Justanotherdude Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Friend/lover for several years. We have been off and on. She has never been skinny, but definitely not fat by any means. Had it in the right places, if you know what I mean. There is no nice way to say it -- she has ballooned. See the title - how do I get her back to where she was? I take care of myself, play sports, and encourage her in a not so pushy way when she talks about coming to the gym with me. But I haven't really and truly forced the issue. She is still beautiful - but her weight is a problem. Truly. I want to help her, but I don't want to offend her. I used to get excited getting into bed with her, now that's the last thing on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoveAdvisor Posted October 6, 2010 Share Posted October 6, 2010 Yeah, this is very touchy subject, and one must tread very carefully through this...LOL! I understand you pain as my wife had gained weight also...I did the same thing, looking at her belly, and she would pull her shirt down trying to cover it.. I would feel bad and so would she, but nothing would change... If I asked her to exercises, she would grump. She did do a few classes but it got very tiring for her since she works fulltime... We began watching Biggest Loser together, and I would praise the contestants, and she loves watching that show too... We began to watch not what we ate, but how much we ate..That was a big deal... It wasn't so much about loosing weight as it was about being healthy..Once she realized its more about being healthy, then things changed... I took some steps first by telling her things like when I ordered a number 3 at MC Donald's, I didn't eat the fries, or I didn't super size it... I began to eat smaller portions, and told her I felt great! It almost became like a competition to see who could eat less or healthier.... I started drinking more water, then she did the same... I got small ice cream and she did too! Love is not looks, it helps don't get me wrong, love is about being healthy, eating smaller portions, staying busy like getting a hobby together instead of eating..Maybe change things around a bit, instead of doing the same things..... My wife is now very skinny, cause she eats smaller portions instead of big meals.... We eat twice a day usually, and sometimes we eat only once a day, eating snacks and drinking Cokes, avoid Diet drinks at all cost! Trust me, she feels terrible and embarrassed about this, so maybe also look inside yourself and see if you can improve in areas that may be causing her to eat more..I did that..... And, above all, its important that you tell her no matter what, you will always love her big or small, and that may cause a change as well...Good Luck! Be the example you want her to be! Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 I complained about my ex girlfriend gaining too much weight or her lack of trying to lose weight too much in my 2.5 year relationship. Ultimately I complained about it too much and she started feeling like she was walking on egg shells and probably started feeling like she wasn't ever going to be skinny enough for me. This issue and a few others contributed to her leaving me and I'm still tore up about it. So trust me when I tell you to tread carefully on this subject with your girlfriend. I lost the love of my life largely due to me focusing too much on the weight issue and I regret it deeply. My ex brought so many other great qualities to the table and I basically took all that for granted and focused on superficial needs a bit too much. I understand how you feel about weight gain being kind of an annoyance and may even impact attraction and sexual intimacy.... but keep in mind that no relationship is perfect and that she probably is trying her best to lose the weight. Women in general have a hard time losing weight anyway due to having a different hormone make up than men ( and also having less muscle mass ). I would give anything to go back and not focus so much on my ex's weight issues because she was such a great person, but I can't do that now. What's done is done and I have to live with the way I treated her. My experience with my ex will forever be a reminder of the 'wrong way' to approach a woman about weight issues. [ There really is no good way to approach the subject really... she will either lose the weight on her own or she won't and you will have to make a decision if you can deal with it or not. ]. Just my .02. Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
Jamirulsaha Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 don't hesitate dude , just tell her , she is your lover , you shouldn't hesitate dude , be clear , its not a bad thing , i know she doesn't gonna mind .................................. Link to post Share on other sites
that girl Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Are you dating this girl? Or is this girl your FWB? I doubt she is unaware that her size 6 jeans no longer fit and she has to buy 14s, but I'm really don't see a FWB getting involved in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
yoga18 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Proceed with caution...first it doesn't really sound like your in a fully committed relationship. R u fwb? If so well its not really your place to say anything. If she is more than that does she know if not tell her. Now here is the tricky part if you tell her she gained weight she will be hurt. She knows she has so you (really only you know) have to find ways to help her take off some of the weight. Surprise her with dinner you made that's healthy, go for long walks together, take a yoga class together, get her a fun gym membership ummmmm...not talking treadmills here dude! I take a stripper pole class amazing workout and its fun really works the core and you learn new tricks for the bedroom. Defiantly would not be insulted if my guy bought a class for that. Then even if you don't see it right away tell her how great she is looking your not lying bc you already said she is beautiful. When you start seeing weight loss complement her again. Its tricky but it can be don't without making her feel bad. WARNING do not get pissed if she has a slice of cake for desert don't be a butt head maybe ask if you can split it bc you want some but are not hungry enough to get one just for you and its a great way to be cute together. Cute isn't exactly the word I'm looking for but I woke up its 6 am on a sunday morning. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
TerryH Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Trust me she knows she's getting big, just tell her, she'll bounce back from it...and be real about it too don't sugar coat it. A few tears now maybe or a whole new waist line year after year Link to post Share on other sites
Jane Doe Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Trust me, when a woman gains weight, she's the first to notice. She doesn't need anyone pointing that fact out to her. Either accept her as she is or move on. You can't change another person. If and when she wants to lose the weight, she will. Not a second before. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Who are you to tell HER to lose weight? If you don't like being intimate with her, don't. She knows that she needs to lose weight and doesn't need you to tell her. I'm sure she feels bad enough about it without your two cents. Accept people for who they are and stop trying to change them. Link to post Share on other sites
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