Already problems....he blames me for being a tease...and much more....

[longlegzs80]

I was out tonight with the new guy who I have been dating for several weeks. We had a good time, drank, went to his apartment, made out things got alittle heated and I just stopped him from proceeding. I seen a side of him that I don't want to see and he seriously makes me think if I should keep going in the relationship or not. He blames me for the just stopping when we were seriously getting hot and heated in a makeout session that left both of our pants down to our knees and I stopped it. But he was truely pissed off at me because I stopped which is understandable because it was in his eye considered teasing and very very wrong.

 

But he made me feel really bad about not staying over just to sleep over and made me feel bad for just being me. I have feelings for this guy, and he told me that he is in love with me which I find to be very very fast. But, I told him the reason why we did not go all the way is because it would of been too fast and it is not like I am not ready for it, but it is just too soon. Even with the staying over thing is just too soon, and yes I was a tease but I was really into the kissing thing and yes I wanted more, which scares me because I don't want to get pregnant. And I told him I just stopped because I don't want to deal with the consequences and he said horse ****. Which is the totally truth. But, I am beginning to wonder.

 

He wants me to think about it and tell him what I want from him as far as if I want a relationship or not, which I told him yes, but the thing is my mom is seriously someone I bring up all the time which she still has controll over my life. And he is pissed off by it and wants me to stay over but I told him that it is too soon.

 

Yeah, I did the wrong thing by undressing him, but that is what I am so used to with other guys, and this guy just wants me to forget about everything and stay here with him while he works and does his thing and I do nothing just be with him. Plus, I don't like how he talks about my mom. And I told him my mom is all I have and he just keep getting more POed. So, whats should I do?

[dyermaker]

It is physically uncomfortable for one to experience a partner go from inducing sexual arousal to a termination of such stimulation. It's polite for such discretionary judgement calls to be made prior to teasing him, even if that wasn't your intention.

 

That said, I'd never be rude and hurtful about it unless I didn't give a crap about you anyway.

 

Teasing's not cool, but neither is behaving like a two-year old about it. Both of you should set some boundaries and cut it out.

 

I would give him a chance to recover from his blueballs, and apologize to you. If this doesn't happen, it's indicitave of the way he feels about your role sexually in the relationship, and it's not cool.

[meanon]

Apologise for giving him mixed messages and say that it won't happen again. Tell him you are not quite ready yet and that you expect him to care about you enough to wait until you are or it's over. Don't mention Mum too much

[clia]

He blames me for the just stopping when we were seriously getting hot and heated in a makeout session that left both of our pants down to our knees and I stopped it. But he was truely pissed off at me because I stopped which is understandable because it was in his eye considered teasing and very very wrong.

 

RED flag! It is your right to stop things whenever you feel uncomfortable--I don't care whose pants are down. If he cared about you, he would respect this and not get pissed off. You laid out some very solid reasons for wanting to take things slow. His response is just crappy.

 

That said, since you want to take things slowly, perhaps you should stop going over to his place and engaging in these make out sessions to stay away from temptation. Only see him in public from now on.

 

But he made me feel really bad about not staying over just to sleep over and made me feel bad for just being me.

 

RED flag! Do you really want to be with a guy who makes you feel bad? Who can't respect your wishes that you aren't ready for sex and don't want to sleep over?

 

I have feelings for this guy, and he told me that he is in love with me which I find to be very very fast.

 

It is too fast. And if he truly loved you, he wouldn't mind waiting beyond a few weeks to have sex.

 

 

It seems like to him relationship = sex. While this is true after a certain point, you two have really just met. It is your prerogative to take things slow if you want. If he doesn't like it, too bad! You can go off and find someone else.

 

Plus, I don't like how he talks about my mom. And I told him my mom is all I have and he just keep getting more POed. So, whats should I do?

 

Please remember that due to your age difference, the two of you are at very different points in your life. At your age (LOL), it's still perfectly normal that your mom is a big part of your life. Maybe he just doesn't get that. At any rate, if you are already seeing things you don't like about him, it may be time to rethink whether or not you even want to keep seeing him. I'm worried that he is taking advantage of you.

