OceanGirl Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 In my case, I didn't date this guy for long but I got attached really fast. I was holding on for a while after it ended but he has met someone. Their photos and flirting is all over Facebook. I can't stop looking. They also seem to be in an official relationship after only 3 weeks of dating I guess that's what happens when two people fall in love. I feel absolutely horrible. In a way, I feel it's good for me to see this. At least it made me stop wanting to contact him. It kind of makes me wake up and smell the coffee. I also have a really addictive curiousity to watch what is happening. Are there any tips to minimize this heartbreak? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Yeah, don't watch it. Easier said than done I know but it's pretty much your best bet. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Yeah, don't watch it. Yep...this...I will not be around to see an ex fall in love with someone else...and it's just a matter of discipline for you to stop checking up on him...no one can help you unless you decide to help yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Don't watch or snoop. Just block the profile so you only see what they have public. Why keep being friends with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I've unfriended people I've dated that I developed an unhealthy fixation on. It hurts, but it breaks the cycle of spending emotional energy on people who don't care about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OceanGirl Posted October 12, 2010 Author Share Posted October 12, 2010 I did something even worse. I unfriended him 2 weeks ago and then sent him a new friend request yesterday (he accepted). Yuck I know His page is public and I was looking at it anyway. So my warped logic was that at least if I friend him again, he is on some level aware that I am looking at his page and pictures and thus I am being less of a stalker. Gah, that sounds pretty crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I did something even worse. I unfriended him 2 weeks ago and then sent him a new friend request yesterday (he accepted). Yuck I know His page is public and I was looking at it anyway. So my warped logic was that at least if I friend him again, he is on some level aware that I am looking at his page and pictures and thus I am being less of a stalker. Gah, that sounds pretty crazy. Sounds unhealthy OceanGirl. Its one of the ways that Facebook et al is turning the world into a global village. We are no more than a mouse click away from other people. Its really up to you. Try to see it as though it were real life, looking at his FB page is like peering through his windows, just because he doesn't put any curtains up doesn't mean you have to look in. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 In my case, I didn't date this guy for long but I got attached really fast. I was holding on for a while after it ended but he has met someone. Their photos and flirting is all over Facebook. I can't stop looking. They also seem to be in an official relationship after only 3 weeks of dating I guess that's what happens when two people fall in love. I feel absolutely horrible. In a way, I feel it's good for me to see this. At least it made me stop wanting to contact him. It kind of makes me wake up and smell the coffee. I also have a really addictive curiousity to watch what is happening. Are there any tips to minimize this heartbreak? As the others have said, you just have to force yourself not to look, it's like breaking a habit/addiction, eventually you'll do it with time. I don't want to sound preachy here as I've still yet to go a day or two without looking, but from today I'm determined not to. Remember the phrase "there's nothing in there but hurt", everytime I check her page I just have her on my mind all day and feel like crap again. I've not brought myself to block her/delete her but our circumstances are a little different (we work together), but hiding her has meant I no longer see updates. My strategy, whenever I get the strong urge to check, just close the computer and walk away and do something else until the urge passes. Remember, you're breaking NC by looking, you're keeping up to date with what is going on in his life, this will not let your mind get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 My ex is in a new relationship. My strategy: ignore FB all together. That way, no temptation, no pictures and comments, and no new pain. Get a friend to change your password or something. I also she her at school with the new guy. I just look forward, like I'm looking towards the future and not look back Link to post Share on other sites
