the "EX" factor

[John Doe]

Help me please!!! In short, I dated a girl last year for about 1 month but I found out that she was seeing her ex behind my back. She said that she did that so she would not hurt his feelings, and that she still liked me. But her ex would not leave us alone, and she would not do anything about it b/c she wanted to remain friends with him and did not want to hurt his feelings. So I basically told her that I will not share her with him and she had to choose. Again she did not want to hurt his feelings b/c he said that he would hurt himself if she broke up with him. So I ended the relationship. Throught that year she dated one other person and then started dateing the EX again. They broke up a little more than 2 months ago. I am back in town and we were getting along just great, my feelings came back for her as did hers for me. Before we started to date again I asked her If they (her and EX) were over for good. She said yes, but they are still friends. I can not tell her what friends she can have so I over looked that b/c she said that she does not love him any more. Two weeks and one half weeks have gone by and her did not leave her alone, he would call her up a 1:30am so see how she was. He did not like the fact that we were seeing each other again. He finely told her that he is ok with it and said that i better not hurt her feelings. (Please bare with me I am cutting as many corners as I can to make it short) On thanksgiving day which was her fathers birthday she told him that he was not invited to come over and said that I would be their. But I could not be there though he did not know that. He ended up coming over with a card for her dad saying that he misses him and he wishes that he could see more of him! Then gives her a rose in front of everyone i mind you. she darts to her room in tears b/c she is mad at him. He follows and askes what is wrong? and she tells him that they are over with and said that I (me who is writing) has everything to offer her and he does not(he as the EX). Ok to the good part. Last night She told me that her EX and her are going to have pizza and do somthing afterwards. Just them two no one elce. I was mad b/c I knew that he was trying to do everything in his power to brake us up and get her back, and I told her that. She said that they were still friends and they will do stuff together. After a little more conversation he was there to pick her up. Before she left I asked her I had nothing to worry about. she mumbled along with a little laugh and said no. Then I asked her to call me when she got in that night, she said yes. I left two messages one a 11:30pm and the other at 1:30am telling her it was ok to call when she gets in. She did not call me that night. I got a hold of her tonight and she was very defenceof (sp sorry) . She said that she did not have to tell me anything. She said that I was not her father she does not have to check up or report to me. That got me mad b/c I am her boyfriend and she should respect me enough to let me know what they did that night. I found out that she got home at 3 am but that was all. I also told her that we need to talk tonight about this whole thing, she said that she was helping a friend with her paper and if it is not too late she will talk with me b/c she has to get up early.. ahhh....she can stay out with her EX till 3am but she can not talk to me about our relationship.. I am very confused, why would she not tell me? should I stay with her If she will not tell me these kind of things, is it right to keep that from me, does this mean that she will hide other things from me? This is so childish, Please Help me out........what to you think about this situation?

 

THANK-Y0U

[Charly]

WOW! What a letter!! How long have you been going out with this girl?? I am assuming that you feel very strongly for her. I definately believe that you have a right to have your mind put at ease as to her whereabouts with her ex. But I also think that she has a right to have her own friends. I think the greatest act of love is trust. You may believe that he is trying to break you up, you have to trust her not to let him. If you give her a reason to leave she will. I heard a great piece of advice the other day and cant remember how it went exactly, but the just of it was that if you think that your partner is going to stray, love them so much they wont want to.

 

Howver, if you feel she is stringing you along, then you have to lay down the law. Esp if this is a sexual relationship because your health is at stake....not just your heart.

 

I think that if she doesn't feel guilty about anything then she will tell you what she does with her time....maybe she is just trying to make you jealous. Follow your instincts, keep your wits about you, and try to give her the benefit of doubt if you can get over the fact that she cheated on you last year.

