He didn't pay

[dispatch3d]

It's funny to see a simple thread causing such a huge ruckus between two schools of thought. Whichever works for you is fine, obviously it's not gonna change the view of another person who thinks otherwise. Why so much hate for people who view things differently?

 

Yeah you're right. And this really is just turning into an argument. You guys can stay on your side it makes no difference to me.

[Knittress]

Generosity and kindness are sexy. If you don't care about being sexy, well... fine then.

[collegeguy_24]

You seem to think of paying for a date as "buying a woman," as opposed to treating her to a fun time.

 

 

And according to your own words and posts, you want to be bought. Can anyone else see the contradiction to her posts or is it just me?

[dispatch3d]

I don't think I'm hot, not by a long stretch. And I'm not saying that to fish for a compliment.

 

? That's great?

[Star Gazer]

Lol, yeah how about when you insulted women who liked me just because they didnt mind paying?

 

I didn't insult women who liked you. I said that the right woman for you is a doormat, based on the fact that only doormats would enjoy paying on the first date. Very different.

[dispatch3d]

And according to your own words and posts, you want to be bought. Can anyone else see the contradiction to her posts or is it just me?

 

Half the time she's just upset and lashing out.

[Star Gazer]

Generosity and kindness are sexy. If you don't care about being sexy, well... fine then.

 

+1,000,000!!!

 

And according to your own words and posts, you want to be bought. Can anyone else see the contradiction to her posts or is it just me?

 

Sorry, sweetie, but I don't want to be bought, nor CAN I be bought...by anyone.

[skydiveaddict]

I'm distinguishing between gentlemanly behavior, and non-gentlemanly behavior from my perspective. I am not name calling or using inflammatory language.

 

 

Please note the words "gentlemanly behavior". That sums it up. Women like to be treated with respect.

[jerbear]

At that point in the conversation I'd roll my eyes. Whatever I could do to not be included in these shenanigans she's playing is what I'd go with.

 

I'd probably just ask straight up whats wrong.

 

When she said that while making plans for a 2nd date, I was like what, bitter about paying and I have to fight for everything including little things. At that point I already knew there was a compatibility problem.

[collegeguy_24]

Like Cracker Joe said, I don't mind paying for the first date, in fact I insist upon it as its the nice thing to do. But some people on here are acting self entitled, it just pisses me off cause it takes the fun out of everything.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah and I think the right man for you is a doormat, based on the fact that only doormats would enjoy paying on the first date.

 

For the millionth time in this thread, the right man for me is a gentleman.

 

The formula is as follows:

 

A man who pays on the first date is a gentleman.

 

A women who's conned into paying and agrees to a second date is a doormat.

[skydiveaddict]

Yeah and I think the right man for you is a doormat, based on the fact that only doormats would enjoy paying on the first date.

Bet you wouldn't say that to Hokie's face

[Star Gazer]

Like Cracker Joe said, I don't mind paying for the first date, in fact I insist upon it as its the nice thing to do. But some people on here are acting self entitled, it just pisses me off cause it takes the fun out of everything.

 

If you insist upon paying, then you never know if the woman is so-called self-entitled, now do you?

 

You just know it's the right thing to do.

[jerbear]

If you insist upon paying, then you never know if the woman is so-called self-entitled, now do you?

 

You just know it's the right thing to do.

 

ding!

 

Just not easy being a guy sometimes....

[Star Gazer]

All thanks to egotistical people like StarGazer who cant accept people with different POV.

 

How am I not accepting your POV? It's your POV, you own it.

 

I've said the right guy FOR ME several times. I've said the right woman FOR YOU several times. Obviously, you're not the right type of guy for me, and I'm not the right type of woman for you. It's not worth arguing over, but you boys just keep going and going and going.

[USMCHokie]

Bet you wouldn't say that to Hokie's face

 

He's entitled to his opinion. If he feels that a man paying for the first date reflects a negative attribute, then so be it.

[skydiveaddict]

He still wouldn't do it

[collegeguy_24]

But yes. Admittedly, there was a very nice, super good looking, very funny, smart, charming, successful dude that I went on a date with over the summer... and he LET ME PAY for half of the first date. It bothered me. A lot. I was actually really torn about it, I didn't know what it "meant." But regardless of what it "meant," it bothered me enough that when he suggested we go out again, I actually said no.

