Devastated

[PSG]

Thanks everyone. I am trying my best to hang in there. I am trying to remember the bad times and his selfish ways so I can remain angry and not sad and pathetic. I KNOW KNOW KNOW this is eventually going to be the best thing for me.

 

I also am thinking of all the traveling he had already planned this year (for work) - he would have been gone months at a time. So, the reality is I would have been by myself.

 

The times I get sad is when I remember a smile, a glance, a nice shared memory and then the tears come......

[curiousnycgirl]

OOH PSG you're in MA I'm in NJ, come travel here!!! We can do bitty road trips :bunny:. I'm still nursing a horse back to wellness, so I can't go far - but we can have fun in the big apple if you like !

 

I tried to PM you, but you need to post a lot more so you can get those! CMON post and post and post!

 

We're gonna get through this, I swear we will!!!!

[PSG]

Thanks! Wish we could all meet out for happy hour or something!!! So he sent me an email...I responded and let him know how hurt I was and how I was totally shocked (had no idea) about someone else. Then he responded saying he was sorry etc. blah blah blah. In any case, he is leaving town this weekend and I am going to stop by the house and pick up a few things. Not in the frame of mind to really go through and get all my things (this would take a while). So I am totally mixed b/t being sad and trying to remain more angry at him. I DO NOT want to get back with him but just sad and trying to decide if I want NC or to see him again to get some kind of closure. We are in the same profession so I will eventually run in to him.

[BellaBellaBella]

sorry he hurt you or sorry he did it, or sorry for the way he handled it

did he indicate he wanted to get back togather?

 

hold strong

[PSG]

Didn't really say what he was sorry for actually. Just that it wasn't and isn't his intention to hurt met blah blah blah. I just need to remember the bad times not the good ones. He sent me another email today telling me to have a good day and he would be back from his business trip on Sunday. I am not going to respond. Part of me wants to try to be friends with him and not feel all this bitterness and anger and part of me thinks he need to know how upset I am. However, I realize a conversation with my crying and yelling at him and him being defensive will not accomplish anything. Guess I'll just keep the limited contact to NC and see how I feel. I am under no illusion about getting back with him or wanted to but just don't know how I feel about everything else....

[curiousnycgirl]

PSG I am sure he was sorry he hurt you - however he is selfish. His need to make himself happy and do whatever he damn well pleases clearly outweighs any interest he has in your welfare.

 

It has taken me 6 years of suffering through my ex and his antics to realize what everyone has been telling em all along - that he is a selfish so and so. Through all that time I have defended him and just felt that no one else really knew him or understood him because he is so shy and hard to get to know.

 

Not sure what happened this time for me, but something snapped. This time I know it is the last time, because I know that this time I no longer trust him - that has never happened before.

 

So let me ask you - do you trust him? Is there anything this man could say that would make you truly believe (deep down in your honest heart believe) he could make things right again? If not then why bother speaking to him?

 

I understand that at some point you'll have to given that you are in the same profession - but don't push yourself and don't rush it. It's been a month for me. Again I'm not sure what happened, but for some reason yesterday I woke up much better than I had been all the days before. It was like a light switch - one day on, the next day off. So bizarre! For the first time I was able to pack up his things without any emotion, drive to the post office and ship them off to him. I truly hope that you will hit that same point too - if you let yourself heal!

[PSG]

Nope...I no longer trust him. The whole thing just makes me sad. So we had a few emails exchanged primarily about me going to get a few things at the house. Since then he has sent me two - I haven't replied to either. He is out of town for the weekend and just sent me and mail saying "hey hope you are having a good weekend..be back tomorrow". Don't know why I feel this pull to try and be friends. BLAH.

[bonpaw2008]

PSG I am sure he was sorry he hurt you - however he is selfish. His need to make himself happy and do whatever he damn well pleases clearly outweighs any interest he has in your welfare.

 

It has taken me 6 years of suffering through my ex and his antics to realize what everyone has been telling em all along - that he is a selfish so and so. Through all that time I have defended him and just felt that no one else really knew him or understood him because he is so shy and hard to get to know.

 

Not sure what happened this time for me, but something snapped. This time I know it is the last time, because I know that this time I no longer trust him - that has never happened before.

 

So let me ask you - do you trust him? Is there anything this man could say that would make you truly believe (deep down in your honest heart believe) he could make things right again? If not then why bother speaking to him?

 

I understand that at some point you'll have to given that you are in the same profession - but don't push yourself and don't rush it. It's been a month for me. Again I'm not sure what happened, but for some reason yesterday I woke up much better than I had been all the days before. It was like a light switch - one day on, the next day off. So bizarre! For the first time I was able to pack up his things without any emotion, drive to the post office and ship them off to him. I truly hope that you will hit that same point too - if you let yourself heal!

 

Totally agree with Curious, he wants to be your friend to ease his own guilt and to keep control of you. You want to stay his friend because you think that if you keep in contact he will come back. I am in the exact same boat, I get texts and calls all the time even though I have asked him not to contact me. He is a selffish bastard, but he won't leave me alone. I wish that I could tell you it gets easier, just look for the strength inside of you. You have enough friends, you don't need him....good luck!

[BellaBellaBella]

How are you doing PSG?

[PSG]

Hello....still hanging in there. We have had a few email exchanges primarily about mail/sick friend updates/etc. He asked me to have dinner this weekend. I know everyone here says NC is the way to go but....I am going to have to see him eventually (same profession and we live very close) and I sort of just want to rip the bandaid off and get it over with. I don't want to get back with him so I am not going into this with and hopes of that. The trust is GONE. Also, next weekend I am traveling and will be spending the weekend with a bunch of really good friends so I have that to look forward to if this weekend doesn't go well. Don't know if this is the right decision but we'll see. Hope you all are well!

[curiousnycgirl]

So may I ask why you are agreeing to his dinner invitation? Seriously - do you see yourself getting any benefit it ouf this dinner at all? If it is just to rip the bandaid off then I would like to ask you why now. If it is for him, then I'll ask why would you do anything for him. I'm not trying to push you against the wall, but I am asking yout o be honest with yourself as to why you are doing it, and make sure you are going in with you eyes wide open.

 

You do not have to answer here - but please reconsider this plan. If there is any chance that it may hurt you then why bother at this point? There is always time to rip that bandaid, and remember with age the adhesive gets weaker and hurts less (just to continue with your metaphor). So please, please ask yourself and at least be honest with yourself.

[PSG]

Hi everyone...so we went to dinner a few weeks back and acknowledged that we had to eventually have a long "emotional" talk. Since then we have been talking and spending some time together (as friends) but not talking about the 'elephant in the room" .. We had dinner tonight and I told him I had made other plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He got very upset and started crying. Asked me to change my Thanksgiving plans and I said NO NO NO. I told him that he cheated and I have made plans that he is not a part of. He said he really wanted to spend Thanksgiving with me and I said "well..I really wanted a monogamous boyfriend". So...that put and end to that conversation.

 

 

In any case, I am okay being friends for the moment and feeling very strong and am not letting myself be taken advantage of. The reality is he seems way more upset that I do now. Not sure what to make of that.

 

Hope you all are well.

hugs.