He was telling the truth the whole time

[LucreziaBorgia]

Something definitely isn't entirely kosher with his weed bust story, and Karma - I hope you are filing this away under 'suspicious'.

 

I had a friend two years ago who was busted with just over ten pounds of weed. He got taken immediately into custody, his entire house was searched, his computer was taken, and the house was sealed (the others living there had to leave immediately). They didn't even let him figure out what to do with his dog - they just took him. He got no bail and spent a long while in jail. He was charged with felony possession, possession with intent to distribute, paraphernalia, etc.

 

I can't imagine a situation where they would not take someone into custody who had that much weed on hand.

 

Just be careful and for goodness sakes don't be in a position where his W can find and catch you alone!

[awkward]

Glad to hear your MM was being honest with you. Do you think he was being honest with you when he told you how he wanted your relationship to be?

 

Does he tell you that he is done with the marriage or does he say he is going to try and work it out with his wife?

 

Be careful and protect your heart because until MM is done with his marriage you might find yourself in a sea of insanity.

[lizzibeth]

Ok, well don't bash me for saying this but I'd take the pot before I'd take this guy! The pot isn't as unhealthy.

 

I totally second that!

[awkward]

Right! Except I think he's a BH trying to make a point - saying honestly and straight out the things he believes MM actually *do* with secret hidden agendas.

 

JMO

 

I guessed ROM. But either way I agree that he is making a point. Breaking lies down into the simplest form so they look silly. Making MM's excuses look stupid.

 

I don't think that the LS women are buying what he is selling though. Packaging is important.

[Fieldsofgold]

Something definitely isn't entirely kosher with his weed bust story, and Karma - I hope you are filing this away under 'suspicious'.

 

I had a friend two years ago who was busted with just over ten pounds of weed. He got taken immediately into custody, his entire house was searched, his computer was taken, and the house was sealed (the others living there had to leave immediately). They didn't even let him figure out what to do with his dog - they just took him. He got no bail and spent a long while in jail. He was charged with felony possession, possession with intent to distribute, paraphernalia, etc.

 

I can't imagine a situation where they would not take someone into custody who had that much weed on hand.

 

Just be careful and for goodness sakes don't be in a position where his W can find and catch you alone!

 

(this thread is like a bad car wreck - you don't want to look, but you have to.)

 

This post is what I would expect. This post sounds accurate. This post is nothing like MM described.

 

Ya know, we don't even know that the wife uses. I have known people in it for money who wouldn't use, no way, no how. Really, we don't know anything except that the MM looked roughed up (maybe he got into annaltercation with a buyer?) and that there is an air mattress in the LR. With 4 young kids, I would not consider that as proof that MM slept there for two years. (we used one a lot when my GS was little and wet the bed.) We don't know that there was 10 lbs of pot. We don't know but what the W because she guessed (correctly) that henwas still cheating. We (and you) don't actually KNOW anything except what the MM tells.

 

KTD, I encourage you, even challenge you, to get a copy of the police report. Then you will at least know for sure what the police saw. You will know if it went down like MM said - or not. And we can all stop speculating.

[porter218]

sounds like I have missed previous posts where MM told Karma he just wants to F*** with no strings....??

WTF? What is it that has you so addicted to him? What are his redeeming qualities? Its almost as if he has you under some kind of spell. It is amazing. And the thing wonder is where are your kids in all of this? Have they met MM? As a single mother of two myself I can't fathom where you come up with the time or energy to deal with his drama. Maybe your kids are much older then mine? I don't have time for a project or a fixer upper like this guy....do you live with your parents so they can help with the parental duties to give you time for this soap opera life. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am actually genuinely curious. Life is very precious and limited in time...we don't live forever...why are you wasting not only your time but your children's time? Every moment you invest in MMs life is one you take away from your own and if you do so it should be done with great purpose. Like giving your children a better life, a father figure you are sure is good, a home with no drama, peace. MM isn't giving you any of that so then what good is he? Seriously...I'm dead serious.

[Fieldsofgold]

sounds like I have missed previous posts where MM told Karma he just wants to F*** with no strings....??

