seriously, why do dumpers text you months later with 'just checking on u'? wtf

[9Lives]

my ex broke my heart aug 19th telling me we were never gwtting back together. I told him okay and decided then that I was going to let go this time. I tried EVERYTHING I could for a year to bring him back to me and had a lot of down times. I poured my heart out to him hoping and praying he would give us another chance. Aug 19, I asked if we would be getting back together and he said no. I let go that day.

 

here it is october and he comes texting me "you good? I was just checking on you" ...i didn't respond but my heart was beating fast cause I was just thinking about him and how muuch I missed him.

 

he text me last month around this time saying "hey you, just saying hi"...i didn't respond.

 

I'm like wtf? you dismissed me like trash and left me in pain. why are u checking on me for real????

 

I'll admit, I was shocked to hear from him and a little kinda happy but I'm not trying to get hurt anymore so I just keep my distance. he isn't saying anything really.

 

why do dumpers do that text stuff when they told u it was over? I don't want to think it meant something when it didn't. help me please. I persoanlly think he misses me and doesn't know how to say it. I think he is shocked that I have stayed away so long and not responded to his last text. I think he thinks he can just come in my life when he gets ready cause he knows I was so in love.

 

I can't be a fool anymore.

[Billie The Puppet]

Ignore it like you have been doing, My ex did this until I finally sent her a email clearly outlining the reasons she can contact me and that I wanted NC. That was september 3rd/4th and NC since. (Been broken up since July 26th)

[ShannonMI]

my ex broke my heart aug 19th telling me we were never gwtting back together. I told him okay and decided then that I was going to let go this time. I tried EVERYTHING I could for a year to bring him back to me and had a lot of down times. I poured my heart out to him hoping and praying he would give us another chance. Aug 19, I asked if we would be getting back together and he said no. I let go that day.

 

here it is october and he comes texting me "you good? I was just checking on you" ...i didn't respond but my heart was beating fast cause I was just thinking about him and how muuch I missed him.

 

he text me last month around this time saying "hey you, just saying hi"...i didn't respond.

 

I'm like wtf? you dismissed me like trash and left me in pain. why are u checking on me for real????

 

I'll admit, I was shocked to hear from him and a little kinda happy but I'm not trying to get hurt anymore so I just keep my distance. he isn't saying anything really.

 

why do dumpers do that text stuff when they told u it was over? I don't want to think it meant something when it didn't. help me please. I persoanlly think he misses me and doesn't know how to say it. I think he is shocked that I have stayed away so long and not responded to his last text. I think he thinks he can just come in my life when he gets ready cause he knows I was so in love.

 

I can't be a fool anymore.

 

Wow this sounds so familiar! I received a text from my ex about a week and a half ago. It said: I know you said to never contact you again, but I can't help but ask if you're ok. I've grown accustom to it. It's ok if you hate me and never want to talk to me again, but I want you to know that I'm always here as a friend if you need to talk. Please don't feel the need to respond-just know that you can if you need to.

 

I have him in my contacts as "a**hole" so when he sent it to me, I kind of chuckled a little. As you said, WTF dude?? Why are you contacting me?? I think you are probably familiar with my story: Dated for 8 years, was dumped at the end of May. Found out a couple months after the fact that he cheated on me a week before he told me he wanted to break up. Is now dating the girl he cheated on me with.

 

Now, why the f*ck would I want to be his friend after what he did to me? I was so disgusted when I opened that text and read it. He betrayed me. How could I ever trust him in any way again? Why would I want him in my life in any capacity? "Friend" or not?? He's a fool. I did not respond to his text and I have no intention of ever contacting him again. I wrote him an email when I found out he cheated. I told him to never contact me again and that he was dead to me. He didn't take the email seriously, I guess. He's such an a**hole.

 

BTW, they text us to alleviate their guilt. Don't respond to anything he sends you, 9lives;)

[9Lives]

thanks guys. I was having a moment of weakness..just a small one.

 

I really just wanted to understand why the dumper does that. I'm not interested in friendship at all. it just amazes me how they break your heart then want to pop up like nothing ever happen.

 

it don't make sense

[ShannonMI]

thanks guys. I was having a moment of weakness..just a small one.

 

I really just wanted to understand why the dumper does that. I'm not interested in friendship at all. it just amazes me how they break your heart then want to pop up like nothing ever happen.

 

it don't make sense

It's selfishness. It's to alleviate THEIR guilt. Also, my ex knows my dad is sick with cancer, so maybe that was another reason he tried contacting me. Regardless, he's the last person I would go to for comfort or support. He doesn't seem to get it, though.

