Should I stay or walk away from a married man?

[yellowrose]

Please go back and re-read my post in the voice of a deeply concerned, more experienced, "slightly" older woman who is tired of seeing younger women make the same mistakes over and over. I read your story about what this is doing to the rest of your life and IT IS NOT WORTH IT. These men aren't capable of taking care of their own lives. What, honestly, do you expect him to do for you? He can not be your prince in shining armor. You need to realize that he will hang you out to dry in order to cover his butt.

 

Seriously.

 

I'm not bashing you. I'm speaking from a place of "pull yourself up by your boot straps and don't take this crap anymore because you deserve better".

 

Believe it or not. --And you should SERIOUSLY respect how hard it is to exercise *any* tolerance at all coming from my current position in life. My heart goes out to you. I don't know why, because I so strongly disagree with your choices, but GOD I want to see you pull yourself out of this. It's so terrible, what this guy's presence has done to your relationship with your parents. Honey, I love my mom and dad. I'd never forsake them for any man. Much less one who couldn't be there to save you, to protect you, or even just to stand by you.

 

xoxo,

Yr

[Chrissy21]

Yellowrose:

 

Trying to be more open-minded and not so quick to anger, I reread your post. Maybe I spoke to fast, and yes, maybe it was out of guilt. I do feel guilty sometimes. That is only normal. I didn't mean to be rude- and I'm tired of having to apologize for that. You just seem to be so quick to judge. I know that your not bashing OW, but you are bashing the situation of being an OW.

 

My life isn't the fairy-tale that I envisioned it to be when i was little. I never imagined that I would fall in love with a married man. Never wanted to. I fought the feeling for a long time. I really did. Don' t think that I am a terrible person because I'm doing a terrible thing.

[Chrissy21]

Okay I just read your other post. Thanks for your understanding. I do regret that it ruined the great relationship I had with my parents. And I agree no man is worth that, I will try to walk away. I really will. But I think I just need time. I need to know if he ever plans on leaving,.

[yellowrose]

Chrissy-

 

Let me tell you something about my parents.

 

When I was 17, I ran away from home to go to New York. It hurt my dad SO deeply that he wouldn't speak to me for years. My mom and I eventually made up, but my dad barely spoke to me at all for a really long time.

 

He died last Memorial Day of brain cancer. We only made up 3 years before he passed away. All that time he was hurting, and I was hurting, and we didn't have each other. If I could have gone back and erased my mistake I would have done it a thousand times over. He gave me away at my wedding after I finally cornered him and cried my eyes out. We only really put things to rest a couple of weeks before he died.

 

Men in your life come and go. Your parents will hopefully be there for you for many, many years. If this guy is coming between you and your folks, please honey, let him go. No one is worth that. Those people are your lifelong support system. They're the ones who should be there to help you get through times like this.

 

Post in here often, read what people have to say. It can be a great source of strength. I don't think the married women will be so hard on you if they see that you're trying to get through this and aren't just making excuses for why you were "entitled". Honestly, those are the posts that piss me off. The ones where they say "Yeah, I slept with a MM. And I don't feel sorry about it. I deserved it." Grr!!! Anyway... If you can, see a therapist of some sort. Read all those hokey self-help books. As cheesy as the titles are, many can really give you advice to prop yourself up in a dark moment. --Oh and journaling. That's a great way to get this stuff out. Because in a journal, you truly can say what your heart needs to get out without anyone having anything to say about it.

 

Good luck to you. Be strong.

 

-Yr

[shamen]

Chrissy, I DID read the entire post. It was his decision to get married. He did it; he had sex, he got married "because she was pregnant." Regardless, he did it. Now he's got to live with the decision that he made and so do you. He is currently married and has been so for a while (5 years is a while!).

 

Now he shouldn't be allowed to have his cake and eat it too.

 

You just might not be getting the whole story from him about the relationship with his wife... Or the truth for that matter. Why should he tell you the truth about what is going on?

