vortmax Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Alright, I'm a big newbie here but I come with a question. Before I begin, let me say that I never thought I'd be in this position and am kind of surprised i'm feeling what i'm feeling. I've always thought that meeting someone onlie was the sign of loserdom. I am however starting to rethink this. Last August I happened to stat conversing with a girl through an instant messenger program. We hit it off well and before you know it were exchanging pictures and talking on the phone. We've also been making plans to meet. For the entire duration, it has been friendly banter and nothing all that serious. Latley I feel as if things have started to change. Currently if both of us are online, we are talking. Doesn't matter how long. This usually amounts to 4 or 5 hours a night. It's even advanced to where we will tell each other when we will be back from class or work so either of us can be there waiting. Now it's even progressed to where we will send each other text messages via cell phone during class/work. Even when she goes out with her friends, she'll message me. It's like we can't go 20 min without talking. I've never really met someone I could do this with and not run out of stuff to talk about. I'm kinda torn here as I think this could be a really good thing, as long as i'm not reading too much into it. I'm still disheartened about the long distance aspect of it (12 hours) and the fact that we met online... I'm really hoping that something comes out of this, but i'm not sure if it's better to attempt to persue it or not. I guess i'm asking for a non-biased view on this. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 LDRs are tough, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vortmax Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 sorry, should have added that. we both are 22. She's graduating this may and i'm graduating in december. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 So you could closer at that time, otherwise, maybe meet at the 6 hr median on the weekends. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 I empathize with your concerns. The trouble with these sorts of relationships is that they're not complete. As a result, people 'fill in the blanks'. When and if the relationship becomes more tangible (read: no longer LD), it's very difficult to reconcile the fantasy person with the reality person, as humans have a tendency to fill in the blanks of another more generously than often exists. Link to post Share on other sites
i know how you feel Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Hey there, keep in mind that you are not alone, ok? I totally unedrstand your feeling, but i have to tell you, if you want to keep this relationship, you have to be very very very very patient, commited and fully trust your partner. I don't know how's your relationship going and how much you and her are willing to do for each other. The thing you have said is mostly what happened to me and my bf. I'm from China, he's from the USA, we've been together for more than 3 years (i have been told that LDR can "last" very long, my former boss had been in LDR for almost 7 years), i just came back from the USA a month ago, i spent half year there. Sometimes, i think it is very difficult for the outsiders to understand your feeling. i don't mean that what they have been said are wrong, it is simply the complexity and the mixing feelings that you can't really tell and let others understand. First of all, you have to ask yourself (and her too): How do you look at this relationship? ARe you serious? Where do you live? Where does she live?? If you and your gf graduate from College, what are you going to do? ARe you trying to move close to her? Do you have any plan for the future (e.g. how to keep the relationship?)? Secondyou have to prepare that LDR is tough, difficult and full of frustration. If you two are from different countries, you can only keep the relationship growing by meeting her (at least once in a year) or even stay with her in her own or your own country. When two persons are apart, you can't really understand each other. You can't touch her, you can't feel her, you can't understand her. Talking on phone, sending instant message, sending mails (via internet or air mail) are not enough to keep the relationship, you need to be by her side. Two persons need to get closer geographically so that they can get closer psychologically. I don't believe that you can keep the relationship by just talking on yr phone, sending mails and stuff like that, i don't at all.... I spent 6 months with him last year (from July 2003 to January 2004) and i live with him, i met him everyday and this is my 3rd time coming to the USA and i still can't understand him totally. I mean, it is different to be with someone in your fantasy and someone in real life. Are you willing to go further? I don't know how are you going to keep the relationship. But i think it is better for you guys to meet once in person after u two graduate. Don't expect she is the one you think she is, if things don't work out, let go of it. Don't expect that she IS "the one" before you meet her. If things go right, you guys can figure out how to work it out. Right now, I'm applying schools in his region, so that i could stay with him and know him better, it is such a long story, if you need help, please PM me, or leave me a message. For what you can do now, concentrate on your study first, after you two graduate, try to meet each other in person and see how things go. I think it might be too early to suggest you what should do after that because you haven't met her yet. Do leave me a message ok?? And remember, you are not alone. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Originally posted by i know how you feel if you need help, please PM me, or leave me a message. Just to point out, you're an unregistered user, so you cannot be PM'ed. Link to post Share on other sites
i know how you feel Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 OH! I didn't know . Then nevermind, just leave a message here. Thank you Dyermaker LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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