A thread for when you're missing your partner

[HeavenOrHell]

Ugh, normally I like weekends as we get to talk more, this w/end has been harder though as I've been depressed about stuff (not to do with him/us) and just wish he was here, felt worse as his ex was staying with him this w/end when I wished it were me, he's been sweet though and messaged and called me while they were out seeing bands play.

I generally have more of a social life than him, which helps.

 

 

ssigh, missing him a lot right now.

fri-sun is always THE WORST

the weekdays are kinda bad at times, but not awful. We never have phone calls on the weekends cause he's always out late, which i like that he's having a life, I just wish I were.

[Els]

Hey guys,

 

I hope this isn't threadjacking, but I just noticed that probably 95% of the posts here are from women. I also have realized that in my LDR (no longer LD), when we were apart, the one suffering more for not being physically together, was me. My bf, on the other hand, displayed equal angst as I each time before he had to leave, but once he left it was like there was an 'acceptance' switch he could turn on so the distance wouldn't affect him so much.

 

What does everyone else think about the genders and missing one's partner?

[HeavenOrHell]

I wonder if it's that men learn to just deal with emotions better, or squash them down maybe as it's not 'masculine' to show emotions unless it's tough emotions!

I sometimes feel I miss my partner more than he misses me, just cos I'm more forthcoming in saying it, (I'm more forthcoming with all my emotions than he is) but not I'm not sure if that is actually true. Also my partner was in an LDR before he met me and is more used to it, LDR's are totally new to me, although he did say that just cos he's done it before doesn't mean he finds it easier than me or that he doesn't miss me. He sent a text earlier saying he loves, misses, wants and needs me

 

 

Hey guys,

 

I hope this isn't threadjacking, but I just noticed that probably 95% of the posts here are from women. I also have realized that in my LDR (no longer LD), when we were apart, the one suffering more for not being physically together, was me. My bf, on the other hand, displayed equal angst as I each time before he had to leave, but once he left it was like there was an 'acceptance' switch he could turn on so the distance wouldn't affect him so much.

 

What does everyone else think about the genders and missing one's partner?

[folieadeux]

I think our men are having just as hard of a time dealing, but they express it differently.

 

While we both talk to each other about our feelings and try to keep busy, I choose to also supplement that with seeking out others for comfort while my SO tends to keep his emotions to himself.

 

I know he misses me just as much; I think it's just a symptom of men not really being encouraged to share their feelings as much as we are growing up.

[Citizen Erased]

OMG that is a long long time 2 months is my limit, not sure I could cope with longer than that, but then the love keeps you going doesn't it, not that that makes it easier I feel much luckier than many people in LDR's.

 

We cope because we have to. And of course the love.

 

And I actually consider us pretty lucky, this will be our last visit and then the next countdown is for when our distance ends.

[LisaLee]

Hey guys,

 

I hope this isn't threadjacking, but I just noticed that probably 95% of the posts here are from women. I also have realized that in my LDR (no longer LD), when we were apart, the one suffering more for not being physically together, was me. My bf, on the other hand, displayed equal angst as I each time before he had to leave, but once he left it was like there was an 'acceptance' switch he could turn on so the distance wouldn't affect him so much.

 

What does everyone else think about the genders and missing one's partner?

 

Same situation here, I'm not sure if it is so much gender as it is our personalities. I wear my heart on my sleeve, my SO is very stoic. Boyfriend says he feels angsty with us apart, but the truth is he takes it much more in stride than I do. I believe it has a lot to do with me being his first real relationship, while this is my first LDR. In fact, he told me a few nights ago if we absolutely have to he feels he could probably handle a couple more years of LDR, while I'm freaking out on how I am going to make it through the next 10 months.

 

To be fair, though, the bf does get very blue if we go more than 1 day without skyping. I know there have been times where we have gone 4 or 5 days without webcamming and he becomes very moody and clingy.

 

Now my SO's BFF is in an LDR, too, and the situation seems reversed. His BFF is the one who is mopey about the distance, while his girlfriend seems to actually prefer it. Go figure.

