Author livelife Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 Its not easy i feel for you!! i'm having same problems up's and downs today is a down and i really want to contact my ex but trying to stay strong. Yes-- try to stay strong! unfortunatly for me I cracked, but my ex wants to be friends so I knew he would respond. I need to get that thought out of my head. Yes, he wants to be friends, but I don't want to be friends. I just really felt the need to talk to him. It's like you think you feel fine, then just one small thing can trigger it Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 What's a piece of mind, anyway... ha ha... sorry for my poor English... I remember that when I fought the urge to contact, it was uber hard or I ended calling or texting... but later, somehow, I let the urge to flow, I didn't act against it but let it be part of me, of what I was feeling at that moment in time... OK, I said, I'll call her... tomorrow... soon it wasn't a fight anymore and the desire was diminishing... of course, it helped that every time I had called she acted very cold, so I didn't want to repeat the experience... but had it been too hard, I'd have put off the phone, at least during those tough moments... Keep strong! See, what I just wrote in my last comment, he wants to be friends, so i know if I talk to him he won't be cold- but I need to get that mindset out of my head. Luckily, THe urge to contact him is not constant. It only happens once in a while Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 They want to be friends, but unconsciously maybe, they start to reject and disrepect you right away... yes, you are his friend but on his own terms... he'll call you when he feels up to but won't answer or just will talk for a moment when it's you who call... Maybe you want to hang out, but if that ever happens is just because he wants it... and so on... I come from that... that's why I pulled off... I was fed up with friendship... Part of moving on is avoiding idle moments and checking your phone... Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 Hey, this thread is growing... I'm going NC... again Despite I told my ex that we'd talk eventually (I feel fine with that), when she felt like it, and only for about 10 minutes... we talked a lot today and were together for a while... It seems she is again on the love wagon... is that possible? I'm doing NC not for the fear to rejection or for not wanting to be friends, it's because I waste too much time on her and I want to be alone for a while... NC is for me, really I think that going NC will pull her more towards me though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 26, 2010 Author Share Posted October 26, 2010 Hey, this thread is growing... I'm going NC... again Despite I told my ex that we'd talk eventually (I feel fine with that), when she felt like it, and only for about 10 minutes... we talked a lot today and were together for a while... It seems she is again on the love wagon... is that possible? I'm doing NC not for the fear to rejection or for not wanting to be friends, it's because I waste too much time on her and I want to be alone for a while... NC is for me, really I think that going NC will pull her more towards me though... To your first message: I agree, and its the harsh stuff I really need to hear. I NEED to get over this guy. For the most part, I am. but Im also not because 1. I talk about him on here, and 2 I still think about him. I wonder what he thinks sometimes. And I know! 4 pages! wow! haha. It really is growing fast. So you have been with your ex recently- do you have feelings for her again? Do you want to pull her towards you? Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 Remember, they don't want us to forget them, it's like having a puppy around, they validate their egoes through us... they feel like small gods with the power to accept or reject, to give and to take away, but of course the only thing they do is to reject... that's the whole concept of friendship to them... that's why when you pull away they chase you because they need their pet to be around them... And that's why YOU NEED TO PULL AWAY FOR GOOD... About what I feel about my ex, I just want her out of my life... it takes a lot of time and effort to be around her, so the least I'd want is to draw her towards me... And despite NC is for myself, I'm afraid it will make her closer to me, and that's what I am trying to avoid... Hey, when this got so messy? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 26, 2010 Author Share Posted October 26, 2010 Remember, they don't want us to forget them, it's like having a puppy around, they validate their egoes through us... they feel like small gods with the power to accept or reject, to give and to take away, but of course the only thing they do is to reject... that's the whole concept of friendship to them... that's why when you pull away they chase you because they need their pet to be around them... And that's why YOU NEED TO PULL AWAY FOR GOOD... About what I feel about my ex, I just want her out of my life... it takes a lot of time and effort to be around her, so the least I'd want is to draw her towards me... And despite NC is for myself, I'm afraid it will make her closer to me, and that's what I am trying to avoid... Hey, when this got so messy? Good luck! And when they feel like you are forgetting them, thats when they are like, " Hey wait, im still here!" I'm still a sucker for that point but I'm getting out of it right now! im going to make myself! I have everything going for me right now, I have a job, and heck, I can make myself look hot and make him miss me But when he does: I don't careee Haha! Your situation has gotten messy! So you want NC, but that will draw her closer. See how it plays out for the next week or so! Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 27, 2010 Author Share Posted October 27, 2010 So today was interesting. Went to class, studied for a math test I have tomorrow, and then I went shopping with a friend. Then after that we went to get icecream for our friend because her birthday was the other day. I was feeling finee my ex then texts me. Here is the conversation ( yes I replied, I know i shouldnt have, but idk.) Him- Hey katie ( haha not my real name, I dont know why but I dont feel liek posting my name!) me- whats up him- nothinn i was just thinking about u actually haha me- really, well what are you up to him- just chillinn me- cool. then I go, did you need anything? and he didnt reply. Weird? Thoughts? I hope i handled that well, talking but I dont think I sounded interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 So today was interesting. Went to class, studied for a math test I have tomorrow, and then I went shopping with a friend. Then after that we went to get icecream for our friend because her birthday was the other day. I was feeling finee my ex then texts me. Here is the conversation ( yes I replied, I know i shouldnt have, but idk.) Him- Hey katie ( haha not my real name, I dont know why but I dont feel liek posting my name!) me- whats up him- nothinn i was just thinking about u actually haha me- really, well what are you up to him- just chillinn me- cool. then I go, did you need anything? and he didnt reply. Weird? Thoughts? I hope i handled that well, talking but I dont think I sounded interested. The thing about electronic communications and social media is they are effective for short non-crucial messages between acquaintances and perhaps family and old friends. They absolutely have no working business in a relationship; a relationship in distress; a relationship in the break-up stages; a relationship in post break-up time and so on. There are more misunderstandings and false readings from these e-messages that are often comprised of incomplete thoughts, grammatically incorrect English and one-liners, making intent and interpretation sometimes impossible. [highlight]If you want a real relationship, a real connection or perhaps real communication in whatever your circumstance, cease use of these methods and try something totally radical – verbal communication[/highlight]. The effort to meet and have a conversation might be exhausting, however the results usually far outweigh any back and forth confusion from TEXT, FaceBook or whatever else is typed on a phone or keyboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 27, 2010 Author Share Posted October 27, 2010 very true, however- I would never call my ex haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 very true, however- I would never call my ex haha. Applies to him don't you think? ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 27, 2010 Author Share Posted October 27, 2010 Applies to him don't you think? ;-) Haha Yeah! Definitely! I guess its just how teenagers are brought up these days...no calling only texting/computer form! Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 Haha Yeah! Definitely! I guess its just how teenagers are brought up these days...no calling only texting/computer form! And look where it's getting them....duhhhhh.... Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Hi, you handled it well as it is hard not to display emotions when the ex contacts... and sometimes they did that for that reason, to check on our feelings... I'm on NC, but it's weird as I could talk to her with no problem, provided it was occasionally... Yay! The road to "piece" of mind is getting easier! Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 28, 2010 Author Share Posted October 28, 2010 Hi, you handled it well as it is hard not to display emotions when the ex contacts... and sometimes they did that for that reason, to check on our feelings... I'm on NC, but it's weird as I could talk to her with no problem, provided it was occasionally... Yay! The road to "piece" of mind is getting easier! Another weird night. So our caller ID on my home phone is broken, my mom was home and was making calls for work- using our home number. SOMEHOW, she called my ex without knowing it. He called back but I didnt know she did this, she didnt know either, she left a voicemail and hung up. I picked up when it rang and It was him, asking if this number had called, it kinda hurt..but not really...when he asked who he was talking to. i guess he had no clue but dont u think he would kinda recognize my voice? It was weird none the less, my mom somehow accidently called his number. I was about to hang up when he asked me what I was doing for halloween, I told him a coupel parties all weekend, one of them my friend is having. He asked me if she was having it and I just gave him, "she might, Id ont know", kind of answers.Apparently, one of his friends told him about it and he might stop by. WTF! what do I do!! last time we partied together, it ended up bad. me and all my friends yelling at him-- but his friends say he deserved it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 29, 2010 Author Share Posted October 29, 2010 Well, its tonight- the party. And im pretty sure he will be stopping by. I had a dream about him last night, but I dont exactly remember what it was. Wish me luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 Good luck! Remember, you are the big prize! Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 So heres what happened: I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF. For one thing, not going to lie--- I looked HOT. Haha. Even his friends were like " wow you look good!" I was getting told I looked good from other guys as well, so I know that was a good sign to see my ex like that haha! Anywaysss, he comes in with his friends, ( honestly I wasnt thinking like, " oh I need to say this to him, or I need to do this") I wasnt even thinking about him. I hugged all his friends and he walks up and tells me and my friend a story about this girl that had tried to come to the party. ( it was my friends party) So im not really paying attention to him ( mind you I was drunk, but I handled myself sooo well!) So I walk away and walk right past him and he like puts his hand on my shoulder and calls my name and is asking how Ive been. I say how i've been really awesome ( again I was drunk) and he called me out on being in that state haha. Didnt ask how he was, didnt really care to worry about him or pay attention to him. Then as im standing there one of his really good friends comes up to me and asks me whats going on between us, and he asked how we were. I go " we're nothing." His friend then tells me how I should go talk to him, and that he wants to be my friend still. I reply " I know i'm an awesome person and everyone wants to be my friend ( drunk) but let me ask you something, are you