[Arabess]

I would suggest if you don't want to sleep with him....to kiss and say 'good night at the door'. DO NOT take his clothes off and then back out.

 

If you don't want to have sex yet with this guy.....DON'T. But don't lead him to believe you are if you have no intention of doing so. He is older and will see this as playing a game.

 

A fear of pregnancy shouldn't be the reason. Maybe a fear of intimacy.....

 

Deal with THAT....decide what you really do want from this relationship.....and be honest with him....and yourself.

[befuddled11]

Okay, okay, cool down.

 

You did ADMIT that you were a tease.

 

You admit that you "undressed him"......so what were you thinking? Sorry, but you don't get a guy all hot and bothered and go so far as undressing him, and acting in such a way that he's got every reason to believe that you want to go all the way, then you STOP ABRUPTLY and expect him to understand. I'm not saying you should have sex if you're not ready......you shouldn't, but you also shouldn't give a guy mixed messages and behave in such a way that he has every reason to believe he's going to get laid. With the wrong guy, being this way can get you raped....because with the wrong guy, he becomes ANGRY that you're teasing him......

 

If a woman is not ready to have sex, she shouldn't be going back to the guy's apartment, tease him, undress him, then get all bent out of shape because he's not impressed that she wants to stop. Don't put yourself in stupid and risky situations.

[longlegzs80]

I know I made a huge mistake. I totally regret it, and yesturday was the first time we kissed and yeah I did want to go further because I love the make out thing and I love sex, but I don't know why I stopped. I did wrong by undressing him, and he did not appreciate that at all which I understand. I wanted sex. I wanted to make out, but I realized that I could get myself into trouble and with it being way too soon I should of thought about that. But really when you are in the heat of the moment and just love to feel more skin and enjoy the passion, you don't think about those things. I just thought about that at the wrong time and it was not my intention to hurt him at all or even go as far as I did which was so so so stupid.

 

But what I don't understand is he could of just talked to me about it then getting really nasty. Now, with talking to him other times, it don't seem like he is interested in just the sex thing from me. He told me flat out that he would of just been happy to makeout and have me stay over. No sex though. And yeah I would of stayed over as much as it is kinda quick, but I do think about my mom and what she has to say. And I told him that my mom is all I have, and I don't want the relationship that my mom and I have to be ruined because I go off with this guy and do inapproapriate stuff with him. I have been brought up learning that if I ever have sex I need to get myself on birthcontrol which I think is the truth and something I should still do, but with us just meeting and doing all that which is my fault exactly, I should of thought better. I want things slow and he is willing to wait but it seems as if he is loosing patience with me very quickly because of how I am and with what I have done which was stupid but I realize that completely.

[SoleMate]

he could have just talked to me about it rather than getting really nasty

Yes. I agree that your actions were not wise or considerate, but his were even worse. So I guess now you're "even".

 

Bottom line, I am quite sure that this fellow does not have your best interests at heart. If you're interested in some meaningless sex with someone who's nasty to you, cuts down on your beloved mom, and wants to run your life HIS way, he's your man!

 

what should I do?

Tell him, "This is over, don't call me again."

[Arabess]

He'll get over it once his serious case of 'blue balls' disappears! Actually, he will probably like you more because of it.

[longlegzs80]

I don't want to be so stupid, but I have feelings for him. I like being around him and enjoy his company, but I don't know what to do. I want to keep seeing him, but he has to understand that I live with my mom and that she obviously is going to be concerned for me so I don't understand why he has to bash her and be nasty about it. And yes, I know I am going to be 23 in just a week of so and that I can make my own decisions, but I don't want to be with someone who is going to be nasty to me and say bad stuff about my mom.

[SoleMate]

I don't want to be with someone who is going to be nasty to me and say bad stuff about my mom.

Yeah, no kidding. I think you've just solved your own problem. Your long legs were made fer walkin', and that's just whut they'll do...

 

Approximately 18 days from today, you will meet a really nice, fun, single guy who is respectful towards you and your relationship with your mom, and who will care about you so much he'll go at your speed with respect to sex. Be sure to post when you spot him!

[moimeme]

he told me that he is in love with me

 

Forget everything else. This is a HUGE red flag.

