He was telling the truth the whole time

[Fieldsofgold]

If I remember correctly and read it correctly, I believe Karma said it was a lot of seeds...seeds weigh heavy...it was one gallon size zip lock.

 

From the opening post:

 

At which point he walks them over to her stash and pulls out a garbage bag full of trimmings that are remnants from a dispensary as well as another gallon size freezer bag full of more.

 

This was a lot more than a one gallon zip-lock bag. Besides, a one gallon bag of seeds could be considered a potential crop.

 

Also remember that there is drug paraphernalia everywhere.

 

From the opening post:

Cops were shocked and had to call supervisor to request permission not to have to take her in just based on the sheer volume.

 

WHY would they cops NOT WANT to take her in? This woman who is physically violent and had allegedly committed assault and battery on her husband in front of her young children, who had a garbage bag and a gallon bag of pot, who had drug paraphernalia all over the house, who by law had endangered the welfare of 4 minor children - WHY would the cops NOT want to take her in? WHY would they call and get SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT take her in?

 

Anyone would have to agree that is pretty far-fetched to think that the cops would NOT want to take her in, so badly that THEY called and asked for SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT haul her in?????

 

AND he told her he wanted to stay with the wife and keep her as an occasional F* buddy NOT ON D-DAY, but the day before all this happened - when everything was calm and peaceful, and KTD was requesting NC.

 

If all this seems nit-picking, it's because the devil is in the details. And the details, as presented, are pretty far-fetched and unbelievable.

 

Karma, you wanted our advice and support - our advice almost unanimously is that he is surely a mega-liar who has snowed you, and that this is a train wreck looking for a place to happen! I am not sure I have ever seen so many people on LS be in agreement, as on your thread. OW, BS, fOW, we pretty much all agree - which in itself is amazing and should tell you something.

 

Yes, we could all be wrong. In fact, I really hope, for your sake, we are. I hope every word he spoke is gospel truth. But none of us think that is the case.

 

We have spoken out so strongly and so repeatedly because we are all so afraid, and in fact, so certain you are going to be hurt - and we dont want that to happen to you.

 

Be glad we care. And good luck.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[bentnotbroken]

From the opening post:

 

 

 

This was a lot more than a one gallon zip-lock bag. Besides, a one gallon bag of seeds could be considered a potential crop.

 

Also remember that there is drug paraphernalia everywhere.

 

From the opening post:

 

WHY would they cops NOT WANT to take her in? This woman who is physically violent and had allegedly committed assault and battery on her husband in front of her young children, who had a garbage bag and a gallon bag of pot, who had drug paraphernalia all over the house, who by law had endangered the welfare of 4 minor children - WHY would the cops NOT want to take her in? WHY would they call and get SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT take her in?

 

Anyone would have to agree that is pretty far-fetched to think that the cops would NOT want to take her in, so badly that THEY called and asked for SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT haul her in?????

 

AND he told her he wanted to stay with the wife and keep her as an occasional F* buddy NOT ON D-DAY, but the day before all this happened - when everything was calm and peaceful, and KTD was requesting NC.

 

If all this seems nit-picking, it's because the devil is in the details. And the details, as presented, are pretty far-fetched and unbelievable.

 

Karma, you wanted our advice and support - our advice almost unanimously is that he is surely a mega-liar who has snowed you, and that thisnisna train wreck looking for a place to happen! I am not sure I have ever seen so many people on LS be in agreement, as on your thread. OW, BS, fOW, we pretty much all agree - which in itself is amazing and should tell you something.

 

Yes, we could all be wrong. In fact, I really hope, for your sake, we are. I hope every word he spoke is gospel truth. But none of us think that is the case.

 

We have spoken out so strongly and so repeatedly because we are all so afraid, and in fact, so certain you are going to be hurt - and we dont want that to happen to you.

 

Be glad we care. And good luck.

 

Exactly! I am not sure I would be back either after reading what I wrote and it makes very little sense. Nothing about drug laws in the US support anything she has written. I don't know who is lying, but as a person with police officers in the family, this stuff stinks worse than pot does.

[greengoddess]

The real story as it went down in my mind...

 

 

Married man was caught again by wife. He decides to reconcile with wife. He chooses wife. They want a night alone to talk and work on their problems. Have some fun, maybe some romance. They ask grandmom too babysit so they can be alone together. They are having some fun, maybe hysterical bonding, they discuss how to go forward. They've had a little too much to drink or smoke together. Wife talks about how important transparency is. Says let me see your phone. All hell breaks loose because mm is still lying to his wife and trying to get karma to just be his F*ck buddy.

