desertIslandCactus Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Are you serious? Wow. What some people are willing to accept astounds me.This guy isn't conflicted. He's an opportunist. QUOTE] There must be a market for weak 'damsel-in-distress' type men .. by maternal women. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixLady Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Are you serious? Wow. What some people are willing to accept astounds me.This guy isn't conflicted. He's an opportunist. QUOTE] There must be a market for weak 'damsel-in-distress' type men .. by maternal women. Oh absolutely. Some women want a project rather than a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I just checked our state. With probable cause, law enforcement can check a person or their vehicle - but must have a warrant to check the home. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixLady Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 And as far as I know this nonsense about being "evicted" is ridiculous. I believe she can come back to her house any time she wants to. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I just checked our state. With probable cause, law enforcement can check a person or their vehicle - but must have a warrant to check the home. He invited them in the house and gave them the pot. She didnt say they didnt ask to look. You dont need a warrant if you are given permission. Its his house. And wouldnt the police ask? Of course they would. And would this guy say no, heres 10 lb of pot but no you cant look around And if he did wouldnt the cops go and get a warrant ASAP/ OF COURSE The warrant is a red herring; its all a fairy tale that KTD and others here are more than willing to lap up Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 For everyone jumping on me' about the kids...please read again...THEY WERE NOT THERE. GRANDMA HAD THEM FOR THE NIGHT.what they went through was traumatizing enough. No I'm not going to just walk in and say hi I'm here to replace your mommy. He's VERY careful about his children and wants to protect them from as much of this as he can. OMG, he chose to be with YOU instead of his kids! You say they what they went through was traumatizing enough, yet he left them at grandma's house. This isn't about you, k, but I cannot believe a parent, would dump their kids off like that. Those kids NEEDED HIM that night. To be told I love you, everything is going to be OK. HE should have atleast gone over the house later on, put them in bed after calming down and spent the night at his mom's too. Does his mom know about you? She knew you were there with him? My mistake about the kids being at the house, I didn't see that part about them not being there, so when I posted earlier I was under the impression they were infact there with you.. sorry about that K. Though, not that it matters, but my 2 cents - He made the wrong choice by spending the night with you. He handed the pot over to the police. They did not search the house for periphenalia. This stuff was in her drawers and closet. And he works on very expensive and dangerous machinery for a living. He is drug tested all the time for his job. Nope wasn't him. See, the Cops made a huge mistake here by allowing HIM to go get the pot and not search the house. Also, did you see this pot and the 10 pounds of it with your own eyes ,or was that HIS interpretation of it? Anyway, it's your life, you're on this path now. By choice. Just know their marriage is far from over and the ride has just begun. He still feels responsible and obligated to her, and he does care about her enough to want to make a go of his marriage less than afew days ago. Don't spend TOO much time in that house, it just ain't right and I don't care if he is cozy with it and you feel no shame. Those kids feelings have to come first and they don't need to hear from the neighbours kids that their daddy is having sleepovers already with someone else. Those kids shouldn't be in your life or meet you for a LONG TIME, they've been through enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I don't know as much about the law as other posters. But here, I believe there are search and seizure laws that require a warrant. Perhaps the MM volunteered her pot to the police .. but were they entitled to go in and search/seize - on the spot. yes, once he gave them the pot, they had probable cause to searchthe property for other drugs. No warrant necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 And as far as I know this nonsense about being "evicted" is ridiculous. I believe she can come back to her house any time she wants to. I never said she was evicted. They advised him that he shouldn't let her come back suggested he file for a restraining order to enforce her to stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixLady Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I never said she was evicted. They advised him that he shouldn't let her come back suggested he file for a restraining order to enforce her to stay away. I know, Karma. I never said you said that. Someone else did though. I still wouldn't feel comfortable spending the night in that house. But that's just me. Anyway, he's a fool to have you there when he's probably going to try to get custody of his kids (if he even has the guts to go through with the divorce.) It won't help his custody case if his wife finds out you're there. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 You said he hid you in the kids room. Maybe that's why he didn't let the Cops check out the house as how would he explain you to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 OMG, he chose to be with YOU instead of his kids! You say they what they went through was traumatizing enough, yet he left them at grandma's house. This isn't about you, k, but I cannot believe a parent, would dump their kids off like that. Those kids NEEDED HIM that night. To be told I love you, everything is going to be OK. HE should have atleast gone over the house later on, put them in bed after calming down and spent the night at his mom's too. Does his mom know about you? She knew you were there with him? . Isn't it a bit too dramatic? It's their grandma FGS. Sometimes a grandma can soothe children better than a father. It was certainly the case with me. My grandma was closer to me than my mother. Especially when the father was shaken himself. I don't see any harm in him taking the children away from the "crime scene" for the night and placing them in the safety of a close family member. It was probably better for them than staying and witnessing the aftermath. