful messages on my phone. I don't know what to do except change my number. When I listened to her messages she said things that made me wonder. It's hard to know whether she is making up stuff or telling me the truth. She said that he says I'm just a cheap **** and nothing else, and that he has nothing to gain by being with me. I'm so confused and angry. I'm angry at myself for letting her get to me and I'm angry with him for not protecting me from her. I should not have to deal with this.

 

I keep thinking that maybe this is all a mistake. But then I start listening to my heart again and I think differently. My mind and heart are at a constant battle against each other and I just don't know which way to turn. She is on a rampage to destroy my life because she says I destroyed hers. She made sure that everyone at my job knows I'm a "homewrecker." That is just not a good thing for your bosses to know. And I hate the fact that he has a job three hours that makes him stay there during the week. It means I have to deal with this all by myself.

 

Sometimes I feel so far away from myself. I feel as though I have lost a part of myself in this relationship that I will never get back. My life feels as if it is being turned inside out.

[Arabess]

Why does him leaving you holding the bag not surprise me??? WHAT AN A$$!!!!

 

I sent you a PM.

[Chrissy21]

I wish that I could go back into time and figure out where I made a wrong turn in life that made me arrive at this destination. I think that I was at a cross roads in my life where I could have made the right choice and went the other way. So I have to wonder why I choice the route I'm on. I can't really remember now, but I must have knew that I would regret this in the end. But I do know that I can be a very selfish person at times when it comes to what I want.

 

I feel like I lost my way and I just can't find the right way anymore. I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way. I don't even know who I am anymore. I have turned into the kind of person I would have resented not that long ago. And for what? I find myself questioning what I feel for him everyday. I know that I must love him, otherwise I'm must be crazy. But sometimes I wonder if it's worth the fight. I think about leaving him and then I start to think that I just can't do it. I just don't think that I can live without him. But I do know for certain that I could live without the emotional struggle, the pain, the hurt, and the jealousy. I could live without what it does to my soul. But I don't know if I could live without him.

 

I read your email that you sent to me Arabess. I read it over and over again. I saved it because I thought it might come in handy one day. It almost seemed to reflect everything that I feel. One day I know that I'm going to have to walk away from this. I know this because I know that he'll never really leave. He'll talk about, make plans, even move out. But he'll never really leave. I will eventually tell him that I just can't take it anymore. He'll beg me to stay because he does plan on leaving but he's just scared of what it'll do. I probably cry and he'll hold me in his arms. He'll kiss away my tears; like he's done before. Then I'll want to stay because I feel safe and happy in his arms. And the cycle will start all over again with me saying that I can wait. I know it like the back of my hand. And, like you, I know that I could probably wait forever for him.

And I also know that I'll have to be the one to make the final move and walk away. He won't because he will not want to have that on his conscience. He won't want to be a failure at marriage and at me.

[Chrissy21]

This weekend-Sunday night to be exact my parents found out about me seeing a married man. His wife called my house and told my mom everything. I expected that to happen, but when it actually happens, it's very much different from the way that you picture it in your mind. It was a nightmare. I have lost the respect of my mom. She hates me for it because she thought my dad was cheating on her once. And she actually confronted the "other woman." My dad seems to be a little more understanding. He knows that I'm in love with him. Even when my married man does actually get a divorce my parents (especially my mom) will never accept him into the family. Ever. And his parents pretty much feel the same way much to my shock, since his mother seemed so much accepting of it at first. Now she's on her daughter-in law's side. It's crazy. His mom talked to my mom and made up all kinds of things that weren't true.

 

Now my mom calls me a whore and she wants me to move out of the house. I'm in college so I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I just can't stay. It's something that you can't make better or change. It will never be the same between my mother and I. She resents the person I am. And I knew that she would when she found out.

 

The one thing that scares me is that I went through all of this for nothing. What if it doesn't even work out with me and him? I lost everything and I will have gained nothing . It scares me. I don't want to loose him.