 

They have an altercation. Struggle. Wife smacks, hits etc mm which the pig deserves although violence should not be used. Wife leaves because she is just mentally loosing it.

 

In the meantime mm calls karma with a poor me act and he comes running. Wife begins to calm down and decides to come home since she doesn't want anyone to know her husband is a cheating ass and has no where to go. Wife sees karmas car there. Wife goes nuts.

 

No police ever called, no handover of drugs blah blah blah. Married man is nuts and Karma you need to tae this man off his pedestal.

[Fieldsofgold]

. . . WHY would they cops NOT WANT to take her in? This woman who is physically violent and had allegedly committed assault and battery on her husband in front of her young children, who had a garbage bag and a gallon bag of pot, who had drug paraphernalia all over the house, who by law had endangered the welfare of 4 minor children - WHY would the cops NOT want to take her in? WHY would they call and get SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT take her in?

 

Oh, and on top of all that THEY DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO SEARCH THE HOUSE FOR OTHER DRUGS?

 

 

shakes head sadly while walking away

[greengoddess]

From the opening post:

 

 

 

This was a lot more than a one gallon zip-lock bag. Besides, a one gallon bag of seeds could be considered a potential crop.

 

Also remember that there is drug paraphernalia everywhere.

 

From the opening post:

 

WHY would they cops NOT WANT to take her in? This woman who is physically violent and had allegedly committed assault and battery on her husband in front of her young children, who had a garbage bag and a gallon bag of pot, who had drug paraphernalia all over the house, who by law had endangered the welfare of 4 minor children - WHY would the cops NOT want to take her in? WHY would they call and get SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT take her in?

 

Anyone would have to agree that is pretty far-fetched to think that the cops would NOT want to take her in, so badly that THEY called and asked for SPECIAL PERMISSION to NOT haul her in?????

 

AND he told her he wanted to stay with the wife and keep her as an occasional F* buddy NOT ON D-DAY, but the day before all this happened - when everything was calm and peaceful, and KTD was requesting NC.

 

If all this seems nit-picking, it's because the devil is in the details. And the details, as presented, are pretty far-fetched and unbelievable.

 

Karma, you wanted our advice and support - our advice almost unanimously is that he is surely a mega-liar who has snowed you, and that this is a train wreck looking for a place to happen! I am not sure I have ever seen so many people on LS be in agreement, as on your thread. OW, BS, fOW, we pretty much all agree - which in itself is amazing and should tell you something.

 

Yes, we could all be wrong. In fact, I really hope, for your sake, we are. I hope every word he spoke is gospel truth. But none of us think that is the case.

 

We have spoken out so strongly and so repeatedly because we are all so afraid, and in fact, so certain you are going to be hurt - and we dont want that to happen to you.

 

Be glad we care. And good luck.

 

I think the cops would have taken her in on the physical assault alone. I think they have to in domestic situations. I tink they even have to take it to court even when the spouse who was assaulted refuses to press charges. I don't think there ever were any cops.

[Angel1111]

I haven't read any of this thread except for your original post, so I don't know if this has been said or not. But the fact that he was telling the truth is the thing that I was worried about to begin with because you were taking a risk being with a man who was potentially sleeping with a woman like this. I hope nothing bad comes out of this for you, and I hope everything works out for you and him and the kids.

[jennie-jennie]

Wow! I read this a little differently. I read the MM, when confronted with violent wife removed them from the situation. He sent them to a safe place, where they didn't have to chose sides. The police advised him not to let wife back in. She came to the house, he told her what went down with the police and that she wasn't allowed in.

 

He several hours later turned to Karma and yes, he did ask her to come over as he was shaken badly. She went over, and was not seen by the wife. MM should probably get a restraining order tomorrow from the police and have copies of his drug tests ready for Children's services.

Karma, seems to be in control of her emotions and seems to understand what went down. I am glad that she found out MM was being honest about the charactor of the wife. I am sure there is more to the story then we know.

 

This is how I interpret the situation too.

 

This is a very supportive post with the starting point in Karma's interpretation of the situation. Admittedly, Karma is the one who is in the best position for evaluating the situation.

[greengoddess]

This is how I interpret the situation too.

 

This is a very supportive post with the starting point in Karma's interpretation of the situation. Admittedly, Karma is the one who is in the best position for evaluating the situation.

 

It is just as supportive to help try to remove the blinders from someones eyes.

