Don't know what to do.....

[whatiswrong?]

My boyfriend and I aren't actually together right now... But I think we will be. The thing is that he thinks that I cheat on him. He has told me that when he thinks that he is going to get hurt he withdraws and he has gotten so mad at me before that he didn't call me for a week.

 

I like him a lot and I really haven't cheated. I trust him even though it is hard because we live about 30 minutes away. We only get to spend the weekends together and he even works from 6:30 am - 5:30 pm. We don't have much time together and when we do spend time together he comes over to my house and we watch tv or a movie and go upstairs, have SEX and he passes out.

 

The next morning he leaves and I don't see him until the next Saturday. He says that I nag him all the time about not seeing me, but I don't even realize when I do it. I don't mean to and don't know how to stop. This is all falling apart right in front of me and I don't know what to do!

 

This past valentines day, he didn't have to work. He didn't really want to go out so I told him I would cook for him, we could stay at my house. I called about 5:30 that afternoon and he said he was on his way. So I got everything ready and right for him.

 

Before I knew it, it was 7:00 and he wasn't at my house yet!

So I called him he answered and I asked

"where are you"

he replied in a nasty way "I am on my way, DAMN! You sure as hell know how to blow someones phone up!!!"

-I couldn't believe that he had said that, so instead of cussing back at him, I hung up the phone.

 

****Needless to say he never came over and we broke up and haven't gotten back together, how can we work this out? Oh, we have been "talking" and I asked him if he took my V-day present back and he did! He says that he misses me and doesn't even know why we broke up! Should I take him back? What about my present, I gave him his, but I didn't get anything!!!*******

[Errol]

Valentines day is over - don't think about the present right now.

 

It sounds like he has some personal issues and trust issues. He has to work those out on his own. It sounds like maybe he needs some help (therapy) with that. People can love each other and still hurt each other and never know why they do it.

 

I know you are not married, but someone posted a link to Marriage Builders (you can probably search for it) and that has a lot of good information that may be helpful. Don't just read the message boards there -- look at the information and articles first and see if you find some similarities. My spouse and I took some of the "tests" to see how we fared together. It was interesting to find our own "love busters" --we didn't recognize them until we had to actually think about them in the context of the articles we read.

 

You also need to think about yourself and decide if this relationship is worth it. You might just not be a good match and you deserve to have someone who treats you well.

[jenny]

i think this one is a loser with an anger problem, sweety. good riddance to bad rubbish - read through your own post - do you really think you deserve to be treated that way?

 

seriously, make a list of how he treats you. why do you want this?

[moimeme]

I second the second opinion. It's one thing to give somebody who's uncertain a chance; quite another to put up with anger and lack of consideration. It's clear he's just using you for sex; you have nothing else in the relationship. Do you need this? I think not. Dump the jerk.