8 years and I just can't end it....

[juicyfruit62]

I'm single and been having an affair with a married work colleague for the past 8 years. It started at a work christmas party, both intoxicated and it was supposed to only happen the once..needless to say, it was a lot more than that. He has been with his wife for a long time and they have 3 children. The affair started when his youngest was 6 months old. I have never asked or expected him to leave his family, because of the children and because I've always thought that if he could be unfaithful to her like he is then he would do it to me as well... I'm not proud of what we have done for so long and I don't like to think of his wife and children. I can't really believe that it has been going on for so long. I thought the very strong attraction between us would have worn off by now, but it is actually getting stronger.

 

We have the most amazing sex, unlike any I have had with anyone else in my life. The feelings I have for this man make it very difficut to end the relationship, even though I know I am getting the raw end of the deal, and that he goes home to her on most nights...I have tried on so many occasions to end it, however have been unable to do so. He does not want it to end. Working with him every day has made it so difficult. Just seeing him walk into the room gives me butterflies in my stomach. We work for a large government department and I changed workplaces to get away from him so I could end the relationship, however he followed me to the new workplace and I still see him nearly every day. We are really quite obsessed with each other, even after all this time. He rings or texts me every day, even on the weekends and when he is on holidays with his family...

His wife I'm sure knows something is going on, she checked his phone and found my number but never rang to confront me or anything...

 

I feel that this relationship with him has affected my capacity to have a proper relationship with other suitable men. I have tried, however they look wrong, smell wrong, don't kiss me like he does, and basically they are just not him...none of the other relationships I have had in the past 8 years have lasted more than a few months. I just don't want anyone but him. I know I will end up alone if I am not careful but I just don't know what to do at this stage, other than move interstate where he can't follow me again.

[yessy21]

leave. as far away as possible change ur number. or tell him either u want me or not. because u will end up alone. and its not fair to his wife neither. he will do it to u though. and the only reason its sooo strong is because u want what u cant have, and its a thrill. the reason i also tell u to leave far is because if u do end it and he doesnt take it well he could snap. and in those moments of insanity anything is possible.

[BB07]

Welcome to LS.

From what you wrote in your post, it doesn't sound like you are ready to give it up now, are you? Or is it, something you are considering but not ready to do yet?

 

I'm of the opinion that when you are really ready to move on, you will start taking the steps to disentangle yourself and you'll find guidance here on how to do that if that is what you want.

 

It really is up to YOU, but you've got to be ready to take your power back and stop handing it to him and stop seeing yourself as weak and hopeless where he is concerned.

[scatterd]

I am sorry you are finding it hard to get out.You need to find away to not to see him and go NC seeing him does not give you enough time to learn to be with out him.You will not be able to move on untill you let him go and living the way you are is unfair you deserve a man that only loves you and you dont have to share.Do you really want someone like him that will cheat even if he did leave her?Stand your ground tell him you do not want this anymore and go nc can you transfer or change things at work so you do not have to see him I know this is hard and heartbreaking but as long as he is able to have his cake and eat it to nothing will change.Good luck and big hugs

[Star_Bright]

Aww your post made me so sad.

 

I know what you mean about another guy not being able to kiss you like that because he's not him.

 

But I also think what the other poster said is true, that it is only like that because of the thrill. If you had been in an actual real relationship with this guy for 8 years then the kisses would not always be so sparkly. They remain like that because it remains a thrill.

 

I don't know how you can end this without changing jobs and contact info. You have to be strong and get away so you can find a real love. Don't settle for this, you can do better! Eight years, poor thing. Please get out. We are here to help.

[yessy21]

i will be ur number one supporter!!!!!

[siuys]

I am sorry you are in this situation. 8 years is a hell of a long time to be in an A I think. Have you tried IC to help you? I think I would move away - different state, different city and get a new job. Basically build yourself a new life, give yourself a new start without this person in your life. That's the only way. No matter how strong the feelings/connection, it is unfortunately not enough otherwise you wouldn't be suffering. All the best.

[fooled once]

I'm single and been having an affair with a married work colleague for the past 8 years. It started at a work christmas party, both intoxicated and it was supposed to only happen the once..needless to say, it was a lot more than that. He has been with his wife for a long time and they have 3 children. The affair started when his youngest was 6 months old. I have never asked or expected him to leave his family, because of the children and because I've always thought that if he could be unfaithful to her like he is then he would do it to me as well... I'm not proud of what we have done for so long and I don't like to think of his wife and children. I can't really believe that it has been going on for so long. I thought the very strong attraction between us would have worn off by now, but it is actually getting stronger.

