thatsonlyme Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 It's probably a stupid question but I'm wondering if there is anything that can make healing process faster and easier? Therapy, meditation, medication? I don't care what is it I just can't afford to have my life on hold anymore! In the beginning I was doing a lot better, I was going out, talking walks trying to talk to people, but now I feel like I'm just giving up! I have huge emotional swings, from being too self confident and overly positive, almost happy to moments when I'm completely in denial, analyzing everything, crying and wanting her back! I hang out with friends only one day a week because I don't have that many friends to begin with. All of my friends are mutual friends and I'm trying to avoid any contact with most of them. I wish people from LS could organize some sort of social club so we can hang out and help each other in person. I need a shoulder to cry on and I have nobody that close to me! I think I'm slipping into depression and that scares s**t out of me! Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Antidepressants and sleeping pills if you can't sleep can help, talk to your doctor. Hanging out with friends only once a week is not enough, you should be so busy so you'd come home exhausted and only to sleep. Check out meetup.com for groups near you - there are bunch of people looking to make new friends and connections and do some activities together. Helped me tremendously. I don't think there are any shortcuts. Just staying busy, trying not to obsess, finding anything that can distract you and to keep your mind occupied. And of course NC - staying away from the source of your pain. Good luck. There is a light in the end of the tunnel, have faith. Many people suffered through what you're going through now, and lived to tell about it. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 For me getting laid early and often seemed to accelerate my recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 9, 2010 Author Share Posted October 9, 2010 thanks for responses. Meetup.com sounds like a great idea, I've found it earlier and I joined one group so far. I work nights monday through friday so I can't really hang out that much. The worst thing is my mood is really bad even when I'm around other people unless I get wasted. I'm not rally showing my bad mood but I have hard time socializing, I feel kind of distant. Last thing I want is for new people to start thinking that I'm a weirdo or something. I had a NC for about a month, now we're in LC. I know it's not the best option but we still have some unfinished business and if by the time we're done with that I don't start feeling better I will cut off all contact. I even told her that. Getting laid is unfortunately not an option for me because I kept my social contacts on a bare minimum during 5 years of our relationship. I avoided contact with girls especially, because I was a fool, tried to avoid temptation and also because I dedicated all my free time to her. Now I wish I had someone at least for casual sex, but I don't think it's gonna happen anytime soon. Just thinking about that makes me feel depressed. I know there is a light, but I'm 31 years old and I don't even know anything about dating! My last two serious relationships were with girls I met through friends and connection developed spontaneously, there was no typical dating involved. It's been 9 years since my last date and to tell you the truth I don't even remember what it feels like. On top of that I'm not dealing with kids anymore, those are grown up women and I don't know how to deal with them. Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 I'm there with you man. I'm 30 and single. Haven't been on a date in awhile myself and don't even know where to start. And guess what? It's the weekend and I'm already hating it. I ****ing hate weekends because I usually spend most of my time depressed unless I'm out doing something. I'm going to force myself to go out to a salsa club because if I don't I will just keep getting more depressed by the hour. I don't know if it helps, but you aren't alone... My ex is already screwing some other guy and I'm barely even functional. Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) Antidepressants and sleeping pills if you can't sleep can help, talk to your doctor. Hanging out with friends only once a week is not enough, you should be so busy so you'd come home exhausted and only to sleep. Check out meetup.com for groups near you - there are bunch of people looking to make new friends and connections and do some activities together. Helped me tremendously. I don't think there are any shortcuts. Just staying busy, trying not to obsess, finding anything that can distract you and to keep your mind occupied. And of course NC - staying away from the source of your pain. Good luck. There is a light in the end of the tunnel, have faith. Many people suffered through what you're going through now, and lived to tell about it. I agree with all of this. Good advice Just don't give up, whatever you do. I know how you feel Edited October 9, 2010 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 I'm going through it myself too and I'm having a really bad night. It doesn't feel like it's ever going to get any better and it feels like I'm going to be alone and single for the rest of my life. I really wanted to have had a family and kids by now but I guess it just wasn't in the cards for me yet. I'm trying to hang in there as best as I can, but it's been hard today and this weekend will likely be even more difficult. I'm extremely depressed. Sorry for the thread jack. Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
