Forum Ettiquette?

[xxoo]

So do I. That is why I post on LS.

 

Yes, I know. It just depends, then, on what we understand to be "empowered", as informed by the paths we've walked.

[jennie-jennie]

When people post on an open forum about their situation, others will become knowledgable of certain things. One example is how long an A has dragged out with no changes in status and excuses being made for the cheating.

 

Your use of the words "excuses", "dragged out" shows ignorance of my situation. They show your perception of my situation, which is not factual, but how you view it through your filter. You are not knowledgeable of my situation. I can tell you that.

 

Surprise! There are details of my relationship which I do not reveal here, details which might change your perception of my relationship if you were knowledgeable of them.

Anyone is free to use my R with my sweety as an example on this forum when discussing non A relationships because I have spoken about our R on here and would never consider telling anyone they cannot talk about it. If I didn't want anyone bringing up my R, I'd best stay off an internet forum.

 

OK, should I then base my perception of your relationship on your posts here? That your relationship will be very much in trouble the day your sweetheart does something you can not understand, because you have absolutely no empathy for anything that goes outside your own experience? I can post this perception of mine in every thread I participate in as an example of a relationship in danger if a marital crisis should occur.

[jennie-jennie]

Yes, I know. It just depends, then, on what we understand to be "empowered", as informed by the paths we've walked.

 

I very much like this post.

[donnamaybe]

OK, should I then base my perception of your relationship on your posts here? That your relationship will be very much in trouble the day your sweetheart does something you can not understand, because you have absolutely no empathy for anything that goes outside your own experience? I can post this perception of mine in every thread I participate in as an example of a relationship in danger if a marital crisis should occur.

Feel free to view things however you choose. I know what goes on between him and I. I know we live in the same house. I know he sleeps with me and me alone - there is no other woman in his life. I know we aren't married by choice because we've both been there done that. There's been talk, but neither is sure if we want the paper. We're past the white dresses and doves stage of life. As for any problems that may arise due to misunderstandings, they do arise, as they do in any relationship since we aren't clones of each other. We discuss the situation, come to an understanding of each other's intentions and feelings, and we overcome the problems. Had a misunderstanding just a couple weeks ago wherein I unintentionally hurt my sweety's feelings. I told him I didn't mean to and explained exactly what I meant by what I said, but I still apologized for hurting his feelings.

 

There is no "perception" that your A has dragged on for years. It has as a fact. So has my relationship. Yes it is merely my opinion that the "reasons" are actually excuses. I am free to have an opinion, as are you. Your opinions of my relationship cannot hurt me because I know the truth. My opinions of yours should not hurt you for the same reason.

[alexandria35]

Actually I think before you judge another person you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way when you judge them, you're a mile away...and you have their shoes.....

 

hahahahahaha....a little humor for you all.

 

 

Carry on.

[Circular]

Actually I think before you judge another person you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way when you judge them, you're a mile away...and you have their shoes.....

 

hahahahahaha....a little humor for you all.

 

 

Carry on.

 

LOL... I quite liked this.. will need to remember it.

[jennie-jennie]

Feel free to view things however you choose. I know what goes on between him and I. I know we live in the same house. I know he sleeps with me and me alone - there is no other woman in his life. I know we aren't married by choice because we've both been there done that. There's been talk, but neither is sure if we want the paper. We're past the white dresses and doves stage of life. As for any problems that may arise due to misunderstandings, they do arise, as they do in any relationship since we aren't clones of each other. We discuss the situation, come to an understanding of each other's intentions and feelings, and we overcome the problems. Had a misunderstanding just a couple weeks ago wherein I unintentionally hurt my sweety's feelings. I told him I didn't mean to and explained exactly what I meant by what I said, but I still apologized for hurting his feelings.

 

The bolded "I know what goes on between him and I" is all you need to know about my relationship. I know and all you can do is presume.

 

There is no "perception" that your A has dragged on for years. It has as a fact. So has my relationship.

 

Quick definitions (drag out)

 

▸ verb: last unnecessarily long

▸ verb: proceed for an extended period of time

 

I feel sorry for you if your relationship has dragged out. Mine has not. I have enjoyed every minute of it and hope to be able to do so for many years to come.

 

Yes it is merely my opinion that the "reasons" are actually excuses. I am free to have an opinion, as are you. Your opinions of my relationship cannot hurt me because I know the truth. My opinions of yours should not hurt you for the same reason.

 

Your opinons do not hurt me, but it is very irritating to see my relationship used as an example of something it is not, time and time again. Used to prove a point which it can not prove because the presumptions are wrong.

[jennie-jennie]

Actually I think before you judge another person you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way when you judge them, you're a mile away...and you have their shoes.....

 

hahahahahaha....a little humor for you all.

 

 

Carry on.

 

That is probably true. Because you really need to be the other person to truly understand them.

[greengoddess]

The bolded "I know what goes on between him and I" is all you need to know about my relationship. I know and all you can do is presume.

 

 

 

Quick definitions (drag out)

 

▸ verb: last unnecessarily long

▸ verb: proceed for an extended period of time

 

I feel sorry for you if your relationship has dragged out. Mine has not. I have enjoyed every minute of it and hope to be able to do so for many years to come.

