Do women like chatty guys?

[bubtherug]

Hi everyone.

I'm 25. Not asking this question because I want to "Change" who I am or anything, but I find that something odd happens every time I meet a girl.

 

I feel that women are always initially interested in me, until I start to talk. I'm even a good listener, but it's odd. I always see the same women end up dating these really quiet guys. Even my ex left me for a super quiet type of guy who barely talks at all. I'm just curious, do women not like Chatty guys?

I feel as though they see it as a "feminine trait", but tbh I can't help it. I usually feel cheerful around people and just like to talk about anything.

[denise_xo]

Hi everyone.

I'm 25. Not asking this question because I want to "Change" who I am or anything, but I find that something odd happens every time I meet a girl.

 

I feel that women are always initially interested in me, until I start to talk. I'm even a good listener, but it's odd. I always see the same women end up dating these really quiet guys. Even my ex left me for a super quiet type of guy who barely talks at all. I'm just curious, do women not like Chatty guys?

I feel as though they see it as a "feminine trait", but tbh I can't help it. I usually feel cheerful around people and just like to talk about anything.

 

 

I like a man who knows how to hold a conversation, and who has some active listening skills in addition to being talkative. The key issue for me (and this applies to women as well as men) is that someone is capable of interacting, and is not just holding up a one way street of communication/ is in love with his or her own voice. Cheerful and ability to talk about a variety of things are positive traits in my book.

[cloverdale]

I think women are more interested in what we do than what we say.

 

Which is fine by me because I'd rather not have to talk all the time.

 

I've noticed that women and even other males can get lose interest when I start to over analyze things but I think that's something more to do with my latent ADHD.

[Star Gazer]

I like a man who knows how to hold a conversation, and who has some active listening skills in addition to being talkative. The key issue for me (and this applies to women as well as men) is that someone is capable of interacting, and is not just holding up a one way street of communication/ is in love with his or her own voice. Cheerful and ability to talk about a variety of things are positive traits in my book.

 

This.

 

I like when a man can engage in conversation, both as the active speaker and an active listener.

 

But I also need a man who doesn't feel the need to constantly fill the silence.

[carhill]

As someone who's been open and friendly with women all his life, and often a confidant, I can tell you that women do appreciate having a man whom they can talk with, share with, and confide in. He is called a girlfriend with a penis.

 

They like him immensely, will always have positive things to say about him to others and will sometimes even be a good friend to him. Invariably and, in my case, nearly unequivocally, they are attracted to and bang someone else. Chatty men, in the context I've offered here, are, IME, not *attractive* to women. So, if you want to have some great platonic female friends, chatty (oh, sensitive is a plus; they love that) is the clear path.

 

Oh, I should qualify, my experiences are those of an average (not hot looking, not rich) male. If you look like a model and/or make a ton of money, the attraction dynamic will invariably change.

 

However, if you want to get laid, become more distant and circumspect; monosyllabic. I'll be testing this hypothesis/life lesson soon, as quickly as the ink is dry on the divorce. It's going to be fun

Edited October 12, 2010 by carhill

[cloverdale]

Good point Carhill.

 

The reserved man is more mysterious and therefor more attractive than one who wears his heart on his sleeve.

 

A "rock" so to speak. Not a whiner.

 

Men have rely more on their personality than looks to attract women.

 

Have fun testing your theory.

[Awesome Username]

Also, it depends on what you're talking about.

 

If you're talking about art, science, philosophy, or history even if it's not in the academic sense than it's interesting because she'll learn something from you. You also need to be aware of her interests and NOT talk a lot about history if she doesn't care for the subject, for instance.

 

In my experience a lot of guys talk about themselves, for themselves to attract women. For instance, talking about your job is interesting for about the first 25 minutes or less unless I'm learning something while you're talking about it. If you're talking about Carl Sagan stuff, do it if you're interested in her opinion rather than doing it to show off. Women for the most part are master conversationalists and can tell the difference.

 

When you're talking and questioning whether or not you're too chatty, ask yourself why you're chatty. Is it to fill the silence? Is it to show off (which is fine to a degree - too much seems desperate and needy)? People usually talk about art to bond with each other on an emotional level, and relationships to feel out a person/weigh their baggage.

