I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend cheated on me

[Ivan]

Is there something wrong with me because this wouldn't really bother at all. However, I don't know if she would have the same reaction.

 

I know many men would have created a huge scene if their girlfriends got hit on at a party by another dude but not me. I must be weird or is I'm I just different?

What's wrong with me?

Edited October 10, 2010 by Ivan

[painfullyobvious]

I thought this as well until it actually happened to me. I never understood why people are upset at the person who cheated with someone in a committed relationship and I thoughtr I would be more upset at my girlfriends; until it happened to me.

 

OnceI was cheated on I was furious over the level of disrespect that someone had cheating with my girlfriend when they knew we lived together. I also became upset at my girlfriend but I still cared about her so I became more upset at the person who cheated with my girlfriend when it was a choice my girlfriend made willingly.

 

I used to feel the same way you did. Until you are really betrayed and it happens tp you I think you will feel differently. It is a level of vulnerability and a beat down of the self-esteem that I hope I will never have to experience again.

[Ivan]

I see so are you still with your girlfriend? I guess if you want to still work things out, you can ask her what were the reasons she cheated.

[Dexter Morgan]

Is there something wrong with me because this wouldn't really bother at all. However, I don't know if she would have the same reaction.

 

I know many men would have created a huge scene if their girlfriends got hit on at a party by another dude but not me. I must be weird or is I'm I just different?

What's wrong with me?

 

I don't get mad if a gf gets hit on, guys are gonna try and as long as she isn't doing anything to purposely attract that attention, then its not her fault they try.

 

But not caring if a gf cheats is another matter.

 

It says that you really don't take the relationship seriously.

[Trimmer]

I know many men would have created a huge scene if their girlfriends got hit on at a party by another dude but not me. I must be weird or is I'm I just different?

What's wrong with me?

Let's be clear here: are you talking about what your reaction would be to your girlfriend "getting hit on" at a party, or your reaction to her making a willing choice to pursue and have sex with another man. Those are hugely different things, and although the title of your thread says "cheating", the text of your OP is a little ambiguous n that point.

 

I thought this as well until it actually happened to me. I never understood why people are upset at the person who cheated with someone in a committed relationship and I thought I would be more upset at my girlfriends; until it happened to me.

 

Once I was cheated on I was furious over the level of disrespect that someone had cheating with my girlfriend when they knew we lived together. I also became upset at my girlfriend but I still cared about her so I became more upset at the person who cheated with my girlfriend when it was a choice my girlfriend made willingly.

But in the end, you do realize that this reaction is a form of denial, don't you? Considered objectively, what the Other Person "did wrong" was not to respect someone else's relationship, which is sleazy, but you don't have any personal connection or commitment to the OP and vice versa; as a matter of fact, the very fact that your girlfriend entered a relationship with the OP gave the OP credible information that your relationship was either not that serious or not that strong - she may have even talked down or minimized your relationship in the process of hooking up - so while I again say "it's sleazy", I can see the stars lining up in that direction.

 

On the other hand, what your girlfriend did was to knowingly betray a clear, personal commitment between the two of you. Objectively, there's no getting around her responsibility for that.

 

So I understand the wall of denial that a betrayed partner puts up that focuses the anger on the Other Person instead of the Spouse/SO (and I know it because I have experienced it myself...) I know that wanting to heal and make the relationship work puts up a barrier to really acknowledging the primary responsibility of your partner, but once you really step back and look at things with some clarity, you have to admit that the transgression that caused the injury, the thoughtlessness that caused the pain, the betrayal that really matters, all fall on the shoulders of your partner.