[EmmieH]

Left this morning, have an exam tomorrow. I got to see him for a full week however but miss him quite badly right now - feels like something is constricting my heart and throat thought I reckon it's a combination of missing-you and exam-nerves...

[LisaLee]

I am having one of the worst flu's of my life right now,

sinus, aching, puking, rough dry coughing oh god im in hell!

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVEEEE to curl up naked to my SO's hot body in the night and just suck in the warmth while im sick like a warm suana!

 

This reminds me of my BF. His body is so cold! He gives off no heat. I give off a lot of heat. I can't count how many times he's gotten under the covers and curled up to me, only to kick the covers off because he says I'm like a radiator. I just assumed with him living up in the cold north and me living down in the burning hot south all of our lives our bodies adjusted that way.

[tigressA]

I've been getting really antsy lately. Only a week left. I feel like this time is going to go on forever...I don't think I'll be able to talk to him for the next couple days either, which makes it worse. It's past 11 P.M. over there, and he departs on his 36-hr. flight on Saturday, so he will be back stateside early evening Sunday. I wish I could be at the airport when he gets back but it's not possible.

[LittleTiger]

Just got off skype with my SO and feeling sooo sad. We had a brief talk about the next 8 months and should be able to be together for at least half of that, which I know is way better than some people so I should be happy but damn this is so hard.

 

I've just been diagnosed with a long term illness, nothing life threatening fortunately but it does mean medication for life and the depression I've been feeling is apparently part of the illness. He's also having a really stressful time with his ex moving miles away and taking his 6 yr old daughter and he's got a custody hearing coming up in a few weeks.

 

Right now just seems to be the hardest time for both of us and it totally sucks being apart. I just wanted to climb into the computer screen to hold him and make both of us feel better, but instead I started crying as we were saying goodbye. I hate to cry when we're talking because it just puts him under more pressure and that's the last thing I want, but I couldn't stop myself.

 

Damn LDRs!!!

[HeavenOrHell]

Aw hun, I'm sorry Will look out for you this week for a chat (((((((hugs))))))

 

 

Just got off skype with my SO and feeling sooo sad. We had a brief talk about the next 8 months and should be able to be together for at least half of that, which I know is way better than some people so I should be happy but damn this is so hard.

 

I've just been diagnosed with a long term illness, nothing life threatening fortunately but it does mean medication for life and the depression I've been feeling is apparently part of the illness. He's also having a really stressful time with his ex moving miles away and taking his 6 yr old daughter and he's got a custody hearing coming up in a few weeks.

 

Right now just seems to be the hardest time for both of us and it totally sucks being apart. I just wanted to climb into the computer screen to hold him and make both of us feel better, but instead I started crying as we were saying goodbye. I hate to cry when we're talking because it just puts him under more pressure and that's the last thing I want, but I couldn't stop myself.

 

Damn LDRs!!!

[Calendula]

While getting ready to leave work tonight, I was struck by a sudden bout of sadness. I had had a good day, relatively speaking. There were plenty of things I didn't get done, but plenty of other things that I did do that needed doing. I even managed to wake up on time, get to where I needed to be on time throughout the day, and make it to my exercise class on time. I even checked a few things off of my perpetual list, even though I added a few more. Overall, though, a good day.

 

And then, as I sat at my desk around 6:30 PM, I couldn't help thinking that the only reason I needed to go home and shouldn't stay and keep working was because my dogs needed their walk and their dinner. It made me sad to think that there wasn't anyone at home waiting for me to talk to about my day (dogs don't really give the desired response to conversation). No one to greet when I got home (dogs still don't count), no one to share dinner with, no one to snuggle up next to and talk to before going to bed, no one to curl up next to tonight. So what if I might have someone to do all these things with at some point in the ambiguous future, I don't have anyone tonight and it's damm lonely.