 

There are chatty guys that attract women like flies, and chatty guys that come off as needy. It depends on what you're saying, and why you're saying it. My advice is that even if she wants to go there, keep relationship or ex-girlfriend or talk of her ex-boyfriend talk to a minimum: That's a good way to avoid the girlfriend with a penis syndrome.

Edited October 13, 2010 by Awesome Username

[carhill]

My most recent experiment included discussions of law, politics, relationships, feelings, sobriety, children and a wide range of intermediate subjects. Oh, forgot, here's a great way to get women to like you as a chatty guy: stay engaged and be interested in them. The more empathy and care you show, and over a longer period of time, the greater the propensity for them to see you as a brother. It's a great way to nicely adjust the dynamic with an unhealthy (for oneself) person who is otherwise a decent person. They can (and IME generally do) end up loving you..... as a brother.

 

This methodology relates to women who aren't bonded by oxytocin through sex. If you're lovers, much changes. This only works if the woman isn't otherwise attracted chemically. However, as my marriage proved, being too interested in one's spouse can kill attraction also. 'Too' is defined in some mysterious way by the spouse, as of yet unknown to me. Most of my friends who have successful marriages are generally abrupt, brief, non-chatty and not *overtly* compassionate. Their wives complain about them, but they're *attracted* to them, chasing that elusive morsel of intimacy. They've succeeded where I failed. I'm not wired like them, so perhaps marriage and such dynamics are not my path.

 

Lastly, and I notice this in my travels, physically attractive men can drone on and on about themselves and people are fascinated. The only thing they have going for themselves is that charisma and looks. They can be chatty in the selfish, self-involved sense and it doesn't matter; women find them attractive and orbit. This helps me quickly identify incompatible women so as not to waste any energy on them. I thank my fellow males for their assistance.

 

Anyway, I'm being a bit too chatty, so now I have to go. My cat needs skinning

[y2k]

This could be true. I mean I've been nice and interesting with many females. Conversations carry on naturally between us but they almost always end up not being *attracted* to me in a romantic way. They end up seeing me as a "brother figure", even if I don't see them as a *sister figure*. The females come find me, talk with me for hours upon hours on end. It's easy for me to find females and to go out with them but they seem to never want to pursue anything romantic. And I'm not bad looking at all. In fact, many of the girls I know at first "liked me". Then when we become friends, they no longer have any potential "romantic interest" in me at all. I've concluded that it's NOT a good idea to be the type of guy who attracts a TON of female "friends". A guy who can "get the girl" has few, if not no, true female friends and his only significant interaction with females is for romantic purposes.

 

I've gotten the line that "I see you as a brother figure" or "we're good friends, I don't see you that way" SSSOOO MAANNNNYYY TTTTIIIMMEEESS. It sucks.

 

I'm curious on what the females think of this in general. I mean lets say an incredibly handsome, intelligent, INTERESTING guy enters your life and time passes and you get along well. Would you still consider, after significant time, him a potential mate??? Or after some time, do you all see him as "just a friend"??? Like if he attempted something with you "late" so to speak, would it make a big difference????

[carhill]

The key is acceptance. Why would you even wish to consider feeling anything for a woman who doesn't find your most elemental positives to be attractive? Accept that your intimacy styles are incompatible and move on. You (and I) have great real and potential male friends, as well as compatible women, who can provide far more fulfilling and less drama-filled relationships. Convince a woman who sees you as a brother to find you attractive as a mate? Bah, leave that to the players and other pursuers of p*ssy. I'm sure such ladies are quite satisfied with them. Spend your valuable energy on more fulfilling pursuits. Life's too short

[florence of suburbia]

The key is acceptance. Why would you even wish to consider feeling anything for a woman who doesn't find your most elemental positives to be attractive? Accept that your intimacy styles are incompatible and move on. You (and I) have great real and potential male friends, as well as compatible women, who can provide far more fulfilling and less drama-filled relationships. Convince a woman who sees you as a brother to find you attractive as a mate? Bah, leave that to the players and other pursuers of p*ssy. I'm sure such ladies are quite satisfied with them. Spend your valuable energy on more fulfilling pursuits. Life's too short

 

Carhill, when you say that if a guy is too sensitive and talkative he can get friend-zoned, do you feel that this all comes down to a shallow misconception on the woman's part? Or do you think that the man shares partial responsibility and needs to consciously behave more like a lover and less like a friend, especially in the early stages?

