sb129 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Some of the regular/ old time LSers may know that my brother is severely physically disabled, he is wheelchair bound and completely dependent on a carer for everything. It was the result of an accident 12 years ago. Mentally, he is totally fine, and he lives with his long term partner. As you can imagine, their R is not without its challenges, and there are 100s of stories to tell. One of the issues they have is that he smokes. Alot, both tobacco and weed. His lungs have 1/3 of the capacity of healthy, able bodied lungs, and they are probably operating at even less than that now. He can't physically cough properly either, as he can't use all the muscles necessary to do that. His health is below average at the best of times due to the nature of his disability, but thanks to the smoking, it is constantly bad. He has had recurrent chest infections I don't know how many times. He has a bedsore that refuses to heal. My mother is terrified that he is killing himself slowly, yet in the same breath she enables him by saying stuff like "Oh well, I guess he doesn't have that many pleasures in life". She is living on the edge as it is as my dad died of cancer last year and she has lost her greatest support and sounding board regarding my brother. His partner enables him by giving him the cigarettes, because she says its easier than fighting about it- he can't give them to himself, yet if anyone refuses to give them to him, he says its an infringement on his human rights. The few times I HAVE tried to say anything, I pretty much got told to back off and that its none of my business. So with that, I have tried to keep out of it- however now, both my mother and my brothers partner are calling me to tell me how worried they are, how sick my brother is, and how they don't know what to do. I don't know what to do! I talked to him the other day and he sounded awful, but he was stoned and there is no point talking to him when thats the case. Emotional blackmail doesn't seem to work- by default he is quite self absorbed as many people with severe disabilities can be, and I have my suspicions that deep down he doesn't really want to be alive forever. Its heartbreaking and I worry that one day soon it will just be me and my mum and I am not sure if she or I could cope with another loss just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I went through the same thing with my mother until she died 3 years ago. She stuffed herself with greasy foods and smoked for 40 years, and she got tired of me asking her to stop that because I shouldn't interfere with her pleasure. When she was 2 years away from retiring, she finally decided to switch from short-term pleasures to long-term, but it was too late. Her body was a wreck, yet she accepted her fate with no regrets. Almost a year after she died, I was shopping in the 99 when I met a former co-worker who's only 5 years younger than I am. This guy's biggest pleasure in life was dope. He wasn't depressed, he was always cheery and pleasure-centered. When I saw him in the 99, he looked like he was 70 and he couldn't finish a single sentence he started... he'd just trail off into giggling. He probably doesn't even have enough of a mind left to feel regret. To some people, the lousy rewards they reap are worth the sensory pleasures they experience earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Hi sb129, I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. I don't think there is much you or your family can do, except trying to deal with your own fears and feelings as constructively as possible. Your brother is an adult and thus makes his own choices in terms of whether he wants to smoke or not. My father also smoked himself to death and unfortunately there was little anyone around him could do. All the best to you, and your brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Hi Sb, Sorry about that. What you can do is find out how to make his condition a little better. Maybe taking him to the beach sometimes, give him some massage, aromatherapy, thermal waters, whatever helps and support your mom for being there. It's though but what can you do. xo Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 Thanks for the replies. I understand what everyone is saying, and you truly cannot make someone do something if they don't want to. Lecturing them just makes them resent you! Its just so hard and frustrating watching someone you care about hurt themselves, and seeing how much it hurts my mum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 Well it turns out that there may be hope after all. Bro went to see a smoking cessation counsellor who had a son in his same situation- who died from smoking related illness. I think it may have given him the wake up call that the rest of us have been unable to give him. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Well it turns out that there may be hope after all. Bro went to see a smoking cessation counsellor who had a son in his same situation- who died from smoking related illness. I think it may have given him the wake up call that the rest of us have been unable to give him. Glad to hear - fingers crossed. Link to post Share on other sites
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