 

I could mentally feel myself slipping into this slump as I walked to my car. I knew it was happening, but it wasn't something I really had the energy or motivation to stop. I figured screw it, tonight can be one of those wasted, completely non-productive nights when I decide to feel sorry for myself, mix myself a drink, watch a movie, and go to bed early. Screw working late, and screw thinking about what I should be doing if I ever want to move on from where I currently am. I'm not in the mood.

 

Sometimes I just want someone in my life and I want them here NOW. I want to skip ahead to how I imagine it could be, like in that movie 'Click' with Adam Sandler. I want to skip the miserable time in between - I know I can't and I wouldn't if I had the choice, but sometimes I feel like I want to. I want a teleport machine so we can lead our separate lives and then be in the same place whenever we have time to spend together. Why hasn't someone invented a device that makes teleportation possible yet?

 

I want what I can't have right now, and I want it NOW. And even though I know dam well that dwelling on what I don't or can't have won't help me get what I want, sometimes I just can't help it. I can't be strong and focused and motivated and positive all the time. Every now and then I just want to feel sorry for myself, let myself be miserable, and just cry.

 

I'll get over it. Tomorrow will be a new day, a fresh start. Maybe I'll even get up early and go to the laundrymat to do my laundry. But tonight.... tonight I think I'm just going to say F it and feel sorry for myself and wallow in my lonely misery. I can be happy again tomorrow.

[LisaLee]

Yup. I know that feeling so well, Calendula. I especially feel that way after I return from a visit. And the closer we get to ending our distance the more antsy I feel about... everything.

 

I suppose what gets me the most is laying in bed alone. Well, my cat is in bed with me, but she doesn't count. I want someone else, preferably a human. My SO knows I have such a hard time, he often feels so bad that he can't do much to make me feel better.

 

Last night I had too much to drink. I layed in bed while my boyfriend was on Skype and I talked and talked and talked to him. I literally talked myself to sleep. But for that drunken moment it felt like he was not just on the computer but actually with me.

[tigressA]

It's so nice having C back stateside, and yet it is torture all over again. I feel like it was better having him on the other side of the world, because at least I could totally accept/understand that I couldn't be with him. It wasn't possible. But when he's just an hour's drive away, and there are ways--nuisances, yes, but ways--to be together, but we still aren't, it SUCKS!

 

I had a lengthy Skype session with him earlier and it was so lovely, yet just made me even more anxious to see him. He told me he has to work this weekend, UGH, but he will be coming to see me on Wednesday. Though it's only for one night, at least I get to see him sooner.

[LisaLee]

Oh, don't worry, TA. All that will be different once you get your driver's license.

[tigressA]

Oh, don't worry, TA. All that will be different once you get your driver's license.

 

Yeah...I'll be spending all my spare money on gas to drive there every night! I don't care! :love:

[Calendula]

He called shortly after I finished posting my above entry. I'd texted him to see if he was busy around the time I started to go downhill; I figured that talking would help. But he was busy, as indicated by the fact that he didn't call me until he was in bed. And so I slipped to where I was above.

 

An hour and a half phone conversation later, and I don't feel quite so lonely anymore. Talking did help. I think the martini might have helped some too. Never quite managed the movie though... no loss there, movies will wait till I have time.

 

We didn't even talk about anything that was all that important (not even Thanksgiving plans), we just talked. He would tell me about stuff that is going on at work for him and I would sympathize and tell him about stuff that is going on at work for me. A little bit of family, a little bit of philosophy, a little bit of complaining, a little bit of science (actually a fairly healthy dose as we're both scientists), a little bit of comedy and shared humor, a little bit of imagination, a little bit of everything else. Before we knew it, an hour and a half of talking on the phone had passed, and he was falling asleep talking to me (I could tell because his response time slowed down and I started to get 'um' instead of actual sentences). We said our goodnights then.

 

I told him how I felt (primarily lonely) and I think he understood. His response was "I'm sorry" to which I replied that there wasn't anything he could do about it right now so he needn't be sorry and I'd be ok tomorrow. I told him about the movie "Click," which he hadn't seen, and my perspective on the main premise.

