ensane Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Allright where do I start. My fiancee and I have been together for 7 years. The past couple months have been tough due to the fact I've been working some pretty long hours and haven't paid the attention to her I should have. That being said she came home last week and gave back the ring I gave her and said she couldn't do this anymore and that we should move on. Come to find out her ex-boyfriend had been talking to her on the phone (he lives 4 hours away) telling her alot of things she wanted to hear, how he'd take care of her treat her like a queen etc..... This is a guy who was her first he also cheated on her numerous times, just all around hurt her pretty bad I just don't understand why she would think of even giving him another chance, I could have dealt with it a little better if it was someone else. Anyway we set down and did alot of talking and to make a long story short she said she wanted me to stay and she said she wouldn't talk to him again. Well he kept calling I told her if she wanted us to move forward he couldn't be talking to her, we can't move on with him putting things in her head about me. She said I'm not calling him, you didn't say anything about him calling me. Needless to say this was a pretty big slap in the face, then she said ok I'll tell him to quit calling. He hasn't called her cell phone or our house since but how do I know he's still not talking to her on the phone at work. I'm just worried if I do one little thing she doesn't like she's gonna just say well this isn't going to work and go back to him. Should I trust her or still worry?????? Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 I would worry. keep your eyes and ears open. im afraid though, that you are worried about doing one little thing she doesn't like, she goes back to him. well, you dont really have control of this. you can say to her that if she decides to go, there's no comming back. make that clear. she has some trust building to do, if she is staying in this relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensane Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 I hear ya Spencer I told her when she gave me back the ring that if she went back to him not to look for me to be there when he hurt her. With his track record it would only be a matter of time before he did. He's not even divorced from his present wife now for god sake. He's "getting" one though yeah right. I also told her I was going to keep an eye out due to the fact trust was going to be hard for a while, she said that was fine she understood. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 sounds like you have everything under control. good for you. make sure you are getting what you want out of this relationship. she must mean alot to you, for you to keep fighting for this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Benedict Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Oh, the guy's married? Well that puts it in a different light. Was she actually thinking of going back with this guy? Married and all? Hate to tell you this, but if that answer is "yes" then that says a lot about your fiance, and what she thinks of marital boundaries. You want to look real hard at this one... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensane Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 Well Benedict I asked her that, because she had always said she took marriage very seriously. He had been telling her that their divorce was in the process and would be over soon. I never did find out the reason they were getting divorced, probably because he was cheating on her too, I'm sure he said it was something else. Oh by the way I forgot to tell y'all how my fiance found out this scumbag ended the relationship with her, she saw his marriage announcement in the local paper to another girl. Nice guy huh??? Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 So your fiancee gave you back the ring...but you've since worked things out to some extent. So does that mean she took back the ring and that you're back to being engaged? So you've been together for 7 yrs. That's a long time. And you're apologizing for not giving her the attention she needed over the past 2 months, as you were working long hours. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think you need to apologize for being a hard worker. If you'd been neglecting her for several years, that would be a different story.......but if she's complaining that she re-evaluated your relationship all because you weren't kissing her hiney for a mere period of 2 months, all because you were working hard...well then I'd say she sounds like she has the Princess-Complex and is a very needy person who figures it's "all about her" and is something who looks for lame a reason to get out. After 7 yrs together, assuming your relationship has been a good one all those years, it doesn't sound like she's someone you want to seriously consider spending the rest of your life together with. She sounds very easily lead-astray. Originally posted by ensane Oh by the way I forgot to tell y'all how my fiance found out this scumbag ended the relationship with her, she saw his marriage announcement in the local paper to another girl. Nice guy huh??? And she'd want to have anything to do with a guy who treated her this way? That's crazy. Obviously she doesn't have much self-esteem, or she's caught up in the whole "bad boy" thing. If she had any self-respect, she wouldn't give the time of day to someone who treated her as she did. The fact that she's been communicating with him says a lot about her as a person....... The fact that you've had to ASK/TELL her to stop communicating with him......that should have been a no-brainer that you didn't have to explain to her...but the fact of the matter is, you did have to. It doesn't sound like you have much trust there, and understandably so. Trust MUST be there in a relationship and especially in a marriage. It needs to be the foundation. If you're concerned that she's still communicating with him outside of calls on the cell and calls to/from your home, then I think it's time you re-evaluate your relationship. The fact that it would appear "out of the blue" that she gave back the engagement ring.......I would say there's some major issues here that need to be realized and discussed and worked through. I'm sure her decision to break off your engagement didn't happen overnight......so what's been going on that caused this? So what, you were working hard for 2 months and didn't have the time to devote to her..she's a big girl, no? Does the relationship, in her mind, revolve around you making her the center of your life? Is she that easily influenced that she could get caught up in 'smooth words' from a lying, cheating sack o' sh*t who's MARRIED? Can you really respect her at this point? You shouldn't have to live your life walking on pins and needles, waiting for the other shoe to drop.....not being sure if you can trust her......having to worry that at any minute she can decide she's leaving you. You deserve better than that. That's not how relationships should be. I think it's time you maybe separate and you spend some time figuring out what you want and need and deserve. Doesn't seem she's on the same wavelength as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensane Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 Some very good points befuddled, alot of the same things have gone through my mind also.This is why I posted here, from alot of the posts I've seen here you people have some great ideas and insight. I guess now that you brought up the work thing, maybe I've had my nose stuck in my work for closer to a year, although I've had a problem I guess showing alot of affection, due to my last relationship, before her I was always telling her how beautiful she was, blah blah and she still went out and cheated numerous times on me. Man I know how to pick em. So maybe I didn't show as much affection to my fiance now because of that I don't know just throwing ideas out. I guess I've just believed there are two sides to every story and it's never one person who contributes to the demise of a relationship maybe I'm wrong maybe like you say she's got a princess complex. Thanks for all the posts this is helping me realize alot of the things I'm thinking aren't crazy or unreasonable Oh yeah almost forgot, she took the ring back Link to post Share on other sites
Author ensane Posted March 13, 2004 Author Share Posted March 13, 2004 Update: Figured I'd let y'all know whats going on. I've been keeping an eye on things, it seems she has stopped his calls to her, at least her cell phone anyway. Don't know about her work phone, maybe just still a little paranoid. She swears she loves me with all her heart and is sorry it took something bad happening to find out how good things really were with me. So maybe this shows anyone else who might be going through something similar that there maybe is hope. I'm still having trust issues but hopefully this will pass in time. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 sometimes a reality check is a good thing. glad to hear everythings good in your world Link to post Share on other sites
johngee Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 okay. i have an issue with my girlfriend of 3.5 years. the past 4 or 5 months, she has been acting really wierd and distant toward me and everything we do. i started getting this feeling when people at work would look at me funny when we would be walking around on breaks,etc., then there is the fact that there is a few guys that talk to her and they don't acknowledge me or even know who i am. i asked her to introduce me to them and she said why? they don't matter. i said they know who you are so obviously they matter enough to know you, why can't they know me? she knows all of my friends and they are cool with her. anyway i finally asked what's going on and she said nothing, she just put our relationship aside for awhile because of her responsibilities toward her daughter and grandson. so anyway, we have had a great sex life up until recently and about a month ago we were going at it and when i went to penetrate, it was alot looser than before and i didn't say anything, but that same session, she busts a new technique and it freaked me out. i asked her if she was fooling around and she said no and got all pissed off and super, super defensive. i don't know what to think. i got this gut feeling and she's not really making an effort to make it go away. i guess i want to ask if a girl has sex with another man and he's larger, will i be able to notice this? if not, what would make a girls vagina get looser in a matter of days? it bothers me on top of the feelings i already have Link to post Share on other sites
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