[Banega100]

Yeah it's to relieve guilt (Check you haven't killed yourself)

or, to check they still have your attention

[Username37]

My ex checked on me too. Like 2 weeks after the break up. She thought I was in a car wreak or some BS like that.

 

Yeah its because they feel guilty. Not a sign of reconciliation though.

[9Lives]

how do you KNOW what reoncilation looks like? I still have feelings for my ex but I'm not tryna get myself involved because of my feelings and im. plus I'm stronger now. . so if he wanted to reconcile, what would be different? I just don't have time to go back in that dark hole. but..i still care..i know..its sucks but its true. I just don't want to be a fool over him anymore. done with that.

[Billie The Puppet]

See I struggled with the idea of that myself how do you know this is the communication that is to open reconciliation how do we know they are not scared etc? Thing is how did I know my ex was interested in me in the first place she made it obvious.

 

Reconciliation should be obvious if contact is made and we have to question why it is not obvious.

[SummerLady]

my ex broke my heart aug 19th telling me we were never gwtting back together. I told him okay and decided then that I was going to let go this time. I tried EVERYTHING I could for a year to bring him back to me and had a lot of down times. I poured my heart out to him hoping and praying he would give us another chance. Aug 19, I asked if we would be getting back together and he said no. I let go that day.

 

here it is october and he comes texting me "you good? I was just checking on you" ...i didn't respond but my heart was beating fast cause I was just thinking about him and how muuch I missed him.

 

he text me last month around this time saying "hey you, just saying hi"...i didn't respond.

 

I'm like wtf? you dismissed me like trash and left me in pain. why are u checking on me for real????

 

I'll admit, I was shocked to hear from him and a little kinda happy but I'm not trying to get hurt anymore so I just keep my distance. he isn't saying anything really.

 

why do dumpers do that text stuff when they told u it was over? I don't want to think it meant something when it didn't. help me please. I persoanlly think he misses me and doesn't know how to say it. I think he is shocked that I have stayed away so long and not responded to his last text. I think he thinks he can just come in my life when he gets ready cause he knows I was so in love.

 

I can't be a fool anymore.

 

Could be ego Could be the person feels bad and really wants to know you are ok Could be they want back in, not totally but may want to see if you are interested at all. I agree don't respond...

[9Lives]

what I learned from LS is crumbs don't get you nowhere!!! I deserve more than a text. we not friends. we haven't discussed anything. its just lame and if I want to get my heart walked on again...which I dont...i would respond. I don't want that. he has a big ego so he probably won't try anymore I'm thinking.

[paleblue]

i feel ya. i just got contacted again two weeks ago, after two months. it was cool at first, like that rush, but then i quickly realized it was just the same old same. and not one little bit has changed. it was prbably just an ego boost. not sure. but you're right, its totally lame. we deserve more than a text. this texting crap is for the birds, and so are breadcrumbs. im beginning to think once you start going down this path with someone.... forget it.

[9Lives]

I have learned that once you have been left or betrayed..you have to earn your way back in if that is what they want. anything else is unacceptable. I'm not barbie and he is not ken. we are not toys. I can't be toyed with. I played that game and I wind up all fked up. not looking out for me. I want that respect now. nothing else will do. he can take that text and shove it up his new girlfriends ass

[soleharmony1123]

I have learned that once you have been left or betrayed..you have to earn your way back in if that is what they want. anything else is unacceptable. I'm not barbie and he is not ken. we are not toys. I can't be toyed with. I played that game and I wind up all fked up. not looking out for me. I want that respect now. nothing else will do. he can take that text and shove it up his new girlfriends ass

 

 

I agree 100% !! If my ex wanted a reconciliation, he had better get up as much nerve as he mustered up to desert and betray me 9 months ago - IF I'd even consider taking him back.

 

I have been NC again for over 2 months now. It feels good. Finally got it to the point where he stopped calling me for an entire month. But recently he called Wednesday of last week and Monday of this week. I know he's looking for an ego boost, but I've got nothing to give. Claimed he called just to see how I was doing...and that I could call him if I wanted to and if not, he was just calling to check on me and make sure I was okay. Such a thoughtful and kind gesture! (sarcasm)

Edited October 10, 2010 by soleharmony1123

[SadGirl23]

I blew the mistake of breaking NC a few days ago. Ex text me begging me to go to church with him and that he needs me to go to church with him? I told him, "He's better off going with his friends".. but he still begged me. I think he is going thru some serious crisis considering he never attended church before. He also question me "Do you still think about me?" over and over. I told him, "Not at all, and its best we go our seperate ways". And he still begging for me to go to church with him? He even text me to reassure that "He is not dating anyone or seeing any one." ??? more unnecessary confusion.