 

I have a fridge magnet that says "Success is a journey, not a destination." The same can be said for life in general. It is the bits along the way that matter, for better or for worse, not just where you end up.

 

We all complain about how we don't have enough time to get what we need to do done, and then we wish that time would go by faster so we can get to where we want to be. We should really all just make up our minds already and get over it. Time isn't going to change, no matter what we do. The seconds and minutes and hours will tick by whether we notice them or not, and the only thing we can do is try and fill them as best we can. It isn't easy to 'live in the present', 'let it be', or 'focus on the future', but if we can manage it, the results are better than life with the alternative mind set.

 

And so I will fill my most immediate minutes and hours with a walk for my dogs and then sleep for me. Tomorrow is another day. Might as well start it off with a good night's rest.

[Sirhiro]

We have visited each other twice with a third visit quickly approaching. Both times leaving each other got harder. I can't imagine how the third time will be...

 

We fall asleep with each other every night on Skype so it's technically not going to sleep alone.. Because she is there if I need her. But. It would be nice to roll over and her be there to hold...

 

Ah, LDR's. A difficult challenge. But at least it makes you cherish each other more when you actually do see each other compared to a standard relationship..

 

Can't wait to hold her again :].

[HeavenOrHell]

Those of you who watch each other asleep on skype I envy you, I think my partner would find it too odd/over the top, so I wouldn't even suggest it He is very forthcoming with calling me on the phone though and talking on msn and we meet every 6-8 weeks for a few days. He doesn't suggest going on skype (on cam) at all which I do feel sad about, I don't see any point me asking him why as I don't want him to suggest it just cos I've mentioned it. It was him who suggested skype in the first place and the first few times of going on there he was really keen.

I wonder if it's generally women who are more keen about going on skype than men, I'm talking about just to talk, cos I know most men would be keen if it was for a sexy skype session!

I know he misses me though, so I wish we could skype more often, but I don't suggest it much now cos he doesn't.

I'm missing him after our long weekend together and I feel p***** off with the whole thing I feel lonely now I'm back home without him and I feel pathetic for feeling like this.

[folieadeux]

Those of you who watch each other asleep on skype I envy you, I think my partner would find it too odd/over the top, so I wouldn't even suggest it He is very forthcoming with calling me on the phone though and talking on msn and we meet every 6-8 weeks for a few days. He doesn't suggest going on skype (on cam) at all which I do feel sad about, I don't see any point me asking him why as I don't want him to suggest it just cos I've mentioned it. It was him who suggested skype in the first place and the first few times of going on there he was really keen.

I wonder if it's generally women who are more keen about going on skype than men, I'm talking about just to talk, cos I know most men would be keen if it was for a sexy skype session!

I know he misses me though, so I wish we could skype more often, but I don't suggest it much now cos he doesn't.

I'm missing him after our long weekend together and I feel p***** off with the whole thing I feel lonely now I'm back home without him and I feel pathetic for feeling like this.

 

You shouldn't feel pathetic about missing your SO ever. Something would be wrong if you didn't.

 

My SO and I don't do the cam/Skype thing too much at all really so I wouldn't place too much emphasis on that. You have a similar time frame as we do as far as visits go, so I think that plays a part too. My SO and I also live in the same time zone and have very similar work/off time schedules so that allows us to talk on the phone, text, and see each other in person with enough regularity to not warrant these other means of communication quite as much. So maybe that's how your SO is looking at things too.

 

I know you said it wouldn't be worth speaking to him about it, but it's always worth discussing an issue that you're having with your SO. Maybe if he knew exactly why you wanted to do it and how much it would mean to you, he would be more open to it.

[LisaLee]

HoH, for my SO and I sleeping with Skype on was a natural progression.

 

First off, my SO has always used Skype a lot even before me. I actually downloaded Skype to talk to him. My SO is very shy, and when he went away to school he had trouble making friends (in fact his first two years of college he made no friends ) His routine was every day he would get back from class and get on skype and talk to his best friend in his hometown.