 

The right guy for me would never let me pay for half of the first date.

 

I present into evidence Exhibit A!

 

You say you don't want to be bought, and yet you say that! Really?

 

He sounded like a perfectly good guy, and because you had to shell out a little cash you tossed him. FOr someone who claims to not be selfish, everything you have said so far says otherwise.

[Cracker Jack]

Not trying to thread-jack, but I have a question: After the first date, should the man continue to pay? Would opting not to pay turn a woman off in that scenario? Or is it more balanced at that point?

[Star Gazer]

Thats your formula. Why have you been forcing me to accept your formula?

 

I haven't been forcing you to do accept anything anymore than you have.

 

My formula works for me, every single time. Hopefully yours works for you too. Different strokes...

[Star Gazer]

Not trying to thread-jack, but I have a question: After the first date, should the man continue to pay? Would opting not to pay turn a woman off in that scenario? Or is it more balanced at that point?

 

It kinda starts balancing... depends on the circumstances.

[USMCHokie]

Not trying to thread-jack, but I have a question: After the first date, should the man continue to pay? Would opting not to pay turn a woman off in that scenario? Or is it more balanced at that point?

 

Balanced...this is where the general principle that the one who asks pays will come into play...or you split...or you just don't care and whoever feels like paying will pay...but that generally happens when you're at the relationship stage...

[Star Gazer]

From the beginning of thread, Mad Max and I merely said that whoever asks the other out has to pay, doesnt matter the gender.

 

But you and your medieval buddies were the ones who were jumping on us and were forcing us that what we think is wrong.

 

Its like you just cant accept if others dont see the way you see.

 

The fact that you don't see that you were doing what you're accusing me of is hilarious and sad at the same time.

 

You said one thing, I disagreed. I said one thing, you disagreed.

 

You go your way, I'll go mine. Okay? Or do you want to keep going?

[collegeguy_24]

Not trying to thread-jack, but I have a question: After the first date, should the man continue to pay? Would opting not to pay turn a woman off in that scenario? Or is it more balanced at that point?

 

It honestly depends on a couple things.

 

1: how well you get along?

 

2: how much money you have, obviously if you have very little money because of bills and such, then for a second, third, or fourth date asking for her to pay is not a big deal.

 

3: personality, some women and men will be fine with it, others won't. Each person is different and each scenario is different.

[welikeincrowds]

I think men who throw money to get and keep a woman are the idiots.

 

Exactly. If that's what you think is the purpose behind paying for the date, like she's a ****ing prostitute, then it shows more about your character than it does about gender equality. This is what Star, Hokie et al are trying to tell you.

 

You're thinking about this from a fundamentally negative angle and that negativity is communicated when you don't pay, and it's unattractive.

 

To put it another way: I understand your principle. I do. It is, in some way, unfair or antiquated that the man is "expected" to pay, just by virtue of his owning a penis. I get that, really.

 

But another life skill -- one that's much more important when sharing a life with someone in particular -- is choosing your battles. Is it really that important to pick that moment to get on your podium? Do you really need to risk a good time -- and an opportunity to treat someone you care about to a meal -- just to prove a point about how unfair life is? And then your date gets turned off, and you put on her, like "God, what a bitch -- how entitled!"

 

Yet she didn't go on this date to be reminded at any point about the worser things in life: that there's inequalities in the world, that dating is in some ways an awkward exchange, that money is a stressful and complicated motivator for all the world's politics. Yes, life sucks, but you are reminding her that it sucks -- by making a point of it, with her at the butt. And who wants to be around that?

 

She went out with you to have fun, and you've ruined it because you were too busy riding around on your high horse to make a small gesture of sacrifice and do something nice for a change. You don't want to make her feel special because it is you, jamesum, who feels entitled, not her. Yes, it's theoretically unfair -- but it's only bad when you make it that way. You could just as well have paid the $10 that you would have spent on a 6-pack anyway and lent to something and someone that you could at least pretend was at least, for this moment, just a little bit more important than your own enjoyment. And if you really can't spare that $10, then you really shouldn't be looking to add someone to your life anyway.