sunshinegirl Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Our wedding is in less than a week! We are knee deep in last minute tasks but it's all coming together and I was--am--getting excited. But...My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this summer so I scheduled my first mammogram when I had my annual gyn exam. I had intended to schedule it after our honeymoon, but through a scheduling glitch, the mammography department had me down for this morning instead of the end of October. I went ahead with the appointment since it can be tough to reschedule. And the results of my mammogram? Significant calcium deposits in my right breast and an enlarged lymph node on the same side -- so they want to do a biopsy. From what I've read, these things are "usually" benign but calcium deposits can be an early sign of cancer. And I'm not psyched to hear of potential lymph node issues. And with my family history (my aunt died of breast cancer, and my grandmother of colon cancer)...well...I don't feel like I can take much comfort in general stats. This is not what I expected to happen the week of my wedding--jeez, I think we have enough on our plates as is, thanks very much. Between planning a wedding in 5 months, buying and moving into our first home together, and dealing with my mom's illness, we've had plenty to deal with. So at the doctor's office, I scheduled the biopsy for after our honeymoon, figuring I don't want to deal with bad news before the wedding. But my fiance feels the opposite: he figures it's unlikely to be cancerous, and why not get the good news as early as possible so we don't have to be anxious during the honeymoon? The net of our conversation is that I have now changed my biopsy date -- it's happening tomorrow morning at 7:30am and I should have results in 2-3 days. Like I said, this is pretty bad timing all around and I really wish I didn't have to deal with this just ahead of a day I've been looking forward to for months. I also don't want to tell anyone because there's no point in burdening others with a huge question mark and casting a pall on our celebration. And if we do get bad news later this week, I still don't want to tell anyone because I want this weekend to be focused on celebrating, not worrying. My fiance has been great -- he came home from work to have lunch with me today and talk things through...and it gives new meaning to the vows we're about to take...but...damn. This sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 The timing is dreadful but I agree with your fiance - better to get the biopsy results out of the way now. I know it's hard, especially with your mother's health in mind, but it is most likely benign. Have your mind put at ease before your wedding and honeymoon rather than having this haunting you. As for telling others, I can totally understand not doing so at this stage. The main thing is that your soon to be husband is there for you and already showing you what a true marriage is all about. Plus you can always come to LS to try and deal with your thoughts and emotions over the next few days (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Oh Dear, I typed out a long reply and then my comp crashed, but you and this situation are worth writing again ! First, my biggest hugs and deepest breaths go out to you. Life can be SUCH a roller coaster ! While no one can make promises at this point, I CAN tell you that most of my friends AND family AND myself, have had scares like this and they all came out to naught ! So...odds are on your side It is good that you are going ahead and finding out. I do SO hope you can put this behind you soon and go on to have a lovely wedding and honeymoon ! Please let us know, our thoughts and prayers will be with you !!! This site seems to come together best when one is at their worst; they were here for me, and I will be here for you !!!! Prayers and crossed fingers and toes Sunshine Girl !!!!!! xoxoxoxox Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 I was JUST thinking of you and our offline chats about your honeymoon plans... What cruddy timing for this! But like you said, it only reaffirms the vows you'll be taking this weekend. Your fiance is freaking amazing... From one SG to another: I am absolutely confident you'll be okay, but I'll keep you in my prayers anyway. In the interim, you know where to find support when you need it. Heart you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 Thank you all. It's a weird feeling to be filling out our DJ's forms asking for which dances we want when...and then thinking "I have to go to bed because I have a biopsy in the morning." It's hard not to be anxious, and the more I read online about fibroadenomas the less comforted I am. Fiance says it's too bad I'm an educated, curious person because my research is not helping me feel better. Ah well. Biopsy in the morning, then wait 2-3 days. We shall see. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 I am glad you went ahead with the biopsy now. My wife had some tests done for a disease right before a vacation (it was supposed to be a time when we got away) and the vacation was ruined because all she could think about was what the results would be. Turned out all was good, but the vacation was over and remains ruined. Very depressing. My wife had a similar lump in her breast and it was nothing. I know you are not her, but still...it probably will be nothing. Knowing one way or another before you get married can be the difference of enjoying or not enjoying that big day. Keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Hey hun, it's more than likely to come up with nothing- but how could you enjoy your honeymoon with such a thing looming over your head? I think it's good you opted to do it beforehand so you can enjoy your vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 I agree with your fiance, better to find out the results now rather than later. My mom had a scare like this and it turned out to be nothing. I hope the same goes for you and it's nothing really. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 (edited) Just back from the biopsy. I have some pain and will have some bruising, and it only just occurred to me that the bruise might show! (strapless wedding gown) Grrr. I also have a titanium marker in my breast which will be permanent...unless they wind up excising the mass. I can't say I've gotten much reassurance from the radiologist so far. She is ordering an MRI because the mammogram doesn't show my chest wall and they want to see all the way back. That will probably happen tomorrow. I should have biopsy results in 3-7 days, longer than I thought it would take. She called my calcium deposits "suspicious" in part because it's only one breast that has them. On the films she showed me they are all over one side of my right breast. I really don't know how long they've been growing there; I have really dense breasts and I couldn't tell the mass apart from normal lumps and bumps. Last year my gyn didn't catch it in her breast exam, so my best guess is that this has happened in the last year. I started crying after they did another mammogram. I feel like a bad TV special: lovelorn girl finally meets her dream man, and the week of the wedding finds out she has breast cancer (I know I don't have a diagnosis yet but it's hard not to go to the worst case scenario). Any tips for putting this in perspective? I don't want to be Debbie Downer in the days leading up to the wedding... Edited October 5, 2010 by sunshinegirl Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 I can't say I've gotten much reassurance from the radiologist so far. She is ordering an MRI because the mammogram doesn't show my chest wall and they want to see all the way back. That will probably happen tomorrow. They are not supposed to give an indication either way, because they are not the "official" readers of the scan. And my wife also had to have an MRI when the mammogram wasn't conclusive. I should have biopsy results in 3-7 days, longer than I thought it would take. These will be long days. I remember well how we anguished for the whole time. Try not to let your mind imagine the worst, but it will be difficult, I know. She called my calcium deposits "suspicious" in part because it's only one breast that has them. Suspicious simply means that she doesn't dare say one way or another. And while she sees many of these, everybody is different. While I do not recommend doing a lot of research on the internet because most likely it will just scare you, I will link you to a page that explains calcifications and "suspicious" ones. I quoted part of it.... Benign calcifications are of no medical concern and will be evaluated on future mammograms by comparing images from year to year. Probably benign calcifications are more than 98% likely to be benign. Suspicious calcifications may be seen in either benign or malignant (cancerous) situations. In our experience, only one out of every four to five patients with suspicious calcifications has a breast cancer and those are usually at a very early stage. Note that even if they are suspicious, then only 20 to 25% of suspicious calcifications are cancer. I always assume the best if possible especially if statistics are in my "favor." Perhaps that will help. Any tips for putting this in perspective? I don't want to be Debbie Downer in the days leading up to the wedding... I doubt that anyone would feel much different than you do. As long as the results are not confirmed, then I am guessing that you will be filled with some level of anxiety. And no one can say what the results are. Doctors BTW tend to take longer when the results are good because it is of less concern to them. They tend to forget that you don't know and are living with that anxiety yet. But anyhow....try to latch onto how favorable this looks to you. And statistically, if it is breast cancer, then it is likely that it is caught in the very earliest of stages. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 just try to give yourself a break from thinking about this so that you can enjoy all the drama and thrills and joys and everything else surrounding your upcoming wedding. Yeah, it'll be a booger trying to handle these two different events – especially emotionally – but remember, you are allowed to be the happy bride regardless of whatever else might be going on in your life, so don't deny yourself that, okay? you have my prayers, kiddo, especially for being able to tap into the beauty and joy of your upcoming nuptials to a guy who sounds really, really wonderful ... hugs, q Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 Thanks for your kind words quankanne and JamesM. Yeah, my fiance really is wonderful. He made me scrambled eggs & toast after the biopsy and before he went to work. They are squeezing me in for the MRI at 2pm today, and he's coming to get me for that, too. (His boss may not be too pleased with him, but oh well. Priorities.) I found a good one. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 LOL – soon, you, too will be able to invoke the Wifey Creed to his boss and others out there: If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 6, 2010 Share Posted October 6, 2010 Stating what's already been said, but agree with the others: biopsy now could save her life. If she has pre-cancerous growth, there's a really good chance that they could eliminate it before it gets to be lethal. Don't take chances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 6, 2010 Author Share Posted October 6, 2010 The waiting...the waiting... it really sucks. Everyone I've seen knows I'm getting married Sunday and that I want results soon... my gyn knows to call me as soon as she gets news. Yesterday was a long, long day. When we went to bed last night I couldn't believe that my biopsy had been that morning -- the day felt like a time warp. This morning I am feeling somewhat more "myself" and we are now 4 days away from the wedding so I am trying to push this all aside for now (only sort-of successfully!). Fiance continues to be awesome. I told him I was sorry...this potential poopiness wasn't what either one of us signed up for, and he said this is exactly what he signed up for, everything is going to be okay, and we're going to have a long life together. He is sooo excited about the wedding...I couldn't have done better in the husband-picking department. So at least there's that. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 6, 2010 Share Posted October 6, 2010 Your fiance (and husband in just 4 days) is definitely one of the good guys Link to post Share on other sites