friends with Erin? ( his friends ex) and He goes, No. I ask my good girl friend, are you friends with Adam? and she goes, Ew, no! then I was like, see the pattern? I go, He has been nothing but rude to me, and I said something else but I dont remember, I feel like it was something along the lines of " i dont need someone in my life like that" So, basically that was the night! Another part of the night im going to my car to get my beers, and apparently I stumbled and my ex asked me if I needed help, and I said that I was fine, and then we talked for a minute about how I was drunk and how he isn't. Seriously- that was ALL. He left and me and my friend called him to see where he was- he said he had to go home, but he told me to call him when I was sober tomorrow ( today.) I go, " noooo you dont want me to call u sober" and he replies " yes I do, im asking you." so then I hang up. Apparently I called him at 4:35 am or something around there (evidence from my phone) and I feel like I called him telling him to come back because my friends parents were not coming home and that he should sleep over, then I remember saying " but your my ex, so thats weird." THATS IT!! I did so good!! Im not going to call him today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 Ohhhh I also remember one more thing: His friend was not feeling well ( this was after my ex had left) so me and my friend go in the bathroom with him and we're just talking. He told us some really personal stuff about himself and we all talked for like an hour id say. Towards the end of us talking his friend was saying how awesome of a person I was and how my ex really screwed up, and how out of all of my ex's girlfriends, I'm all of his friends favorite. They all tell him every day to talk to me again and my ex goes " Idk I dont feel lke it" Thats what his friend said, he was drunk and I dont thats exactly word for word what my ex said, but stilll. Don't care -Lastly, I was cuddly with this one guy on the couch that I guess is kinda friends with my ex? I've hung out with the guy before, and all of his friends saw me. So Maybe that news will travel back to my ex. Either way- we're done and im ok about it:) Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 are you sure your ok with it? what happiness does it bring you to cuddle with one of your ex's friends and hope the news gets back to him? and why would you ask him to stay the night if there is not feelings there? I will admit that I can't be around my ex and would have either been a real dick or begged her to come back. so if you did neither then you did better than I would have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 are you sure your ok with it? what happiness does it bring you to cuddle with one of your ex's friends and hope the news gets back to him? and why would you ask him to stay the night if there is not feelings there? I will admit that I can't be around my ex and would have either been a real dick or begged her to come back. so if you did neither then you did better than I would have. He isn't one of his friends, I know that. This guy doesnt even hang out with him, they have hung out at a party idk, maybe twice? And I won't lie there are smalll feelings still there, but barely. I didn't beg nor was I rude to him, I just went about my own business Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 31, 2010 Share Posted October 31, 2010 I wonder how would you have acted if sober... Look, you should realize that the guy is still important to you, despite what you told us about the party... it seems like everything was an act for his benefit... I've done it, so I know what I'm saying... Don't let your life revolve around him... So, NC is broken, no hopes for a come back, no friendship... what do you think to do now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 I wonder how would you have acted if sober... Look, you should realize that the guy is still important to you, despite what you told us about the party... it seems like everything was an act for his benefit... I've done it, so I know what I'm saying... Don't let your life revolve around him... So, NC is broken, no hopes for a come back, no friendship... what do you think to do now? What do you mean if I were sober? I think I acted perfectly fine when he was there. That guy that I was with..DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM. I didnt mean that they are friends, they have said hey whats up a couple times, nothing else. And what hurts that We were chilling on the couch together? I honestly don't know what I did wrong-- and what do you mean by everything was an act for his benefit? can you explain that more? Nc was only broken because heee showed up at a party that was MY best friends, he didnt have to come. I already knew there was no hope for a comeback, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 What do you mean if I were sober? I think I acted perfectly fine when he was there. That guy that I was with..DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM. I didnt mean that they are friends, they have said hey whats up a couple times, nothing else. And what hurts that We were chilling on the couch together? I honestly don't know what I did wrong-- and what do you mean by everything was an act for his benefit? can you explain that more? Nc was only broken because heee showed up at a party that was MY best friends, he didnt have to come. I already knew there was no hope for a comeback, too. Dear Live, It sounds or better said reads like you are trying hard to prove to yourself you have no feelings for him but you may still be enamored by those old passions. First, be honest, do you wish for your past or are you really wanting to move past the past? Am4Real Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 Dear Live, It sounds or better said reads like you are trying hard to prove to yourself you have no feelings for him but you may still be enamored by those old passions. First, be honest, do you wish for your past or are you really wanting to move past the past? Am4Real Thanks for somewhat understanding it seems like Am4Real... Honestly- At times I do miss him, at times I do wsh for the past, but I feel overall I Want/Need to move on...and am starting to meet new guys:) Link to post Share on other sites
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