 

Until he gets a divorce, what's the point? He already thinks that he can sleep with you and you don't care if he's married. Why should he bother getting the divorce? If he really had wanted to get one, he could've already gotten one. It's been over a year. If you really think that he will leave her for you, then why don't you walk away from him and see what happens? I bet you nothing or maybe a plead for you to come back... while he's still married.

 

It is irrelevant that he is only a couple years older. What I'm saying is, that if you two were together for a while, what would stop him from getting bored of you and cheating on you? Not that he would go out and find a new and younger version of you.

 

It's not about understanding what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, you fell in love. With a married man.

 

You need to have the strength to walk away from the situation. This is not about hurting or judging you; it's about telling you the truth of the matter.

 

It doesn't sound like you're getting enough people here on this post that are telling you the truth; that's why I reiterated the ideas posed by yellowrose.

 

Good luck in finding the strength to walk away!

[Chrissy21]

Yellowrose:

 

It hurts me that my mom cannot forgive me. She said that she may never forgive me and I'm forced to believe that because another woman tried coming inbetween my parents marriage. To her, I'm sure that it must have felt like a slap on the face to know that her daughter was becoming the same type of woman. I'm not proud of myself and I spend a lot of time feeling guilty.

 

I want to walk away and maybe you and Shamen are both right. To be honest with myself, I think I'm afraid that if I do walk away he won't stop me or care enough to ask me to stay. The thing is he says that he wouldn't put either of us through this if he didn't care. But as we all know words are cheap. I think if he truly cared about me he would realize what this relationship is doing to me. I have changed so much in the past year. And everyone clearly sees the change in me. I'm not the happy, no care in the world person I used to be. But then how could I be? The stress is going to make me crazy. I know what I have to do. I guess I have always known. I'm getting too deep into this, if I stay I'm going to drown.

 

I've been thinking a lot about his wife lately. I hate to be the cause of someone else's pain. She probably didn't really do anything to deserve being cheated on. Of course, he swears that she has/had a boyfriend and she has cheated on him during their marriage. The only thing I can ask myself is why either of them think that cheating is going to help their marriage? Or why does it make it right to cheat because the other spouse has? I have came to realize that if he wanted to leave he would have. He told me last night that when I came into his life he became a happier person. He said that I could ask his friends how depressed and suicidal he was before I came along. That makes me feel pressured to stay. How could he make me feel like that? It's like he's trying to make me stay so that he's a happier person, but at the same time it's killing me. He is being selfish by telling me that.

 

I want to walk away from this. I want to be the good person I used to be. I want to be happy without the pain. And what really makes me angry is that if I do walk away he can go back being married and act as if nothing ever happened, while I have to deal with always being labeled the "homewrecker" in my small town. It's a label that never really leaves. Like a scar for life, you know? Yes, I can and will change, but people don't forget.

[shamen]

Chrissy,

 

You never know, if you do walk away, maybe your mom can forgive you. It will take strength and a lot of talking for the two of you to get over this together. But I do believe that it can be done. My mom and I didn't talk for 5 years due to reasons that I won't get into now (her issues), but we do talk now. I'm glad that our relationship has been re-established.

 

It sounds like you know in your heart what you have to do. You are not happy; it's "killing [you]." People have seen the changes in you in the last year. If all these things are going on, then you are at a point where you realize that you've got to make changes that will put you in a better frame of mind. It also sounds like this unhappiness is due to the relationship with this man.

 

Let's say that she HAS cheated on him. Again, you are right. He had no right to do the same thing back to her just because she did it to him. Two wrongs don't make a right; trite, I know, but true.

 

Don't let all this talk of unhappiness and suicidal thoughts on his end be a reason to make you stay. That's one of the reasons that there are counselors out there. You might even suggest to him that he start seeing one when you tell him that it's over. I know that you can do it!

