I asked this girl on a date and I didn't only get rejected, I lost my best friend

[Kain Highwind]

Ok, I've had a crush on my friend for a while. Over the summer, we've been hanging out more and more and she slowly became like my best friend. I enjoyed spending time with her and while I had a small crush before, it went away but it just came back when it seemed like she had feelings for me too.

 

I called her Friday night but she didn't answer. She texted me back Saturday morning saying that she was sorry for not answering because she was on a date. I was like "oh, k" and decided to make a move and ask her on a date. She said no, big deal, but since I asked her on one like four months ago, she basically told me that we had to talk

 

She said we shouldn't talk anymore because she just wants to be friends and I want more. I told her that I was OK with that because she was my best friend and I didn't want our friendship to be ruined over something like this. She said it sounded like I wasn't listening to her (because I asked a long time ago) and that was making her mad.

 

She said we may be friends again if we give each other some alone times. Should I believe that? If I knew this would have happened, I wouldn't have done it. She's always been there for me to talk to if I was upset, we've always had a good time together, we've been really good friends and I don't even have that anymore...

 

I know I'm gonna see her one more time. She was working on a painting for me and she got me a birthday present that she has to give me (She told me yesterday), but I'm afraid I'll never see or talk to her again after that... How can I get my friend back? I don't even care about a relationship now...

[jerbear]

Deep down inside you still have feelings. You have to step back and wait for her to come to you with the give.

 

Nothing you can do.

[Kain Highwind]

Deep down inside you still have feelings. You have to step back and wait for her to come to you with the give.

 

Nothing you can do.

I do have feelings true, but I don't think they're worth acting out on anymore if I lose my best friend in the process

[Kain Highwind]

And I was acting pretty overly dramatic when it happened yesterday (it was over text and I was high)

 

Should I like call or text today and apologize?

[somedude81]

Wow, she's very smart.

 

She doesn't like you in that way, but she has your best interests in mind.

 

It's time to move on.

[Kain Highwind]

Wow, she's very smart.

 

She doesn't like you in that way, but she has your best interests in mind.

 

It's time to move on.

I'm willing to move on regarding a relationship. I just don't wanna lose her as a friend

[FanFan]

And I was acting pretty overly dramatic when it happened yesterday (it was over text and I was high)

 

Should I like call or text today and apologize?

 

What do you mean you were high?

[dispatch3d]

ahhh I would definitely ditch her. Doesn't want to date you meh. And it's pretty ****ty of her to buy you a birthday present and whatever other nice **** you said she's doing for you but be like nahhhhh no dating. **** that noise. Really would just ditch this. You'll develop feelings again or not want to hit on other girls because she's "around" and giving you some kind of attention.

 

yeah working on a painting. This kind of friendship just isn't happening in my life anymore.

[Traviscartr]

Just talk to her about how and what you are feeling now, tell her that you have forget about relationship and you need her as a friend before. You still need an expert opinion at this time.

[Teknoe]

been there... when girls say no they mean no and you should not re-inquire, as that will only push them further away.

 

at this point, give her lots of space. don't contact her. let her contact you first. get busy with school, work, hobbies, whatever it is you do. get busy. see other friends. don't mope around thinking about her.

 

girls can smell desperation a mile away, and it ain't appealing. do your own thing, focus on you, and she might come around and be friends with you again 4-6 months from now... but do all this with the expectation she'll never come back.

 

don't set yourself up to take another fall. you can do it.

[somedude81]

I'm in the exact same f-ing situation. Except "my" girl still likes talking to and spending time with me even after she's rejected me a couple of times.

 

She gets a little annoyed when I ask her out, but then the next day she's back to normal. I just wish she'd get fed up with me so my stupid brain will realize I don't have any hope.

[Teknoe]

I'm in the exact same f-ing situation. Except "my" girl still likes talking to and spending time with me even after she's rejected me a couple of times.

 

She gets a little annoyed when I ask her out, but then the next day she's back to normal. I just wish she'd get fed up with me so my stupid brain will realize I don't have any hope.

 

 

Unrequited love doesn't wait. Learn to train yourself, jedi. As have I. My unrequited crush is talking with me again, but this time I really gave up any hope/expectations beyond cordial friendship. Train yourself to accept things the way they are, and be rock solid in that.

[tb24]

The "Friend zone" seems to be the hardest possible place to start a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship from. It's well known to be difficult to escape from.

 

A stranger is dangerous, exciting and new. She can't predict what will happen next. It's fun.

 

Almost every time you hear someone falling for a female friend, it ends this way. I think it's a psychological thing. She sees you as a friend and thinks you see her in the same way. Her first reaction to your advance would probably be surprise.

 

You can't "excite" her in that way. She knows you too well. She's comfortable around you and values the friendship you have. There is no mystery between you, your first date would be like you'd been dating for months.

 

Pretty much the only way to escape is for her to fall for you. She needs to see you around other girls. Talk to her about your dates, ask what she thinks of the girls you're dating. You'll be able to tell if she's at all into you if she implies you could do better... (provided you're not selling yourself short by dating girls well below your usual standard).

 

It's not about making her jealous but making her see that you are able to handle that environment well and would make a worthwhile partner, something she probably has not pictured you as before. Talk to her about what you're looking for in a girl "intelligent, funny, nice legs" etc. She *will*, friend or not, consider whether she checks those boxes. Make sure there's some she doesn't.

Edited November 11, 2010 by tb24

[supaflyz]

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[supaflyz]

I was in the exact same situation last year around this time to. I met this girl from a friend of mind. After he move away I began talking to her more. She sits right next to me in one of our class. We always have lunch together and hung out sometime. She was the one person that I thought really understands me. She was nice at the time. At first I didn't really like her. After getting to know here I began falling for her. Well I build enough courage to ask her out only to be shot down. She told me the exact same thing the girl right now is telling you. She gave me that crap about take it one step at a time to see how it goes and stuff. At that time I didn't want to lose her either. I basically call and text here everyday which at that time I didn't know much better. When you like someone your brain just stops thinking logically. My conscience deep inside me was telling me to let go, but somehow I still thought there was a chance. That's why I rather have a girl to outright say no than to beat around the bush and give guys that crap.

I asked all my other friends for their opinions. They told me to move on. I didn't want to listen to them because I figure there was still a chance. Needless to say I should of listen to them. This girl was very cruel to me at that time. I needed to talk to her for just awhile. Not even 20 minutes but she didn't give me the time of day. She totally made a 180 move from the person I knew before. I hated her for that. I guess it was the best scenario as it gave time for me to think about other things. After about 2 weeks I was over it. I'm usually over girls in about a day, but this one got to me a lot longer. We would talk about everything. We still talk sometime on the phone. I erased her number, but she still has mine.