I just want to crawl in a hole and give up!

[featherbr]

I hurt so bad right now. My ex boyfriend of 5 years has found a new love. Actually, they are in the keys right now on vacation with her new boobs he just bought for her. He tells me how beautful and fun she is. This makes me feel like crap.

 

I don't call him, but he calls me telling me how much he misses me and that I was the best girlfriend in the whole wide world and still tells me he loves me.

 

He thinks I'm still dating this guy that actually cheated on me. The one before that just broke up with me for not treating him the certain and specific way he wanted to be treated. I didn't tell my ex this. How am I supposed to feel okay about everything? They all crap on me. I'm trying to play this game, but I just loose all the time.

 

My heart feels like it's dragging on the ground. I just start crying all the time no matter where I am. I feel there is no hope for me. I just want to crawl in a hole and give up!

[NotaBadGuy]

featherbr,

I feel your pain. I have been the bug trapped in the windshield several times now. My expereince with women has been jaded in that they always move on to something that is supposed to be so much bigger and better. But it is not always so.

 

But, you have to stay positive. You have to keep your head up. You have to realize that he is the one losing out in the long run. You have to keep yourself busy. You have to let the pain consume you, but you cannot let it consume all of you. Once you are done hurting, things get better, but slowly. It will take time, but you will suceed in overcoming this.

 

And cut this guy off if he still calls you and tells you how much he misses you while he is playing house with her. He is playing the typical male game of keeping you in the wing should this chick not work out. He knows you are there to listen to him and he knows he can always play the "I miss you so much" role. Get rid of the loser. He is the type of man that gives the rest of us a bad name.

 

Good luck and remember to smile, it increases you face value. You will be well supported at LS.

[featherbr]

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I've tried to quit talking to him on many occasions, but end up answering the calls because I guess I want to know what he is doing.

 

This is not good for me though. I think about them all the time.

 

Hopefully my vacation will come soon and in the meantime I'll try to keep my chin up even though it falls back down.

[spencer]

Originally posted by featherbr

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I've tried to quit talking to him on many occasions, but end up answering the calls because I guess I want to know what he is doing.

 

This is not good for me though. I think about them all the time.

 

your a glutton for punishment.

You have to stop taking his calls. its hurting you.

this guy is probably saying to his new gf that his ex wants him back. you know to keep her in check and make himself look better.

he bought her boobs, that must have been a slap in the face for her, that telling her she is inadequate.

I feel bad for you and her. you both should get rid of this guy.

he treats her horribly too,(calls you) why do you want any part of him whatsoever.

 

lately you have had a string of bad luck, so i understand that you may be down and feel like everyone sucks and you just have to settle for this kinda treatment.

thats wrong, you will find someone who will treat you good. Reflect on the type of guys your allowing into your life. mabye you should try something different.

[spencer]

an another thing

theres nothing wrong with crawling in a hole.

i encourage you to crawl in and lick your wounds for a while.

you might feel better.

i usually do.

just let someone know, so they can pull you out if you stay too long.

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by featherbr

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I've tried to quit talking to him on many occasions, but end up answering the calls because I guess I want to know what he is doing.

 

This is not good for me though. I think about them all the time.

 

Hopefully my vacation will come soon and in the meantime I'll try to keep my chin up even though it falls back down.

 

You've gotta buck up and starting being tough and strong.

 

How DARE your ex call you up and tell you about his new girlfriend and her fake t*ts? How totally rude and insensitive and inappropriate is that? Doesn't it make you ANGRY that someone would disrespect you that way? It should.

 

Why would you want to know what a jerk like this is doing? Why be a sucker for punishment? The guy is a L O S E R. He's calling you up, his EX, telling you about his new fake boobed girlfriend, all the while telling you he misses you and that you were the best girlfriend. How f*cked up is that? He's disrespecting YOU and HER. The guy is sh*t. You have to realize that....and think more of yourself than to tolerate that kind of BS.

 

Would YOU treat someone the way he's treating you? Probably not. So then why are you putting up with this crap?

 

Time to get tough and get strong...out of respect for YOURSELF. If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will.

 

Screen his calls. Don't be weak and wimpy. Dig deep inside for feelings of anger toward him for how he's treating you now.....and keep telling yourself 100 times a day if you have to, how you're worth more. Buy a pack of Post-It notes and write on it, "I am Worth it!" and stick them all over your house. Self-affirmation.

 

Forget about him. Change your #. Get some self-help books on "healing" and learning to love and respect yourself. Get out and get busy. Do things for YOU. Focus on loving and respecting YOURSELF. Take a break from men for a while until you can be stronger. You don't NEED a man to make your like complete.

 

I promise you, the sense of accomplisment and pride you'll feel for ignoring him will be priceless ...and you'll be much stronger for it.