 

I don't know if this is some form of reconcilation, to alleviate his guilt for breaking up with me, but I find it funny as soon as I text him... I haven't heard from him at all the past these few days. Been broken up for 2.5 mths

 

Seriously, dumpers need to stop with the nonsense.

[jeff2321]

Tell that piece of **** to go **** himself next time he tries to contact you.

 

The fact is he dumped you and removed you from his life. He doesn't deserve any form of communication from you at all. Ignore everything and do'nt give him the time of day -- they don't deserve it. Remember they quit on you !

 

Stay NC as it's the only road to feeling better. I will warn you though... it's painful and hard, but at the end you'll be glad you did.

 

[ Going NC is lot like quitting smoking... it's a powerful addiction you have to break by going cold turkey ].

 

Jeff

[skydiveaddict]

 

why do dumpers do that text stuff when they told u it was over?

 

 

Like others have said here, it's 'cause of guilt. My ex texted me a while back too. She said "I heard you're going back to Afghanistan soon. Please be careful" blah blah and so on. Like she gives a damn? I never responded but it's still infuriating. Why can't she just leave me alone?

 

But anyway 9 lives, hang in there. You will be ok. There is someone out there for you

Edited October 10, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[TomerT]

I have learned that once you have been left or betrayed..you have to earn your way back in if that is what they want. anything else is unacceptable. I'm not barbie and he is not ken. we are not toys. I can't be toyed with. I played that game and I wind up all fked up. not looking out for me. I want that respect now. nothing else will do. he can take that text and shove it up his new girlfriends ass

 

 

But my question is: what is acceptable and enough to earn our respect back ?

What our X(es) should do if they really truly regret and want a second chance ? for example, I ignored my X calls, cause I knew it was nothing and expected her to come and talk to my face after she cheated on me with her X.

Is it too much to expect, come and talk to my face and not to hide and disconnect the phone when real questions arise ?

[9Lives]

But my question is: what is acceptable and enough to earn our respect back ?

What our X(es) should do if they really truly regret and want a second chance ? for example, I ignored my X calls, cause I knew it was nothing and expected her to come and talk to my face after she cheated on me with her X.

Is it too much to expect, come and talk to my face and not to hide and disconnect the phone when real questions arise ?

 

 

I say come with the realness just like I did when I wanted you back. I told u how I felt and I didn't hold back. I totally thru myself out there. my ex KNOWS I was madly in love with him. it was deep. so for me, a text aint ****. send a email and express yourself, take a chance, so me why you are worth a small conversation. if its easy, you will be in the heartbreak hotel on the healing suite. hell no!

[alittlejaded]

Someone explained this to me as being a "plan b". Perhaps they want to know that you are still there, waiting, just in case. It is very hurtful for the dumpee because we sometimes see this as false hope. I do think that if they were truly interested, they would do more than send a text that took very little effort to send.

[Am4Real]

Wow this sounds so familiar! I received a text from my ex about a week and a half ago. It said: I know you said to never contact you again, but I can't help but ask if you're ok. I've grown accustom to it. It's ok if you hate me and never want to talk to me again, but I want you to know that I'm always here as a friend if you need to talk. Please don't feel the need to respond-just know that you can if you need to.

 

I have him in my contacts as "a**hole" so when he sent it to me, I kind of chuckled a little. As you said, WTF dude?? Why are you contacting me?? I think you are probably familiar with my story: Dated for 8 years, was dumped at the end of May. Found out a couple months after the fact that he cheated on me a week before he told me he wanted to break up. Is now dating the girl he cheated on me with.

 

Now, why the f*ck would I want to be his friend after what he did to me? I was so disgusted when I opened that text and read it. He betrayed me. How could I ever trust him in any way again? Why would I want him in my life in any capacity? "Friend" or not?? He's a fool. I did not respond to his text and I have no intention of ever contacting him again. I wrote him an email when I found out he cheated. I told him to never contact me again and that he was dead to me. He didn't take the email seriously, I guess. He's such an a**hole.

 

BTW, they text us to alleviate their guilt. Don't respond to anything he sends you, 9lives;)

 

All true!! Keep strong...