Help me please!!! In short, I dated a girl last year for about 1 month but I found out that she was seeing her ex behind my back. She said that she did that so she would not hurt his feelings, and that she still liked me. But her ex would not leave us alone, and she would not do anything about it b/c she wanted to remain friends with him and did not want to hurt his feelings. So I basically told her that I will not share her with him and she had to choose. Again she did not want to hurt his feelings b/c he said that he would hurt himself if she broke up with him. So I ended the relationship. Throught that year she dated one other person and then started dateing the EX again. They broke up a little more than 2 months ago. I am back in town and we were getting along just great, my feelings came back for her as did hers for me. Before we started to date again I asked her If they (her and EX) were over for good. She said yes, but they are still friends. I can not tell her what friends she can have so I over looked that b/c she said that she does not love him any more. Two weeks and one half weeks have gone by and her did not leave her alone, he would call her up a 1:30am so see how she was. He did not like the fact that we were seeing each other again. He finely told her that he is ok with it and said that i better not hurt her feelings. (Please bare with me I am cutting as many corners as I can to make it short) On thanksgiving day which was her fathers birthday she told him that he was not invited to come over and said that I would be their. But I could not be there though he did not know that. He ended up coming over with a card for her dad saying that he misses him and he wishes that he could see more of him! Then gives her a rose in front of everyone i mind you. she darts to her room in tears b/c she is mad at him. He follows and askes what is wrong? and she tells him that they are over with and said that I (me who is writing) has everything to offer her and he does not(he as the EX). Ok to the good part. Last night She told me that her EX and her are going to have pizza and do somthing afterwards. Just them two no one elce. I was mad b/c I knew that he was trying to do everything in his power to brake us up and get her back, and I told her that. She said that they were still friends and they will do stuff together. After a little more conversation he was there to pick her up. Before she left I asked her I had nothing to worry about. she mumbled along with a little laugh and said no. Then I asked her to call me when she got in that night, she said yes. I left two messages one a 11:30pm and the other at 1:30am telling her it was ok to call when she gets in. She did not call me that night. I got a hold of her tonight and she was very defenceof (sp sorry) . She said that she did not have to tell me anything. She said that I was not her father she does not have to check up or report to me. That got me mad b/c I am her boyfriend and she should respect me enough to let me know what they did that night. I found out that she got home at 3 am but that was all. I also told her that we need to talk tonight about this whole thing, she said that she was helping a friend with her paper and if it is not too late she will talk with me b/c she has to get up early.. ahhh....she can stay out with her EX till 3am but she can not talk to me about our relationship.. I am very confused, why would she not tell me? should I stay with her If she will not tell me these kind of things, is it right to keep that from me, does this mean that she will hide other things from me? This is so childish, Please Help me out........what to you think about this situation? THANK-Y0U

[kiey]

I have been in the situation before. My boyfriend had a ex that would not leave us alone. I waited a while to see if he would handle things himself, but after she began paging him at 2o'clock in the morning and putting in 911, I took it upon myself to handle the situation. I called her back and told her that she needed to back off. I then told him to tell her how things would be from now on. Well after that she stopped calling. I think you need to confront the young man in a civilized manner.

Help me please!!! In short, I dated a girl last year for about 1 month but I found out that she was seeing her ex behind my back. She said that she did that so she would not hurt his feelings, and that she still liked me. But her ex would not leave us alone, and she would not do anything about it b/c she wanted to remain friends with him and did not want to hurt his feelings. So I basically told her that I will not share her with him and she had to choose. Again she did not want to hurt his feelings b/c he said that he would hurt himself if she broke up with him. So I ended the relationship. Throught that year she dated one other person and then started dateing the EX again. They broke up a little more than 2 months ago. I am back in town and we were getting along just great, my feelings came back for her as did hers for me. Before we started to date again I asked her If they (her and EX) were over for good. She said yes, but they are still friends. I can not tell her what friends she can have so I over looked that b/c she said that she does not love him any more. Two weeks and one half weeks have gone by and her did not leave her alone, he would call her up a 1:30am so see how she was. He did not like the fact that we were seeing each other again. He finely told her that he is ok with it and said that i better not hurt her feelings. (Please bare with me I am cutting as many corners as I can to make it short) On thanksgiving day which was her fathers birthday she told him that he was not invited to come over and said that I would be their. But I could not be there though he did not know that. He ended up coming over with a card for her dad saying that he misses him and he wishes that he could see more of him! Then gives her a rose in front of everyone i mind you. she darts to her room in tears b/c she is mad at him. He follows and askes what is wrong? and she tells him that they are over with and said that I (me who is writing) has everything to offer her and he does not(he as the EX). Ok to the good part. Last night She told me that her EX and her are going to have pizza and do somthing afterwards. Just them two no one elce. I was mad b/c I knew that he was trying to do everything in his power to brake us up and get her back, and I told her that. She said that they were still friends and they will do stuff together. After a little more conversation he was there to pick her up. Before she left I asked her I had nothing to worry about. she mumbled along with a little laugh and said no. Then I asked her to call me when she got in that night, she said yes. I left two messages one a 11:30pm and the other at 1:30am telling her it was ok to call when she gets in. She did not call me that night. I got a hold of her tonight and she was very defenceof (sp sorry) . She said that she did not have to tell me anything. She said that I was not her father she does not have to check up or report to me. That got me mad b/c I am her boyfriend and she should respect me enough to let me know what they did that night. I found out that she got home at 3 am but that was all. I also told her that we need to talk tonight about this whole thing, she said that she was helping a friend with her paper and if it is not too late she will talk with me b/c she has to get up early.. ahhh....she can stay out with her EX till 3am but she can not talk to me about our relationship.. I am very confused, why would she not tell me? should I stay with her If she will not tell me these kind of things, is it right to keep that from me, does this mean that she will hide other things from me? This is so childish, Please Help me out........what to you think about this situation? THANK-Y0U