 

I come from a small town too; albeit I don't live there now. People will forget some day. Give it time. No, the label is not going to go away quickly, but it WILL go away. Not a lot of reassurance, I know, but this is one of those things with which you just have to be patient .

 

Give yourself some time to grieve at the end of this... and then eventually you will be able to date again! Think about all of the possibilities that come with this. A man with whom you could be seen in public, more laughter and not so much seriousness, simple happiness that is not all wrapped up in complications...

 

I believe that you DO have the strength to walk away from him and all that being with him entails! Many hugs to you!

 

Shamen

[Chrissy21]

Shamen:

 

Thank you for your support and encouragement. I actually feel strong enough now to do what it is that I KNOW I need to do. I have to walk away from this man. Last night, the night he swore on the bible would spend with me, he didn't. In fact, he didn't even call and he cut his cell phone off. He was at home by himself- his wife wasn't there. I was hurt- but I'm also used to it. Last night, was/is the last night that he will do this to me. I don't have to put up with that and I'm stupid for putting up with it as long as I have.

 

I spent my Saturday night alone, sitting in my truck on an old abandoned dirt road out in the country. I like it there- it's my special spot that not too many people know about. There, I can just sit and watch the sun set over a huge empty field. I love it because it's peaceful and it's where I can sit and think honestly about my life. And it's where I can be truthful to myself. That's something I haven't been in a really long time. I'm tired of the lies all together. Last night, I decided what I had to do. I have to leave this man. I have to do it for me. This thing is killing me. And to save my own sanity it's the only thing left to do.

 

The more I think about it this was probably the way he wanted it to be. He wanted me to be the one to leave that way he wouldn't have to live with the guilt of breaking my heart. The only thing is my heart is still broken and he's still the one who broke it.

 

It's only been a day that I decided to walk away. It hurts, and this is only the beginning of the hurt. He was my addiction and somehow he still is. I love him with all of my heart. There will probably always be a part of me that loves him. But I also know that putting myself through this isn't fair to me. I've been selfish in a lot of ways and it took me some time to realize that. I been selfish to her(his wife) and I have been selfish to me.

 

To Shamen and Yellowrose:

 

I'm sorry that I was so quick to get angry at the truth in which you both were telling me. Sometimes it's hard to swallow the truth. The thing is, you were both right- they almost never leave their wives for the other woman no matter how much they want to. They stay because there IS a bond between them- there had to be for them to get married. I realize this now. It makes me angry that I had to learn my lesson this way. It hurts. Like hell. And now I know how she must feel. That makes me feel even worse. I feel like a terrible person to make another human being feel that kind of pain.

[shamen]

Chrissy,

 

It sounds like your evening in the truck was one well spent! I used to have a place like that in my hometown as well. They are always the best places to go to figure out what is going on in your life.

 

Don't let the guilt get to you too much; you're ending it. Yeah, you probably should feel guilty about it for a while (I haven't told you this yet, but I did, MANY years ago, have a short lived affair with a MM and knew that I could never do it again), but there's also got to be a spot in your heart to know that you had the courage to walk away from it. Remember that when you start to feel bad about the situation. COURAGE.

 

You will feel saner! You won't have to sit and wait for him anymore. That is going to be the best part.

 

You may want to wait a little bit before you start dating again. You've got to give yourself some time to grieve... It's OK to grieve as you did care for him. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of another man to help you get over these feelings. (The reason I mention this is that after my last beau of 2 years, I ended up in a 3 1/2 year long relationship with someone a month and a half after ending the first relationship! Stupid me!)

 

Don't worry about the angry thing. I completely understand why you reacted that way. It IS hard to hear the truth.

 

Please know that you can post here anytime for support! I will check in to see that you're doing OK. Maybe after you actually do the ending, you might want to think about a new thread. Something that shows you've made the decision. Let us know here if you do decide to make a new one.

 

Again, many hugs! You've made the right decision girl! Stay strong!