xinchao123 Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 I'm there with you man. I'm 30 and single. Haven't been on a date in awhile myself and don't even know where to start. And guess what? It's the weekend and I'm already hating it. I ****ing hate weekends because I usually spend most of my time depressed unless I'm out doing something. I'm going to force myself to go out to a salsa club because if I don't I will just keep getting more depressed by the hour. I don't know if it helps, but you aren't alone... My ex is already screwing some other guy and I'm barely even functional. Jeff Salsa club is the next thing i take, it will be good and fun so I don't spend much time missing her. Hope you have fun man @thatsonlyme: I think you just take logical steps to heal properly, if you take shortcuts, you will go back to square one eventually and feel much worse. Try to miss her to forget her, that is what I'm doing right now. Good luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 9, 2010 Author Share Posted October 9, 2010 Thanks for all responses. Today I feel much better. Probably because all this LC thing finally benefited me in some way. Let me explain. We had great life together. We accomplished a lot, had plans together, started this business together. I started driving a cab so I can have more flexible schedule and work on our business. I got my dealers license and started selling cars. We had nice savings and we were planing to invest all this money into our business. We had a nice apartment near downtown chicago that I loved so much. We bought the car I always wanted a 3 series bmw, paid off. we were not rich by any means but we had enough for our needs. After we split I left my our apartment and almost everything in it. She kept the car while I kept some money so I can invest more into this business. She still owes me some money. In one day I lost the love of my life, my home and my car. The money I kept wasn't enough to buy more cars so i was stuck with one car and some cash and since I moved to suburbs I need that car to get around so I can't sell it and re-invest. Basically I drove a cab for two months just to pay my bills while she was having all the fun! Finally I decided to stop being a nice guy so we met today and I told her that I either need money (which she doesn't have) or a car for at least a month until I move back to the city. She was cool with that so tonight I finally got my bimmer back, at least for a while! I haven't been this happy in ages! I'm having a weekend off and I'm going to finally enjoy it! driving that car always puts a smile on my face and now I feel like at least part of my life is back! little things can make us happy. Honestly I don't even think I miss her that much. She's changed so much and I think I miss my old life more than her. If I could have my home, my car and somebody next to me I think I would be happy! I'm moving to my new home next month, I'm planning to buy a new car so I can give this one back to her, now all I need is somebody who cares about me and I think I'll be golden! Ok, I'm lying. I still miss her somewhat, but getting my life back on track would definitely help me heal! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 9, 2010 Author Share Posted October 9, 2010 @jeff2321 I don't know where you live buddy but if you live near chicago let me know and we can hang out, grab some drinks and forget about everything. I think I might just start a new thread, why the hell people from LS couldn't get together and help each other? There are so many lonely people on LS and I'm one of them. Having somebody who's going through the same could help us all! Link to post Share on other sites
SadGirl23 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) got your car back! look at you! sad, but that's the kind of spirit you need right now b/c breakups are a rollercoaster especially when its still new. I wish I had some people to vent with who are dealing with a breakup like myself. All my friends are currently "in love" with their new potential bfs/gfs. I'm like the only single one now! I'm just like you. Somedays I feel so confident and other days, I just feel like I am faking the smiles and the laughter. I don't think there is much shortcuts to get over someone as everyone seems to snap out of the grief at different times. I am at 2.5 mths post breakup after a 5 year relationship (yes he dumped me). Seems so fast but I feel like I am moving on! I almost feel like I am at the point where I could careless if this guy exists. My heart and mind almost seems like it's trying to protect me from further bs from him. I may be jinxing myself but I certainly feel that way right now. Edited October 10, 2010 by SadGirl23 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 getting my car back, even for a while definitely made me happy(er). I'm happy you're doing good sadgirl23. I'm in the same situation, my friends are all in love, married and such so I feel left out. Link to post Share on other sites
SadGirl23 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 awww.. I know the feeling with all the friends being in love and what not! I really want you to remember that one day you will eventually be happy in your life all around. It's not that way right now, but it will be! It's so hard to see it that way as I wake up sometimes and cry my eyes out. But it is comforting to know that I will be happy again even if I find someone new. Hell, I hate the process of dating and getting to know someone allllll over again, but I can't wait when I can smile and it truly feels worth it to smile. u know? Good luck to you hun! Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 One word: Distraction. That's right, stay busy. Be social (even if you have to force yourself to go out). Exercise. Fresh air and sunshine are like natural anti-depressants. Try not to think about when it's going to be over...just take one day at a time. Avoid any romantic reminders in the form of films or particular songs, and also places that you two used go. Write your thoughts down on LS, or in a journal (you'll laugh about it afterwards, when you have healed). But most important, is to kick yourself with a reality check every time those memories/flashbacks creep back into your head...when you're alone. Stay NC! Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 @jeff2321 I don't know where you live buddy but if you live near chicago let me know and we can hang out, grab some drinks and forget about everything. I think I might just start a new thread, why the hell people from LS couldn't get together and help each other? There are so many lonely people on LS and I'm one of them. Having somebody who's going through the same could help us all! I would love to hang out but I'm in Denver Colorado and there seem to only be a few LS'ers on this board. I can't contact them yet because I don't have enough posts yet ( or something ). I may be in Chicago temporarily sometime this year for a job function -- if I come out that way I can look you up! Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
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