[jennie-jennie]

I never said that Karma should expect to be continually thrown under the bus.

 

Throwing the OW under the bus is a knee jerk reaction by the MM to save their marriages on Dday. The men are married! It should be no surprise to us OW. They are not yet done with their marriages, otherwise they would have left already. So when they see the marriage sinking, the wife hurting, they try to do the right thing.

As an OW you should keep your calm and see what the situation really looks like a little bit down the road. A Dday is not a good day to assess reality. It is like trying to assess how many soldiers were lost in the middle of a battle when bombs are still blowing up all around you. Wait until things settle down instead.

A WS here on LS wrote that when her husband was so in pain during Dday all she could think of was to make that pain stop. Once time had passed and her husband was no longer in pain, her thoughts immediately returned to her OM. It was not that the love for her OM was gone, it was just that she had a more acute situation to deal with first.

 

We do not find it strange that a wife can reconcile with her husband even after a long term extramarital relationship. Why would it then be strange that an OW can reconcile with a MM after being thrown under the bus? To me the betrayal of having an affair is so much worse and yet we find nothing strange in the participants of the marriage reconciling.

 

Sometimes our partner will do something we do not agree with. We have a choice then to take it as personally offensive or something that has more to do with him than with us.

 

The men were married, for god's sake! They need to figure out whether they are done with the marriage or not, before they move on to us.

 

AND he told her he wanted to stay with the wife and keep her as an occasional F* buddy NOT ON D-DAY, but the day before all this happened - when everything was calm and peaceful, and KTD was requesting NC.

 

Do you realize that the impact of Dday stays with the married couple for quite some time? And we are not talking days here. The BS' pain does not go away the day after Dday. Everything is not "calm and peaceful" the day after Dday. You are greatly underestimating the impact of Dday.

 

The FWB incidence happened in conjunction with Dday. On Dday the MM had decided to give his marriage a fair chance. You don't just give the marriage a fair chance on Dday. So the FWB incident had everything to do with the aftermath of Dday. It was part of Karma being thrown under the bus at Dday.

[jennie-jennie]

In a less dramatic situation those 2 facts might be viewed as real progress but look at what you are ignoring. You are ignoring it because you want to look at the bright side and believe in your future together. The rest of us are more detached and albe to see so many red flags waving its unbelievable.

 

Truth is stramger than fiction and since you seem hellbent on staying with this loser, I wish you luck, but we are not all posting our concern for you to bash you. We are posting because you are jumping onboard a train even as it crashes.

 

Calling Karma's MM a loser does not sound detached to me.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Trust me, you can get in trouble for seeds as well. I knew someone years back who had nothing in his apartment but a mason jar of seeds, and they took him in for that and threatened to charge him for the potential yield if he didn't flip on his supplier.

 

The whole pot thing is entirely too far fetched. There is no way that it went down like that. I have know far too many people who have been busted for far less, and know that law enforcement does not 'work' like described in this thread. Not with the drugs, not with the physical violence.

 

I think this guy has a real problem with lying - not just the average lying that a married person has to do to get away with affairs, but serious big time lying of a more pathological sort. Both MM and his W sound dangerous and unstable, but to be honest - I'm not even entirely sure at this point that the W is the dangerous one. For all we know, it was the MM who flipped out on the W for her cheating and he invited Karma over to rub his W's face in it.

 

Karma, I know it sounds like I'm not being supportive but I just can't support this guy's story. I'd rather take your hand and try to yank you away from the oncoming train rather than coax you comfortably onto the tracks.

[Angel1111]

Do you realize that the impact of Dday stays with the married couple for quite some time? And we are not talking days here. The BS' pain does not go away the day after Dday. Everything is not "calm and peaceful" the day after Dday. You are greatly underestimating the impact of Dday.

 

The FWB incidence happened in conjunction with Dday. On Dday the MM had decided to give his marriage a fair chance. You don't just give the marriage a fair chance on Dday. So the FWB incident had everything to do with the aftermath of Dday. It was part of Karma being thrown under the bus at Dday.

 

As far as I can tell, MM's wife lost all rights when she cheated on her husband and did drugs. It's hard to believe that d-day would have the impact on her that you're describing.

[donnamaybe]

Really? I guess I just assumed this didn't happen to the OW who married their MM. I can't imagine those ladies putting up with it. (I'm being serious, not catty.) I just can't imagine GEL or OWoman putting up with that for one minute.

 

I couldn't. I guess I just have a low tolerance for being someone's shoe-wipe - whether they are married or single.