 

Shamen

[Chrissy21]

Update:

 

I didn't leave him. Yet. Yes, I know that I'm a stupid fool that is caught up in his web of deceit. I tried to walk away. And in fact, I was well on my way of leaving when he begged me to stay. The tables turned this weekend and I think that his wife decided to leave HIM. So if she leaves and I leave he will be all alone. No, if that did happen to him I wouldn't necessarily feel sorry for him. To be honest he probably deserves that. But, on the other hand, I did play a big part in the destruction of his already ruined marriage. You probably ask, "Who am I to say it was ruined?" Well, from what I saw, it was.

 

I'm not saying that I'm not going to leave, but I'm not saying that I am either. I'm undecided at the moment. I really have deep feelings for him. I'm just not sure that I can walk away from him. But we did have a pretty serious talk last night about everything. We were honest with each other about all the things we were both feeling. I told him how uncertain I was about staying with him. He told me that sometimes he felt like he was ruining my life. I don't feel that way. Yes, sometimes I get angry and depressed, but then there are the times when I'm the happiest I've ever been.

 

Then I asked him if he wanted to quit seeing me. We ask each other this question often. I just want him to know that we both have the option to walk away. And he has the option to fix his marriage. He said no. I said no. He told me that he isn't in love with his wife anymore. And he doesn't love her and he doesn't want to be with her.

 

I've just got to give this more time. I can't just walk away from the love of my life. We been through so much together. I want to make sure I make the right decision. I know that to many the right decision would be to walk away. Maybe in the end that will be the right answer, but for now I'm undecided.

[shamen]

Chrissy,

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you're undecided again. Please be careful.

 

Seriously, until the divorce is final, I would walk away. How do you know he isn't just saying that about his wife? Even with just a separation, he could always go back to her, even if the two of you were together for years.

 

Will you ever be able to trust him????

 

I'm sure that you think that I'm a downer, but I'm trying to be the reality check. You sounded so sure of yourself earlier about the break up. Guess you just walked away from LS for too long...

 

Don't let yourself be a second!

 

I know that I'm just reiterating what I've said earlier; sorry. You've been talking to him too much. That's what always changes our minds: them. I had been with an alcoholic for 3 1/2 years and he told me for almost 3 that things were going to change. The nights out all night, the driving drunk, the acting like an a$$ when drunk. You know what? It NEVER did. Yes, I do believe he loves me, but I can't be the second to his alcohol. Just like you shouldn't be a second to his wife.

[Chrissy21]

Shamen: That's true. I don't want to be the second to his wife. And that's the one thing that won't change. They have a child together. So I will always be second in his life because no matter what his child will always come first in his life. Then there is his wife; they always will be connected because of the bond a child creates between a husband and wife. I have already thought about all of these things. I realize what I would be sacrificing for him. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I've given everything up for this man to only be cheated on him like he did his wife. That's why I haven't decided yet. I care a lot about him. I love him very much. He seems very sincere about what he feels for me. But I'm not going to be the fool either. Both of us seem pretty adamant about not wanting to be the fool.

 

I don't think that your being mean anymore. You have actually made me be more true to myself. I have looked at things a little more realistically than I have in the past. It's alot more difficult to walk away just like that without looking back. But I know in my heart that things are going to have to change. And very soon. He has to decide what he wants. I think he realizes that too. So maybe things don't work out. I know that I will be stronger the next time around, right? And I will definitely know not to let myself get into another situation like this one.

[shamen]

Chrissy: I know that you love him. I know that this is tough for you. Just keep yourself in reality check whenever possible.

 

Remind yourself that the worst person right now to receive advice from is him. My ex still tries to convince me sometimes that we need to be together. Sometimes he's very convincing and I still love him, but I keep my distance and my goal in my mind (a life where I am free to start over in the relationship department). I keep reminding myself that he's an alcoholic and no matter how many times he tells me that he'll change, he won't. Not until he gets himself into rehab and he's had a long while to sort himself out. And even then, I don't think that I would want him back. He's put me through too much pain in the process.

