Cheater Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 So I just cheated on my boyfriend. Last night too. The guy is a co-worker and friend of his. Go figure, right? Things are complicated - I cant screw things up with him. Which means I cant tell him. And I cant break up with him. And I dont feel guilty. At all. But I still care about him. A little confused. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm starting to think I'm the worst person to walk this planet since Hitler at the moment. But I still dont feel guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Don't worry, Bush is the worst person since Hitler. What are you after? You want us to make you feel guilty? You ask for advice. Advice: Have the human decency to either stop what you're doing, or break it off from your boyfriend, whom you don't respect enough to invest yourself in honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheater Posted February 29, 2004 Author Share Posted February 29, 2004 Snippy much? I have no desire to feel guilt. I'd like some reason as to why I dont. And I cant break it off with him. So lose that idea. (Hit the wrong button - ignore below thread). Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I'm not qualified to answer a question as to why you don't feel guilty doing something reprehensible. You say that you can't break it off with him. This concerns me. Are you afraid of violence? It's hard to solicit answers when you don't give much (usually specific) information. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheater Posted February 29, 2004 Author Share Posted February 29, 2004 I've cheated once before. The guy proceed to commit suicide (I do not think it had much to do with me - more of the "straw that broke the camel's back" theory). However, I've tried to break it off with this guy before, and he's called me constantly, saying he "wants to hurt himself" and cant see a point in living without me ... Contrary to how it may seem, I do really care about him. And if breaking up with him would cause him to want to cause himself harm, what would knowing that I'd done something like this do? Beside's which, he's my dad's boss' son, which means my father would suffer for my mistakes. I live in a small community. This wouldnt be wise. Is that enough information? Please do not think any of the above is a justification for what I am doing (which seems, so far, to be turning into an affair). There is none. All I can say is my self-control seems to be lacking, and this guy has me completly facinated. Again, that is not a justification. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I'm not judging you, but that's the definition of a justification. No one should be trapped in such an unhealthy and dangerous situation, I'm sorry that you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheater Posted February 29, 2004 Author Share Posted February 29, 2004 Of course it is. But it isnt meant as one. And perhaps I should be judged. Either way, no sympathy please - I hate it. I didnt want to be specific for that reason. The whole thing is purely physical - he's just a friend, if you delve any deeper. Which is the kind of "relationship" I seem to be best at. I dont want to leave my boyfriend for this other guy (at least not yet, and I dont see it in the near future). But I still dont want to stop. I'm not making any sense, and I have the feeling that I'm contradicting myself left and right. Basics: I have a boyfriend. I'm messing around with someone else. I still care about the guy I'm with. There's nothing but friendship and attraction with the other guy. And I dont see any way to change anything. I dont have the desire to either. Make's you wonder why I posted this whole thing in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by Cheater Make's you wonder why I posted this whole thing in the first place. It certainly does. I do feel for your situation, but you don't want that, so I'll with draw it as a courtesy. You're fine with the way things are. You're hurting someone, even if he doesn't know, but honestly, who doesn't hurt people throughout their life? You don't have my blessings, nor my condemnations, nor my sympathy. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Is telling the boyfriend that you want to continue to date, but see other people, not an option? Also, are you not worried that his suicidal thoughts/threats will kick into overdrive when he finds out you've been messing around with one of his friends? Would the other guy be in any danger? If you can possibly tell him what you've been up to, I think it would be best. For the both of you. If you care about him at all. Good luck to you. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cheater Posted February 29, 2004 Author Share Posted February 29, 2004 I've tried that, but he said he couldnt deal with the thought of me with another guy (go figure). I really dont think he will figure it out. And as terrible as this may sound (I suppose it is terrible), he trusts me too much to even entertain that thought. And he isnt a violent person in the least. At least not to other people. So as far as I can see, the other guy isnt in any danger. If I could, I would. Get out. Tell him. Whichever. But I'm really not seeing any options here. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 No one is responsible for another's life in this way. Your experience with your ex has made you vulnerable to people who attempt to make you responsible for their life - does your current bf know this? I suspect so. You would not accept this situation if it were not for your past. To that extent it is determining your future. Deal with it so it can no longer have such a detrimental effect on you. It is very unlikely that your current bf will do anythinng silly if you end it. Once you no longer feel so responsible for him you will need to end it and help him get support from others if he needs it. He knows the score, he chooses not to believe it. You will either end up increasingly unhappy and ambivalent to him while he turns a blind eye to your cheating or you are heading for a crisis. Both will cause far more pain and heartache than sorting the situation out now. The guy you slept with is a red herring - deal with what's causing the problem. You feel no guilt because you know your bf has manipulated you into a position you do not want to be in - staying with him out of guilt and fear. You are getting your own back in the only way that seems safe. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I don't think there is anything wrong with you except that you are very young and probably a bit of a rookie where relationships are concerned. At eighteen, you should be meeting and dating a variety of different people to get a sense of who you are and what you are looking for in a committed partner later on. "Sewing your oats"... so to speak. Perhaps it isn't a good idea to enter into any 'committed' relationships at this point. You won't hurt people if you don't make promises you're unable to keep. And chances are, the boyfriend you are with now will not end up being the one you marry unless you accidentally get pregnant. Enjoy your youth and your opportunity to explore the many opportunities that are available to you without intentionally hurting anyone in the process. One day when you finally discover what it is to REALLY fall in love, your outlook may change drastically in regard to infidelity and cheating. But if you want to be 'good' at sustaining relationships in the future, it is best to start practicing honesty and integrity now. Bad relationship behavior now may develop into destructive behavior patterns or "habits" which may sabotage your adult relationships later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Don't worry, Bush is the worst person since Hitler. .....Dyer, I think that should be stated as your personal opinion.... Cheater, You can't live your life stuck in a relationship due to 'pity' or 'worry'. If your boyfriend isn't what you want in your life....break up with him. Let the chips fall where they may...... I agree with Meanon (as usual).....you don't feel guilty because you are stuck in this relationship due to emotional manipulation. And you know what??? You are right. You shouldn't feel guilty. Some people don't know when to let go of a relationship and they hang on like a pathetic ball and chain. Don't enable him to continue doing this. Break up with him and THEN get on with living your life the way you want to. If he catches you cheating, he will just become more needy and wierd. Guys who can't take a hint.....just ANNOY me! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess .....Dyer, I think that should be stated as your personal opinion.... 'Twas Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Twasn't mine. LOL! Hey, I haven't commented on the new pic. I like it but kind of miss the old one. This one DOES remind me a little of Dave1234 though...all that hair...... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I agree with Meanon (as usual)..... LOL THANKS Arabess, praise indeed Twasn't mine Oh yes, apart from THAT Link to post Share on other sites
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