tgr172 Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 He is all about her that fast? Let me tell you something about guys. Im one and know this. A guy will fill in lonleyness, doubt and hurt by finding someone to plug the hole. Iits our way of taking our minds off someone else. What he is doing now id like a shooting star quick flash of light that dies off just as quick. Once the thrill wears off he will be wanting to get back with you. I Promise. The best way to make it stick is to not let him thing that he has you no matter what. Sit back have fun and smile because what he is showing are the unmistakable signs. Feel confident in that knowlege and play. He will be jelous and will want to hang on to you when he returns cause he knows you dont need him. RELAX. ITS COMMING! Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 He is all about her that fast? Let me tell you something about guys. Im one and know this. A guy will fill in lonleyness, doubt and hurt by finding someone to plug the hole. Iits our way of taking our minds off someone else. What he is doing now id like a shooting star quick flash of light that dies off just as quick. Once the thrill wears off he will be wanting to get back with you. I Promise. The best way to make it stick is to not let him thing that he has you no matter what. Sit back have fun and smile because what he is showing are the unmistakable signs. Feel confident in that knowlege and play. He will be jelous and will want to hang on to you when he returns cause he knows you dont need him. RELAX. ITS COMMING! Well I don't think it's fair to give the OP false hope by saying he'll want her back "I promise". In truth she said they only dated briefly, it could have been the same for him with her. Fact is you need to look after yourself and lose hope, you don't know what will happen in the future, you also don't know how long his current relationship will last, could be a week, a month, a year, a decade. You cannot wait around for him though, accept it's over. The fact that he has someone new should be motivation enough for you to stop snooping on him now. Link to post Share on other sites
tgr172 Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 No false hope I thought she said they dated about a year and a half. The truth is having that self confidence that he WILL miss her and will at some point WILL think about her (lets face it once we break up we all think about the ex) clears her mind to start living a productive single life. Call it self confidence if you will. I stanf by my post. He WILL be back in contact if she moves on and knowing that will help her move on. Then its just a mattrer of knowing that she now has the high ground does she want to give him a break. Probably she will have many other options and will not. Will see him as untrustworthy. But one need confidence to move on and knowing that the ex will get lonely and miss what they had lets her feel strong. which is what she needs right now. She needs to know whats going to happen so as not think she doesent have what it takes. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeLove Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 The less you know and see the less it will hurt and I can imaging is hurtting like hell, so don't add any more pain. I advice you to delete him from fb. I did it, it took me courage but I knew it was for my best. Take the fact that he is dating someone as a closure. I believe you can't move on unless you find closure. Link to post Share on other sites
thatsonlyme Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 No false hope I thought she said they dated about a year and a half. The truth is having that self confidence that he WILL miss her and will at some point WILL think about her (lets face it once we break up we all think about the ex) clears her mind to start living a productive single life. Call it self confidence if you will. I stanf by my post. He WILL be back in contact if she moves on and knowing that will help her move on. Then its just a mattrer of knowing that she now has the high ground does she want to give him a break. Probably she will have many other options and will not. Will see him as untrustworthy. But one need confidence to move on and knowing that the ex will get lonely and miss what they had lets her feel strong. which is what she needs right now. She needs to know whats going to happen so as not think she doesent have what it takes. I beg to disagree. I'm a dumpee right now but in my previous relationship I was a dumper. I broke up with my ex of 4 years because I fell in love with my current ex. I felt bad about everything because I knew what she was going through, but I never gave her any hope and I even though I was thinking about her from time to time I had no intention of getting back together. I was just happy with my current ex. Maybe if my current broke up with me back then I would've taken my other ex back, but that's would be probably because I was comfortable being with her. It's a wrong reason to get back with somebody. My current ex may try to get back together with me if her new bf hurts her and leaves her, but why would I want her back? I hope she stays with him for a long time because I don't want that temptation! Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I beg to disagree. I beg to, also. A complete load of guff, in my opinion, tgr172. x Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Are there any tips to minimize this heartbreak? Sure. Avoid Facebook. That's likely a good plan of action wrt anything related to relationships. FB is just a drama factory. Of course, we don't have to buy the widgets, but, if we do, and they hurt us, stop buying. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 No false hope I thought she said they dated about a year and a half. The truth is having that self confidence that he WILL miss her and will at some point WILL think about her (lets face it once we break up we all think about the ex) clears her mind to start living a productive single life. Call it self confidence if you will. I stanf by my post. He WILL be back in contact if she moves on and knowing that will help her move on. Then its just a mattrer of knowing that she now has the high ground does she want to give him a break. Probably she will have many other options and will not. Will see him as untrustworthy. But one need confidence to move on and knowing that the ex will get lonely and miss what they had lets her feel strong. which is what she needs right now. She needs to know whats going to happen so as not think she doesent have what it takes. No the original post says "only dated briefly", if it's just a few dates/weeks I don't think this applies. I also don't think holding onto the hope than an ex will miss you and want you back is healthy. It's certainly not how I've moved on from previous heartbreaks. Maybe we're different, but for me the finality of her finding someone new is the door closing and my decision to move on, in-fact I hope she never does ask me back, I want to heal and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 My current ex may try to get back together with me if her new bf hurts her and leaves her, but why would I want her back? I hope she stays with him for a long time because I don't want that temptation! 100% agree with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 don't watch it stop checking up on him Don't watch or snoop force yourself not to look My strategy: ignore FB all together stay away from his FB profile! delete him from fb Avoid Facebook All these people can't be wrong. I agree! Link to post Share on other sites
Sonolumino Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Love doesn't happen with every partner, and nobody falls in "love" after 3 weeks. Real love is based on deep compatibility, maturity, trust, affection, and communication. Chemically based puppy love and infatuation wear off after a few years, and that's why people say "I'm not in love anymore", because they never were. Real love needs to be cultivated. Let it go, let your ex partner make their own mistakes. Go out and improve yourself and try to put the pieces back together. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
rattled Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 Love doesn't happen with every partner, and nobody falls in "love" after 3 weeks. Real love is based on deep compatibility, maturity, trust, affection, and communication. Chemically based puppy love and infatuation wear off after a few years, and that's why people say "I'm not in love anymore", because they never were. Real love needs to be cultivated. Let it go, let your ex partner make their own mistakes. Go out and improve yourself and try to put the pieces back together. Good luck. This. And forget fb altogether. Have a friend change the password on your account and deactivate it. Link to post Share on other sites
tgr172 Posted October 13, 2010 Share Posted October 13, 2010 Ok, thats ypoure advice. But it seems like at least some of the opinions support what I said and the only reason you didnt get back in touch after your next relationship crashed and burned was because your ex had moved on and you knew it would be fruitless to humble yourself. Being happy for them is a good way to rationalize that they have found someone they like better. I know of very few guys that between girlfriends havent checked back with an old "sure thing" if for no other reason than to bridge the gap. And it is an excellant oppertunity for that girl to say adios and get back her self respect. Heck some of you guys have all but admitted it. read your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Perhaps Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 (edited) There's not much to deal with. In the past, I've tried to tell my ex about the horrible mistake she's making by choosing someone else only to have her come crying back, looking for a friend to support her. The second time around, I just laughed. The idea is to not even look in that direction. There are some things you can't remember and some things you don't want to remember. Some exes fit both these categories. I can pretty much guarantee that it is a billion times harder to move on when you keep checking/listening/talking about your ex's whereabouts. Edited October 15, 2010 by Perhaps Link to post Share on other sites
Author OceanGirl Posted October 16, 2010 Author Share Posted October 16, 2010 I was having a really good day today. I had nice lunch with friends. An offer I made on the house I really liked was accepted by the vendor. So I bought a house today! This is a HUGE deal. My lovely brand new house in a hot suburb that I own at 31. I was in great mood and drinking chamapagne. Then I logged in the FB. In my newsfeed I saw that the ex used that "places" FB application to say that he is at some restaraunt WITH the new girl My mood instantly dropped and I felt like I have been stabbed in the heart. I ended up finsihing the bottle of champagne by myself. People rang me to congratualte and I feel like I am letting them down in a way because I can't be truly happy for what I have achieved. I feel like I am only looking at negatives, yet at the same time this still hurts to the core. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 16, 2010 Share Posted October 16, 2010 I was having a really good day today. I had nice lunch with friends. An offer I made on the house I really liked was accepted by the vendor. So I bought a house today! OMG! That's so amazing!!!!!! Congratulations! Link to post Share on other sites
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