[Seira Salemon]

Help me please!!! In short, I dated a girl last year for about 1 month but I found out that she was seeing her ex behind my back. She said that she did that so she would not hurt his feelings, and that she still liked me. But her ex would not leave us alone, and she would not do anything about it b/c she wanted to remain friends with him and did not want to hurt his feelings. So I basically told her that I will not share her with him and she had to choose. Again she did not want to hurt his feelings b/c he said that he would hurt himself if she broke up with him. So I ended the relationship. Throught that year she dated one other person and then started dateing the EX again. They broke up a little more than 2 months ago. I am back in town and we were getting along just great, my feelings came back for her as did hers for me. Before we started to date again I asked her If they (her and EX) were over for good. She said yes, but they are still friends. I can not tell her what friends she can have so I over looked that b/c she said that she does not love him any more. Two weeks and one half weeks have gone by and her did not leave her alone, he would call her up a 1:30am so see how she was. He did not like the fact that we were seeing each other again. He finely told her that he is ok with it and said that i better not hurt her feelings. (Please bare with me I am cutting as many corners as I can to make it short) On thanksgiving day which was her fathers birthday she told him that he was not invited to come over and said that I would be their. But I could not be there though he did not know that. He ended up coming over with a card for her dad saying that he misses him and he wishes that he could see more of him! Then gives her a rose in front of everyone i mind you. she darts to her room in tears b/c she is mad at him. He follows and askes what is wrong? and she tells him that they are over with and said that I (me who is writing) has everything to offer her and he does not(he as the EX). Ok to the good part. Last night She told me that her EX and her are going to have pizza and do somthing afterwards. Just them two no one elce. I was mad b/c I knew that he was trying to do everything in his power to brake us up and get her back, and I told her that. She said that they were still friends and they will do stuff together. After a little more conversation he was there to pick her up. Before she left I asked her I had nothing to worry about. she mumbled along with a little laugh and said no. Then I asked her to call me when she got in that night, she said yes. I left two messages one a 11:30pm and the other at 1:30am telling her it was ok to call when she gets in. She did not call me that night. I got a hold of her tonight and she was very defenceof (sp sorry) . She said that she did not have to tell me anything. She said that I was not her father she does not have to check up or report to me. That got me mad b/c I am her boyfriend and she should respect me enough to let me know what they did that night. I found out that she got home at 3 am but that was all. I also told her that we need to talk tonight about this whole thing, she said that she was helping a friend with her paper and if it is not too late she will talk with me b/c she has to get up early.. ahhh....she can stay out with her EX till 3am but she can not talk to me about our relationship.. I am very confused, why would she not tell me? should I stay with her If she will not tell me these kind of things, is it right to keep that from me, does this mean that she will hide other things from me? This is so childish, Please Help me out........what to you think about this situation? THANK-Y0U In my opinion, I think you should leave her. Be objective, right now you are in the emotional state because you still have feeling for her, and on the other side she is hurting you. There is a lot of girls out there, nice girls. She is just wasting your precious time. You found her, I'm sure you can find a lot of better ones.

