Getting over girl I work with

[BlueMoonshine]

Holy Crap - this pretty much mimics my situation.

 

I started going out with a girl from work for a couple of months, I broke it off because I couldnt commit to her timelines (you know the type - move in within 6 months, engaged within 12, kids with 1.5, etc), I started to miss her (miss her or miss the companionship?), in the meantime she started making herself available to another guy at the same work within days (rebound!), but she still had strong feelings for me (flirting, calling), we started a reconcilitation a few weeks later (got initimate, told me she loved me and cared for me), then the next night she goes out with this other guy, gets drunk and changes her mind....and that's when my 4 week downward spiral started. Lost, betrayed, confused, hurt, in pain, depressed...you name it, I felt it.....truly aweful!

 

 

After I found out what had happened, I tried NC and it hurt me even more. NC just doesn't work with a co-worker. I needed answers or complete NC and I had neither. I was in agony for weeks not knowing where we were. In the fall-out from that night, she stated she wouldn't pursue a relationship with this other guy until she sorted herself out. Of course, she was lying as I found out later.

 

In the end, I went through a couple of counselors and lots of support from friends and the only thing that was going to work for me was for us to get real and solid about things (mostly her). So we met up for a drink or two to discuss things (this was last week).... we cried (I never begged), we talked and about half way through our meeting I simply asked "Are you with this other guy?"...and she said yes. And that was it. Done. All those questions burning through my mind for weeks on how someone who was so into me was suddenly not wanting to give it another go, who despite wanting to stay friends decided to shut me out, who was acting cold, etc. I saw her tears, I saw her pain and most importantly for me, I also some someone who simply wanted to move on and bail out. Sure, she knows she f'cked up and that's something she'll have to deal with.....i think it will also come back to bite her on the ass....call it karma.

 

Anyway, its been about 5 weeks since we were last time intimate and I feel I'm in a much strong place emotionally since then - mostly because of the sit-down we had. I don't cry anymore about her and I miss her very little. I don't want her back or hate her either. She's trying to be friendly and that's fine, but that's where it stops with me.

[shelbyC]

Hi andys,

 

I doubly agree with everyone who says that NC with a co-worker is VERY DIFFICULT. You must see them, talk to them, and it's not exactly easy to just get away without making the room all tense or having to explain to other co-workers the gist of the situation. How are the demographics at your workplace? Are there alot of people that love this sort of gossip? I think that would make it even harder, what with knowing everyone else knows and talks about it.

 

I think BlueMoonshine brought up something very important with closure in that he asked her the questions he had been thinking. Has she told you exactly why you had broken up? As in, more specifically than something "didn't work"? Once you find those things out, it might help take a huge weight off your shoulders.

 

Until then, keep busy! Spend time with your friends, and doing activities you enjoy, invest in that instead of staying at home checking facebook. Good luck.

[andys]

Hi andys,

 

I doubly agree with everyone who says that NC with a co-worker is VERY DIFFICULT. You must see them, talk to them, and it's not exactly easy to just get away without making the room all tense or having to explain to other co-workers the gist of the situation. How are the demographics at your workplace? Are there alot of people that love this sort of gossip? I think that would make it even harder, what with knowing everyone else knows and talks about it.

 

I think BlueMoonshine brought up something very important with closure in that he asked her the questions he had been thinking. Has she told you exactly why you had broken up? As in, more specifically than something "didn't work"? Once you find those things out, it might help take a huge weight off your shoulders.

 

Until then, keep busy! Spend time with your friends, and doing activities you enjoy, invest in that instead of staying at home checking facebook. Good luck.

 

Well I found out today, by accident, who her new boyfriend is, turns out she's seeing another guy at work. Someone mentioned it today at work, they're both off work and apparently they've gone away together, they're in a relationship after just 3 weeks of dating, at least she's getting a name for herself as the office bike now. I wouldn't say he's a friend of mine but he does live nearby, I'm surprised I haven't seen her car parked near my house though, in a way knowing who she's now dating has helped me move on.

[andys]

Holy Crap - this pretty much mimics my situation.

 

I started going out with a girl from work for a couple of months, I broke it off because I couldnt commit to her timelines (you know the type - move in within 6 months, engaged within 12, kids with 1.5, etc), I started to miss her (miss her or miss the companionship?), in the meantime she started making herself available to another guy at the same work within days (rebound!), but she still had strong feelings for me (flirting, calling), we started a reconcilitation a few weeks later (got initimate, told me she loved me and cared for me), then the next night she goes out with this other guy, gets drunk and changes her mind....and that's when my 4 week downward spiral started. Lost, betrayed, confused, hurt, in pain, depressed...you name it, I felt it.....truly aweful!

 

 

After I found out what had happened, I tried NC and it hurt me even more. NC just doesn't work with a co-worker. I needed answers or complete NC and I had neither. I was in agony for weeks not knowing where we were. In the fall-out from that night, she stated she wouldn't pursue a relationship with this other guy until she sorted herself out. Of course, she was lying as I found out later.

 

In the end, I went through a couple of counselors and lots of support from friends and the only thing that was going to work for me was for us to get real and solid about things (mostly her). So we met up for a drink or two to discuss things (this was last week).... we cried (I never begged), we talked and about half way through our meeting I simply asked "Are you with this other guy?"...and she said yes. And that was it. Done. All those questions burning through my mind for weeks on how someone who was so into me was suddenly not wanting to give it another go, who despite wanting to stay friends decided to shut me out, who was acting cold, etc. I saw her tears, I saw her pain and most importantly for me, I also some someone who simply wanted to move on and bail out. Sure, she knows she f'cked up and that's something she'll have to deal with.....i think it will also come back to bite her on the ass....call it karma.

 

Anyway, its been about 5 weeks since we were last time intimate and I feel I'm in a much strong place emotionally since then - mostly because of the sit-down we had. I don't cry anymore about her and I miss her very little. I don't want her back or hate her either. She's trying to be friendly and that's fine, but that's where it stops with me.

 

Wow, our situation is almost identical. Yeah the girl I was seeing is also seeing another coworker now, I only found this out by accident yesterday, but oddly I feel over her knowing who she's seeing. He's a nice guy so fair enough, I'm a bit annoyed that they probably shared details on me though, and he lives opposite me. She's getting a name at work for being a girl that sleeps around the office though.

 

Update, just found out they're going away on vacation together for 2 weeks next month, damn they're moving fast!

Edited October 13, 2010 by andys