WTF? What is it that has you so addicted to him? What are his redeeming qualities? Its almost as if he has you under some kind of spell. It is amazing. And the thing wonder is where are your kids in all of this? Have they met MM? As a single mother of two myself I can't fathom where you come up with the time or energy to deal with his drama. Maybe your kids are much older then mine? I don't have time for a project or a fixer upper like this guy....do you live with your parents so they can help with the parental duties to give you time for this soap opera life. I don't mean to sound harsh, I am actually genuinely curious. Life is very precious and limited in time...we don't live forever...why are you wasting not only your time but your children's time? Every moment you invest in MMs life is one you take away from your own and if you do so it should be done with great purpose. Like giving your children a better life, a father figure you are sure is good, a home with no drama, peace. MM isn't giving you any of that so then what good is he? Seriously...I'm dead serious.

 

Excellent post! Lot of truth here!

 

Even if the police report confirms every word of his story, that doesn't change his character. The fact remains that yesterday, he wanted to stay with his wife. He only wanted you for occasional NSA sex. He did gaslight his wife. And he does not look out for the welfare of his children.

 

Oh, and that story he told about her asking to see his phone, and it was "clean" - that didn't hold water either. THE DUMBEST cheater knows to delete calls and messages. The dumbest BW knows a "clean" phone doesn't mean anything. And she would clear her calls, too.

 

It could all be true, but it smells fishier than Friday in Rome.

[MorningCoffee]

Ok, well don't bash me for saying this but I'd take the pot before I'd take this guy! The pot isn't as unhealthy.

 

LOL! :bunny::bunny::bunny:

[Fieldsofgold]

So you're less ok with that she might be using that if she were dealing? Anyone who has that much is more than likely dealing. The whole stem/seed thing is the funniest story I've ever heard.

 

Either we're all being taken for a ride or Karma is really gullible. Sorry, Karma. I like you but I thought you were too smart to buy into this kind of nonsense. And I mean ALL of it. It's ridiculous and he's playing you like a fiddle.

 

no I'm not ok with either one. But he made her out to be a drug-crazed dope fiend taking care of four little kids. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. For that matter, the weed could be his. He could be dealing but not using. Or there might have been an ounce instead of 10 lbs.

 

I'm just saying that we (and Karma), don't really know anything to be true - except what he told her the day before - he planned to stay with his wife, and wanted the occasional NSA with KTD. That's all we actually know.

[fooled once]

But in reading your first post in this thread I did have the same thought that GreenGoddess expresses here -- so, his wife is upset because she thinks he is still talking to you, and he IS still talking to you! He tried to get you to stay his side piece the very day before, and was only not talking to you because YOU wouldn't alllow it (which was smart of you!) And now that they have this fight he runs right to you and you take him back and come over to her house... so no wonder she is worried about what he's doing! I'm not saying that justifies violence or drama in front of the kids (which IMO they are *both* responsible for) but I am saying that she was RIGHT in her suspicions of him, and just because his phone was "clean" doesn't mean he wasn't trying to still cheat on her.

 

EXACTLY!

 

His wife had every reason to be pissed, because, SHOCK, the MM is lying again.

 

I am still curious as to where your kids were Karma when you went running over to comfort the MM (who felt it was better for him to be comforted than for him to comfort HIS children - the children he claims to want and love and have full custody of).

 

And someone brought up an excellent point - the wife seeing Karma's car in the driveway.....

 

And I agree, the police were invited into the home, the alleged pot was willingly given to them and they chose to say "thanks - have a great day" and NOT bring him in for questioning -- especially since he had NO proof it was the wife's and he knew exactly where it was? Bull. This story reeks of more lies and unfortunately, I believe Karma has fallen for it all --- hook. line. sinker.

 

Best of luck to you Karma!

[amerikajin]

Mm doesn't do drugs. The pot belonged to his wife. That wouldn't be an issue, but to answer the what if, I wouldn't allow it in my house or property. I don't do it and don't want it anywhere near my family.

 

Can I ask you what the attraction is to this guy? I'm sure he seems nice and all, and I have no doubt that he is, but sometimes, nice isn't enough. Think about what you're getting yourself into. His life is upside down. Do you need that right now?

[desertIslandCactus]

If it is felt that police didn't proceed in the manner that they were supposed to.. I wouldn't consider it a dealbreaker as far as the MM's story. I've had enough experience with law enforcement to know that they do not use due dilligence.. Not in investigations here, anyway.