 

sincerely,

 

Seira

[Bails]

To fellow EX invaded

 

Don't worry about it.Is she really worth the effrot.If so then i suggest that you confront her ex.I don't mean that you should get into a boxing match but I think the best way to sort things out is to talk to the guy.If he doesn't see things your way then I think you might have to give him an ultimatim.If he provokes you I really suggest that you don't clobber him cos that'll just make her feel sorry for him.Rather try a back alley approach and screw him over in another way.He should realise that his ex has moved on to greener pastures and that you won't accept his pathetic attempts to get back in the action.

 

I am having a similar problem with my girlfriend's ex,except he is a total nutcase.He is always conveniently at the same place we go or ,like now,he is at the same holiday spot as her.This situation just pisses me the hell off.Whenever I say something bad about him in front of her she always backs him up.I've tried to talk to him but all he does is pravoke me.I'm not really a strong person when it comes to controlling my temper but I've managed to restrain from beating the crap out him.Unfortunately I don't know how long this restriant will last.If you have any suggestions on how to get this moron out of my life(short of ripping his head off)please feel free to share.

 

Bails

Help me please!!! In short, I dated a girl last year for about 1 month but I found out that she was seeing her ex behind my back. She said that she did that so she would not hurt his feelings, and that she still liked me. But her ex would not leave us alone, and she would not do anything about it b/c she wanted to remain friends with him and did not want to hurt his feelings. So I basically told her that I will not share her with him and she had to choose. Again she did not want to hurt his feelings b/c he said that he would hurt himself if she broke up with him. So I ended the relationship. Throught that year she dated one other person and then started dateing the EX again. They broke up a little more than 2 months ago. I am back in town and we were getting along just great, my feelings came back for her as did hers for me. Before we started to date again I asked her If they (her and EX) were over for good. She said yes, but they are still friends. I can not tell her what friends she can have so I over looked that b/c she said that she does not love him any more. Two weeks and one half weeks have gone by and her did not leave her alone, he would call her up a 1:30am so see how she was. He did not like the fact that we were seeing each other again. He finely told her that he is ok with it and said that i better not hurt her feelings. (Please bare with me I am cutting as many corners as I can to make it short) On thanksgiving day which was her fathers birthday she told him that he was not invited to come over and said that I would be their. But I could not be there though he did not know that. He ended up coming over with a card for her dad saying that he misses him and he wishes that he could see more of him! Then gives her a rose in front of everyone i mind you. she darts to her room in tears b/c she is mad at him. He follows and askes what is wrong? and she tells him that they are over with and said that I (me who is writing) has everything to offer her and he does not(he as the EX). Ok to the good part. Last night She told me that her EX and her are going to have pizza and do somthing afterwards. Just them two no one elce. I was mad b/c I knew that he was trying to do everything in his power to brake us up and get her back, and I told her that. She said that they were still friends and they will do stuff together. After a little more conversation he was there to pick her up. Before she left I asked her I had nothing to worry about. she mumbled along with a little laugh and said no. Then I asked her to call me when she got in that night, she said yes. I left two messages one a 11:30pm and the other at 1:30am telling her it was ok to call when she gets in. She did not call me that night. I got a hold of her tonight and she was very defenceof (sp sorry) . She said that she did not have to tell me anything. She said that I was not her father she does not have to check up or report to me. That got me mad b/c I am her boyfriend and she should respect me enough to let me know what they did that night. I found out that she got home at 3 am but that was all. I also told her that we need to talk tonight about this whole thing, she said that she was helping a friend with her paper and if it is not too late she will talk with me b/c she has to get up early.. ahhh....she can stay out with her EX till 3am but she can not talk to me about our relationship.. I am very confused, why would she not tell me? should I stay with her If she will not tell me these kind of things, is it right to keep that from me, does this mean that she will hide other things from me? This is so childish, Please Help me out........what to you think about this situation? THANK-Y0U