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Kudos to this MM to use his Situation to his advantage to get himself laid. He makes Me look like an Angel. No one could make you look like an angel. You have No regard for the woman you used. Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Hi KTD. I only read the first page but I just wanted to say-- why are you even talking to this guy? I read his messages to you that you posted last week -- where he said he wanted to stay with his wife and he just wanted to hook up with you physically now and then. Ewww. So now that his wife caused a scene and he and she are involved in all this drama, he needs you to be there for him and you ARE? Even though he basically told you he just wants to be your mutual pleasure-pleaser????? Did he have any explanation for this sudden change of heart? Did you even ask? I think this stuff with his wife is wack, it is so so sad that his kids are caught in the middle of this and that he is involving you in the middle of his own drama after flat out admitting to you that he only wanted to stay married to his wife and have you on the side. In my mind this has less to do with the fact that he is an MM and you are his OW, no matter how many people want to quibble about whether or not what he's told you is true or not true, to me this has EVERYTHING to do with that disgusting conversation where he told you he just wants to use you. You deserve better than that; he is still USING you to help him deal with all of this drama with his wife (and still married. If she is that bad why did he not go file for divorce or at least separation, and for full custody right away??? He SHOULD have. Instead he continues his pattern of wallowing in his self-pty and drama and using you, even admitting to using you. Ewwww.) Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Especially when the father was shaken himself. I don't see any harm in him taking the children away from the "crime scene" for the night and placing them in the safety of a close family member. It was probably better for them than staying and witnessing the aftermath. To my mind it wasn't the distraction for the children - in sending them to grandma's .. It was his tastelessly having a sleepover (immediately after) in he and his wife's family home, while his mother looked after the children .. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 My 2 cents worth........ KTD......obviously from what you've told us you personally have been through a lot in your life and had a lot of heartache and from your posts you want to make better choices and live a happy life and it's clear that you are a smart lady........so I've got to ask why.....are you choosing to go down this drama filled road, with a man who did NOT treat you respectfully and who threw you under the bus a few days ago? It may seem that with this new crisis that he has came clean to you and realized that he needs to change his priorities, but I'm not feeling it. Please proceed very cautiously and protect yourself, your actual physical self and your emotional self. If you have decided that you are going to support mm then you still need to not plant yourself squarely in the middle of it and take some steps back. You've got to keep in mind that whatever is going on with him that you can not fix it. He is he ONLY one who has control with his choices about what to do. Please take care of yourself first.....don't get too deep into HIS drama. If it were me........which I'm not you, but just the thoughts of dealing with FOUR kids who may be messed up........would send me running far away. I bet there is nothing that you could conjure up that would be close to the harsh reality of dealing with all that. It sends shivers down my spine. Poor kids! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) You said he hid you in the kids room. Maybe that's why he didn't let the Cops check out the house as how would he explain you to them. What? I wasn't there when the cops were. I was in the kids room when she climbed through the window to get in the house. And he never refused to let them check the house. He would have in a heartbeat. They didn't ask to search further. Edited October 10, 2010 by KarmasTestDummy Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 These poor kids have crap for parents. You need a license to drive, hunt, fish, but not to parent. I agree. This is very bad parenting on behalf of both the wife AND the MM. OMG both of these parents are messed up! First of all there is the violence and drama. NOT good for kids to witness. Second there is the drug issue. I'm not saying that someone can't smoke marijuana and be a good parent. I know that's up for debate but let's just assume that someone can smoke pot and be a good parent. Or not. IMO it doesn't even matter... To me the troubling fact is that MM KNEW those drugs were there the entire time but only reported them to the police once his wife reported HIM to the police? So if MM thinks his wife is a bad parent due to the pot, he should have told her that she cannot have pot in the house. I don't buy this thing about there not being much a spouse can do, because marijuana is illegal! So if one parent thinks the other parent's parenting skill is impaired due to marijuana usage, then he can tell her hey, if I find this in my house I am throwing it away! Or reporting you to the cops if it's that bad. Or... ta da... moving out and taking the kids with me because you are a bad parent. But no, this guy chooses to STAY and to go cry to Karma. In my opinion that is cowardly and it is bad for the kids. So maybe he really doesn't have that much of an issue with the pot and is just using it as a reason to make his wife upset because she made him upset. And he is dragging Karma into the middle of it all. Not a cool thing to do! Karma I think you deserve better. Right now I am really concerned for these kids due to them having to witness this violence, and if the marijuana is an issue around them. But when it comes to YOU I feel you deserve someone without this drama and who wouldn't bring you into it. This guy needs to straighten his life out before he can ask someone to come into it! And if he can't even look out for his kids' best interest right now then how can he look out for yours? And he is clearly NOT, because he has admitted he only wants you for sex. I don't know what you're doing with him... I have chalked it up to doing things you don't understand, since I myself have done the same. I am just asking you to look out for yourself. Why are you caring about him and his drama so much when he has told you he only wants you for sex???? Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 And when will the OW on LS learn that being thrown under the bus is just par for the course and to be expected? It has nothing to do with whether the MM loves her or not, and everything to do with him being conflicted, torn and trying to do the right thing. Why would any woman (or man) want to be in a relationship where she expects to be thrown under the bus? I don't understand your advice Jennie-Jennie -- expect to be thrown under the bus if you are an OW? How could someone be happy in a relationship where the one they think loves them is expected to deny them and blame them and keep them a secret? I don't understand that kind of love. Sorry if this is a t/j. But to me it's relevant because you are saying to Karma that she should expect to be continually thrown under the bus as an OW. And to Karma I say-- listen to this and get out!! Don't stay in a relationship where you will be thrown under the bus. I agree with Twinsmom (I think it was) who said he only called you because he wanted an alley, he is lost and involved in all of this drama with his wife... and when he wants another chance with her he will quickly do everything he can to minimize you to her or to break up with you again... to me this is not real love. If it's real love to you Karma okay, I will not detract you from what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixLady Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Totally agree with Star Bright. I didn't get Jennie's remark about expecting to be thrown under the bus either. Made no sense to me. Who in their right mind would want or expect that in a relationship? As for Blog Watcher, I think he has a valuable contribution and point of view here. Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 The fight began because his wife is right he was still talking to you. Karma- I don't agree with GreenGoddess' implications that you are a bad person for staying at his house and I believe that was a judgmental and mean-spirited thing for her to have said. But in reading your first post in this thread I did have the same thought that GreenGoddess expresses here -- so, his wife is upset because she thinks he is still talking to you, and he IS still talking to you! He tried to get you to stay his side piece the very day before, and was only not talking to you because YOU wouldn't alllow it (which was smart of you!) And now that they have this fight he runs right to you and you take him back and come over to her house... so no wonder she is worried about what he's doing! I'm not saying that justifies violence or drama in front of the kids (which IMO they are *both* responsible for) but I am saying that she was RIGHT in her suspicions of him, and just because his phone was "clean" doesn't mean he wasn't trying to still cheat on her. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Kudos to this MM to use his Situation to his advantage to get himself laid. He makes Me look like an Angel. Not even in your wildest drunken state. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 Karma's threads have been helpful to show me what I could get away with. You only think you are getting away with something...but someday:D Link to post Share on other sites
Star_Bright Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 For everyone jumping on me' about the kids...please read again...THEY WERE NOT THERE. GRANDMA HAD THEM FOR THE NIGHT.what they went through was traumatizing enough. No I'm not going to just walk in and say hi I'm here to replace your mommy. He's VERY careful about his children and wants to protect them from as much of this as he can. Really? He wants to protect them from as much as he can... then why is he cheating on their mom instead of divorcing her? Why didn't he walk away once the violence and drama started? And more importantly, if he's very careful about them and wants to protect them then why wasn't he with them that night after that bad fight instead of with you? WHY did he send them to Grandma's and invite you over? I think that was just wrong on his part. I don't buy it, he certainly does not get a Father of the Year award from me and I don't get why you defend him so much and buy into his BS and want to be with him after how he has treated you and after that disgusting conversation where he told you exactly what he wanted from you and exactly what he had to offer (nothing). I guess I really recognize myself in your posts and it makes me hurt. I'm getting frustrated, I am going to stop posting in this thread for fear of saying the wrong thing. I do want to support you but I cannot support you staying with this loser, and it has nothing to do with him being married, obviously I am no one to judge, I am just saying he is a twisted guy and he is NOT looking out for your best interests and you need to do that instead of worrying about him and his really messed up situation. I do mean this as support, just like if you were one of my sisters or my good friend, I would tell you to RUN AWAY and I would not support this relationship at all. I wish you all the best Karma and I will step away from your thread now. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 What? I wasn't there when the cops were. I was in the kids room when she climbed through the window to get in the house. And he never refused to let them check the house. He would have in a heartbeat. They didn't ask to search further. I admittedly haven't read the entire thread, so if I missed something my bad. But if there's that much pot in the house, I'm just wondering, what would happen if you start living with the MM and he ends up getting involved in drugs? What if he starts hiding the drugs in various places in your apartment/house or your car? I mean, the guy just doesn't seem like he's stable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 I admittedly haven't read the entire thread, so if I missed something my bad. But if there's that much pot in the house, I'm just wondering, what would happen if you start living with the MM and he ends up getting involved in drugs? What if he starts hiding the drugs in various places in your apartment/house or your car? I mean, the guy just doesn't seem like he's stable. Mm doesn't do drugs. The pot belonged to his wife. That wouldn't be an issue, but to answer the what if, I wouldn't allow it in my house or property. I don't do it and don't want it anywhere near my family. Link to post Share on other sites
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