 

We have the most amazing sex, unlike any I have had with anyone else in my life. The feelings I have for this man make it very difficut to end the relationship, even though I know I am getting the raw end of the deal, and that he goes home to her on most nights...I have tried on so many occasions to end it, however have been unable to do so. He does not want it to end. Working with him every day has made it so difficult. Just seeing him walk into the room gives me butterflies in my stomach. We work for a large government department and I changed workplaces to get away from him so I could end the relationship, however he followed me to the new workplace and I still see him nearly every day. We are really quite obsessed with each other, even after all this time. He rings or texts me every day, even on the weekends and when he is on holidays with his family...

His wife I'm sure knows something is going on, she checked his phone and found my number but never rang to confront me or anything...

 

I feel that this relationship with him has affected my capacity to have a proper relationship with other suitable men. I have tried, however they look wrong, smell wrong, don't kiss me like he does, and basically they are just not him...none of the other relationships I have had in the past 8 years have lasted more than a few months. I just don't want anyone but him. I know I will end up alone if I am not careful but I just don't know what to do at this stage, other than move interstate where he can't follow me again.

 

Of course you can't have a relationship with anyone else. i don't see how you won't end up alone, since you have no intention of ending this affair. Do you think that when the youngest is grown - in about 10 more years - he will leave then? If I were you, I would re-think that.

 

As for the whole "the wife must know" bull....FYI - not ALL wives check their husbands phones (I don't nor does he check mine). If she did ask him, he probably told her you were some girl from the office with a crush on him and then they laughed it off. For all you know, he goes home to his wife, kisses her when he arrives, they have a family dinner, then sit together and watch TV, go over vacation plans, whatever and then takes her (upstairs, in the kitchen, in the den, wherever) and rocks her world; telling her how much he loves her. You honestly have NO IDEA what goes on in their home, outside of the stories he tells you.

 

You know, as you stated, you are getting the raw end of this. Only YOU can change it and YOU need to change it. All those things he does for you, he did and possibly still does, to his wife. Think about that and maybe that will help you move away from him and stop allowing yourself to be his mistress.

[whichwayisup]

8 years, he isn't leaving his wife. If you want to stay the OW then continue on this path. If you want a family of your own, a man who will love only you, then you HAVE to end the A and walk away from the MM.

 

Get some counselling to help you cope, help you get strong enough so you can end it.

 

Staying is just going to ruin your life.

[juicyfruit62]

Thank you all for your replies. Reading back over my original post, I feel quite embarrassed - it makes me sound young and inexperienced, and I'm neither. I'm 48 and the single mother of an 11 yr old. I'm very much in control in most aspects of my life - professional career, friends etc, but I have a real problem with this guy. I don't really understand how I can give him so much control over me, and for so long. He is nine years younger than me and of a different racial background. To be honest, I think those two aspects of him have been a major attraction for me.

Working with him is a problem, being in such close proximity every day. When I have ended it before, he just wears me down with phone calls, visits, gifts etc till I give in. Sometimes its just easier to start it again.

I'm beginning to believe that moving away is the only thing, however having a child makes that a difficult option, taking him away from his family, school, friends etc.

I feel really stuck at this point in time. I also feel really stupid and angry at myself. I can't discuss this with my friends, most of whom are married and don't want to hear about it.

It's a relief to write it down and have some input from you all.

[oxfordsocks]

Thank you all for your replies. Reading back over my original post, I feel quite embarrassed - it makes me sound young and inexperienced, and I'm neither. I'm 48 and the single mother of an 11 yr old. I'm very much in control in most aspects of my life - professional career, friends etc, but I have a real problem with this guy. I don't really understand how I can give him so much control over me, and for so long. He is nine years younger than me and of a different racial background. To be honest, I think those two aspects of him have been a major attraction for me.

Working with him is a problem, being in such close proximity every day. When I have ended it before, he just wears me down with phone calls, visits, gifts etc till I give in. Sometimes its just easier to start it again.

I'm beginning to believe that moving away is the only thing, however having a child makes that a difficult option, taking him away from his family, school, friends etc.

