flow15 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I've just seen a thread similar to this, which I found very strange.... I don't know if many of you know my story, but my ex broke up with me and after a week of trying to convince him I decided to go NC and have been for nearly a month. I broke it about a week ago asking him if he wanted some concert tickets I had bought us which I couldn't go to, but he didn't reply. Until now.. he started talking to me on msn saying he couldnt go but thank u and said it was very sweet of me. then he asked me how i am and he wanted to know my news etc.. anyway, i just flipped... cos after the way he treated me, the way he ended it, the fact he asked me to leave him alone when i was crying to him, and now all of a sudden wants to know my news?! i knew i shouldn't have reacted angrily but i couldn't help it. I was like what do u mean u want to hear my news? u told me to leave u alone, etc. and he said it was the only way. and i said well u didn't even apologise, maybe when u do i will share u my news. and then he was like apolgise for what? he couldn't realise how much he hurt me or how horrible he was to me..... i couldn't even be bothered to go into it, so i said to him, look theres no point in arguing, whats done is done, u did me a favour by ending it, etc... so then he called me (as this was all on msn) and then he was like well can i hear ur news? so i just told him everythin was good, told him about my job, that im rly happy etc. and i asked him how he was and he said he was rly good too. and then there was an awkward silence so i told him i had to go. and we said bye. What do u think? do u think i did good or bad? im surprised, after nearly a month of not speaking to him, i didnt really feel like i missed him or wanted to keep talking to him or anything. i just feel kinda angry that i let it go so lightly.. ie i feel like i should have made more of a point how much he hurt me etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 The reason why 28 day's seem to break the no contact period is many say 1 month should be enough time etc. People simplify 1 month as 4 weeks and 4 weeks = 28 days. As for you emphasising the hurt he has caused you is a guilt trip method, it's good you didn't do it more than you wished you had. There is no point in trying to guilt trip the ex, or to revert back to trying to hurt them more. Personally I don't think you sounded ready to break NC, (you did by responding to his contact) I'm on 6th week and not ready I admit I phoned her today but hung up before it could even register on her phone. I know I am not ready too. Anger is an emotion, you shouldn't be talking emotionally but with indifference, seems too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) The reason why 28 day's seem to break the no contact period is many say 1 month should be enough time etc. People simplify 1 month as 4 weeks and 4 weeks = 28 days. As for you emphasising the hurt he has caused you is a guilt trip method, it's good you didn't do it more than you wished you had. There is no point in trying to guilt trip the ex, or to revert back to trying to hurt them more. Personally I don't think you sounded ready to break NC, (you did by responding to his contact) I'm on 6th week and not ready I admit I phoned her today but hung up before it could even register on her phone. I know I am not ready too. Anger is an emotion, you shouldn't be talking emotionally but with indifference, seems too soon. I replied to him, because i was just so angry with him... I dont want to guilt trip him, I just don't want him to think its ok what he did. In the end, i didnt want to argue I just said forget about it its in the past (although I feel like I shouldn't have said that) and the conversation sort of ended ok. Edited October 10, 2010 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 I replied to him, because i was just so angry with him... I dont want to guilt trip him, I just don't want him to think its ok what he did. In the end, i didnt want to argue I just said forget about it its in the past (although I feel like I shouldn't have said that) and the conversation sort of ended ok. How are you feeling now? What are your thoughts now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 How are you feeling now? What are your thoughts now? Well like I said in my original post, I don't feel like i missed him or wanted to keep talking to him (I told him I had to go cos there was kind of an awkward silence so I tried to avoid it and told him I had to go eat). I don't feel, 'wow finally he called me!' I feel indifferent in that sense.. However, I feel angry with myself and with him for not having had a go at him more, or made him see how much he hurt me.... of basically letting it go without him apologising. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Basically I feel mad that I let him off so easily, like I make him think its ok he can do that and treat me that way. But I don't know if that's just me... maybe I just have a problem with letting things go? Edited October 10, 2010 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
SadGirl23 Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) I may be wrong, atleast you got a call and not a text message. But sounds like he just wanted to check up to see where you are and how youre doing. I like how you said "good news" which can shift his mind a little bit to where he's like "what kind of good news" but you satisfy his curiousity by saying "life is good with work and what not". Maybe he will think "okay she's happy without me? ughh not good" or he can say "ohhh, what a relief, she's okay with the breakup." That's why I don't read into anything anymore unless he mentions he have to see me or meet with me because he want us back. Consider this as a Dumper's way to check up on you. but I have been fooled sooo many times with this route of check ups, wanted reconcilation only to change his mind, false hopes so many times, I have made up my mind to really just move on. I don't even contact him, but if he contacts me (which he does every 3 weeks of silence from me), I got to the point where I don't care anymore. And we been broken up for 2.5 mths now. Edited October 10, 2010 by SadGirl23 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 I just realised, its probably good i didn't have such a go at him and said to him 'forget about it, i dont want to argue, its in the past' etc... cos that makes him think i dont really care... which i guess is good? to be honest, im not looking forward to the next time he 'checks up on me' or whatever.... im not particularly interested in speaking with him (mainly cos im mad at him).. at least he knows that i am happy and life is good again. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted October 10, 2010 Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Truthfully does any percentage you want reconciliation still ? If the answer is no, This NC has worked very well for you seeing as I know you did within your first few posts here as I was harsh on you. If the answer is a part of you still does, it's semi-ok as he initiated contact (The concert thing was his excuse to talk to you even though you messaged him before about them ) I mean reconciliation does have to be made with contact if it is ever to happen. You cut him off as awkward silence occured which is a tad late but otherwise okay. You did appear to make yourself busy which was needed. You should have given him the ear briefly let him speak say a little something then cut it off leaving him wondering. As for news he wanted to hear it sounds like he wants to know if you are moving on etc. You should never fully come out with any answer to this because moving on may effect a reconciliation (if thats what you wanted) and not moving on keeps me on the back burner. You'd answer something like been keeping busy, going out a lot etc. Doesn't say you are holding or waiting for the ex and doesn't say you are moving on either. Edited October 10, 2010 by Billie The Puppet Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Share Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Truthfully does any percentage you want reconciliation still ? If the answer is no, This NC has worked very well for you seeing as I know you did within your first few posts here as I was harsh on you. If the answer is a part of you still does, it's semi-ok as he initiated contact (The concert thing was his excuse to talk to you even though you messaged him before about them ) I mean reconciliation does have to be made with contact if it is ever to happen. You cut him off as awkward silence occured which is a tad late but otherwise okay. You did appear to make yourself busy which was needed. You should have given him the ear briefly let him speak say a little something then cut it off leaving him wondering. As for news he wanted to hear it sounds like he wants to know if you are moving on etc. You should never fully come out with any answer to this because moving on may effect a reconciliation (if thats what you wanted) and not moving on keeps me on the back burner. You'd answer something like been keeping busy, going out a lot etc. Doesn't say you are holding or waiting for the ex and doesn't say you are moving on either. No I don't want , a small part of me misses the old times... but after the way he hurt me and treated me now at the end i dont want him again. I want to be with someone who appreciates me and treats me the way i deserve. although deep down of course i want him to want me.... even though i dont want him haha Edited October 10, 2010 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 No I don't want , a small part of me misses the old times... but after the way he hurt me and treated me now at the end i dont want him again. I want to be with someone who appreciates me and treats me the way i deserve. although deep down of course i want him to want me.... even though i dont want him haha Well then you should be fine then, going NC again should be easy and he should be out of your life for good. Who cares if he wants you or not if you don't want him it seems like you want him to want you so he can experience rejection and the hurt he caused you. That's only revenge and revenge is short lived. If you are truly indifferent you wouldn't be angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 Well then you should be fine then, going NC again should be easy and he should be out of your life for good. Who cares if he wants you or not if you don't want him it seems like you want him to want you so he can experience rejection and the hurt he caused you. That's only revenge and revenge is short lived. If you are truly indifferent you wouldn't be angry. I don't want him back purely because he hurt me so much. Doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him, i think of the good times and i wish i could go back to them, but i know that doesn't exist anymore which is why i am able to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
SadGirl23 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Do you feel like you still have feelings, but know that what you went thru that they don't deserve to be back with you, however, you hate how they are responding like everything is less stressful because we dumpees are not in their lives? I feel like that, so when my ex contacts me, I almost act like I am doing everything in my power to push him away because if I talk to him like "Everything is great in my life, blah blah" then he just seems to act like he is only more satisfied that I am doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 Do you feel like you still have feelings, but know that what you went thru that they don't deserve to be back with you, however, you hate how they are responding like everything is less stressful because we dumpees are not in their lives? I feel like that, so when my ex contacts me, I almost act like I am doing everything in my power to push him away because if I talk to him like "Everything is great in my life, blah blah" then he just seems to act like he is only more satisfied that I am doing well. yeah something like that... basically what i feel is very little, its basically nostalgia for the beginning of the relationship when everything was amazing, but i know that doesnt exist anymore and i know he isnt that person anymore so i feel ok. i dont want him back because of that and also because he doesnt deserve me. but i totally know what u mean about how they act like they r less stressed because we r not in their lives, but i try to make him feel that too, that i am less stressed cos hes not in my life. that i am not putting up with his **** anymore... i think the best thing is to just not contact eachother at all. i have no interest in contacting him, and if he contacts me again, i dont know if ill reply. Link to post Share on other sites
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