[carhill]

Having experienced a wide range of attraction responses, my opinion is that one's elemental intimacy style, the natural setpoint of who they are, is a healthy path to follow. Think about that. Would you alter who you are, your elemental style of sharing yourself, to 'get' a man? Do you think it's healthy to do so?

 

Perhaps, at the age of most youngsters on this site, approaches and situations are different. At my age, IMO, either a woman accepts my intimacy style as attractive or she doesn't. I don't waste time bending myself or molding myself into some pretzel of what 'works' for her. I wasted ten years of married life doing that. Fugetaboutit. Either she's in or she's out. No prejudice, have a nice life. I hope she finds that special man who 'does it' for her.

 

The disclaimer here is that I cannot reconcile pursuing sex (that's the lover) with someone whom is a stranger to me. We must develop intimacy first. This eliminates many women as potentials, simply because it is in conflict with their style of attraction. So, hence, our attraction styles are incompatible. Most men (hence the disclaimer) just want to get laid. They don't care about intimacy or even knowing the woman. Look around LS for evidence of that, in stories from both genders. It's the prevailing dynamic.

 

I was just telling a nice LS lady the other night how being with a woman is such a special and meaningful experience because there are no limits to how close and intimate I can be with her. With male friends, being straight sexually, and given the predominant male psyche, there are limits. This is what I find so fulfilling about intimate, and especially marital, relations. The key is finding a compatible, healthy woman to share that depth with. That woman will understand that being a friend is a big part of being an attentive and caring lover and she will desire that dynamic elementally. There are plenty of other men for the rest of the ladies. I know they will not want for male company. This gives me peace. I think this lady I was speaking with will be a nice friend (not a lover), since we have chatted extensively. I sense this. I'll know soon enough

 

Edited to add, since I wasn't specific, that I do not feel women who 'friendzone' chatty guys are 'shallow' in their perceptions of the man. I feel there is an elemental difference in attraction style and preference. They are absolutely entitled to their perspective and preference, without prejudice. That's the beauty of MC. Acceptance...

Edited October 13, 2010 by carhill

[florence of suburbia]

Thanks, I appreciate your answer and it makes sense. You sound like you're confident and feel good about your approach.

 

I also prefer to get to know a man emotionally, but it can be simultaneous with kissing and touching and leading up to sex eventually down the road (days, weeks, depends). I like the conversation to be intimate and substantial, but also with a continuous, low-level element of flirtation with him taking the lead, finding little ways to show his desire, thus building the sexual tension.

 

Sometimes I think my husband friend zoned himself w/ me before we were married (we did not have sex before marriage) and that has contributed to our marital problems.

Edited October 13, 2010 by florence of suburbia

[carhill]

Recently heard (from me) - 'How do you feel about children? I've always wanted to bounce a little boy or girl on my knee, look into their eyes and show them the wonderful kind of love I received as a child'

 

I tend to show my sexual desire physically, by the way I touch, caress, kiss and catch a woman's gaze. I'm fairly un-chatty regarding sexual innuendos, keeping such humor and/or flirtation more polite. I do not generally make crude comments about women, even in male-only company. 'Chatty' has its limits.

 

Like I said, that's *my* style. It's not for every woman. I'll guarantee you that my ex will tell you it's not for her. She did get a nice house out of the deal, so I guess it worked out.