sadintexas Posted October 6, 2010 Share Posted October 6, 2010 It sounds as if you are marrying a wonderful man. Enjoy your wedding...every minute of it. It's truly a celebration to marry the one you love. Odds are you have nothing to be worried about, but if you do, you have a great man to fight the fight with you. I have a chronic illness and I have fought cancer. I have been through so many damned medical scares and issues in my life that I've learned that I can't change what it is. I would make myself sick worrying about possible outcomes and in the end, although I would have an issue, it was never as bad as they thought, or I would overcome it, or whatever. I have learned to let go, get educated and fight to the best of my ability if needed. Worrying only stresses the body further and will bring you down even if everything is fine! Try to focus on all the good things happening to you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Share Posted October 7, 2010 I got results this morning: the biopsy came back positive for ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), with a surgical consult recommended. As far as breast cancer goes, this is apparently the most common, and the most treatable, and is I think what my mom had. I'll know much more after the consult, but it looks like chemo is rarely needed, but some combination of lumpectomy or mastectomy, radiation, and hormonal therapies are used to treat DCIS. Wow. What a start to our marriage! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 I am so sorry. I honestly was hoping that it was nothing. You are right...what a roller coaster of emotions. Hugs to you and I wish you the best. Give my regards to your husband to be. Having a wife that has health problems, I understand a bit of the inner turmoil he will be dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 aw, honey – I am so very, very sorry to hear this. I know the timing is sucky, but I read what you share about your groom, and I think to myself, "that girl is so blessed to have him right there when she needs him most." While it's true that many couples face whammies later in their marriage/relationship, it makes me feel good/happy for you that you've got your staunch warrior by your side, ready to champion you. And that's the biggest blessing a relationship can have. He's gonna make y'alls marriage something incredible, that's for sure :love: this is just a damned unfortunate obstacle to have to deal with at such a happy period in your life, but try to focus all the positive stuff that's come along with this diagnosis and go from there. Because you're allowed to do that. *hugs* on a side note – and this is so dumb, really – you're getting married on a SUNDAY?!! Wow! I've never known (well, kinda sorta known, this being cyberspace) anyone who's done that before, so I find that fascinating. Did you have problems setting up the preacher/officiant because it *is* a Sunday? Are people freaked out by that, since they're used to Saturday weddings? (bare with me, I eloped but still find this stuff fascinating!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Share Posted October 7, 2010 Quankanne - LOL - we chose Sunday because it's 10/10/10. It's also a long weekend (Columbus Day on Monday) so travel isn't as onerous for most of our friends and family. We haven't heard any pushback because we chose a Sunday; it's in the afternoon so anyone who wants to go to church in the morning can. Our officiant, by the way, is a Jewish chaplain friend of my fiance's. She's wonderful and is going to make the ceremony just dance with joy. And nope, we're not Jewish; we're also not practicing the faiths of our childhoods (Catholic and Protestant) so our ceremony will have some spiritual overtones but nothing overtly connected to any particular faith tradition. As for my diagnosis, I actually feel much calmer knowing what I'm facing. I am going to pick up my pathology report later today (not that I'll know what everything means) but I can start writing down my questions and doing some research on my own. I just feel more in control of things now. I know what the beast is, and I'm gonna beat it! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 LOL – well, I think yours will be an anniversary date NO ONE will forget :love: sounds like you've got a lovely event planned ... *sighs dreamily* I just feel more in control of things now. and there ya go Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 Sunshine I'm so sorry to hear this. But as has been said, you now know so you can start dealing with this in a practical way and arrange treatment rather than the limbo you have been in the past few days. (((hugs))) and all the best for a lovely day on Sunday Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinegirl Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 I'm married! We had a fantastic day yesterday. The weather was gorgeous and, despite losing our rings for a frantic 10 minutes (they fell off the ring bearer's pillow into the grass), and losing my dad minutes before he was supposed to walk me down the aisle (he got lost in the basement of the church), everything went smoothly. The only real thing marring the celebration was the knowledge that I have to have a mastectomy. We met with a surgeon Friday who said my tumor is too large for a lumpectomy. He said we should go on our honeymoon, and when we're back I'll meet with a plastic surgeon and then again with him to further discuss the surgery. I will also get a second opinion, but having read all of my medical reports, and having done some online research, I don't see any way around the mastectomy. DCIS is a non-invasive cancer, which is good news (I guess some don't even consider it cancer). But DCIS can become invasive later, and there is some chance I already have microinvasions (some invasive cells) within the tumor. They won't know that until after surgery. The surgeon will also do a sentinel node biopsy to see if there are any cancer cells in my lymph nodes. I have been all over the map emotionally; I don't think I've ever had such intense highs and lows at the same time. I should add that my mom told me this weekend that she's been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease - not a total surprise to me since I've noticed her shaking recently, but talk about overload. I haven't even begun processing mom's illness. We're packing for Hawaii now and I've done enough reading about DCIS tonight to be a little bit less panicked about what I'm facing. I can't help but think of how, as recently as two weeks ago,my husband and I were joking about how excited we were for the post-wedding lull where we don't have to do anything on any given evening (no vendor negotiations, coordinating, decision making, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Congratulations! Now try to enjoy the honeymoon. It will be a trip you will never forget. And when you come back, then you can face the future...together...no matter what it brings. I wish you the best. Keep us updated please. Give my regards to your...husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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