 

As you said, "Don't be the fool," here. Please try to keep contact at a distance with him whenever possible. It truly will help you clear your head.

 

As you also said, you know that you won't ever put yourself into this situation again. That's a good thing to know and a good thing to think about as you're wondering why you're putting yourself through this. Is it all worth it? Will you ever be happy with him even if he leaves his wife? Again, as you mentioned, you know that in some way you will always be playing second because of the child, who's not yours, who you would have to deal with on the weekends or whatever. And then you'll always have to remember in the back of your mind that you were with his/her dad while he was still married... Could you live with that constant reminder of something of which you are not proud?

 

Just some other things to think about while you still undecided.

 

Take care.

[Chrissy21]

Shamen:

 

I bet that it is hard to hear your ex say he's going to change only to be disappointed time and again by empty promises. I've had my share of empty promises. I know that I have to leave. It's just that letting go is the hardest part. It's kinda like how your ex is an alcholic, but instead I'm addicted to him- not alcohol. And I want to make the change and do the "12 steps to recovery," but it's much easier said than done. The only thing that I can say is that I actually have put this whole thing into perspective and I have been more realistic about it. While I want things to work out in the best possible way- I know that the chances of that are very slim. And I know that the longer I stay the worse off I will be in the end. I don't know of anything that feels worse than dealing with a broken heart and broken promises. I really saw myself having a life with him, but that was my little fantasy world that I was living in. I never thought about how complicated things could get.

 

He's the light in my eye, you know? He's makes me feel complete. I'm only happy when I'm with him. In all honesty, he's the love of my life. It's hard to feel those things and know that you have to give them up. It's the shattered image of perfection. It's kind of like looking into those mirrors at the county fair that give you a dissorted image of what's real. I don't know it's weird, but its kinda true.

 

I'm going to try Shamen. I know what I have to do. But I just keep thinking that maybe if we quit seeing each other until they really get a divorce, after that we can still be together. What do you think? My parents have actually accepted the idea, if you can believe that. My mom told me that when/if he gets a divorce they he can come and talk to them. My parents just want to talk to him. I guess about everything. My dad knows that I'm in love with him. He told my mother that you can't tell someone who not to love.

 

I just have been talking to him on the phone. I try not to see him because I think he needs time to figure out what he wants as well.

[Chrissy21]

I think I hate him. Maybe Arabess was right. I don't want to love him or hate him. I just want not to care either way. I want to be indifferent.

[shamen]

Chrissy, Sorry that I didn't get back to you earlier. I've been out of town...

 

Anyway, I can see what your parents are saying. If/when he gets a divorce, it would be OK to be with him, yes, I agree. Don't let it just be a separation because that isn't final with the wife either. I really think that you are doing the right thing by just talking to him on the phone. You are indeed limiting contact.

 

There might come a time where you both need to stop talking to each other completely to let the whole thing sort of sort itself out. The time completely apart will probably let the two of you see what you really want. If he wants to be with his wife, then so be it. If you decide that you couldn't handle it in your own head even if he left her... I mean, you never know. You might decide that you could never trust him, worry, whatever.

 

I agree, on some level, you can't help who you love. You are as addicted to your MM as my ex bf is to alcohol, I agree. At the same time, I couldn't help that I was in love with this person, even though he was bad for me. I knew that, all my friends knew that, etc. But I still couldn't walk away until I (ME!) finally realized that I was NEVER going to get what I needed out of this relationship. It's really sad, because when things have been good, they have been great. We had fun together, all that stuff.

 

Just like you I want to be indifferent. I've gotten to the point (finally) that I am out of this relationship. Please don't wait as long as I did. You will be a lot happier (I waited 3 1/2 years and now I'm in my mid 30s...) and you will see it within time. I'm already a lot happier than I was 2 months ago. Yeah, it sucks, but I feel right about myself now, ya know?

