Burn it or sent it

[Soxfan_96]

My therapist wants me to get rid of all my journal entries and anger letters that I wrote to her. He said either burn it or sent them to her. Either way those thoughts and feelings are from the past and they need to be gone.

 

I feel like collecting everything and sending them to her. She hurt me and those things were written because of her. I find it proper that she be the one to throw them out. I don't care if she reads them or not. I don't need to be in possession of them anymore. They served their purpose and they need to go away. Its time to move on. For me moving on means letting things go (my anger, my writings, and ill-wishes towards her).

 

The divorce is Oct 6th at 9:00am. Only thing left from her physically are these writings.

 

What do you guys think?

Edited October 5, 2010 by Soxfan_96

[You Go Girl]

Wow, I wish they were written by my stbx and he mailed them to me. Some people just won't let you in.

 

Is the divorce final? You certainly don't want them in court. Neither do you want them scanned and put on the internet...on second thought, burn 'em, yes?

[MemphisMan]

I am going thru a 2nd separation with the same wife. I still carry a backpack with me that has nearly 3 folders filled to the busting point of letters or journals I have written. I've always struggled with the question of letting her read them. Some of it may indeed help my pursuit of reconciliation while some are emotional blabber that would do nothing but remind her of who i was in the past or who I may be in the future.

 

Myself? They are so much a part of me. I couldn't burn them. I guess if push comes to shove i will find a safe with the combination only to be given in my last will and testament.

[Soxfan_96]

I was going to send them to her once the divorce goes final. I'm doing this for me. Out of my possession and into hers. She can decide to do whatever she wants with them. She sends them back, I'll burn them then.

 

Not sure what to expect on wednesday in the court room. I think she won't even look at me nor acknowledge me. She'll probably be the cold-heart bitch like she was the last time I saw her August 14th. Trying to go into that day with no expectations, but its hard to since its the ended of my marriage.

 

So many questions that will never be answered. So many hurt feelings and no remorse shown on her part. I still don't know who this girl turned into.

Was she like this all along? I will never know.

[heartbroken301]

i went through the same thing last year. we divorced 18 October 2009 and i went completly NC , and on dec 09 on her birthday she brings me cake at our home , cause shes moved out may 2009 and then all the feeling started up agian ...

 

well i guess i had my 2nd chance but , it didnt work out she kinda ended it in july 2010 and ever since iv niether seen or heard form her. Apparently she got a new BF in her life , a week after wards in july after she went on this blind date.

 

the problem was i felt that she was aiting for something better along the way , and then Wham , i got replaced with this new guy , but for now shes in the honey moon phase and few months down the line ,she will see the bS from the new guy. I heard that he opens doors for her and bought her perfume.

 

i feel better that shes gone ,but the thing is we live in a small town and community very close and we go to the same church, its really orcward.

just becarefull that she doesnt play you , they all think that the grass is greenier on the other side but it has more BS than ever.

 

i guess Time will tell...

[PWSX3]

Sending her those letters wouldn't do any good, more then likely she wouldn't read them & it would just make you feel that much worse I would think.....

 

I'm surprised your counselor told you to send them to her, I haven't heard that one before.

 

I have been told in my situation to journal & write stuff down but then burn it. I still have many letters I wrote & I have looked back at them & I use them to see the growth I have done.....It's not about what she is doing anymore, but what "I" am doing to be a better person.....It's weird because I look back at some of the stuff she was accusing me of doing & she was right, I wasn't a good person but I'm learning & maybe yours could help you as well or maybe you just burn them to put an end to that chapter of your life.

[tornandmarried]

dont send em, burn em if u want, or do your own thing and keep em.....the psychologist might have said to send them as a kind of dare....if u cant say those things to her face, do u really mean it? and if u did burn them or send them, is there any reason to continue writing such things?..healthy outlet tho

[Soxfan_96]

almost everything i wrote in those writings i told her. i wll send them to her. if she wants to talk fine, if she sends them back fine, she doesn't send them back fine. i need to respect my need of letting go. and this is my way. oh by the way she will not need to appear in court tomorrow. should make things go 'better.' i'll post my thoughts and feelings about mailing the writings and signing the divorce papers.

[sumdude]

She's a witch! Burn 'em!

 

Nothing like a good funeral pyre for the past.

Edited October 6, 2010 by sumdude

[You Go Girl]

I'm just one of those people that wants to go through all my writings before I die, and burn anything I don't want read by others.

I certainly wouldn't want my grief letters from years and years before to turn up.

Whenever I have read 'diary' type writings years later, I am always embarassed. Something about my past feelings, I no longer respect them.

I quit diary type writings years ago because of this.

ANd I definitely wouldn't want my divorce writings or some other grief writings passed down for posterity!

[Soxfan_96]

i've got nothing to hide. she wants to call me out on something go ahead. i wrote the truth. i am not embrassed by my thoughts and feelings. my therapist challenged me and i will rise to the occasion. its time to let it go. if she wants to talk i've got a choice to listen or not. like she had a choice to work on our relationship and remain loyal. life is about choices and she chose to quit and cheat. i choose to give her my writings. this is not about me sharing my thoughts and feelings with her nor is it a way to open a dialogue with her. that ship sailed on july 31st. i'm doing this for me. i maybe wrong but its my choice. my therapist challenges me every session to do a 'homework' for the following week. he has never made me do something i've never wanted to do. he just challenged me to do something with them. i know its a bold move. but what can she say to me that doesn't hurt more than ' i dont love you anymore.'