I feel really stuck at this point in time. I also feel really stupid and angry at myself. I can't discuss this with my friends, most of whom are married and don't want to hear about it.

It's a relief to write it down and have some input from you all.

 

Wow -8 years--has he been telling you that he is making an effort to leave his marriage?? I don't have the magic words to tell you --I am in my own turmoil trying to forget about a 2 year relationship with a mm but what strikes me with what i read is that YOU have to change work-home-friends for your child etc.... If he has been draggin you on---then DO NOT LET HIM TAKE MORE THAN HE HAS FROM YOU. KEEP YOUR JOB YOUR HOME YOUR FRIENDS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY ALL THAT IS NORMAL FOR YOUR CHILD. if you are going to let go ---you will grieve him like a death and you will need all your supports but just don't let this relationship take anything more especially from your child. I really understand how you must feel --and it seems like a dark place to let go--Even if she knows about you--she will likely stay with him too--It will be tough but know that your not the first nor last nor alone going through it!!!! take care--you will do what you want to do -its your life but please don't upset your childs if you can at all as i think you will find that the hardest thing to bare in the long run looking back.

[OliveOyl]

You sound like you're just not ready to end it yet.

 

You can intellectually know all the right things to say, to do; you can tell yourself a hundred different ways how you deserve a man for all your own, etc. but in my opinion: until you are really, truly ready, you won't end it. So maybe, paradoxically, the thing to do is to accept it as it is and for what it is.

 

When you are ready, you'll end it. Then all the info on *how* to break things off (implement No Contact, etc. etc.) will make sense and you'll be able to do so, even if it's the hardest thing you've done.

[Owl]

When I read your original post, I didn't walk away from it with a clear 'question' that you were posing or asking for answers to?

 

What are you looking for?

 

Are you wanting help in finding the motivation to end the affair?

 

Wanting to know how to improve the affair?

 

How to help yourself to be attracted to other men?

 

What kind of 'support' are you hoping to find here?

[2sure]

...

 

I feel that this relationship with him has affected my capacity to have a proper relationship with other suitable men. I have tried, however they look wrong, smell wrong, don't kiss me like he does, and basically they are just not him...none of the other relationships I have had in the past 8 years have lasted more than a few months. I just don't want anyone but him. I know I will end up alone if I am not careful but I just don't know what to do at this stage, other than move interstate where he can't follow me again.

 

You already KNOW everything anyone here can tell you. There is no magic formula. You have to take the steps to protect yourself, heal yourself, and regain a visual of your life without him. Unless you extricate yourself from this relationship you will end up alone. You are unable to connect with someone else...not because they are not right for you...but because you are committed in your heart , to someone else. It takes time. Just like dating after a divorce , a bad break-up , or the death of a partner. But you are the one that has to do it for yourself. You will find that having a deceptive relationship as your primary relationship poisons every aspect of who you really are and who you want to be.

 

You have no where to go but to better places. A hard journey perhaps but an exciting prospect dont you think?

[newlife2010]

For someone who so very often likes to tell others that they can not possibly know what is going on behind closed doors, you certainly seem to have your own mental images of what is going on behind those same closed doors.

 

The difference here being that the OP has personal, intimate knowledge about the people involved, and you have none whatsoever. I would think that that makes the OP's version of events much more highly likely than your own. Just saying.

 

THANK YOU for saying to this particular poster what I have been thinking all along. It is very frustrating. Definitely some sour grapes going on with this individual. Just saying

 

OP -- I feel your pain. I have also been involved for 8 years, and am just a couple of years younger than you. MM also has been completely attentive to me the entire time.... always contacting me, even on weekends, even when it's difficult for him, always makes himself available to me. We have never gone more than 2 days without communication in 8 years.

 

I understand how difficult it is to find someone else when no one else makes you feel the same way. I do also understand that it isn't 'real life' and that you/we are wasting time in terms of finding someone 'available'. I have tried (at his urging, too) to find someone available, but just have no interest. When I dated all it did was emphasize to me how much I want him.

 

I do feel sad reading your story, though, because I think you need to move on (I don't believe he will ever get divorced, and I know mine won't). I just know how hard it is.

[fooled once]

Thank you all for your replies. Reading back over my original post, I feel quite embarrassed - it makes me sound young and inexperienced, and I'm neither. I'm 48 and the single mother of an 11 yr old. I'm very much in control in most aspects of my life - professional career, friends etc, but I have a real problem with this guy. I don't really understand how I can give him so much control over me, and for so long. He is nine years younger than me and of a different racial background. To be honest, I think those two aspects of him have been a major attraction for me.

