"the one"

[HopeLove]

"Every relationship you ever have won't work out... until you find the one that does. And when you do find "the one", the difference between that relationship and the others you've had before will be profound beyond belief".

[sacg]

But i had the one................. It's just that she didn't. Hows that work then?

[Ajax]

But i had the one................. It's just that she didn't. Hows that work then?

 

What he said.

[Sonolumino]

There's no such thing as the one.

[user2011]

because life is unfair. And sometimes one person might find the one while the other hasnt.

 

 

One of the true legacies of the unfair nature of things.

 

 

its a tough one to swallow, but i guess the closest idea to the one is when you both could never leave each other no matter what.

 

Futures bright. promise.

x

[PegNosePete]

But i had the one................. It's just that she didn't. Hows that work then?

Well obviously it wasn't "the one" then. If it doesn't work out then it isn't the one, is it? Re-read the definition

[porter218]

Well obviously it wasn't "the one" then. If it doesn't work out then it isn't the one, is it? Re-read the definition

 

I agree with you. If it didn't work out with that person that you thought was "the one" then you were mistaken. Maybe a close match, but not "the one". I believe in in .....even after my horrible D. Looking back I see where I had overlooked lots of red flags to tell me he was't "the one" all the way in the beginning.

[Lemontang]

How about another one? and then another one? Or was that my two and then my three?

 

The one for you may not be the one for her, so you should look at 'the one' as being defined as 'the one for both'.

[PegNosePete]

Yeah its like one of those Venn diagrams. If A is the set of people who are compatible with you, and B is the set of people who you are compatible with, then the overlap of A and B is where it gets good.

[Gfkr2]

You will absolutely, postively know when you find The One. Not everyone is so lucky, tho;)

[leftfield]

To be fair, if you re-read what HopeLove said;

 

"Every relationship you ever have won't work out... until you find the one that does. And when you do find "the one", the difference between that relationship and the others you've had before will be profound beyond belief".

 

You could interpret that as referring to "the one" relationship, not a specific person. I know it might seem like a moot point, but there might not be a specific person that is "the one". However there could well be a relationship that turns out that way - i.e. "the one" that works! Which is presumably when your emotional needs, personal compatibility and life goals all overlap perfectly on your relationship 'venn'.

 

What the hell am I talking about? Anybody? I'm going for a lie down.

[Rashad]

There are billions of people on this earth... let's assume that "the one" for you actually exists. What are your chances of finding them??

I understand the whole idea of "the one" but the terminology is pretty misleading... if you can make it work with a person then they are the one, it's that simple. If they don't love you then they cannot be the one. there is more than one "the one"...

[Rashad]

+ the theory of relativity applies on "the one"... i.e. a person can be "the one" now, after a few years they are no longer "the one" due to a change in us, them or the situation that we are in... which leads us to assuming that there is an absolute "the one" to me that's got to be my creator. However on this earth I got to find my reciprocal and together we make "a one".... lol, do not take this post seriously yo.

[leftfield]

I think you need to go for a lie down as well Rashad

[PegNosePete]

I thought "the one" is Keanu Reeves? I don't even like men.

[Eeyore79]

I have had relationships which, at the time, seemed amazing, and I thought I was totally in love. But the other person didn't love me and ended up dumping me.

 

Later on, when I met someone else who loved me back, it was so much better than my previous relationship. Although I thought I was in love previously, I really wasn't; certainly not in comparison to how I felt in my new relationship.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you may think someone is "the one", but if they dump you they're obviously not. When you do meet "the one" it will be better than what you had with your ex, and you'll probably realise that your ex wasn't "the one" after all.

[climbergirl]

"Every relationship you ever have won't work out... until you find the one that does. And when you do find "the one", the difference between that relationship and the others you've had before will be profound beyond belief".

 

I believe this to be true. I have loved and been loved in past relationships, but there always seemed to be complications---even early in the relationship. No matter how hard we would have tried, they never would have worked out.

 

You'll know when you've truly met 'the one'. Everything just fits and is uncomplicated.

[Sonolumino]

I used to believe in the one. This whole ordeal has shaken by beliefs about love and relationships greatly. I truly believe there is no such thing as the one. But, at the same time, I'd love it for someone to change my mind

[Cee]

I believe in finding "the one" or multiple "ones" but I don't think it necessarily lasts.

 

My aunt met the "one" in high school. They married, raised a family, and he experienced sudden cardiac death at the local pool. He was 46. She met another man who wasn't the "one" like her 1st husband, but he made her laugh and she loved him a lot. They got married and two years later he died of brain cancer. My aunt now has a "friend," but she says that her great love was her 1st husband and will never marry again.

 

My mom met and married "the one." He died when she was 46. She has not dated since (20 years). She would like to meet someone, but she is too afraid to try.

 

I met the "one" 15 years ago. After 4.5 years together, we were separated by things out of our control (long illness, move). This guy was the one for me and I will never love anyone like I loved him. But like my aunt, I think there is someone else out there that I can love and adore. But I haven't met him yet.

[2sure]

I think that finding or stubling upon The One...

 

Is not so much meeting just the right person

 

But also meeting that person at the right time in YOUR life, under the right circumstances, with all the other right ingredients that make up the logistics of our lives.

 

In other words, I think that finding The One has more to do with you than with someone else.