Some folks have a much higher tolerance for poor treatment, though, although I agree with you about GEL and OWoman. I don't think KTD does either. I think she's probably a bit torn right now and will be cautious and watchful. At last I hope.

[lizzibeth]

I think the cops would have taken her in on the physical assault alone. I think they have to in domestic situations. I tink they even have to take it to court even when the spouse who was assaulted refuses to press charges. I don't think there ever were any cops.

 

This is true, at least in the state I live in. Even if the victim choses not to press charges, the cops will always make an arrest, especially when there are visible marks. With the increase in domestic violence and the severity of it, they take those calls very seriously and people I know who are cops (most of my family) always say that one of them is going to go to jail.

 

KTD - I don't know which end is up with this story, something smells fishy but I did want to say I'm sorry that you feel unsupported. I honestly think some of the advice you see here as bashing on you is really to open your eyes to the situation around you. Nevertheless, you're a big girl and you love this man clearly, please just be careful of your heart.

[bentnotbroken]

As far as I can tell, MM's wife lost all rights when she cheated on her husband and did drugs. It's hard to believe that d-day would have the impact on her that you're describing.

 

 

I can agree with this. I think MM should lose all rights for cheating and allowing his children to be raised by a druggie and drugs to be in the house. These children are better off without either of them. Maybe some other relative will step in.

[jthorne]

 

I think this guy has a real problem with lying - not just the average lying that a married person has to do to get away with affairs, but serious big time lying of a more pathological sort. Both MM and his W sound dangerous and unstable, but to be honest - I'm not even entirely sure at this point that the W is the dangerous one. For all we know, it was the MM who flipped out on the W for her cheating and he invited Karma over to rub his W's face in it.

 

Karma, I know it sounds like I'm not being supportive but I just can't support this guy's story. I'd rather take your hand and try to yank you away from the oncoming train rather than coax you comfortably onto the tracks.

Totally agree. I suspect some of KTD's defensiveness is from knowing that there may be some truth to what we are saying.

 

Some folks have a much higher tolerance for poor treatment, though, although I agree with you about GEL and OWoman. I don't think KTD does either. I think she's probably a bit torn right now and will be cautious and watchful. At last I hope.

Time will tell. She has fallen for everything he has said before. In fact, every time, she has been willing to accept less and less from him.

 

I can agree with this. I think MM should lose all rights for cheating and allowing his children to be raised by a druggie and drugs to be in the house. These children are better off without either of them. Maybe some other relative will step in.

It sounds to me like Grandma is no stranger to the situation already. But then again, we only know the situation as told by a liar and a cheater.

[jennie-jennie]

As far as I can tell, MM's wife lost all rights when she cheated on her husband and did drugs. It's hard to believe that d-day would have the impact on her that you're describing.

 

Perhaps you would care to explain this to my exSO, who as late as yesterday 3 years after I completely ended our relationship is jealous and going on about that what I did by replacing him with another man is so much worse than anything he ever did, including being a serial cheater, physically and mentally abusing me, abusing drugs, alcohol, gambling and religion?

 

Notice I never went behind his back with MM the 1 1/2 years these relationships ran parallel. Everything was in the open.

 

Humans hurt regardless of what they might or might not have done themselves in the past.

[KarmasTestDummy]

You all know that the things I need to hear will be absorbed just like they were last time. What I don't need is all the judgment and just as far fetched remakes of the events. Wife had not left yet when grandma came to pick up the kids. Additional fighting was not in the clear and he wanted them in a safe place.

Secondly I do know cops were involved and at least some pot was confiscated. As I said in my original post I was there when she came back. I heard her yelling at him for turning her in, for allowing them in the house and for handing over her stuff. I heard him get in the phone, tell the dispatcher that there was an incident the day before, that she had come back and broke into the home and he wanted them to come BACK out and remove her. Believe me' the second he got on the phone she started scrambling and was pulling out of the driveway as fast as she could.

Did she know I was there? No. My car was not in the driveway. I had parked across the street in feint of his neighbors house. This fight was not about his affair. It may have originally started because she felt the need not to trust him and keep snooping, but it turned into an altercation because she didn't want the same treatment when he wanted access to her phone. Remember, she had been "talking" to other men from adult sites too, before we even met.

I could continue to fill some of the questions here as I have experienced this in real life. Such as the times I called the cops on my 'ex' abusive h after he headbutted me'. Pictures were taken, but I didn't want to press charges, I just wanted him to leave, which he did the second I called, and the cops took their report and went on about their business. They didn't put out an arrest warrant for him. Not everyone gets taken in however the case may be from where you live.

