we 'ruined' inlaws weekend away?

[Mittens]

Hi, I would like some opinions on the following...I'm afraid it may be long!

 

Background: I'm 42, bipolar, separated from my ex-husband, and living about 300 miles away from him with my fiancé, nearly 40. My mother-in-law is dying of cancer (she was recently told she has about 3 months to live) and for this reason we've not told her that we've separated. We want her last few months to be as happy as possible.

 

I'm in remission from cancer myself (second time around), and my health has been poorly most of this year. I tend to catch every virus going, and can take awhile to recover.

 

My fiancé's family is extremely large, on both sides. His mother's family is at the other end of the country, and we recently went with both of his parents, and assorted other relatives, for a weekend away to celebrate an aunt's landmark birthday. Her husband, who is extremely wealthy, paid for us all to travel up. Originally my husband had asked me not to go, as his mother's health had deteriorated suddenly, but she recovered enough so we could go.

 

We were there the Friday, Saturday and left on the Sunday night. I had a chest infection myself, and in normal circumstances would have cancelled going, but my fiancé felt that would not been well received, especially by his parents.

 

The Friday night was a group meal out, which went very well. We got back to the house where were all staying at about midnight. I'd been feeling pretty rough...had limited how much I drank, but was still physically ill. For that reason I told my fiancé that I would go to bed, as I wanted to be fresh for the day out that was planned for the Saturday. The others continued the party downstairs, in a room that was directly below our bedroom.

 

Unfortunately the party went on throughout the night...my fiancé finally came to bed at about 7am, totally drunk. I will admit I wasn't too happy - the noise was so loud I couldn't sleep, and I felt really rough. The music finally stopped at about 8am.

 

The rest of the family didn't bother going to bed at all (and they were in the same state as my fiancé), and set off on the day out at about 10am. I couldn't wake my fiancé up at all, and I was utterly exhausted. I told his mother when she knocked on our door that we couldn't come - and we weren't the only ones, a cousin and her boyfriend also declined for the same reason (no sleep).

 

My fiance spent the whole day in bed. I finally managed to get him up and downstairs at about 7pm...to find out that his uncle had got caterers in, and there had been a family meal. No one had bothered to come upstairs to get us (and I was a bit taken aback by that at the time). My fiancé apologised for what had happened, and explained that it was his fault, he'd been hungover all day. The rest of the night went well, we chatted to all his relatives and got to bed at about 1am.

 

On the Sunday there was a bbq...we helped with getting them lit, cooking the food, serving, etc...we both ended up stinking of smoke, but we had fun with all the cousins! We then left for home at about 7pm. The next day we sent a card to his uncle and aunt thanking them for the weekend.

 

This was about a month ago. Yesterday my fiance told me that his father had sat him down and subjected him to a long tirade about how we'd been 'rude' to everyone all weekend, hadn't spoken to any of the relatives, and had basically 'ruined' the whole weekend for his parents.

 

His father had also had a go at him about my situation, asking why I hadn't told my mother-in-law that I had left my husband...this is something that I have discussed with his parents at length over the last year, and I thought that they were sympathetic with my reasons. Obviously my fiancé's father is not.

 

I'm very upset by this. What happened on the Saturday was not my fault, and I resent it being implied that it was. I did my best under very difficult circumstances to be friendly and talk to everyone...I honestly don't know what more I could have done?

 

I would love opinions on this...am I wrong to feel angry?

[greengoddess]

lol I am still trying to figure out how you can have a fiance' if you are still married. Maybe that is what his parents have a problem with. You can not be engaged to one while married to another.

 

Is this man and his family really what you want to marry into? people who drink to such an extreme they can't even function for a full day?

[Mittens]

Yes, you can be engaged when still married...being engaged is a statement of intention to marry in the future, not a legally binding contract.

 

My fiance being drunk wasn't the only reason he slept most of the next day...he works shifts as a carer, and was exhausted.

 

I live in the United Kingdom, and here if you have more than one drink a night, you aren't considered an alcoholic.