Already problems....he blames me for being a tease...and much more....

[moimeme]

Screw him

 

Or not

 

Moimeme, who are you referring to with having the lack of experience?

 

you

 

With what little relationships I have had in the past

[longlegzs80]

I don't care if people on this forum know about my lack of experience. I rather say I have a lack of experience then be one of those people who have tons of experience and are just plain white trash.

[Samson]

I could tell that he would be the type of guy who if he don't get his way then he would become violent with you. I just get that sense.

 

I think you knew this before you went into his apartment, and this stopped you, in addition to maybe realizing you weren't "prepared" for a sexually unprotected encounter.

 

Anyway, good for you.

[Dug]

The woman ALWAYS has the perogative to say NO...or stop a situation fron escalating. Men do not "need" it. I often believe men think their purpose in life is to perpetuate the species, like we were going to become extinct and each one had to save mankind singlehandedly. (LOL)

I am embarrased by my own gender at times. Unless he's paying you for it.....say no anytime you want to.

[SoleMate]

Unless he's paying you for it.....say no anytime you want to.

Well put post...except that I would add that even a prostitute has a right to say no. Just like the person at the burger place can refuse to serve you. They may get in trouble with their management, but we would be in the wrong to attempt to beat the burgers and fries out of them. Even if they had a big "come-on" sign outside and our stomachs were rumbling painfully.

[befuddled11]

Longlegz,

No guy should make you feel pressured to have sex before you're ready....but on the same note, it's risky and stupid and wrong to "tease" a guy and then get all in a snit when they react. The groping session you had, and your "undressing him" was a message to him that you were interested in sex. If a woman isn't sure what she wants or doesn't want sex at that time, she shouldn't send mixed messages. Doing so with the "wrong guy" can result in getting raped. Smart women don't put themselves into risky situations. Rape is a crime of anger, and with a guy who's got this kind of anger in him, teasing him and taking him to the 'edge' and then shutting him down is definitely enough to set him off and elicit more anger and rage than you're going to want to find out about.

 

Besides, it's wrong and tacky to be a "c*ck tease", I think.

[SoleMate]

Befuddled, your post left me oddly sickened. You have such sympathy with your hypothetical anger-filled "rapist".

 

it's wrong and tacky to be a "c*ck tease"

I don't think we have to slap that label on longlegz's forehead just yet. Nobody here is defending her 180 degree turn - it was ill-advised and naive. But the man's behavior was worse, yet you don't condemn him. And you know what? There are lots of men out there who are not physically capable of rape - who find that there erections crumple when they are confronted by an unresponsive or nonconsenting woman. The ones who get extra turned on and rage-filled when the woman says no and decide to penetrate her anyway - they're not just the "wrong guys", they're "rapists".

[faux]

I can understand why you are upset over what happened. However, not every guy seems to realize that the woman must give consent to anything, just as he has a say in many things as well. If he were uncomfortable with you wanting to do something (does not need to be sexually related) you would try to respect his wishes I am sure. Some men don't realize that it's your choice and your body.

 

Something which may help in the future, is to say ahead of time “I do NOT intend to have sex with you tonight. This (describe) is as far as I am comfortable going with you at this moment.”

 

I will admit that getting very heated and having no finale is really annoying when hormones start kicking in, but that isn't any reason to stop respecting another person. Besides, this man should be happy that he is spending time with you and that you got that close to him. He ought to be thinking “Wow. This woman is wonderful! It is going to be so amazing when she finally wants to go further with me.”

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by SoleMate

The ones who get extra turned on and rage-filled when the woman says no and decide to penetrate her anyway - they're not just the "wrong guys", they're "rapists".

 

True enough, yet how does a woman really know how to distinguish with 100% certainty that the new guy she's with isn't a rapist? (or capable of raping).

 

I'll stand by my belief that it's wrong and leading a guy on to undress him and admittedly tease him, knowing full well that you're not ready for sex. What on earth is a guy supposed to think when a woman starts to undress him?

 

I'm not going to apologize for my belief that sending mixed sexual messages to guys is not a smart thing to do. I have 2 girlfriends who found this out the hard way, years ago. I'm not saying a woman deserves to be raped all because she turns a guy down after getting him all heated up, but in my opinion, it should simply be good common sense not to put yourself into a potentially dangerous situation. I didn't get the impression that Longlegz knew this guy all that well.....and not for very long. It could have easily turned out that he was one of "those rapists" who became enraged when she shut him down.

[jenny]

longlegz,

 

i think one thing you might find out about the dating game is that it is very much a game of numbers. after you've made a committment to someone, you can put up with stuff, change your expectations, make compromises, etc.

but

 

1. this is not something you should compromise about - never date a guy with road rage or sex rage. it's not worth it.

 

2. at this point you don't have to accept any of this kind of $hit. you should not ever accept this crap, but now you are even more free to cut any loser free easily.

 

here's why: there are five thousand guys out there for a beautiful, intelligent, emotionally open girl. the law of averages is on your side, and the only thing keeping you with insert loser is you.

 

one of the best things about being single is that you can chuck people easily and readily when you need to. this is a situation where you have to be strong and rid your life of people who suck up your emotional energy and might hurt you.

 

i identify with you longlegz - i like to please people and i don't like anyone to be mad at me, unless they are just totally useless jerks - write these ones off; they mean nothing. this guy is just one of those guys.

[meanon]

I could tell that he would be the type of guy who if he don't get his way then he would become violent with you. I just get that sense.

 

Trust that sense - more often than not it's right

[guested]

i really dont understand why others arent making the main point here:

ANY DECENT guy, hard and horny as hell, will still be able to keep his head clear and not insult or make the girl feel bad for not having sex. i could tease my man to his max, be almost on his penis, but then jump off and put my clothes on and his reaction would be sadness and blueballs, but he would not EVER be mean to me, ever. i would never do that though, ever.

point being, a guy like that is a loser. whether you teased him or not. say goodbye to him. please. i beg of you.

[SoleMate]

Right on, guested.

 

I'm not going to apologize for my belief that sending mixed sexual messages to guys is not a smart thing to do.

And you probably won't apologize for failing to get my point, either.

[Samson]

Trust that sense - more often than not it's right

 

Ditto Meanon