But really what is the point in even trying to defend the situation any further? Even with the things I just said you will surely come back and continue to tear it apart and build your own alternate reality. But I'm done. I've said my peace.

[donnamaybe]

You all know that the things I need to hear will be absorbed just like they were last time. What I don't need is all the judgment and just as far fetched remakes of the events. Wife had not left yet when grandma came to pick up the kids. Additional fighting was not in the clear and he wanted them in a safe place.

Yeah, if everything panned out as described and I were this man, I would not have wanted the kids at the house that night either because I would have certainly been expecting the nut case to come back too.

[greengoddess]

Karma we are worried about you. This guy is a trainwreck even if his story is totally true. Take your heart out for a minute. Reread your words and think what you would think if you were reading this. It's a mess and obviously you've been in bad relationships before since you have been abused. Don't let people treat you bad. Respect yourself.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Totally agree. I suspect some of KTD's defensiveness is from knowing that there may be some truth to what we are saying.

 

Time will tell. She has fallen for everything he has said before. In fact, every time, she has been willing to accept less and less from him.

 

It sounds to me like Grandma is no stranger to the situation already. But then again, we only know the situation as told by a liar and a cheater.

 

You're right! Grandma is no stranger. She and I have met, and believe it or not his family feels about as strongly about getting her out of the picture as everyone else. They've been telling him she's toxic for years. They like me', half hope seeing me' will put things into perspective and knock some sence into him. But again, I'm wrong to say that cause now it's an utter betrayal that WE'VE turned his family on her and the betrayal thickens, right?

[greengoddess]

You're right! Grandma is no stranger. She and I have met, and believe it or not his family feels about as strongly about getting her out of the picture as everyone else. They've been telling him she's toxic for years. They like me', half hope seeing me' will put things into perspective and knock some sence into him. But again, I'm wrong to say that cause now it's an utter betrayal that WE'VE turned his family on her and the betrayal thickens, right?

 

LOL yep. What that says to me is his whole family is dyssfunctional. Otherwise they would be advising him to divorce her not hoping cheating on her will knock sense into him. You know that too. I'm sorry. If he loves you he will come get you AFTER he fixes this mess.

[Carrot2000]

I've been lurking and decided to come out of the woodwork to reply to this thread.

 

Forget about the amount of weed found. Forget about the kids at grandma's. Forget all of the inconsistencies in his story because they really aren't important. What's important is that it is very likely that this man and his wife are not through with each other. Not by a long shot.

 

I was in a very similar situation with a MM, so I want you to understand that what I'm about to say comes from the perspective of someone who's been where you are right now. This man and his wife are addicted to the drama in their relationship. They're hooked on the conflict, abuse, and ongoing lying and cheating. This is why he didn't leave her despite the fact she was a pothead who endangers his kids. He likes the drama. He likes that she's a pothead; the fact that this woman is such a hot mess is what drew him to her in the first place! They thrive on dysfunction. Don't assume that because the cops were called this marriage is over; the dramatic breakup and reconciliation is part of the dynamic of their relationship.

 

Karma, please be careful right now and keep your guard up. Continue to give him support if you feel it is the right thing to do, but do so with the understanding that there is a history of dysfunction between these two and once the dust settles in a few weeks, it's entirely possible that he will tell you he's giving his marriage a chance "for the kids" and that she's promised she'll change.

[jthorne]

Well, what happened happened. KTD will believe what she wishes to believe.

 

So the issue now is what happens from here. Will he take the wife back? Will he actually man up and file for divorce? Will he want to continue as FWB?

 

Time will tell.

[KarmasTestDummy]

LOL yep. What that says to me is his whole family is dyssfunctional. Otherwise they would be advising him to divorce her not hoping cheating on her will knock sense into him. You know that too. I'm sorry. If he loves you he will come get you AFTER he fixes this mess.

 

It's a mess. I'm well aware of that. There's a ton of drama and unknowns. Maybe more than the average person can handle, but my life was pretty Jerry springer for the last 10 years or so too. I still have my own crazy 'ex' that comes with the package deal. He is in the place i was some time ago. But I know he needs support, strength, encouragment (without criticism), and not to be pressured into te decision. That doesn't work in abusive relationships, it pushes people away. I see the man for who he is, not what he's going through. If everyone judged me' based on what my life experiences are I'd be totally miserable and alone. Nobody would ever give me' a chance.