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[dafreekinpope]

LONG STORY

My girlfriend and I used to be so in love! I am 17 and I know that at my age love just doesn't last forever but I want to keep this going as long as I possibly can and I do not want people to tell me to just leave her because she is bad to me.

 

I am insecure and paranoid and I don't know why! It doesn't help the situation because in the past before me she would hook up with guys all the time (three in one night at one point) but she never had sex before me and I am her first. Her relationships before me were all with *******s that treated her like ****. I love cheesy romantics and being the really cute and a loving boyfriend and she used to love when i was like that. We had so many good times together and I've grown extremely extremely close to her mother and sister (possibly because my mother lives across the country) and I don't want to let any of that go.

 

But lately she had seemed to be getting progressively more annoyed at everything I do and say. It got to a point where she just made me feel like ****. She recently asked me if she could dance with other guys at a school dance that was coming up because she thought I would want to do the same. I pretty much freaked out because obviously that is not a good sign and said no without question and she said she understood completely. After that she continued with the attitude toward everything I do and say. We used to talk about things and work them out together aallll the time but when i tried this time she forgot what we were even talking about the next day and I saw it as a massive lack of caring for me. So i broke up with her just to try and shake her out of this mental state she is in. She cried and fought to get me back which was exactly what i was hoping for and things were great....for a short time.

 

Then she asked if she could go to a school dance in another town with a guy friend on her swim team that is from another town without me(i know him and i am one million percent sure it is absolutely nothing with him) she reassured me she would only dance with him and that's it. I took a HHUUGGEE step in my insecurity and said yes she could go but only if she promises to only dance with him and that's it, so she promised. I also asked for her to just text me while at the dance and she flipped! She said "Its not trusting me if your gonna be texting me the whole time" and I got pissed off because instead of seeing the huge step i took by letting her go to a dance with another guy without me going at all she see's texting her as not trusting which is bull**** cause she could just lie to me over text and i would never know.

 

About a week and a half after i broke up with her on Saturday night it was business as usual. I tucked her into bed which I do often and she said "goodnight i love you baby". THE NEXT MORNING she texts me "I've been thinking about things and I don't know if I'm happy". I said don't bull**** me and just break up with me if that's what you want. She said "I'm not sure if i love you anymore" but was unsure about breaking up completely. I was sure she would break up with me and the next day I took the day off of school so I could get over it but ended up breaking down and crying all day and taking a total of 12 showers because i didn't know what to do with myself.

 

The next day turns out she didn't break up with me yet and came up with the idea to hang out less.. This didn't make sense to me due to the fact that because of her swim team schedule we can only hang out outside of school on Friday and Saturday nights anyway. And a lot of times when we did hang out we just sat around her house doing nothing. So I thought we should only not hang out when we have nothing to do and she said no. For example tonight there is a bonfire that we could go to together and have fun instead of sitting around the house but she refused and now she is going to this bonfire and i am ordered by her not to go. I feel like she is making excuses not to be with me now and after a fight I decided to go along with it anyway and told myself she just needs a little space. I asked if she wanted to just take a break and see and she said no she wants to try this first (this is huge because we both know i am totally against breaks but this shows how desperate i am).

 

I don't know what to do now though, my insecurity and paranoia are driving me insane. This is our first Friday and Saturday nights not together in about eight months and she is going to that boy's bonfire that I know and I am ordered not to go to and then sleeping over a friend's house Saturday night leaving me to sit at home and cry over this whole thing. We aren't going to see each other until Tuesday. Surprisingly I trust her to go a lot more than I thought I would and am relatively sure she would not cheat on me but there is still some doubt especially considering her past habits and the fact that she wanted to "dance with other guys". The plan between us is that this whole weekend we do not see each other so that next weekend when we hang out it will be something new and fun...that's the best case scenario right now. As I mentioned before all her boyfriends before me treated her like dirt and I am nothing like other guys my age and do anything and everything for her which is why I don't know why she is unhappy with me all of a sudden. I am desperate Please help and tell me what I need to do to keep this alive!

[Untouchable_Fire]

This is our first Friday and Saturday nights not together in about eight months and she is going to that boy's bonfire that I know and I am ordered not to go to and then sleeping over a friend's house Saturday night leaving me to sit at home and cry over this whole thing.

 

She has another guy. Deny it all you want, but she is cheating on you.

 

So, you can sit at home and cry or you can just dump her and begin moving forward.

 

If you seriously want her back... your going to have to dump her anyways. She probably still cares for you, but is really turned off by you acting like a desperate insecure little girl. So, she has found herself a new man. This is just what women do.

 

I know that's not what you wanted to hear but, Best of Luck!

[dafreekinpope]

I know what you're saying but we've had an incident when she liked somebody else and he asked her to cheat and she wouldn't no matter what...we wroked it out a while ago and she doesn't even remember him anymore

 

Also I check out her phone all the time and she doesn't text anyone but me and some girlfriends and her mom so I'm not sure......tell me if this changes things?

[In Like Flynn]

So why does she want to do this with another guy and not you? This smells very bad!!! Look she just wants to go out and sample other guys but have you as a back-up. The thing about being the back-up plan is that once you are one its near impossible to ever be #1 again!!! She has basically told you that you are going to be replaced and just wants time to conduct a search for her new boyfriend. Oh and she also wants to "SAMPLE" the goods of these other guys as well.

 

Time to put your foot down and tell her either she places all her chips on your side of the table or just take them all away for good!!

[dafreekinpope]

This whole thing is just hard to handle. But you may be right. How do I know though? Like I've gone to fires without her a few times that were held by one of my friends that is a girl.....so how can I tell the difference between harmless bonfire (which was last night) and what you said because if she wasn't doing anything and I put my foot down and say that stuff than she will see my lack of trusting her and that was one of the reasons she wasn't happy anymore.......its a sticky situation

Edited October 9, 2010 by dafreekinpope

[Woman In Blue]

Look dafreekinpope, much as you don't want to hear it, you're a teenage boy. You're going to have many, many relationships in your young adult life before you finally find the one for you. This girl is only a stepping stone along the way. It's unrealistic to assume she's your life partner at this point - you're both still in high school and have yet to experience real life.

 

She'll be your first love and first heartbreak but guess what? She won't be your last. Not by a long shot. Just don't do something stupid like get her pregnant.

 

She's a young girl who has yet to live and is still just trying out her wings. It's senseless and futile to think you can clip them and keep her for life. I'm sorry, but it is.

 

And if you're sitting home on a Saturday night crying and/or being "paranoid" all the time - at 17 years old - I seriously suggest you ask your parents to take you to a doctor or therapist to see if perhaps some medication might be in order. Sweetie, you're just way too young for all this drama and angst. A year from now, you'll look back at all this and it will be seem like a lifetime away.