[She's Come Undone]

Originally posted by Chrissy21

I'm so confused and angry. I'm angry at myself for letting her get to me and I'm angry with him for not protecting me from her. I should not have to deal with this.

 

But why not? Aren't you the one who got yourself into a situation you knew was wrong? Why should you have everything roses? You got yourself into a lose-lose situation and expected the wife to say "oh well" and move on?

 

I almost got suckered into a relationship with a mm. He was so beautiful and sweet and we had so much in common. After all my pledging to never get involved with a married man, here I was in a "unique" situation, feeling that this guy was exactly what I had been looking for in a man. Except free. Except loyal. Except faithful, honest...

 

On our only outing together, hiking, we came back to my car only to realize that in my muddled state of mind I had left my car unlocked. My purse, phone, cd's had been stolen. YOU BET YOUR *SS I TOOK IT AS A SIGN. The faster I removed myself from the situation, the better I felt, the quicker I realized what this guy really was. A LOSER.

 

Learn from this and move on. Consider getting out of town when you do graduate. There's so much more out there!!

[Chrissy21]

She's Come Undone:

 

No, I don't expect to have roses. But my married man have been together over a year and for that reason I do expect more. Yes, I knew the situation that I was getting into with him. But it was worth it to me then and it still is now. Neither him or his wife love each other anymore. She may says she does, but she cheats on him too. He doesn't know how to leave his 2 year old baby girl. He has always been honest with me, even when it may have been something I didn't want to hear or know. I do believe that he loves me when he says he does. It took us both a year to say those words to each other. I think that he does want to be with me for the rest of his life, but it takes time. He has to get his life in order. And I believe he will be an honest, faithful person after this is over. He talked to my parents and told them the whole situation-the whole story from the beginning. I was really impressed. I seriously doubt he would have did that if he didn't have the right intentions.

 

So back to your original statement. I think that he could have protected me a little better from his wife. But then I also agree with you somewhat. I did expect a fight, that's only normal.

[Chrissy21]

This really hot guy asked me out after my English Lit class last friday. I'm mean he was really good-looking. And he seemed really sweet too. You know what I said? I said, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend." Later, I realized I didn't have a boyfriend. I don't have a relationship with a great guy who I can be with without boundaries and drawn lines. It made me angry that I turned down a seeminly nice guy because I am in love with a married man. And I do love him, but it's not the right kind of love. I can only be with him when it fits into his life. It's not fair to me and I'm finally beginning to understand that. And I probably wouldn't have if it wouldn't have been for that guy asking me out. I try to keep a pretty "off limits" type of guard. But that seems to be fading. I'm just tired of it. If he loved me the way he says he does, he would have been gone a long time ago.

[mama03]

Let me just say that anyone who get involved with a married man is hurting so many people you can't imagine.

 

I was married to a cheater, it tore me apart. Our children are dealing with the trauma. My x chose to leave not only me but the children too. Choosing her over visiting them. Choosing her over going on vacation with the children. Our children are now 12, 10 and 6. He left when our youngest just turned 3. She has no Idea what it is like to have a daddy living in her house.

 

My x's affair was the classic mid-life crisis. He is suffering now. But not near enough for what he put and is putting our children through.

 

Please if you really want true love look for someone who is not attached. Someone who will not lie to be with you. You think you know the truth of what goes on, you don't. Involving your self with a married man shows little self respect. It also shows little respect for marriage.

 

If you must think about anything think about how you would feel if your father did this to your mother. If he did then you should remember how she felt, if not ask.

 

Love yourself, not a married man.

[Chrissy21]

This is "the" question. The one question we all wonder, ask ourselves, and torture ourselves about. The question that haunts every OW. How do you get your MM to get a divorce? He talks about it, even plans his future around it, but it never seems to go any farther than that. I don't want to think that he is just playing me for a fool, because he honestly seems sincere. We never even said that we were in love with each other until more than a year went by. If he would have said it in the beginning I wouldn't have believed it. I know that he cares, and I know that he loves me, but I feel like if I don't put the pressure on that he will never make a decision. I hate to pressure him and i really don't want him to do anything that he doesn't want to do. But this is crazy. He told my mom that he told his wife that he doesn't love her anymore. I don't understand why she would want to be with him if she knows that. He also hasn't slept in the same bed as her or had sex with her in over a year. Why would she wan't to stay with a husband that doesn't love her anymore?

