Is it worth trying to have a relationship with my brother now?

[klm04014]

I am new to the forum, so sorry if this is not in the right format or doesn't follow the usual protocol...

 

My family has always been very tight knit. We have had bumps in the road like any family, but my brother, parents and I have always been close. We went through a rough patch when my brother was arrested that took years to fully overcome, but grew back together. When my brother got married, we were thrilled and have come to love and respect his wife very much. They went through a difficult time and had a couple of miscarriages, but eventually succeeded in getting pregnant. My sister in law is due in a few short weeks.

 

This should be the happiest times in our lives. They are finally having the baby they always wanted and I am getting married this year. However, two months ago, my brother left his wife for our co-worker (he and I work for the same company, luckily in different buildings). He lied about it for a long time, hurt his wife by being unnecessarily cruel to her, cut us all out of his life for a time, and has been proving incessantly that he isn't the person we all know and loved.

 

The girl that my brother is now dating (while still married) is also married. She is someone I have always hated (the only person I have ever hated). She is rude, cruel to people, selfish, and has shown countless times that she is just overall not a good person. This has been my belief for far longer than she has been seeing my brother.

 

Recently, my brother expressed an interest in working on our relationship. However, I have remained very close to his wife. He has taken no steps to show me that he actually cares as much as he says he does. I just can't imagine having a relationship with him while he is with this person. I have lost all respect for him because of it and because of his actions. The thought of his child being around this person kills me. To be deeply and darkly honest, I would rather see her dead than with my brother.

 

My question is, do you think that I should just try to see him anyway even though I don't want to because it is selfish to cut off ties with someone because of the person that they are seeing? Should I smother my feelings for the sake of his baby or will that just make it seem like I am condoning his actions?

 

Thanks in advance for your responses, and sorry for the long post.

[greengoddess]

It depends if you want to continue having a good relationship with your nieces mother then I think you have to cut ties with your brother while he is still activeky involved in an affair. Until he divorces you can not show support for his actions. That would be condoning their bad behavior and basically a slap to your sis in laws face if you socialize with the homewrecker and him.

[amerikajin]

I am new to the forum, so sorry if this is not in the right format or doesn't follow the usual protocol...

 

My family has always been very tight knit. We have had bumps in the road like any family, but my brother, parents and I have always been close. We went through a rough patch when my brother was arrested that took years to fully overcome, but grew back together. When my brother got married, we were thrilled and have come to love and respect his wife very much. They went through a difficult time and had a couple of miscarriages, but eventually succeeded in getting pregnant. My sister in law is due in a few short weeks.

 

This should be the happiest times in our lives. They are finally having the baby they always wanted and I am getting married this year. However, two months ago, my brother left his wife for our co-worker (he and I work for the same company, luckily in different buildings). He lied about it for a long time, hurt his wife by being unnecessarily cruel to her, cut us all out of his life for a time, and has been proving incessantly that he isn't the person we all know and loved.

 

The girl that my brother is now dating (while still married) is also married. She is someone I have always hated (the only person I have ever hated). She is rude, cruel to people, selfish, and has shown countless times that she is just overall not a good person. This has been my belief for far longer than she has been seeing my brother.

 

Recently, my brother expressed an interest in working on our relationship. However, I have remained very close to his wife. He has taken no steps to show me that he actually cares as much as he says he does. I just can't imagine having a relationship with him while he is with this person. I have lost all respect for him because of it and because of his actions. The thought of his child being around this person kills me. To be deeply and darkly honest, I would rather see her dead than with my brother.

 

My question is, do you think that I should just try to see him anyway even though I don't want to because it is selfish to cut off ties with someone because of the person that they are seeing? Should I smother my feelings for the sake of his baby or will that just make it seem like I am condoning his actions?

 

Thanks in advance for your responses, and sorry for the long post.

 

I think the only thing people can tell you here is how they would handle it, and that's pretty subjective.

 

My advice is, you shouldn't cut family out of your life permanently unless they threaten your well-being. However, you can definitely distance yourself until you feel comfortable letting them back in. I think your brother might need to be cut off for a while. Let him know that the door is open, but only under the condition that he change.

[D-Lish]

Just because he's your brother doesn't automatically mean you have to like him, or accept him.

 

I'd advise doing what feels right in spite of the fact that he's your sibling.

[DaisyLeigh]

I applaud you for supporting your SIL. Some of my inlaws would accept the trollop and forget I ever existed.

 

I would tell your disgusting pig of a brother that you do not accept what he has done, nor do you accept how horrible he has been to his wife, the mother of his child.

 

I would cut ties with him and tell him that he has made his pigpen and now he can wallow in it.

 

I really hope that the rest of the family follows suit. I cannot STAND when someone whores around, and gets rid of the spouse and their family just acts like the first spouse never existed.

 

Thank goodness that SOME people stand up for what is right and don't succumb to the "well they are faaaaaaamily" crap.