Tony I Need Advise

[Tom]

My 2 yr realtionship with the most beautiful woman I've ever met ended a few months ago due to her possesiveness, jealousy and insecurity. I'm trying to move on by dating others but I'm comparing everyone to her...no not her bad qualities but her physical assets. I can't seem to get past the outer beauty when I meet someone. I've always dated attractive women so it's not a one time thing but I've never felt this way b4. I feel like Jerry Seinfeld if there is the slightest imperfection I'm out. Let me say I don't have problems with being in along term committed relationship as I was married for 14 yrs but this last relationship has me feeling like beauty is the only attribute that matters. I guess since her and her friends and anyone that ever saw her made such an emphasis about their looks I've fallen into our societies trap. How do I get past the looks...are all model types shallow, self centered, jealous and controlling. Help, obviuosly looks are important to me but how/where do I find a good one????

[Tony T]

You say in your post that your last relationship has left you feeling like beauty is the only thing that matters...yet in the same breath you say you broke up with your beauty queen because of her possessiveness, jealousy and insecurity. Obviously, there is more than beauty that is important to you. What you are looking for is a beautiful woman that has perfect attributes. I talked to her one time at the airport in Gary, Indiana...and have never seen her since.

 

No, not all attractive ladies are shallow, self-centered, jealous and controlling. However, a good many very attractive people of both sexes have issues associated with their physical attributes. The one you'll have to be concerned most with are the women who know you want to be with them because of their looks and that is what they'll use to manipulate you in whatever way they can.

 

If you are not ready to settle down right now, I don't see anything at all wrong with you going from one beauty to another. If you just accidentally happen onto one without issues where there is mutuality, you will be lucky.

 

The best cure on the planet for your problem is to get screwed over enough times by the beauty queens. Then, when you meet a lovely but less Miss America type lady who treats you with respect, decency and who truly cares about you and making your life better...you will have struck gold.

 

In my life, I have met a lot of very wonderful ladies who were absolutely beautiful in every way and they were decent people as well. But I have met the other kind too. A lot of it depends on their upbringing. Unfortunately, today's young people are often not taught a lot of kindness, selflessness, consideration, humility, respect, etc. All that stuff has sort of gone out the door in many people. So if you're targeting the young chirpies, you have a real problem...but not completely impossible to overcome if you're willing to search for some years.

 

When I was little, I remember a song played on the radio with lyrics that went like this:

 

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,

 

Never make a pretty woman your wife,

 

From my personal point of view,

 

Pick an ugly girl to marry you.

 

That's a bit radical..but I think we are happier in the long run if we are with a lady who is humble, a team player, and someone who is dedicated and committed to the sharing required of a relationship.

 

Just go about your business of dating. You really can't help who you are attracted to but you will pay a price. I can't get into your head and change your specs when it comes to women.

 

Meantime, you have to pay a price for the curse that has beset you. Good luck and Godspeed!!!

 

P.S. Jerry Seinfeld has a net worth of about $460 million, which enables him to demand perfection in almost anything. But he pays a big price for buying love. He will never know whether they care for him or his money. Even a prenuptial agreement with him would probably grant the gal five or ten million. What the hell!!!

[Tom]

Thanks T Man you always come through with words of wisdom. Yes, in a way it's a curse that I look for beauty but as you the physical chemistry is what attracts us but yes there needs to be more to sustain a realtionship...lets just hope I find or better yet it finds me. Isn't that the way anyways when your not looking love finds you???? Thanks again.

 

God Bless

You say in your post that your last relationship has left you feeling like beauty is the only thing that matters...yet in the same breath you say you broke up with your beauty queen because of her possessiveness, jealousy and insecurity. Obviously, there is more than beauty that is important to you. What you are looking for is a beautiful woman that has perfect attributes. I talked to her one time at the airport in Gary, Indiana...and have never seen her since. No, not all attractive ladies are shallow, self-centered, jealous and controlling. However, a good many very attractive people of both sexes have issues associated with their physical attributes. The one you'll have to be concerned most with are the women who know you want to be with them because of their looks and that is what they'll use to manipulate you in whatever way they can.

 

If you are not ready to settle down right now, I don't see anything at all wrong with you going from one beauty to another. If you just accidentally happen onto one without issues where there is mutuality, you will be lucky. The best cure on the planet for your problem is to get screwed over enough times by the beauty queens. Then, when you meet a lovely but less Miss America type lady who treats you with respect, decency and who truly cares about you and making your life better...you will have struck gold.

 

In my life, I have met a lot of very wonderful ladies who were absolutely beautiful in every way and they were decent people as well. But I have met the other kind too. A lot of it depends on their upbringing. Unfortunately, today's young people are often not taught a lot of kindness, selflessness, consideration, humility, respect, etc. All that stuff has sort of gone out the door in many people. So if you're targeting the young chirpies, you have a real problem...but not completely impossible to overcome if you're willing to search for some years. When I was little, I remember a song played on the radio with lyrics that went like this:

 

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife, From my personal point of view, Pick an ugly girl to marry you. That's a bit radical..but I think we are happier in the long run if we are with a lady who is humble, a team player, and someone who is dedicated and committed to the sharing required of a relationship. Just go about your business of dating. You really can't help who you are attracted to but you will pay a price. I can't get into your head and change your specs when it comes to women.

 

Meantime, you have to pay a price for the curse that has beset you. Good luck and Godspeed!!!

 

P.S. Jerry Seinfeld has a net worth of about $460 million, which enables him to demand perfection in almost anything. But he pays a big price for buying love. He will never know whether they care for him or his money. Even a prenuptial agreement with him would probably grant the gal five or ten million. What the hell!!!