[Soxfan_96]

Went to court today. i have never felt so lonely and empty inside in my life. I cried on the train to courthouse, through security, waiting on the long bench by the court room, talking to my lawyer, after signing the papers, and all the way back to me office. I never cried in the public and I was a total mess of things. I didn't care if people saw me crying. Go ahead make my day. Tell me something more hurtful than what took place today. I really loved that girl and would have done anything for her. She broke my heart, bank account, and broken my hopes and dreams with her. How can I take again good out of a relationship in which so much hurt was caused at the end. i am crying as I'm typing this. I have never been hurt this much in my life and it will take along time to me to ever open my heart up to be possibly hurt like this again. I wish this upon no one. Yes everyone deserves to be happy, but be respectful to yourself and others.

[whichwayisup]

If you were here, I would give you the biggest hug and hold you for as long as you needed. Ouch, just reading your words brings tears to my eyes.

 

I am sorry you're hurting.

[sumdude]

Man oh man, been there done that.. Feelin for ya. Things will get better.

[D-Lish]

Don't pass along your journal notes to your ex. I am surprised a therapist would suggest that. It would be like handing over your vulnerability to her all over again...

[Soxfan_96]

but its the truth. yes they are my personal thoughts and feelings. they need to go one way or another. why not send them to the one that hurt you. i never got a chance to tell her how she made me feel. and yes im exposing myself to her once again. but the exercise is to let go of my thoughts and feelings. i am telling her how she made me feel in a passive manner.

[You Go Girl]

If you never had a chance to tell her how she made you feel, why?

 

Now if you want to write her, or send her those letters, then you should do that. Just remember, she didn't respect you when she left you, so who's to say she will respect those letters when she reads them, and if she replies.

I'm so sorry you are hurting today. I had to go to court today myself. I did cry a little again on the way home this evening. It's tough when someone shuts you out, whatever manner they choose to do it in.

I hope you don't have to go to court nearly as many times as I have. Doing it pro per has been a challenge and humiliation of my ignorance of the methods of the system, hence why I have had to go so many times, to meet the requirements.

Everytime I go, I never get used to it, and it stresses me out.

[D-Lish]

but its the truth. yes they are my personal thoughts and feelings. they need to go one way or another. why not send them to the one that hurt you. i never got a chance to tell her how she made me feel. and yes im exposing myself to her once again. but the exercise is to let go of my thoughts and feelings. i am telling her how she made me feel in a passive manner.

 

It's actually a passive-aggressive move. Your journals blame her for everything- and she can't defend herself against words on paper, meaning she'll be forced to reach out to you in order to answer your accusations, or she'll be left internalizing blame.

 

If it's closure you want, set up a face to face meeting and have an adult conversation, or burn the journals and let it go.

 

What is it you want out of sending her these blame letters?

Edited October 7, 2010 by D-Lish

[skydiveaddict]

Invite some pals over for brats and beer. Use the journal as starter fuel for the bbq

[michaelhopes]

DO NOT SEND HER THE JOURNAL !!!!!!!!!!!

you will regret it later big time! WTF is your therapist thinking?

You might as well stand naked outside of her place screaming her name until the cops take you away.......geez......

Also its ok to cry about this but dont let her see you cry

Trust me on this. You'll understand later when the grief/shock fades away

[tornandmarried]

yeah i agree with michaelhopes.....sending it could be a huge mistake....if u really want to send her a letter take some time to sit on it and think first...dont send the journals from a deep dark heartbroken place....thats yours keep it....send her a fresh letter, with new feelings in the not so distant future after u had time to get over it and work on yourself...and see the relationship from a healthy perspective

[Soxfan_96]

she was the one pointing her damn finger at me. she wanted out but couldnt do it. i want the letters gone, so i force her to take some action. like i stated earlier its the truth, no blaming going on, just me talking about my feelings. this is about me letting go.

[You Go Girl]

If you need to do this, then do it.

First though, do yourself a big favor. Look them over and make sure there is nothing self-incriminating, as in, you would be embarrassed if they were to turn up on the internet in ten years, or copies mailed to your friends next week, or a set to your mother.

Look out for YOU is what everyone is trying to say.

[michaelhopes]

Dude.....you're still caught up in the mindset that got you in this mess in the first place. What would you accomplish by sending her your journal? Making her feel guilty? shame? Isn't that why she wanted to separate in the first place?

It's time to break that pattern now.

Dont send her the journal...you will regret it later

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Soxfan_96 :

 

I feel for you, I really do, but I don't think mailing your ex-wife your journals and or notes will do any good.

 

Personally, I would have resented anyone recommending this course of action, to mail or hand deliver my journal to my ex-wife.

 

I'm a former military man, I think "strategics" when I make my choices, for me, the way I put things into my journals, it might appear to some to be the blue prints of a possible invasion plan upon a country.

 

If I gave her my journal it would be no better than telling her where everything is at and how much. Hello ex-wife, be advised I have approx. 25 nuclear warheads aimed at your eastern sea board. Be advised this is where my advanced strike force Air Force Bases are at, this is how many heavy bombers I have, this is how many fighter jets I have, this is where my troops are and how many, this is where the tanks are kept and how many...ect. ect. ect.

 

I might as well have handed her over the perfect "first strike" plan against me. Even after 2.5 years of being officially divorced, I wouldn't hand over my thoughts, my blue prints of my pre-actions before the divorce, my post divorced thoughts and feelings, no way! If I gave her one of my journals now, she would dissect it and see the potential of launching a retaliatory strike against me.

 

There is peace in my life, some harmony and understanding......I want to keep it that way!

 

Don't give up your journals, keep yourself safe, don't give anyone the reason to retaliate against you by using your own words and thoughts against you.

 

My 2 cents....