Working with him is a problem, being in such close proximity every day. When I have ended it before, he just wears me down with phone calls, visits, gifts etc till I give in. Sometimes its just easier to start it again.

I'm beginning to believe that moving away is the only thing, however having a child makes that a difficult option, taking him away from his family, school, friends etc.

I feel really stuck at this point in time. I also feel really stupid and angry at myself. I can't discuss this with my friends, most of whom are married and don't want to hear about it.

It's a relief to write it down and have some input from you all.

 

Glad that the posts are helping you!

 

 

For someone who so very often likes to tell others that they can not possibly know what is going on behind closed doors, you certainly seem to have your own mental images of what is going on behind those same closed doors.

 

The difference here being that the OP has personal, intimate knowledge about the people involved, and you have none whatsoever. I would think that that makes the OP's version of events much more highly likely than your own. Just saying.

 

FA or withabrokenwing ... are you going to start up with me again? PUT ME ON IGNORE or go away again. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors except the 2 people BEHIND those doors. I am allowed to give MY opinion and my OPINION is unless the OW is IN the marital home, they are being fed ONE side. The side of the guy who is cheating. Too many OW have come here and stated time and time again that they were lied to and the home life was nothing like the MM stated. So I believe it is PRUDENT upon those of us who have been here for quite a while and seen those posts let new posters know that .... guess what - the MM lies!

 

THANK YOU for saying to this particular poster what I have been thinking all along. It is very frustrating. Definitely some sour grapes going on with this individual. Just saying

 

This is laughable, and borders on stupidity. Sorry newlife -- happily married If you have something to say TO ME - say it (via PM since Tony repeatedly tells posters, including the one you quoted who has a history of this, to take it off the boards and NOT threadjack). I am MUCH better off today than I was years ago. I think some long term OW want the newer to LS OW to stay wrapped up in affairs like they are so they can all have that 'misery loves company' mentality together. I can't see why ANYONE would encourage an OW who wants MORE than to be the side mistress to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy situation. This poster is obviously struggling, has no one to talk to besides people on a message board. She doesn't need to be encouraged to waste 8 more years of her life. She should be encouraged to end the affair and stop being someone's 2nd - she should DEMAND more for herself and her life and if HE can't give it - she should move on and not sit and wait for "one day" that may never come.

 

OP - I hope you can resolve your situation so that YOU are happy and not just when he is around. I hope you can find it within yourself to allow yourself to have someone 'full time' and be their priority, not their option. Anyone can be an option

[Angel1111]

There was a lady on this site who's husband had a 24-yr affair. So, from that perspective, you've still got time to recover your life and move on. I think you already know that you're wasting your life away with this relationship, however, that's your choice. But whatever you do, please do not disrupt your child's life by moving him away from his family and friends. He shouldn't have to pay the price.

 

Something you may want to consider in all of this (if you haven't already) - what if your son found out about your affair? How do you think it would make him feel toward you? How would you feel about him knowing? What if you lost your job because of this?

 

One thing I've learned about affairs is that from every angle, they are destructive. This isn't something that can't be ignored forever. At the minimum, you'll turn around one day and realize that you've wasted so many precious years. I hope that you will find the strength to disentangle yourself from this relationship, and be able to walk away with very few negative results.

[OliveOyl]

She doesn't need to be encouraged to waste 8 more years of her life. She should be encouraged to end the affair and stop being someone's 2nd - she should DEMAND more for herself and her life and if HE can't give it - she should move on and not sit and wait for "one day" that may never come.

 

OP - I hope you can resolve your situation so that YOU are happy and not just when he is around. I hope you can find it within yourself to allow yourself to have someone 'full time' and be their priority, not their option. Anyone can be an option

 

The assumption is made here that for the OP (and everyone posting on this board) that "being 2nd" is a bad thing.

 

Is it always? Why?

 

Before you state how obviously horrible being 2nd is, suppose in this particular scenario, being 2nd in THIS relationship is better than being 1st in a less satisfying relationship.

 

Or think of wives of polygamists. I recently read about a family (one that is the center of a reality show, actually) where the husband has *4* wives and they all know about each other and apparently the configuration works well for them.