 

I know that you will too. If/when he decides to come back to you, then that can be true. Again, you may decide that you can't be with him. Doing what was going on is just going to continue to make you feel bad in so many ways.

 

I hope that you're doing OK!

[loveweary]

Chrissy21:

 

From reading your posts, I can tell that you are at the same point as I am. I completely agree with your point about walking away being like a 12-step program. It's so hard to do. I know in my heart that it is the right thing to do, and I think every day I gain more strength in order to do it. But there is always that fear that if I do end things, that he won't come back in the end. I am scared of losing him for good. Even though I know that life would be pretty complicated with him, I can't help but think how happy he makes me, and how right we feel together. It's an emotional see-saw: I get so sad/angry thinking about the situation we are in, but I am so truly happy when I think of how much I love him, and how much he loves me.

 

I wish I was indifferent too. Everything would be so much easier.

 

Do you feel like you are making progress, in ending things with him? Sometimes I feel like I take one step forward, and then two steps back. I talk with my MM a lot, but we don't see each other that often. But the only reason for that is because he is still going through his cancer treatments (he is almost done!), so that has taken a huge toll on his body and his energy levels. I have written him a long, long letter explaining my feelings, and basically why I can't be in the relationship anymore. But I can't get the courage to give it to him and talk about it, because I feel like I can't do that to him at this time. I keep thinking, once he gets through treatments and he is all better, I will do it. But then he talks of the future, all the things we'll do this summer and all the fun we'll have......and it's SO HARD!!!

 

I feel like all the things that Shamen and Yellowrose have said are so true. I read their advice and really take it to heart, because they really get at the point. I think I need to print their posts out and read them whenever I am having a weak moment......

 

I hope you find the strength that I am having a hard time finding right now...

[shamen]

Loveweary: Please do print out the posts if it will help you!

 

And yes, you should give him the letter. You too know in your heart that you will be better off.

 

You are scared that he won't come back in the end... If that's the case, then you already know what the problem is. You are not secure in this relationship and isn't that part of what we are all looking for? You will feel freer and happier out of it, I swear it!

 

To both of you: Many well wishes in finding the strength so that you can walk away. Please keep posting whenever you need to.

 

** hugs**

[Chrissy21]

Yesterday evening his wife called me on my cell phone 4 times. She kept hanging up until the fourth time when she finally said my name. I wanted to say something to her, I really did. I wanted to yell and scream, but instead I hung up. What can I say to validate something so wrong? She has every right. I just get so tired of dealing with this. Here I am trying to walk away from this, to get over this and I'm still dealing with the worst part the affair. I don't think that it will ever really be over. There's just too much he left undone, too many unsaid things, and no explanantions to either me or his wife. I think that we both need to know where we stand. I need finality so that I can move on.

 

He called me this morning and asked how many times that b*tch called. I was like,"Oh, you mean your wife?" He hates that. He doesn't even try to stand up for me. I called him that same evening and told him his wife won't quit calling me. He said that he was going to go to the house and tell her something. Of course he didn't. That made me really angry and hurt.

 

I am trying to move on. I really am. But where do you start? I haven't even started to let go of him. I've been with him for a year and two months. I'm so emotionally attached that thinking about it being really over makes me want to die.

[shamen]

God Chrissy, I'm sorry that that happened to you (the phone calls)! That really sucks, but I know that you can sort of see where she's coming from. I also know that you are trying to be strong and do the right thing. You also totally did the right thing by not saying anything to her. If you ever decide to actually say something, have it be, "It's over."

 

You know that you can have that finality that you so desire by you breaking it off comletely. Don't keep waiting for him to do it to you, ya know? At least you can walk away having the upper hand, knowing that you were able to regain some of your trust and faith in yourself. I've felt so ashamed the last year or so, wondering why the hell I kept putting myself through it (my relationship with my ex)... why was I embarrassing myself like that waiting for him to come home after a whole night out... over and over.