 

 

 

Your opinons do not hurt me, but it is very irritating to see my relationship used as an example of something it is not, time and time again. Used to prove a point which it can not prove because the presumptions are wrong.

 

Jennie I don't get it. What exactly is different about YOUR affair than anyone elses. Well except besides the fact that you've LET him have both you and his wife for more than 5 years behind his wifes back. What is it that you feel makes you being his mistress so different than the others? Because it has lasted so long maybe? That to me is only a testimony to he must be doing an awfully good job at home with his wife for her to be none the wiser about you.

[donnamaybe]

Quick definitions (drag out)

 

▸ verb: last unnecessarily long

▸ verb: proceed for an extended period of time

 

I feel sorry for you if your relationship has dragged out. Mine has not. I have enjoyed every minute of it and hope to be able to do so for many years to come.

Yup. Definition #2, although at our age, it doesn't really feel like an extended period of time. More like the blink of an eye.

Your opinons do not hurt me,

Good, as that is not my intention.

but it is very irritating to see my relationship used as an example of something it is not, time and time again. Used to prove a point which it can not prove because the presumptions are wrong.

I'm sorry my opinions irritate you, but if using an example in conjunction with my opinion can save a woman from wasting years of her life on what I view as a situation which will not come to the fruition she hopes for, then it is worth it.

[jennie-jennie]

Jennie I don't get it. What exactly is different about YOUR affair than anyone elses. Well except besides the fact that you've LET him have both you and his wife for more than 5 years behind his wifes back. What is it that you feel makes you being his mistress so different than the others? Because it has lasted so long maybe? That to me is only a testimony to he must be doing an awfully good job at home with his wife for her to be none the wiser about you.

 

Factual fault: our relationship has not lasted more than 5 years.

 

Do you really not know that there are different types of extramarital relationships? Is that a surprise to you?

 

Perhaps you need to do read up on affairs then?

Edited October 13, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[jennie-jennie]

I'm sorry my opinions irritate you, but if using an example in conjunction with my opinion can save a woman from wasting years of her life on what I view as a situation which will not come to the fruition she hopes for, then it is worth it.

 

And here we really get to the topic of this thread: forum etiquette.

 

If a fellow poster asks you specifically to not use her relationship as an example, is it not then good etiquette to adhere to her wish?

 

Because it is not your opinions that irritate me, it is the using of my relationship as an example over and over again for something I do not feel it represents. I know you are able to express your opinions without doing so.

[jennie-jennie]

I'm sorry my opinions irritate you, but if using an example in conjunction with my opinion can save a woman from wasting years of her life on what I view as a situation which will not come to the fruition she hopes for, then it is worth it.

 

The bolded above is exactly what I am talking about. How can my relationship serve as an example of years wasted when I feel my years with my MM have been very well spent? Am I not the one to decide that? It's my life, not yours.

[Dexter Morgan]

Hmm, I have been reading this site for more than a year and I can't recall any OW gloating about stealing other's husbands. Certainly not recently. /

 

then you must see what you want to see. I can name several, but won't.

Edited October 14, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jennie-jennie]

So 290+ post and 20 pages later... this turned into exactly what the OP was pointing out. How rude to the OP!

 

Jennie, if you dont like your R to be the poster child on LS (made out by other users to be) then why you engage in such hot and heavy discussions about it?

 

Don't feed into it, then? gives them nothing to talk about...

 

I don't mind being a poster child for the happy, unapologetic OW!

 

What I mind is when somebody twists that to being a discouraging example. Are there no unhappy OW to be found? It makes you wonder.

Edited October 13, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[BlackLovely]

That's quite an assumption (and wrong too)

 

I personally hate the fighting that sometimes goes here on LS between the BS and OW/OM. Everybody can bring something to the discussions and advice given here, including those who have never actually been in an affair. To tell posters otherwise and to keep away from certain forums is rude, disrespectful and arrogant.

 

Well said.

[fooled once]

That's because I am not, contrary to what you would like to believe, ignorant.

 

What is it called when someone continues to do the same thing over and over and over again, expecting something to change...?

 

That's called insanity

 

I really don't understand all this fighting. OK so donnamaybe you don't think anyone should be in an affair. Jennie-jennie you're okay with being in an affair. Okay good for both of you... can you not just agree to disagree?? What is the big deal, I don't get it. Really.

 

SB ((hugs)) unfortunately, this goes on all the time. One poster must get everyone to see things their way; and will pound and pound and pound on a person until that person either leaves the thread or cries "uncle". It usually happens in almost every thread; many times, anyone who doesn't agree or applaud it is called ignorant, bitter, reformed, or whatever word they pick to try to belittle a poster. It is sad. The best thing you (any person really) can do is to leave the thread and go read other threads and offer support or advice.

 

So 290+ post and 20 pages later... this turned into exactly what the OP was pointing out. How rude to the OP!

 

I agree bionic.

 

Can the thread get back on track or has the horse finally been beaten dead?

[Tony]

I think the horse has finally been beaten dead. I also don't like the way things have been going, particularly some posts that have partially identified members and some that were sarcastic and inflammatory. I think this had a pretty good run. Thanks to all who participated.