Make up your mind...

[clurichaun17]

I had a fwb relationship w/ a guy I've known about a year for a few months and recently he asked for my take on our relationship. I basically said that I like him (which I admitted to at the very start) and do see potential for dating relationship, but that I didn't think he wanted that and I was content w/ how things were. I'm not really looking for anything serious right now but I probably wouldn't have turned him down if he'd asked me out; we were half way together as was, treating each other more like bf and gf than fwb, mostly b/c there is some degree of caring b/w us since we started as friends.

 

In response to my take on our relationship he asked that we hold off on the physical stuff for a bit but still hang out and everything, that he's feeling really overwhelmed w/ school and everything else right now and feels like he doesn't know what he thinks about anything anymore. He also said that he doesn't want to hold me back since he thinks I'm more or less ready for a real relationship and he really just needs to sit down and figure everything out when he has time to recenter. He says he doesn't want me to wait for him but at the same time emphasized that he doesn't want me to stop talking to him, and he also acts a bit jealous concerning other guys that have expressed interest in me.

 

Basically I took this whole thing as his round about way of telling me he has lost interest in me physically or maybe he really doesn't know how he feels about me and wants time to think about it, maybe b/c of how his last few gfs broke up with him? Still he also seems to be wondering if it was okay for us to have a primarily physical relationship in the moral sense (he recently started going back to church). And now that we're hanging out as just friends again, which he generally initiates, he's started doing random flirty and jealous bf things again like he used to when our relationship was at its high point about a month ago.

 

I would be content to let this situation play itself out a bit before I do anything, but he lives across the street from me now so his proximity could be an issue if things turn sour and also some of our mutual friends are starting to ask questions about us that I don't know how to answer; for example one of our friends has been hinting that he knows something is going on b/w us, asking random questions that sound like he assumes we're actually together. I do intend on bringing this up once I figure out how to get my point across, I was just hoping for some insight prior to that.

 

It has been suggested to me that I let him know there is a guy I started seeing casually a couple days ago (no sex yet and doesn't seem like that'll happen very soon) and see how he reacts as something of a test. I'd like to get some other opinions on the situation, and also whether that sounds like a reasonable way to handle it, at the least as a way to open up the discussion about us again. Feel free to ask any questions you like, and thanks ahead of time!!

[Rashad]

Basically I took this whole thing as his round about way of telling me he has lost interest in me physically or maybe he really doesn't know how he feels about me and wants time to think about it, maybe b/c of how his last few gfs broke up with him? Still he also seems to be wondering if it was okay for us to have a primarily physical relationship in the moral sense (he recently started going back to church). And now that we're hanging out as just friends again, which he generally initiates, he's started doing random flirty and jealous bf things again like he used to when our relationship was at its high point about a month ago.

hmmm, I actually feel like this guy wants MORE than the physical... is he shy or does he have confidence issues?

[squeaky]

Yeah, it's hard to say what he's feeling. It sounds like he's just not sure about stuff, and he doesn't want you to wait around for him if he's really unsure.

 

In my experience, the jealousy thing doesn't necessarily mean much. I have had fwb's and ex-boyfriends who would get jealous about other guys coming into my life, but that didn't always mean that they wanted relationships with me. I guess it's a stereotype, but I do think some guys can be territorial, even if you're not in a relationship with them. I had an ex who broke up with me, and was adamant about only wanting to be friends, and still he would get pretty jealous when I mentioned new guys.

 

I think if this guy is telling you that he wants to hold off on physical intimacy, and he is also saying he doesn't know what he wants, I would just be careful with my feelings if I were you. Ultimately he really could want a relationship with you, but it sounds like he's not ready right now.

[clurichaun17]

Thanks for the replies! He's not a shy person usually and pretty confident as well. This is the only situation that I've even known him to behave like this. Maybe he's just worried he'll get hurt again?

 

I too am thinking now that he must be wanting something more than physical but just isn't ready. It does make sense that he would pull away to try and getting a clearer view of things b/c he can be a pretty analytical person.

 

At the same time, it does make sense that he may be acting jealous more because he doesn't want to let someone else have me than b/c he wants to be with me...

 

I guess I should probably just give it some time and see what happens. I mean, with me having already made it clear that I do like him and I would be interested in dating him, if he decides he wants to give it a shot, there shouldn't be anything to stop him from just telling me that right?

 

Thanks for the help!!