Paulie Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 There's this girl that I went out with on a couple dates a year ago, and she's back in the picture. She instant messaged me out of the blue, and we went out last night. I really, really like her. She said Im one of the greatest guys she has ever met. (I was by no means "too nice" though). Well, she is 19, I am 27. I work hard, and make a lot of money. She is in college. She is double-majoring, and is really busy...as am I. The thing is, though...she told me over dinner that she would like to have a really not-serious thing with me....somebody to go to the movies with, someone to talk to, etc. Why did she have to define it like that? I told her a short story about a woman I had met on vacation in Europe, and how I took her out to dinner....there was nothing serious, just a dinner, and enjoying each other's company. After telling her that story, she said, "yeah, you see...thats kinda what I want us to be" Its difficult for me, because she asked me out all out of the blue....and I do really like her.. My current gameplan is to just not take it serious...if she sees that I am on the same page as her, maybe she'll want more. What do I do??? Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Current gameplan sounds good. Know that you might find it hard and that it might not work out the way you want it to. Know you might be in for some pain if it doesn't - but, hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paulie Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 Yeah...am I allowing myself to be played? Is this just a ploy in order to be able to see other guys, and get attention in the meantime? If so, should I just cut her off? I realy like her. Could she be just wanting to take it slow? Ughh...I really like her. I really need some advice Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Men are so silly! Since you are OLDER Paulie....she thinks that's what you wanted to hear. She is busy, figures you are busy and doesn't want you to feel she is looking for a hubby. But she called YOU! Know why? Cause she really likes you and you may very WELL be someone who she would consider to be relationship material. A smart woman will never admit she is LOOKING for a serious relationship. She's not a 'double major' because she's stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paulie Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 Yeah, arabess, but I am real confused....she started calling me all the time out of the blue, and then she said "I dont wanna lead you on...Im not looking for a serious boyfriend..." She does, however, want to "hang out", go to dinner and stuff, etc. I didnt seek this girl out in any way whatsoever within the past year...she sought me out. When we parted ways on saturday, she told me to "call her in the middle of the week. I WOULD like a serious girlfriend. I have not let that on to her in the least bit, however. In fact, I once told her that I dont like dating girls my own age because they all want to just get married (my attempt at looking like I'm not looking for a serious relationship) Man, I am confused Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 She's given you the plan - she wants a friend to hang out with. She may or may not change her mind (but 19 is a little young to make life decisions and she knows it). Quit second-guessing her. She told you the deal and now believes you have accepted it as she offered it. If you decide to do as she asks, be prepared for her to not change her mind. If you still enjoy her company, go out with her. If you want her only on your terms, then tell her you don't want to be companions of any sort. Basically, she wants the companionship of a relationship without the emotional involvement of one. I think she's a smart lass who understands that 19 is young to be getting into long-term relationships. She wants a fellow to spend time with who's not going to expect more and hopes you're willing to be that guy. Maybe she thinks you're a good bet for that because you are older by several years. There isn't anything to be confused about, IMHO. Heck, I'd not mind a friend like that, either. However, she's probably also too young to realize that it is REALLY hard to just befriend a man; eventually the fellow will likely develop feelings. That sure has been my experience. She may still naïvely think that men and women can be friends with no complications. That tends to work better in groups than one-on-one, it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 there's a number of possibilities: - she's saying that because she thinks that's what you wanna hear - she doesn't want a close relationship - she wants a close relationship but is afraid/doesn't realize it - etc Keep in mind she's 19, so what she wants is subject to change any day/minute. So if you really like her, I'd advise to keep on seeing her, without getting too close, dating others as well. See how things develop. I'd be a lil suspicious of this contacting you out of the blue. I wonder if there's a recent break up or smth. Good luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Yeah, you can have my opinion. If she said you're one of the greatest guys she's ever met she's obviously not been around much. I wouldn't pay any attention to what she says. Carry on the relationship as you would any other. If in a reasonable period of time it doesn't escalate into something nicely romantic and fulfilling for you (and something exclusive as you say you would like), there are lots more fish in the sea....and after you date them a while you can fry them and have a nice dinner. Why don't you ask for Dave1234's advice? My guess is that you are going to have to resort to the food court because there's no dick-lay with froward thrust motion in open turkey position for you here, at least not anytime soon!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paulie Posted March 4, 2004 Author Share Posted March 4, 2004 Thanks Tony, I, Paulie, Value yon opinion in a manner of a respectable female &&&&&^^^%$$$ Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Paulie - she likes you, she wants to be with you. Just enjoy her company. Don't get in any deeper than she is. Don't spend a lot of money, don't change your life, don't give up seeing other girls, don't plan for 60+ years with her at this point. Just enjoy, get to know each other. She is really just a large child at this point - and you may not be much better. When you're at the movies, you can put your arm around her and kiss her. She sounds like she is not wanting wild weasel sex at this point, however. That could change if you truly are the man of her dreams over many months. Enjoy your young love. It is the sweetest. Just taste every drop, cherish every moment, and God bless you, children. - Spoken by an elderly lady of 41 Link to post Share on other sites
Dave1234 Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 perhaps u cold impress yon female image with a large pice of ice in the shape of a large dollar sign#^^$&$&$**$*()$ Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Originally posted by Dave1234 perhaps u cold impress yon female image with a large pice of ice in the shape of a large dollar sign#^^$&$&$**$*()$ That is a great idea, that is how im gonna get my next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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