[KarmasTestDummy]

You know how when you watch a movie you pick apart every little thing? "oh right, her hair dried that fast, yeah right?" "hey wasn't he wear sunglasses just a second ago?" well this feels a lot like that. You're killing me'. This is not a movie to scrutinize, this is someone's life...my life. It's easy to turn someone else into a bitter untrusting person towards the person they love, even when he's proven his honesty, but if this was your own life would you be so quick with making all the right choices? I come here for support and getting blasted for 10 pages down to being questioned on the whereabouts of my kids the night I spent with my mm. Maybe I am a poor judge of character or a bad mother or a gullible fool...but is that really necessary to point out every flaw. As if I didn't have enough on my mind, it sucks to come here just to feel worse about myself by people who don't even know me'.

[desertIslandCactus]

........detectives ...

[seren]

KMTD, I am sorry you feel picked on, yes some threads have pulled the situation apart, but from what I have read, in the main the posters are concerened firstly for the MM's children, the MM allowing them to live with someone who is, apparently, either a heavy pot user (how does she afford it), a dealer, or both. Hell, I never allowed my H to smoke in front of our son, never mind get stoned, certainly not to allow my home to have pot in it.

 

People are also concerened that after all the drama, the children weren't consoled in their home, put to bed in their room and reassured by their Dad. irrespective of what went down, the BS is their mother and presumably MM had thought her a fit mother or he would have sought custody years ago. But no, the MM then asked you to stay in their home, while she went God knows where and then she came home to find you there and kicked off. Personally, I would have gone absolutely ballistic if I was in her situation - did she even know where her children were?

 

In all this, there the bashing is directed toward the MM's handling of the situation and his seeming selfishness. I would question your decision to stay overnight in another woman's home - but that's your boat to row. I also question the whole scenario, checked with my son, who is a policemen, and he says that the story doesn't ring true. But you know what you have been told, are happy with it, so again, your boat to row.

 

As an aside, I really do not see this as a OW/BS/MM thing, I get so dammed tired of the same old being dredged up by the same old each and every time. yes, this is KMTD's life, it sounds a bloody nightmare and the primary concern for most is that of the welfare of the children. Both MM and BS are the parents, both share responsibility for the well being of those children - to suddenly throw the BS to the police and inform of her drug use (or not) displays such selfishness, yes, if it is that much of a problem it should have been acted on sooner, personally, I would have sorted one thing out at a time. Jeez, guard your heart KMTD. I hope you are OK

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry too. My real concern is your trust level with this guy, you eat up every single word he says as "fact". Just shield your heart, bottomline here. Don't get TOO involved in this mess. It's his marriage that's fallen apart, his kids now that will need counseling, his wife who needs to straighten herself out too so she can be a better mother to their kids.

 

You two have had a casual thing, you said it before, he said it. It was just fun and sex, though I do recall telling you I knew you felt more than it just being casual, no strings.. Obviously you love him, you see something in him that not too many on here see.

 

Mm doesn't do drugs. The pot belonged to his wife. That wouldn't be an issue, but to answer the what if, I wouldn't allow it in my house or property. I don't do it and don't want it anywhere near my family.

 

Let's just say you found out he DID infact some pot too, not as much as his wife, but he is a casual user. How would you feel and react? You think he doesn't smoke up, but it's all around him, he knew exactly where and how much pot there was. Kind of odd seeing as he isn't a pot smoker, how would he know so much about it??? Time will tell.

 

Anyway, sorry again, I didn't mean to make you feel defensive or make you feel worse. This isn't easy, but you are choosing this. Choosing to be close to him and be by his side. SHIELD YOUR HEART and keep your eyes open. Don't blindly trust every single word he says.

[BellaBellaBella]

Wow! I read this a little differently. I read the MM, when confronted with violent wife removed them from the situation. He sent them to a safe place, where they didn't have to chose sides. The police advised him not to let wife back in. She came to the house, he told her what went down with the police and that she wasn't allowed in.

 

He several hours later turned to Karma and yes, he did ask her to come over as he was shaken badly. She went over, and was not seen by the wife. MM should probably get a restraining order tomorrow from the police and have copies of his drug tests ready for Children's services.

 

Karma, seems to be in control of her emotions and seems to understand what went down. I am glad that she found out MM was being honest about the charactor of the wife. I am sure there is more to the story then we know.