 

When I re-read the OP, my opinion is that he is pursuing incompatible women. If he's naturally open and expressive, and this style doesn't immediately inspire interest in a lady he's approached, move on. Don't dawdle or try to figure it out. Accept it, without prejudice. She's already decided his potential by the time he gets to his second sentence. If it's positive, it'll show. He definitely can try different 'versions' of being open and expressive, as long as they adhere to his elemental style of intimacy and communication. IMO, this is where men can learn from women. Women get approached so often and with a vast arsenal of 'tools' to gain their affection that they have learned how to quickly differentiate who is compatible, who is attractive, who is boorish and who is a girlfriend with a penis. It's not rocket science, rather life experience. They don't agonize over this, because there will be another approach later that hour or later that day. It goes on forever, regardless of relationships or marriages, generally until they're dead. Heck, my mom was getting approached in her late 70's. She was a really good judge of women, retrospectively, and I wish I had listened more to her wisdom. Meh, live and learn, *and* listen.

[theodora]

I believe the mistake in any of these instances is to think there is one kind of thing that "women" like.

 

"Women" are just other human beings, capable of endless variety. What one woman likes, another will not.

 

What one woman finds sexy, another will not.

 

There are some men who more women find sexy (eg George Clooney), just as there are some women who more men find sexy (eg Megan Foxx) but that doesn't actually mean lots of people would enjoy a relationship with those people.

 

So in answer to OP's original question, some women may like chatty guys, some women may not.

 

If you find that when you start to chat to women, they lose interest in you, then I would look to either the fashion and style of your conversation, or the actual women you are trying to pull as individuals, rather than assuming all women are shallow and only after monosyllabic men.

 

The common denominator in all those situations is you, not "women".

 

Sorry if that sounds blunt, it just seems like there's quite a lot of bitterness in this thread about what women want, and to me alot of it sounds like hot air or sour grapes or some such.

 

It seems profoundly unhelpful to answer that question with a "yes" since it's (a) almost certainly not the case (I am a woman and therefore better qualified to answer that question than someone with a "penis") and (b) quite a sexist question in the first place.

[ricklaver]

Yes, Women like chatty, funny and supportive guys so much becasue they want, someone support them everytime and don't feel them alone in any situation. They like these type of chatty guys becasue they believe that chatty guys are more active in listening and speaking with others as compared to silent guys.

[OceanGirl]

I LOVE chatty guys. I am not a big talker so am naturally compatible with people who talk more. Most of my friends are chatty too, without being too confident and overbearing.

 

Having said that, I hope that what they are talking about is at least of some interest to me.

[Rashad]

Hi everyone.

I'm 25. Not asking this question because I want to "Change" who I am or anything, but I find that something odd happens every time I meet a girl.

 

I feel that women are always initially interested in me, until I start to talk. I'm even a good listener, but it's odd. I always see the same women end up dating these really quiet guys. Even my ex left me for a super quiet type of guy who barely talks at all. I'm just curious, do women not like Chatty guys?

I feel as though they see it as a "feminine trait", but tbh I can't help it. I usually feel cheerful around people and just like to talk about anything.

In my experience, girls go after quite guys because they find them mysterious... By quite I do not mean dumb-quite, as in lacking in communication skill, but rather just you know a person who is not eager to talk, I'm quite to some extent I mean I only talk when necessary and that works out fine for me and btw, you can still be funny like that.. short, witty, funny comments should not be followed by much talk. You'll sound funny without loosing your mystery.

[tinktronik]

I tend to be a really quiet woman. I don't have too much to say and am not chatty hardly at all. My SO will talk your ear off, chew it up and spit it out. It works well because I can just listen and not have to add too much input unless I want to. He can also entertain a crowd while I just enjoy.

[Crazy4what]

[quote=. However, as my marriage proved, being too interested in one's spouse can kill attraction also. '

 

 

Very true carhill!

 

Anyways looks, height, financial status can really changed the game significantly.

 

Chatty or being quiet really depends. Just don't be boring or tooooo chatty

Edited October 16, 2010 by Crazy4what

[hopesndreams]

I usually feel cheerful around people and just like to talk about anything.

 

I was once attracted to men like that. Even married 2 of them. It would take the heat off me to come up with topics of conversation.

 

Nowadays, silence will be golden. If I can be with a man and there are no spoken words between us for a time and yet, we both feel comfortable with that, then I'll be onto a good thing. The thing about chatty people, I find, is that they will say the same thing over and over again with a different spin to it, just to fill in the silence.

 

Do not change who you are for anyone. Be you. You made that clear in your post that you will do this so stick with it.