 

I was his first friend that he made in college. He has told me many times that he was very lonely when he was first in school, but he stopped being lonely when I came in the picture. :love: We met through one of his real life friends who added me to a MSN chat session. I added my SO, and the next day I initiated a chat session with him.

 

We chatted for 8 hours, then I downloaded skype and called him that night. So we started skyping almost immediately. It eventually became that instead of calling his best friend when he came home from class he would call me. We exchanged numbers and started texting like crazy. The more our relationship progressed the more our communication increased.

 

Now it is just part of our normal routine. But everyone is different! I know some people would consider our level of contact to be excessive, while others would say that to them it is not enough. This is my first LDR, so having this much contact is comforting to me, because I don't handle the distance thing very well. Even with all the contact I'm still a basket case.

 

You can always mention to your bf "Hey, did you know some of the guys in my forum sleep with Skype on?! Whaddya think of that?!?" and see what he says. Sleeping with Skype on really isn't that bad. It's nice to wake up in the morning, be surfing the net and suddenly hear my boyfriend say "Good morning." It makes me feel like he is at least a little bit here.

[tigressA]

Ugh, I miss him already. I just want to cry.

 

He came over as promised, drove straight from work. But he could only stay for a couple of hours because he has an overseas teleconference for work! :mad: Ever since he got back from his vacation he's been like a machine for them, and he has to be because they're the ones holding a gun to his bleeding work visa. And he seemed really distant when he was here; he's still down over the sudden death of his uncle that happened only a few days before he departed. On the bright side, he absolutely adores the gift I got for him.

 

I know I sound ridiculously selfish but I was hoping for more than this. I feel so disappointed. I feel like what I just got was hardly anything at all. It makes me wonder if this is even worth it. An hour's drive away and I'm thinking all this!

 

I am crying right now.

[Omei]

Ugh, I miss him already. I just want to cry.

 

He came over as promised, drove straight from work. But he could only stay for a couple of hours because he has an overseas teleconference for work! :mad: Ever since he got back from his vacation he's been like a machine for them, and he has to be because they're the ones holding a gun to his bleeding work visa. And he seemed really distant when he was here; he's still down over the sudden death of his uncle that happened only a few days before he departed. On the bright side, he absolutely adores the gift I got for him.

 

I know I sound ridiculously selfish but I was hoping for more than this. I feel so disappointed. I feel like what I just got was hardly anything at all. It makes me wonder if this is even worth it. An hour's drive away and I'm thinking all this!

 

I am crying right now.

 

Smile tho your heart is aching, smile even tho its breaking, when there are clouds in the sky you'll get by! ((((hugs))))

[tigressA]

Thank you, Omei. (((hugs))) to you too.

[Sirhiro]

HoH, for my SO and I sleeping with Skype on was a natural progression.

 

Now it is just part of our normal routine. But everyone is different! I know some people would consider our level of contact to be excessive, while others would say that to them it is not enough. This is my first LDR, so having this much contact is comforting to me, because I don't handle the distance thing very well. Even with all the contact I'm still a basket case.

 

Yeah. I'm in the same boat, First LDR and I like as much contact to keep me comforted and knowing she still cares. We can't text because of Country limits but we do Skype as much as we can. And we send emails to each other so when the other gets home there will always be something there to show how the other partner was thinking of them. :]

 

You can always mention to your bf "Hey, did you know some of the guys in my forum sleep with Skype on?! Whaddya think of that?!?" and see what he says. Sleeping with Skype on really isn't that bad. It's nice to wake up in the morning, be surfing the net and suddenly hear my boyfriend say "Good morning." It makes me feel like he is at least a little bit here.

 

It is so nice. Normally she wakes up before me and wakes me up with just a whispering "I love you". Heh.

 

I haven't heard of other couples doing what we do; with the whole sleeping skype technique. I mean I KNOW it exists just haven't blatantly seen someone say it. So it's nice to see someone else who goes through it as well. :]