[Fieldsofgold]

Wow! I read this a little differently. I read the MM, when confronted with violent wife removed them from the situation. He sent them to a safe place, where they didn't have to chose sides. The police advised him not to let wife back in. She came to the house, he told her what went down with the police and that she wasn't allowed in.

 

He several hours later turned to Karma and yes, he did ask her to come over as he was shaken badly. She went over, and was not seen by the wife. MM should probably get a restraining order tomorrow from the police and have copies of his drug tests ready for Children's services.

 

Karma, seems to be in control of her emotions and seems to understand what went down. I am glad that she found out MM was being honest about the charactor of the wife. I am sure there is more to the story then we know.

 

Well, I think THIS is what's got everyone concerned . . . She doesn't actually KNOW anything. All she knows is what MM told her. She is assuming he is telling the truth. She has not actually seen ANY PROOF of anything. She is just taking his word for it. Maybe it is true - maybe it is not. I think with their history, it is not wise to blindly believe everything he tells her.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[jj33]

Karma you came here looking for advice and support

 

What it seems everyone except Jennie Jennie and Pure are telling you (and each of them for separate reasons Jennie because she wants you to give love a chance Pure because she seems ok with it) is that THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL FOR YOU

 

Noone is here bashing you because of their position in a triangle. They are looking at facts and saying wow this looks REALLY bad for Karma. There is NOTHING good about it other than the fact that he called you to hang out with him and his W is not in the house at the moment.

 

In a less dramatic situation those 2 facts might be viewed as real progress but look at what you are ignoring. You are ignoring it because you want to look at the bright side and believe in your future together. The rest of us are more detached and albe to see so many red flags waving its unbelievable.

 

Truth is stramger than fiction and since you seem hellbent on staying with this loser, I wish you luck, but we are not all posting our concern for you to bash you. We are posting because you are jumping onboard a train even as it crashes.

[pureinheart]

I know for a fact they can trace a cell. My daughter hit the emergency button in my phone while I was showering before and before I was dressed and out of the bathroom they were banging on my front door. They gave her quite a stern talking to about playing with the phone.

 

Everyone that has a cell phone can be tracked...

[alexandria35]

Holy! This is a grand day for all the drug dealers out there. I wonder if they know that even if the cops find 10 pounds of pot in their house nobody will get arrested! Many years ago I dated a guy who sold pot. I was at his house one night when he had just got a pound of pot and he was breaking it down into smaller portions to sell, like quarter ounces or something like that. Anyways, I remember being surprised at just how much pot it takes to make up one pound and if the cops had come buy my ex would have definitely been arrested and maybe me too, just for being there.

 

Karma, seems to be in control of her emotions and seems to understand what went down. I am glad that she found out MM was being honest about the charactor of the wife. I am sure there is more to the story then we know.

 

How did she find out that MM was being honest about the character of his wife? He told her a big fat lie about 10 pounds of pot. I'm sorry but I think that we can all agree that the cops would not say 'okay thanks for the mounds of pot, have a great night...no no that's okay we don't have any questions or anything' And secondly MM is a person of very low character and therefore is not a good judge of anyone elses character. Remember this is the guy who wanted to stay with his wife and just use OP on the side for f**K buddy? Remember that?

[pureinheart]

Holy! This is a grand day for all the drug dealers out there. I wonder if they know that even if the cops find 10 pounds of pot in their house nobody will get arrested! Many years ago I dated a guy who sold pot. I was at his house one night when he had just got a pound of pot and he was breaking it down into smaller portions to sell, like quarter ounces or something like that. Anyways, I remember being surprised at just how much pot it takes to make up one pound and if the cops had come buy my ex would have definitely been arrested and maybe me too, just for being there.

 

 

 

How did she find out that MM was being honest about the character of his wife? He told her a big fat lie about 10 pounds of pot. I'm sorry but I think that we can all agree that the cops would not say 'okay thanks for the mounds of pot, have a great night...no no that's okay we don't have any questions or anything' And secondly MM is a person of very low character and therefore is not a good judge of anyone elses character. Remember this is the guy who wanted to stay with his wife and just use OP on the side for f**K buddy? Remember that?

 

If I remember correctly and read it correctly, I believe Karma said it was a lot of seeds...seeds weigh heavy...it was one gallon size zip lock.

 

KTD, I know a lot of posters have brought up another thread about how MM wanted to work it out with his W....