 

What should I do?

[ww]

YOU SHOULD RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOUR FEET CAN TAKE YOU!!

[Chrissy21]

This weekend was a very dificult weekend for me to deal with. Being that it was Mother's Day I felt totally neglected by my MM. Friday night we spent together and it was great. Saturday his mother was having a birthday party for his 2 year old girl. After work on Saturday I tried calling his cell phone and he had it turned off. Which was what I totally expected since he was at home with his wife. But it still hurts and makes me totally angry inside. He tells me that he doesn't love or care about his wife at all, but it seems he still cares enough to turn his cell phone off so that my missed calls don't show up. It pisses me off.

 

Sunday I expected to be with him. I didn't really care that it was mother's day to be honest. I had only spent Friday with him out of the whole week, so naturally I expected Sunday. Apparently, that was asking too much. I don't call his house, because I kinda think that is disrespectful, so I rely on his cell phone. He had it turned on Sunday, but he never answered any of my phone calls. In fact, out of Saturday and Sunday he never called me once. Today, he called me and left me a voicemail to call him back. Of course, because the weekends over and now he wants to talk to me. what an a**h***.

 

The thing of it is is that he expects me to be faithful to him. He actually thinks that we have a relationship. A normal one where he is my boyfriend and I'm his girlfriend. He actually thinks this. And me being the complete idiot remains faithful to him and sit home on the weekend all by myself feeling lonely and sorry for myself. I'm young and sitting home for a MM. I came to the conclusion that there must be something really wrong with me to put up with this, especially when I know deep inside how angry and hurt I am.

 

He says he loves me so much and that he wishes he could snap his fingers and make this all go away. That he wishes things could be easier than what they are. He says that he looks at his little girl looking at him smiling and he doesn't know how he can leave her. It makes me feel bad that he feels this way. But I have been doing alot of thinking over the weekend and these are the things that I came to terms with:

 

1. I don't think that his wife deserves to be cheated on like he said she did. In fact, I don't think that she ever cheated on him at all. And the one thing I know for sure now is that nobody ever deserves to be cheated on.

 

2. He said to me Friday night that he had an excuse: he was a man. I could not believe he said that. I made him explain what he meant by that and the explanation was not much better than the phrase.

 

3. I talked to a girl my age whose parents have been divorced since she was a baby and she seemed normal and very happy. She said that she had two great moms that she loved and two great dads. She says that she divided her time with her blended family and she felt very loved by both sets of parents. I think that using his child is just an excuse. He claims that his family life is very rough, that they fight all the time and argue. How is a child going to be better off in this kind of family atmosphere?

 

4. He might love me the way he claims but if he really cared as much as he says he does, he would at least call me, just to tell me hello if nothing else.

[abyssalsmile]

It must be hard dealing with this I am with a MM for about 3-1/2 yrs and its hard because its only "limited time" not weekends but yet he can say he loves you and wants to be with you. I actually am in love with him but I went on with my life and I ended up having a BF. You should try to do that too. You need to focus on on other things than anything that revolves around him . Ouch!! it must be bad that your folks found out. How can his wife go and call your mom and tell her your business. I understand that you as the OW did not respect her marriage but Cmon its between you and her not everybody else. Being the OW just sucks one way or another.

[Chrissy21]

It does suck and it takes alot out of you as a person. Everday I go through a storm of emotions. I'm never just happy, sad, or angry. It's a combination of so many emotions that I don't know how to feel. I'm in love with him so much, but I'm afraid that some part of me hates him just as much for allowing me to feel this way about him and not doing anything about it. Sometimes it seems that he just wants to keep me hanging on so that if his marriage doesn't work out then I'll be there, and if it does then he can just through me to the side. I care so much about him. This sounds cheesy as hell, but there isn't one part of my day where I don't think about him. Every decision I make, I think about how and if it involves him.