[SoleMate]

I do not want to minimize your pain...it's real. And yet all I can think about is that if he's lucky, his new bimbo will pay for him to get testicular implants to replace those little withered olives he's been rolling around in there.

 

Bought his girls friend NEW BOOBS? Would not a new swimsuit have been enough????

 

If/when they break up, is he going to demand "his" tits back? After all, he paid for 'em!

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by SoleMate

 

If/when they break up, is he going to demand "his" tits back? After all, he paid for 'em!

 

Ahh, you'll probably see him as a plaintiff on Judge Judy Judge Joe Brown, suing her to get his $ back. LOL

 

However, not that it matters, but did he offer to get his new squeeze these boobs because he wasn't happy with those she already had.....or is she one of those gold-digging princesses out there who seeks out men who'll fork over the cash for things she wants? Hell, maybe she's just using the guy for new boobs and a free trip to the Keys :-)

[featherbr]

Thanks to all that replied. This crap has been going on way too long. I know this girl is a gold digger. They broke up about a month ago because she slept with his roommate and a few other guys. She's only 19 and he's 26. She's had him put in jail and all they do is drink. He just came in to all this money and I guess at least I have the satisfaction of knowing she's giving him a run for his money.

 

I know how dumb it is to still care for this person! Everyone else I've tried to date has **** on me too. I wrote about the guy that I was dating for 3 months that decided to take his ex out for Valentines day instead of me.

 

I should take a break from men for a while!

 

I'm so sick of being stomped all over. I know I'm the one driving this train and only I can stop it instead of feeling sorry for myself. It's so much easier to be weak then strong.

 

Where are all the good men?

[gaia]

The good men are out there and one day you'll find one. I agree with everything that's been said but am a little concerned about the depth of your despair. If this is a recent feeling triggered by events, then I'm sure it will ease, but if it's been going on for a while I'm concerned that you may be developing a depressive illness. If so, you need to get some treatment asap.

 

Be with friends and family as much as you can and talk until you get it out of your system. Cry as much as you need to but don't speak to him. Every time you do, it's like opening the wounds again. I know it's hard, but no contact really is the only way.

 

I really like the idea of post-its round the house with positive messages. Maybe put one on the phone reminding you what a b*****d this guy is and not to give him the time of day.

 

I really hope things get better for you. Keep talking here if it helps. Most of us have been there.

 

Good luck.

[NotaBadGuy]

featherbr,

 

Same question I have, just reverse the gender. I keep on ending up in the same predicament myself. I wonder every day where all the good women go. The ones I wind up with end up screwing me over also. I have often recieved the same type of phone calls you spoke of in your original post. But we have to take care of ouselves and listen to the advice we are given. The hurt and the pain that is felt in these situations will subside and we will become whole once again.

 

I am in a continual struggle myself. It is a day to day struggle that noone who knows me even has the slightest clue about. But the pain is real and the hurt is deep. It will be for awhile. But in the long run, ask yourself what you have really lost. I do that myself all the time. In the end I see the ultimate loss as thiers. In my case, I may have lost some of my pride, but in the end I will finish on top. I have to beleive that. I am one of those guys that is the epitomie of nice guys finihing last. I have never stepped out on any woman I have dated/been married to. I busted my tail to be the best man I could for them. I could go on an on but I won't. (but at the same time I cannot say I am perfect)

 

You seem like a good person who deserves much better than this sorry SOB has been willing to give you. No man who respects a woman will treat a woman as you have been treated. Drop the SOB and let him keep on spendig his money on cheap tricks and alcohol. Sounds like a recipie for disaster to me anyway.

 

Like I said before. Keep your head up and smile. You will pull through this. It takes time.

[featherbr]

Well. he called and I didn't answer. One little step. Some time soon I'll have to ask him to quit calling me. I don't want him to know how much it hurts me though!

 

we were trying the "just be friends" thing, but it's way to hard. I dream about them all the time.

 

I didn't answer the other jerks call either. The one that stood me up on Valentines day to go out with his ex. I was really trying in this relationship until he plops "It's not that big of a deal that I'm going out with her, I feel sorry for her, I've known her longer" Blah, blah blah. I don't think he deserves a call back from me.

 

He's sent a few text messages saying he missed me and gave me my Valentine's day gift, but I'm sure I'm setting myself up for another failure!

 

I'm starting the post it notes. They make me laugh and I sure need that.

 

Is it okay to ignore the calls until I find the strength to tell them where to stick it?

 

It sure does get lonely in the single world. I guess it's better then the games. Is dating all about the game?

[gaia]

It's probably better to just ignore them if you're feeling vulnerable - you don't want them talking you round in a moment of weakness. Well done - the first ones are the hardest. Hopefully they will get the message if you ignore them long enough.

 

If you date a decent guy, he won't play games. Hold out for it.

 

Glad the post-its are working - I'm going to remember that one myself for the future.

 

Let us know what happens. Hope you start feeling better soon.