 

From my personal experience exDM said this all of the time, he felt he had to. He was conflicted from day one, this strange existance is all he had known for almost 30 yrs.

 

He was happy she was gone and even helped to push her out, although realised he had not taken care of all of his money issues and got scared...he told me that even this last time he begged her to come back and she filed for D and RO.

 

Maybe he was telling the truth, maybe not...he was scared that she would take him to the cleaners.

 

We had been talking again since May, as I had gone NC in like July of the year prior. The first person he ran to is me, and yes it hurt that he had tried to reconcile with his W, but deep down I knew the reasons were not love, but familiarity and fear.

 

I do agree with you that there were some posts that nit picked ...the important issue is you, and I bet your mind is spinning about now...first all hope is lost, then it is renewed...

 

Please forgive me if my posts were real emotional...I am just now working out some of the stuff me and exDM went through and am very passionate about everything anyway...

 

We're here for you...I'm opinionated, although just want to share what I've been through to possible save you some pain, if you should see similarities....((((((hugs)))))

[jennie-jennie]

Why would any woman (or man) want to be in a relationship where she expects to be thrown under the bus? I don't understand your advice Jennie-Jennie -- expect to be thrown under the bus if you are an OW? How could someone be happy in a relationship where the one they think loves them is expected to deny them and blame them and keep them a secret? I don't understand that kind of love. Sorry if this is a t/j. But to me it's relevant because you are saying to Karma that she should expect to be continually thrown under the bus as an OW. And to Karma I say-- listen to this and get out!! Don't stay in a relationship where you will be thrown under the bus. I agree with Twinsmom (I think it was) who said he only called you because he wanted an alley, he is lost and involved in all of this drama with his wife... and when he wants another chance with her he will quickly do everything he can to minimize you to her or to break up with you again... to me this is not real love. If it's real love to you Karma okay, I will not detract you from what you want.

 

I never said that Karma should expect to be continually thrown under the bus.

 

Throwing the OW under the bus is a knee jerk reaction by the MM to save their marriages on Dday. The men are married! It should be no surprise to us OW. They are not yet done with their marriages, otherwise they would have left already. So when they see the marriage sinking, the wife hurting, they try to do the right thing.

 

As an OW you should keep your calm and see what the situation really looks like a little bit down the road. A Dday is not a good day to assess reality. It is like trying to assess how many soldiers were lost in the middle of a battle when bombs are still blowing up all around you. Wait until things settle down instead.

 

A WS here on LS wrote that when her husband was so in pain during Dday all she could think of was to make that pain stop. Once time had passed and her husband was no longer in pain, her thoughts immediately returned to her OM. It was not that the love for her OM was gone, it was just that she had a more acute situation to deal with first.

 

We do not find it strange that a wife can reconcile with her husband even after a long term extramarital relationship. Why would it then be strange that an OW can reconcile with a MM after being thrown under the bus? To me the betrayal of having an affair is so much worse and yet we find nothing strange in the participants of the marriage reconciling.

 

Sometimes our partner will do something we do not agree with. We have a choice then to take it as personally offensive or something that has more to do with him than with us.

 

The men were married, for god's sake! They need to figure out whether they are done with the marriage or not, before they move on to us.

[jennie-jennie]

I know, right? No contest! And pot is not only not as unhealthy it's waay more fun than carrying on with a MM, I'd suspect.

 

You really have no clue what it is like being in an extramarital relationship!

[jennie-jennie]

You know how when you watch a movie you pick apart every little thing? "oh right, her hair dried that fast, yeah right?" "hey wasn't he wear sunglasses just a second ago?" well this feels a lot like that. You're killing me'. This is not a movie to scrutinize, this is someone's life...my life. It's easy to turn someone else into a bitter untrusting person towards the person they love, even when he's proven his honesty, but if this was your own life would you be so quick with making all the right choices? I come here for support and getting blasted for 10 pages down to being questioned on the whereabouts of my kids the night I spent with my mm. Maybe I am a poor judge of character or a bad mother or a gullible fool...but is that really necessary to point out every flaw. As if I didn't have enough on my mind, it sucks to come here just to feel worse about myself by people who don't even know me'.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

It seems as if LS is building an alternate reality, how LS thinks the situation is, not pertinent to how the situation really is. Has nobody noticed that Karma has barely participated in this thread? Isn't it obvious it is because she is not finding support here?