 

I couldn't believe that his wife called my parents either. I was angry at her, but to be honest I was more angry with him. I am sure, even today, that he could have prevented that in some way if he tried. The thing is, and this sounds crazy, I was actually sort of relieved that my parents found out about it. When you have to sneak around and hide and lie for over a year it gets pretty stressful. I just didn't want them to find out the way they did. It changed the relationship between my mother and I.

 

I know that I need to move on, but I just don't know how. I don't think that I'm strong enough. I love him too much. He is the one for me. How do you move on when you found the one that you can't live without? How will being with anybody else ever feel that way?

[abyssalsmile]

I probably cant answer that last question because its up to yourself to let go.Do you think that maybe its just because the whole situation has made this relationship better the sex,sneaking around ect. . You see I love the other MM and partly because I experienced a lot with him. But yet I see reality and realized that he won't leave his wife. Yes that hurts and very deep but you see I cant act like I never knew about his wife when I did. Till this day his wife suspects but doesnt know. I think his wife does know but as long as its not shown in her face she doesnt care. Its like how can u not find out after 3-1/2 yrs!!!????

I sometimes do want to get caught just to see if he will leave me alone or still continue. I feel bad for my BF but obviously not that bad. I can't leave my MM either but I did go on. I went on because it was the best thing to do I did not want to feel used in any way . So I felt that by having a BF would make me feel better and I admit it sure helps on the weekends when I can't be with him. Because sitting at home alone just thinking about what he is doing with his wife just kill me inside. To know that she has him more than I did. But then I think I never had him to begin with so whats up with that.? With your mom I am sure you feel ashamed but you know what she will forgive you . You are her daughter and eventually it will take time but she will. She cannot hate you forever. Good Luck !!!

[Chrissy21]

Abyssalsmile:

 

Maybe finding a another guy to be with would be the best solution to my problem. But right now it just wouldn't be fair to the other guy because my heart wouldn't be in the right place. I would be constantly thinking about my MM. That's crazy I know, but I just don't think that it's right to involve another person in my life right now. It would almost be like cheating on him-in my mind I would be.

 

Things haven't changed very much from yesterday or the day before. We are still in the same rut. Me wondering where this is going and him not responding. Maybe he doesn't really want to leave-I'm really not for sure anymore.

[loveweary]

Chrissy21:

 

I've been following your story and reading your posts for a while now, because I always felt like I was in a similar situation as you, and I feel the same crazy mix of emotions that you do. It's so confusing, annoying, and heartbreaking all at once. Sometimes I just wish for a little peace of mind.

 

Like you, I really wonder if I'll ever be able to feel this way about someone again. I know I am young, and still have so much ahead of me, but I just feel like this man is everything I could have ever imagined that I wanted, and so much more. Our personalities are just so perfectly aligned, and honestly, I can't see myself wanting to meet or open up to anyone else. Even when I meet other guys, all I do is compare them to my MM. No one can compare. And I don't want to meet anyone else.

 

At the same time, I can't help feel the tiniest bit resentful that I am committed to him in every way possible, and that he thinks the same about me. I give him 100% of me, but I know that he cannot give the same back to me. Do you ever feel this way? Kind of angry?? But I say/do nothing about it.

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and reading on this website, and I know what I need to do. I do need to make him lay his cards on the table, and basically force him to make the choice. And now, I think that I honestly do have the strength to do this and walk away. The one thing holding me back is the fact that he is still going through his cancer treatments. He's been fighting so hard these past few months. He tells me that a huge part of the recovery process is mental, and that my being there for him has been one of the most helpful, motivating, and important parts of his recovery. I finally have the strenth to do what is best for me, but given what he is going through, I just don't feel like I can let him know what I need and what is best for me. I feel like that is selfish.

