A good approach for finding love

[shayan]

I think we often get bogged down searching for a good partner. We search desperately and then find one person we like and invest energy into getting them. I think this approach is wrong, and will keep you from finding the right one.

 

I think it's better to be optimistic and realize there are many people who we are each compatible with and that the best way to find a mate is to find yourself. In other words don't worry to hard about any one particular person instead pursue people openly and without expectations. Then if it does not work out you are not shattered. Also when you have no expectations you don't worry or scrutinize your actions instead you just be yourself.

 

What I mean to say is while you are looking for the right one, be open to many people don't get tunnel vision right away be patient and don't let desperatism keep you bound. Plant your seeds, do what you can, and see what happens, but don't bring in expectations about where something will go. And don't over-analyse things.

 

For instance let's say you talk to a girl you've been crushing on for months and finally get her number. Now you don't know where to go from here and you are nervous to call and ask her to hang out. My advice, think less, call her leave a message if she doesn't pick up and just be like yeah: "you like museums, I think we should go to one together" or whatever.

And then let go, don't have any expectations. Your actions are more important then the outcomes.

 

The less time you spend thinking, and the more time you spend doing the better.

[Misa Misa]

I think what you are talking about is something we as a human being experience in the process of growing up through relationships.

 

When I was in high school, I had a secret crash on this guy. I never had courage to tell him because I think too high of him. I get scared to think the possibility that I might get rejected.

 

When I had my first and second relationships, I put too much expectation on my boyfriends. I treat them each like he was the one. I used to think no one else out there was for me except him.

 

I was out of my 2nd relationship one month ago. I couldn't let him go when he wanted to break with me. We were both suffering when we are together, but I just couldn't let it go because I think it is very hard to find partners out there. Even though we had a lot of differences, and we both need time and spaces to take a break, I just didn't want to break it off.

 

Now I am alone for one month after 6 years of having relationship. I am still scared that I will end of single forever or I will never meet the one, but I am learning slowly to become a more mature person than before. Doing so, I feel more confident myself, and have more faith next time when I do have a relationship.

[Disillusioned]

If all else fails, let time level the playing field. >:-)

[tina7563]

I totally agree, but i wish i could take that advice.

I seem to be terrible at finding a partner, i always have too many high expectations and i am constantly analysing everything.

Sometimes i wonder why i was born with this kind of mind, or what makes me think like this.

I have been single for about 7 years now, and i am still hopeless at trying to find someone, and sometimes it gets very lonely.

Having said all that i also still love to go out and have a good time but once again i am always having high expectations about a night out, and i am constantly thinking, am i going to finally meet someone, its so pathetic but i am honestly going to try and adapt your attitude and try not to have any expectations about anything anymore.

Life is too short to be constantly worrying about everything.