 

No, I'm personally not a polygamist at all, and yes, I want to be 1st. But it's not just a matter of absolute "ranking". It's about quality of attention. I WAS 1st in my marriage... my husband didn't cheat at all...there was no other woman... and I felt very lonely most of the time. Just having a "man of one's own" is not the magic bullet. It's more than that.

[OliveOyl]

Another thing tossed around on this board that rankles me. The concept of "wasting" one's life. In other words.. if a relationship doesn't GO somewhere that is societally acceptable.. the whole thing was a WASTE.

 

If we are to say that it's only meaningful if it ends up in marriage or a primary significant relationship... then... MOST relationships are a "waste". If someone meets someone, gets married, the marriage lasts 15 years, and then gets a divorce... applying the same thinking... then the whole thing was a WASTE because it didn't last. Perhaps only "salvageable" if there were children created.

 

Do you all really believe that? That it is only meaningful if it lasts until the very end, otherwise it is all a waste? That only if there is a piece of paper to show at the end, or offspring as a result, it's meaningful? It's never about the present moment but where it's going?

 

In my opinion... life isn't about "wasting" or "earning" -- it's about experience and learning.

[twinsmom]

Well, because the majority of OW who post here do NOT want to be "second". It's as simple as that. Sure, there are a few who are willing to go along with the status quo, but for the most part, OW who post here are not happy with their situations. THAT is what makes people able to comment on that. And as far as "ranking" goes, that is just the terminology that makes the most sense. And as always, I like to clarify that I'm a former OW.

[fooled once]

The assumption is made here that for the OP (and everyone posting on this board) that "being 2nd" is a bad thing.

 

Is it always? Why?

 

Before you state how obviously horrible being 2nd is, suppose in this particular scenario, being 2nd in THIS relationship is better than being 1st in a less satisfying relationship.

 

Or think of wives of polygamists. I recently read about a family (one that is the center of a reality show, actually) where the husband has *4* wives and they all know about each other and apparently the configuration works well for them.

 

No, I'm personally not a polygamist at all, and yes, I want to be 1st. But it's not just a matter of absolute "ranking". It's about quality of attention. I WAS 1st in my marriage... my husband didn't cheat at all...there was no other woman... and I felt very lonely most of the time. Just having a "man of one's own" is not the magic bullet. It's more than that.

 

You are right - some like being not the first priority. But the OP is very unhappy - read her posts below....

 

I do know it is more than being married; but when someone is very unhappy and isn't getting what THEY want; whether they are married or single - they should get out of the relationship. No one should be where they aren't celebrated and cherished AND should NOT have to "share" with someone else .... especially intimate relations (unless all parties are okay with that).

 

She wants to be with him yet doesn't like sharing. She has feeling of guilt over what she is doing to his wife. She can't really date because of her obsession with him. and she fears she will end up alone. That isn't a very healthy life

 

 

We have the most amazing sex, unlike any I have had with anyone else in my life. The feelings I have for this man make it very difficut to end the relationship, even though I know I am getting the raw end of the deal, and that he goes home to her on most nights...I have tried on so many occasions to end it, however have been unable to do so. He does not want it to end. Working with him every day has made it so difficult. Just seeing him walk into the room gives me butterflies in my stomach. We work for a large government department and I changed workplaces to get away from him so I could end the relationship, however he followed me to the new workplace and I still see him nearly every day. We are really quite obsessed with each other, even after all this time. He rings or texts me every day, even on the weekends and when he is on holidays with his family...

His wife I'm sure knows something is going on, she checked his phone and found my number but never rang to confront me or anything...

 

I feel that this relationship with him has affected my capacity to have a proper relationship with other suitable men. I have tried, however they look wrong, smell wrong, don't kiss me like he does, and basically they are just not him...none of the other relationships I have had in the past 8 years have lasted more than a few months. I just don't want anyone but him. I know I will end up alone if I am not careful but I just don't know what to do at this stage, other than move interstate where he can't follow me again.

 

as for you newlife -- go research my post history, I bet you will find just one "sensitive and understanding" post; but then again, I am not here posting to please you nor am I going to encourage someone who is unhappy to stay in an unhappy situation. We are all here to give our views and opinions. Please stop projecting your unhappiness on me. My words must strike quite a sore spot with you. Sorry you are hurting.