 

It is approaching 1 year since we've been in this relationship. I don't want to go through this summer with the sadness, hurt, and anguish that comes along with all the happiness that I experience with him. If the relationship cannot be 100% on both ends, I do not think that I can be in it.

 

How long have you been with your MM? Do you feel like you are just waiting and waiting for something that you don't know exists? (ie a "real" relationship with him?) I just don't know how long I can wait. I know I love him more than anything, BUT....I need to love myself above all, and that means doing what is best for me, no matter how much it hurts.

 

Have you told your MM that you need to walk away, if he does not make a choice?

[Chrissy21]

Loveweary:

 

My MM and I have been together for a year and 2 months. And things really start to change emotionally after you been with someone for a year, as you well know. You become very attatched to this person. Afterall, how can you not? I, like you experience all of those very same feelings. Yes, there are a lot of times that I do resent him. I resent him for allowing me to feel love when I don't know for certain where this thing is going. It's very emotionally tiring as I'm sure you experience the same kind of feeling.

 

I always wonder and don't question his motives as often as I should. I, like you don't want to seem selfish. But in the end the only person that has been selfish is him. He (our MM) is selfish for telling us that he loves us, then leaves us wanting for more. It isn't fair, but yet we put up with it because we care too much to let go.

 

I cannot make myself want to meet other guys either. I don't want to, and that's the problem. I have turned down so many great guys in this past year. Nice single guys. I'm sure that I'm probably going to regret that someday. I understand the anger you feel toward your MM. I know that anger. As much as I love him, in many ways I think I hate him.

 

It's been over a year and I have been thinking of how to approach the subject of him making a choice. The thing is I think I have been delaying him because I don't want to know. I rather not know. It's like a part of you wants to know that way you can get on with your life, but the other part keeps holding on.

 

I don't know, it sounds crazy. Sometimes I think this whole thing is going to make me crazy. We're both young, we should be having the time of our lives. I don't know why I put myself through this, except he is the one I want to be with forever. Maybe that's worth waiting for.

 

Do you think your MM will ever get a divorce?

[yellowrose]

Originally posted by abyssalsmile

How can his wife go and call your mom and tell her your business. I understand that you as the OW did not respect her marriage but Cmon its between you and her not everybody else.

 

Come on you guys-

 

You give up these rights to privacy when you invade someone else's family. Honestly. She has every right to fight back. It's cause and effect.

 

I confronted my H's mistress. I asked my lawyer flat out, "Is there any reason I should not contact her or her family?" and she said no.

 

You have all see nature shows where the mother will go after anything that threatens her home. Well, now you are the threat. Don't expect the wife to lay down and take it.

 

That's the way it is. That's the way society sees it. That wife has every right in the world to defend her family. The choices you have made are anti-social. But you can stop it at any point and not let this define who you are.

 

I read all these posts and the girls who are the OW all seem so young. Most in the early 20's. Do you think that these MM are going after you because they perceive you as naive? ---Honestly do not mean that in any insulting way. But when I was that age (I'm 33 now), I was not as perceptive about men as I am now. Your youth enables you to idealize a man who is being pretty slimy and irresponsible. He's lying to you, he's lying to his wife, he's lying to his children. You're his ultimate con job! He's got you believing that he's worth hanging around for! You have your whole romantic life on hold while he has his cake and eats it too.

 

Something you'll tune into later on in life are the cliches that men use. This whole story of "He and his wife don't love each other anymore. She's terrible to him. He's only staying for the kids." is BS!!!

Every single married man in the history of adultery has used this line. EVERY ONE OF THEM! Come on gals!!! Tune in! Don't let these guys pull this crap over on you!!!

 

Poor, poor married man. That poor martyr. Look how hard his life is. You can make it better. You're the light of his life. Do you think his wife gets this story from him? I guarantee not.