 

As for your mother, first you post several posts saying you're sick of her interfering in your life and you wish she'd buzz off (you are old enough to manage your own life, after all) and all of a sudden you don't have to want sex because mommy won't approve. I think you need to sort out your relationship with your mother - are you forging your own path or are you more dependent on her and her opinion than you want to admit to yourself?

 

Either way, you don't sound at all ready for this relationship. But most important is the fact that he's saying he's 'in love' with you. It is way too soon. You are also finding things you don't like - that your gut tells you are wrong. Now here's where you'll make your mistake. You will ignore the gut instincts and red flags because you like this guy. You'll get involved anyway. Maybe even marry him. And then, when he displays the very same behaviours that you don't like now, you'll say he 'changed' after you married him. See how this works?

 

This is the reason people need to pay attention to warning flags.

[Darkangelism]

You have three issues, one he is moving too fast, two you are being a tease and three your mother is still contolling your life too much.

 

 

You and everybody else will disagree with my solution, but go see a shrink, they can help you figure out what is making you have isues with your mom and your intimacy issues(though this time he was moving too fast)

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Darkangelism

this time he was moving too fast

In consentual relations, it takes two.

[Samson]

ILMFHO ARABESS:

 

He'll get over it once his serious case of 'blue balls' disappears! Actually, he will probably like you more because of it.

 

I thought the same EXACT thing!

 

Are we evil, or have we both been around the block long enough to know....

 

I'll speak for myself and plead being evil.

[moimeme]

In consentual relations, it takes two.

 

Dyer, she's not claiming to be 'in love' with him. He is definitely moving too fast in this respect.

[Samson]

Come On Moimeme, get real! They're both "in lust" regardless of what he might have said:

 

a makeout session that left both of our pants down to our knees

 

It doesn't sound like either were moving to slowly, and they're both adults (although I assume like most readers of Leggz that this is the guy she's said was older, 37 to her 23 years). Additionally, Leggz has hardly lived a sheltered life: She knows she is lucky this guy stopped with a few sharp remarks.

 

Leggz, I was most curious about your admission that you didn't know why you stopped the action? Do you know now?

[moimeme]

Samson, I wasn't talking about the grope session. I was talking about the guy using the words 'in love'.

[longlegzs80]

I agree with Moimeme, he did say he was in love with me, and I don't feel the same way. It's too too fast. I talked to this guy today to see what the deal was if there is anything that will go on between us and he mentioned that in his past relationships, he would never wait this long for sex and that I was abnormal.

 

I just might have to give this guy the shaft. As much as I want to date him, I told him if he can't wait then he should move on. But with the way it sounds he is not going anywhere. So, the nice and slow thing will just keep going. I am sorry that I am not going to jump into sex with him right away. And last night could of ended in sex but I put a stop to that, so that is it.

[moimeme]

that I was abnormal.

 

Nice guy

[longlegzs80]

Why do I always meet lossers? And I always end up being the one who gets **** on. He was nice before with the compliments, but now who knows. When I seen him last night and I seen his angry side, I could tell that he would be the type of guy who if he don't get his way then he would become violent with you. I just get that sense.

[clia]

I talked to this guy today to see what the deal was if there is anything that will go on between us and he mentioned that in his past relationships, he would never wait this long for sex and that I was abnormal.

 

Oh please! Wanting to wait more than three weeks to get naked with someone is hardly abnormal. Heck, I don't have sex for months and months when I start dating someone! If they don't like it, they can go find someone else! LOL.

 

Kick him to the curb. He's sounds like a grade A jackass.

[moimeme]

I don't think it's really a good idea to talk about what you 'always' do, given the lack of experience you complain of. This one is not a good bet so move on. There are a lot of frogs you have to kiss before you find the prince, remember.

[longlegzs80]

With what little relationships I have had in the past, I would wait for afew months, because I never thought it was such a rush. Last night I was ready but realized that it is way too soon to have sex. Call me abnormal but it is.

 

 

And I mentioned to him that if he is in such a rush then he needs to find someone else. I am not going to give into temptation just to please a man who is all of a sudden rushing into the sex thing. Screw him.

[longlegzs80]

Moimeme, who are you referring to with having the lack of experience?