[Ajax]

I have had relationships which, at the time, seemed amazing, and I thought I was totally in love. But the other person didn't love me and ended up dumping me.

 

Later on, when I met someone else who loved me back, it was so much better than my previous relationship. Although I thought I was in love previously, I really wasn't; certainly not in comparison to how I felt in my new relationship.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you may think someone is "the one", but if they dump you they're obviously not. When you do meet "the one" it will be better than what you had with your ex, and you'll probably realise that your ex wasn't "the one" after all.

 

I don't know how I feel about this anymore. With my last relationship I was 100% convined that I'd found "the one." We had similar hopes and dreams, always had good conversation, shared many of the same interests, loved each other's company, and were very passionate. I'd never felt more connected to anyone in my life. And then suddenly she went cold and shut me out.

 

I can accept now that she was not the one by the mere fact that she was able to leave me. But now having been so sure I'd found "the one," and being wrong, I no longer trust my own judgement. They say you know it when you see it, and I thought i did. I doubt I'll let myself think that again.

[br0ken_w0lf]

I don't know how I feel about this anymore. With my last relationship I was 100% convined that I'd found "the one." We had similar hopes and dreams, always had good conversation, shared many of the same interests, loved each other's company, and were very passionate. I'd never felt more connected to anyone in my life. And then suddenly she went cold and shut me out.

 

I can accept now that she was not the one by the mere fact that she was able to leave me. But now having been so sure I'd found "the one," and being wrong, I no longer trust my own judgement. They say you know it when you see it, and I thought i did. I doubt I'll let myself think that again.

 

Totally agree. The reason I felt I couldn't commit to an ex-gf of 2 years was that I didn't feel she was "the one" (not saying I believe there is only one, I believe there are many that can fit, but I didn't believe she was one of them); in my mind, if I felt that she was, then I would have been able to commit completely. I remember her asking me how I'd know when I met "the one" and I replied "I guess I'll just know". Fast forward 2 years, I meet my ex-wife, and within 3 weeks, I *knew*. She was "the one" I had spoken of to my ex-gf. I just knew, no hesitation, as sure as I knew anything. This was the person I was meant to be with. Well, my ex-wife left after 2 years of marriage, 5 together (for someone else but what has since been discovered as issues of hers as the ultimate cause) so apparently I was not her "one".

 

Like you, it's hard to trust yourself once you've been wrong. Then I think, ok, I just won't place so much emphasis/importance on this next time... just go with the flow. But then, at some point, you need to get into that mind frame again when it comes time to move to the next level. So then the self-trust issues arise again - as if one-sided trust issues aren't enough

 

I also agree with 2sure's belief that it has much to do with timing and circumstances; depending on those factors, the "fit" will be better or worse which will contribute to the possibility of it working.

[skydiveaddict]

"Every relationship you ever have won't work out... until you find the one that does. And when you do find "the one", the difference between that relationship and the others you've had before will be profound beyond belief".

 

 

I can't agree. I found "the one". She was "profound beyond belief". Different, beautiful, special, a love and trust bond between us that I still can't explain. But she dumped me while I was overseas. I never even got an explanation or ever saw her again.

But, I am very happy for you that you have found "the one"

Edited October 8, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[Ajax]

Totally agree. The reason I felt I couldn't commit to an ex-gf of 2 years was that I didn't feel she was "the one" (not saying I believe there is only one, I believe there are many that can fit, but I didn't believe she was one of them); in my mind, if I felt that she was, then I would have been able to commit completely. I remember her asking me how I'd know when I met "the one" and I replied "I guess I'll just know". Fast forward 2 years, I meet my ex-wife, and within 3 weeks, I *knew*. She was "the one" I had spoken of to my ex-gf. I just knew, no hesitation, as sure as I knew anything. This was the person I was meant to be with. Well, my ex-wife left after 2 years of marriage, 5 together (for someone else but what has since been discovered as issues of hers as the ultimate cause) so apparently I was not her "one".

 

Like you, it's hard to trust yourself once you've been wrong. Then I think, ok, I just won't place so much emphasis/importance on this next time... just go with the flow. But then, at some point, you need to get into that mind frame again when it comes time to move to the next level. So then the self-trust issues arise again - as if one-sided trust issues aren't enough

 

I also agree with 2sure's belief that it has much to do with timing and circumstances; depending on those factors, the "fit" will be better or worse which will contribute to the possibility of it working.

 

I think trust issues create a vicious cycle of distrust, both for yourself and your partner. I can't prove it, but I'm fairly certain that the reason my ex shut me out the way she did (aside from her depression) was that she'd been hurt before by someone she trusted, and was becoming increasingly close to me. I feel like she bailed on me to protect herself... even though I'd never hurt her.

 

So if this is true, she hurt me because someone had hurt her and her trust had been shaken. Well now my trust is shaken... I'm not as likely to open up to someone now because I don't trust my own judgement, as much as I'll likely be less trusting of them. Then I'm the one likely to hurt them. I don't want to, but like I said, it's a vicious cycle.

 

I'm going to try to trust myself again. I'm going to try to trust someone else again to. But I'm not sure I'll ever get to the point where I think that they're "the one" again.

[Rashad]

I think you need to go for a lie down as well Rashad

haha... my relativity professor made me do it!!