 

Seriously you all, those MM are conning you. What a great life! Some at home, some on the side, he gets what he wants when he wants it and you're left waiting by the phone. How selfish can a man get??? But he can't do anything to you THAT YOU DON'T LET HIM.

 

Take care of yourselves. Hopefully this will pass as a mistake of youth and you're later 20's will be filled with the happiness of a devoted man who really just wants to make a good home with you and only you.

 

-Yr

[Chrissy21]

Yellowrose:

 

I've read many of your replies on most posts. Maybe this forum isn't for you to critize people. I'm glad that your a perfect person, as it is obvious that you think you are. I don't need or want your criticism. I come to this forum for SUPPORT, not your insults.

 

I don't think that my MM's wife had any right to call my parents. If she had a problem with me she cold have taken it up with me. I am an adult; being young does not change that fact. And I'm sorry that you think every situation is the same when it comes to affairs. The thing is, they aren't, each one is unique in it's own way. There is never a reason to cheat-that I do know. But sometimes things aren't that simple. I'm not going to say that what I'm doing is right- but I don't feel that I have to defend myself to you either. You put yourself this pedestal and you've lost sight of what it is to be real.

 

I love him. Maybe that's wrong in your eyes. I don't care- all I know is what I feel. I'm sorry that your husband cheated on you. Maybe he was just a dog that wanted to cheat. Like I said, I think that every situation varies.

 

Im not trying to be rude to you, but I really don't want your opinion.

[shamen]

Sooo, you only want opinions of people who are the OW/OM? My thought is yes, because otherwise you would not have bashed yellowrose's opinion in such an angry manner. You don't want other people's negative opinions of what is going on because you are living in a dream world. You are posting on a site where anyone can give their opinions; please expect people to have opposite one's of yours.

 

Yellowrose is stating the truth for what much of society believes.

 

Doubtful that he will ever leave his wife for you = true, true, true.

 

Was is OK for the W to call your family? Sure. You (and he) put yourself(ves) into that situation.

 

Someone said earlier, "Run away as fast as your feet can take you." I suggest the same thing. You turned down a perfectly good date because you feel like you have to be faithful to a MM? WHAT?

 

Until he actually does leave his wife and get a divorce, you are completely wasting your time and messing up other people's lives. Even his mum said it, she doesn't want you near her son until (and if he ever does, IMO = doubtful) he gets a divorce.

 

One last thought... let's say he actually does get a divorce, you all are together, get married... You get a little older and then you find out that he's cheating on you. This has a good probability of happening. He cheats once, you get the idea.

 

For that matter, how do you know that you are the only OW? You never know... He's doing it to his wife.

 

BTW, in case you are thinking that I'm a jilted MW, to my knowledge I've never had anyone cheat on me.

[Chrissy21]

Shamen:

 

I didn't mean to come off as sounding angry or rude. I'm really a nice person. The thing is, I get enough of that everywhere else. I feel like when I come to this forum I have a place to unload all of my feelings, anger, and hurt. I am open-minded enough hear other peoples opinions even if it isn't something I want to hear, but sometimes I have enough.

 

I don't believe in my heart that my MM is cheating on me or ever will. I know that he is cheating on his wife with me so why wouldn't he do it again? But maybe you need to read the very beginning of my post. He has only been married for a few years, he only a couple years older than me and he realizes what a mistake his marriage was. I feel the same way as you all when you say he needs to get a divorce before he starts another relationship. I totally agree. It just isn't alwayst that easy, especially when a baby is involved. And again, if you read the beginning of my post you will find out that she stopped taking birth control and didn't tell him. She got pregnant on purpose because she knew that he wanted to leave.

 

I'm sorry that I came off as being rude. But I do feel that this is a place where I can unload without being constantly bashed. Society can insult me, bash me, tar and feather me- i don't care. That very society is the same one that does all of the very same things behind closed doors.

 

All I ask is don't be so quick to judge. Try to understand a little more.

[yellowrose]

If you had read my entire post, you would have seen that it wasn't me bashing OW.