 

I know that it's not the same thing exactly, but I know that you can relate to the emotions that I'm talking about.

 

He is not going to stand up for you and you know why really. What is he going to say to his wife? "Honey, please don't call my mistress." That would be craziness in his world.

 

The end of any relationship starts with the words, "It's over; I can't do this anymore." (At least when it's an unhealthy one.) I understand the emotional attachment, I do. God, I'm still going through it. But I know that it is so the right thing for me.

 

The process of getting over it is just about patience and strength and the words of friends. The time that we spend with them and the writing in a journal. It's definitely been about spending time here too, as we're able to focus on our problems rather than feeling obligated to talk about the good stuff sometimes too, ya know? It's about keeping yourself distracted, busy.

 

You will not die from the pain. Crying will be in order, and so will some days of fog and confusion and wanting to go back (I think about it, but know I won't do it) and so will a messy apartment and all sorts of crazy stuff, but you can get through it.

 

Isn't the idea of not going through all this crap sound amazing? No more phone calls from the wife, no more sneaking. It will go away eventually.

 

Again, picture all of the things that not being with him will bring you. A bf that you can hold hands with in public. Someone you can feel secure with, that can spend time with you whenever you want...

[Chrissy21]

The phone calls have only gotten worse. She persistently calls my house at 7:30am and in the evening when she gets off work. I tried to deal with it on my own and ignore the calls, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I called my MM and told him his wife will not quite calling me. He finally called her and told her to stop calling me. He told her not to be mad at me, to be mad at him. He told her that this whole mess was about their marriage and it wasn't my fault. I'm glad that he had enough respect to do that, but I also know that I am at fault.

 

I thought that this would all go away once I decided to end the affair. It seems to have only gotten worse. I think that she wants answers to questions. I feel like I played a big part in there failing marriage and I know she feels the same way. I don't want to talk to her. What am I going to say, " Your husband told me he hates you."

 

Well, in case any of you are wondering, I'm doing fine. I'm going to make it through this. He makes it hard, though, like when he calls me and tells me how much he cares. I want it to be true. I want it to be real. But I know what I have to do.

[Debster]

Can't you block her phone calls?

I know on my cell and home phone I can block calls.

[shamen]

Chrissy, Have you broken it off with him yet? I noticed that you posted somewhere else that you were probably going to stick it out until the bitter end, or something similar. I was really surprised because you sounded like you were going to end it.

 

Yes, you should be able to block her calls. Maybe think about blocking his too...

[Chrissy21]

This sounds totally moronic, but I feel as if I have made it this far, why leave now? I put a lof of myself into this relationship and I don't think that it's worth throwing all away for good. I do think that he needs to figure his life out and decide what he REALLY wants. I do know for sure that right now I need to keep a distance from him and just let him figure it out. And in the end, that may or may not be me. If he doesn't choose me then I will be the fool. It wouldn't be the first time that I end up being the fool.

 

I'm sure that I sound like a complete idiot to most, but I really feel in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. I am staying away from him. I haven't had any type of contact with him for a week now. But that doesn't mean that its over. I just think he needs some space. And when all else fails, I rely on the old saying, "what is meant to be will be." If it isn't meant to be, sooner than later I will find that out.

 

As for the phone calls, they have stopped since he said something to her about it. That doesn't mean much, I'm sure she will start again. She blocks her number when she calls, so I don't know how to block that.

[shamen]

I've been out of town for a while...

 

So, why leave now? Because you know in your heart that it's the right thing to do. You're staying away from him. No phone calls. That's great; keep it up! Stay strong.

 

How are things going? Hope that you're OK. No more phone calls, I hope. I don't know how to block it exactly if she's blocking her number, but I know that with caller ID you can specify that you don't want to receive blocked numbers. Maybe you can have this blocked on your cell? Try your company...