[White Flower]

I'm single and been having an affair with a married work colleague for the past 8 years. It started at a work christmas party, both intoxicated and it was supposed to only happen the once..needless to say, it was a lot more than that. He has been with his wife for a long time and they have 3 children. The affair started when his youngest was 6 months old. I have never asked or expected him to leave his family, because of the children and because I've always thought that if he could be unfaithful to her like he is then he would do it to me as well... I'm not proud of what we have done for so long and I don't like to think of his wife and children. I can't really believe that it has been going on for so long. I thought the very strong attraction between us would have worn off by now, but it is actually getting stronger.

 

We have the most amazing sex, unlike any I have had with anyone else in my life. The feelings I have for this man make it very difficut to end the relationship, even though I know I am getting the raw end of the deal, and that he goes home to her on most nights...I have tried on so many occasions to end it, however have been unable to do so. He does not want it to end. Working with him every day has made it so difficult. Just seeing him walk into the room gives me butterflies in my stomach. We work for a large government department and I changed workplaces to get away from him so I could end the relationship, however he followed me to the new workplace and I still see him nearly every day. We are really quite obsessed with each other, even after all this time. He rings or texts me every day, even on the weekends and when he is on holidays with his family...

His wife I'm sure knows something is going on, she checked his phone and found my number but never rang to confront me or anything...

 

I feel that this relationship with him has affected my capacity to have a proper relationship with other suitable men. I have tried, however they look wrong, smell wrong, don't kiss me like he does, and basically they are just not him...none of the other relationships I have had in the past 8 years have lasted more than a few months. I just don't want anyone but him. I know I will end up alone if I am not careful but I just don't know what to do at this stage, other than move interstate where he can't follow me again.

The first two bold sentences cancel each other out, but I highlighted two more that stood out to me.

 

And juicyfruit, 3 out of 4 bold statements stand positive. Who says you are getting the raw end of the deal? By whose standards? The best sex you ever had??? You don't want anyone but him??? Amazing sex with butterflies in the stomach? After EIGHT years???

 

You sound luckier than most.

 

But if it REALLY bothers you, go and look for someone else. At least you can say you tried, and who knows, maybe you'll find a full time partner who can give you 3 out of 4.

[OliveOyl]

The first two bold sentences cancel each other out, but I highlighted two more that stood out to me.

 

And juicyfruit, 3 out of 4 bold statements stand positive. Who says you are getting the raw end of the deal? By whose standards? The best sex you ever had??? You don't want anyone but him??? Amazing sex with butterflies in the stomach? After EIGHT years???

 

You sound luckier than most.

 

But if it REALLY bothers you, go and look for someone else. At least you can say you tried, and who knows, maybe you'll find a full time partner who can give you 3 out of 4.

 

Yes... this is exactly what I was trying to say in my previous posts. Our society will tell her that "she's getting the raw end of the deal" and "that she owes it to herself to be 1st."

 

If she truly *does feel* like she's getting the raw end of the deal and that her needs are not being met... that's a very real and valid issue.

 

But it sounds rather like the relationship is actually *working* on a number of levels and maybe she just needs acceptance and confirmation that it's okay for her to be where she is.

 

However, she may not get it from this board since most people here are disinclined toward the acceptance of affairs. And for most people, I'd agree... affairs are not a good thing.

[Angel1111]

Another thing tossed around on this board that rankles me. The concept of "wasting" one's life. In other words.. if a relationship doesn't GO somewhere that is societally acceptable.. the whole thing was a WASTE.

 

You know, Olive, you make a good point. I think you're right that it isn't a waste of time if the person doesn't see it that way. Maybe these relationships are necessary, and maybe they happen for a reason. Not that I'd ever go back to it but just because it isn't for me doesn't mean it isn't for other people. Thanks for pointing that out.

[newlife2010]

You know, Olive, you make a good point. I think you're right that it isn't a waste of time if the person doesn't see it that way. Maybe these relationships are necessary, and maybe they happen for a reason. Not that I'd ever go back to it but just because it isn't for me doesn't mean it isn't for other people. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

It is a very good point. Society makes the rules about how we should live our lives to be 'happy'. We need to make individual decisions about what DOES make us happy. I know I am happier now than I have been at anytime during my previous marriage. I have learned that I don't want to be married again, even if MM was available. I prefer to live my life on my own, and still have someone in my life who I love/who loves me.

 

Still, I am free to date or seek another relationship if/when I choose to, and that is a very good feeling too.

 

It takes all kinds