Burn it or sent it

[whichwayisup]

Maybe if she's smart, she'll put them in a box and read them one day, and you'll get an apology in the future. As for now, expect nothing because she is in a bad and mean place.

 

If giving her the letters and your thoughts has helped you - Taken the burden off your shoulders, than that's a good thing and is what counts. The rest will be a bonus if she does actually read them and apologize to you.

 

Sorry that you're hurting and I hope you feel better soon.

[PWSX3]

I don't think we ever get over our spouses no matter how bad things were, they were part of our lives.

 

If you believe the bible it says; we become one flesh & so when you divorce it is like tearing of flesh so part of you stays with them & part of them stays with you.

I have heard people that have been divorced for many years say; they still have things once in a while remind them of there ex's........

[Trimmer]

I don't think we ever get over our spouses no matter how bad things were, they were part of our lives.

Oh, I very much agree. As a matter of fact, in my own philosophical approach, I make a very clear distinction between getting over and forgetting.

 

What I'm talking about in getting over my spouse, in moving on, is fully breaking the connection with her, and to echo my earlier comments, not waiting for a reaction, not trying to make any final point or affect her disposition, not depending on her for any kind of closure. That power all comes from me now.

 

As for forgetting, I know that can't happen - and I don't want it to. She was a huge part of my life, and she remains a part of the story of my life, who I am and how I got to the here and now. It's specifically because I have gotten over her - broken her connection with my present - that I am at peace with remembering her, and our story together, and the part it plays in my own past.

 

Hell, I see something that reminds me of her every time I look into my kids' eyes, and that's something that I'm never going to regret or turn away from...

Edited October 13, 2010 by Trimmer

[PWSX3]

Trimmer I agree, our ex's do/did have a lot to do with where we are now in our walk in life. Maybe it's not what we wanted or thought how our lives would be, but if we look at the positive & work on ourselves then we can move on...

 

For me, it has made me grow up (funny to say when you are 50 ) and learn to do things on my own. It has made me appreciate what my wife did in our marriage & so in my next relationship it will help me work more in harmony instead of thinking it's my duties & her duties...That is just one example.

[Soxfan_96]

update on myself and the letters. To this date I 'have not heard or seen my ex-wife. Wow that sounds weird and yet not as bad as before. I was very worrysome after reading all the loveshacker's comments. I will admit I was concerned that I let this vile woman know my thoughts, but the truth is she already knew them. I am still convinced sending them was a good idea. A better idea was to talk to her in person, but things would be messing.

 

I have been battling the if only she could have changed or if things would have worked out different game over the last 2 months.

 

I am not happy that I am single nor losing a 6.5 year relationship. I am taking this time to learn about myself and get the personal growth I surely needed. I'm 28 years old and I needed to grow up. Time to put the 'big boy pants on.' From reading several relationship books such as "Loving Choices" and "Rebuilding: When your relationship ends" I learned my role I played in this unhealthy relationship. The initimacy was there to some level, but not the deep initimacy like in health relationships. Both of these books are great and I highly recommend them to anyone who wants to recover from divorce or improve on the existing love relationship, or just relationships in general.

 

Lately I've seen this relationship with the ex-wife as unhealth and its probably good that its over. I guess in the wierd way the way it end gave me the motivation to look into myself to see what the problems could be. Yes, it could have been saved if both parties wanted to, but it didn't go that way. There are alot of problems, but I am willing and able to do something about it. Its time for my to have health relationships with myself first and foremost and develop new and better ones with friends, coworkers, and family members. I am taking this life situation as a life lesson and hopefully I will meet a smart, beautiful, thoughtful woman who will tell me what she wants and needs to me instead of this mindreading game.

 

I am still pretty hurt be the way she treated me at the end. I am still pretty hurt how she quit on me. But the hurt is not as bad as before. People say I need to let go, but how. For me its both a passive and an active process. Passive by having time move on. Active by understanding what the relationship was and how I contributed to the failed marriage. Stop the us and we and telling stories about her and her family. Start having a seperate identity. I may have failed as a husband, but does this mean I am a failure as a human being. Absolutely not. It just means there is more work to be done and more personal growth to be had.

 

Not sure how this whole thing will work out. Other people have gone through childhood abuse and divorce. I know I will become a better man and husband and hopefully a better father one day. I know for the fact I will not treat my kids like how my father treated me. I don't want my kids to go through what I've gone through. I wish that abuse on no one. I also wish divorce and the why my relationship ended on no one also. I've gone through some terrible things in my lifetime, but I think I'm stronger because of it. I've done so much work on myself. I hope one day a special woman will recognize all this hardwork and is willing to share her life with me once again. Peace Loveshack