What happened to me :(

[Whathappen]

Hey guys im fairly new, just joined, and im having some serious family issues with my whole family... and my problem isn't just mom is too demanding and everything its also my younger brother. at my age (currently 15) you would think your parents would have lots of respect for you like you do to them/ like i have for her/ lots of trust, (im not one of those bad kids who dont listen or anything, i dont get into fights and im pretty average) I help my mom with most/ all of the stuff she asks to be done, my other 2 brothers one old one younger (17 and 11) dont do nothing at all, except old brother does try to help at times... and lately my mom has been finding the littlest things t pick on me or to start an argument, like for an example, last night me and my younger brother got into a fight (like usaual) nothing out of the ordnary just he wasnt listening again nothing out of the ordinary, and so we were going to be leaving our uncles house because it was late, about 8-9:00 PM and so i was telling him we dont have much money to spend right now, mom might loose her job, trying to fire her at work(she has a union so she will be fine for now) and how just because hes not happy dosent mean she should go out and spend more money so he can be happy ( im not happy nor angry, i get what i get and i deal with it) but he suddenly starts laughing like its a joke that she might loose her job. so i tell him its not funny, close the door on him and tell my older brother whille hes packing his stuff, and so my little brother gets mad and gets out of the car and walks behind some bushes, now as much as he is annoying and how i dislike him for the things he does to me to get me mad and get me introuble, i get all worried ans start screaming his name, remember this is 9:00 people might be asleep but i wasnt yelling that loud to wake someone up. so i find him i tell him that was very not smart of him to do that for his age. My mom comes out and gets in the car, as we are driving away from my uncles house, she starts blaming me for yelling and that people were sleeping, we get into an arguement but i just try to cool off listening to my music on my ipod, so that i could not hear her because i knew i would just get mad.

 

(A little back up knowledge for the next part) my mom and dad got divorced long time ago... domestic violence... and i was treated really badly and... all you need to know for now...

 

So today i get home from school i tell my mom i have to use the computer for homework, and that she can use her own laptop (she never uses it its just like there but i cant use it) and she btw she gets mad at me and my brothers for not having our hmwk done, so i tell her i need it and she says 5 minutes and so i think okay ill be back in 5 minutes because she has been using the computer the whole day for something, so i come back she tells me 5 more minutes so im like okay im cool with that, come back again 5 more minutes so i tell her " you do know i have lots of homework" shes like okay 5 more minutes again. as again i come back and now its like 4:00 and i have to get it done by 8 (really demanding mother) and its a big project called the YPI due like tomorrow, and a test to study for, so like she yells at me for telling her this, and then she goes on, about oh how shes a single mother, paying the rent and the electricity bills blah blah blah and that once i contribute i dont hav e a say to anything, then i bring up how she took all my money, ($300 worth and i know its not that much but im never gonna get that money back as i already know) and so she yells at me again so i walk away and i go talk to my brother (older, and hes just like im not taking sides, so there im sitting talking to myself... and she come down and im like why do you always take the side of my younger brother( she always does that even when hes wrong and yah i know hes younger but still hes noot right at times) and then she yells at me again saying you talked back to me at that age when clearly she says at his age you two boys were so sweet( me and older bro) not talking back so nice... yeah yeah yeah and im there thinking you just told me... and so she starts taking the laundry that i put into the washing machine out onto the lawn, while still wet and its not done yet, and so doing that she tells me when you contribute... again

 

this has really been getting on my nerves and i know the stuff i did wrong and that i have to be acceptable of my brothers and yeah but i just think that what she does to me is not fair, yes if i could get a job i would try to help ( plus she never lets me go outside ever because shes over protective of me) and like cause i told her all that she told me im not allowed to use the computer ever again no matter for anything, and so i got mad and just agree'd with everything she said after thhat. just what can i do

[rockmanmegaman]

i know how you feel, I have a younger brother (16 yrs old, 1 year younger than me), he always starts the argument and i always get punish for it, i argue back, but all my mom ever does is not listen to my story and say "i only saw you shouting at him", sigh...

[turnera]

The best thing I can tell you is to try to imagine yourself a woman, who suffered abuse, left her husband, and has been trying to support 3 kids on one salary, who probably NEVER gets a break, never has anyone looking out for her like she looks out for you guys, never has anyone offering to watch the kids so she can go off by herself for a weekend...and she's lonely (I assume).

 

She may pick on you more than the others, but I've usually found that that is often because the parents sees more in that person - expects more because she sees that he has more potential and needs to be expected more of. IDK, just a thought.

 

Have an honest talk with her about how you feel. AFTER you do something nice for her.

[Dean M.]

Sounds to me like she's completely overburdened. She's not acting reasonably, which makes it hard for you to reason with her.

 

Having been on the giving side of unfair parental treatment, I'd say the thing to do is to very gently ask her what you can do to help her. Let her see your heart isn't being defiant.

 

Then write a letter. Lay out what you feel, and WHY you feel that way. To say you feel disrespected means little to a parent who has this many worries if you don't provide reasons why. Above all, be respectful. I cannot stress that enough. That may even entail starting your conversation/letter with the words, "I'm saying this as respectfully as I know how."

 

That's a tough position to be in. Just remember that she's probably taking her issues out on you, not because you've done anything wrong, but because she doesn't know what else to do.