really anxious about my ex

[really-broken]

Hello, this is my first post on this forum so bear with me.

 

I have been very sad, anxious, and confused since me and my ex broke up 4 months ago. She was my first girlfriend, my first love, and the first person I have sex with (I am 24 now and our relationship was about 8 months) - the time I spent with her was the best time of my life. I don't know what I was to her any more, but when we were together she made me feel that I was one of the very few people she ever loved and what we had was really special, but after we broke up I felt that everything changed and I don't know what to feel or think about it any more. Things didn't ever go bad, but she moved away and that's when we broke up - i knew she was moving though I didn't really understand what that meant until the last couple of weeks of the relationship, when I started getting really anxious and it all kind of manifested the last night before she left. And ever since then I have been completely broken.

 

I did not sleep with anyone else since then, and only went on a few depressing dates. She on the other hand already had sex with more than one person and is 'seeing someone' at this time, and that makes me severely anxious and just thinking about her and other guys gives me a lot of anxiety. I don't know how to cope with it. I am always the one who ends up breaking and sending her an email. I don't know what to do but I asked her if there is any way we can get back together, but she said no (she is out of the country for a few more months at least, and doesn't know what she's doing after that). So many things remind me of her, and so many things trigger my anxiety - some of them are as simple as just me being horny, which shouldn't make me anxious or depressed. Some triggers are just in my mind, others are external.

 

I really don't know what to do. I've been told that time will fix this but it doesn't feel that way. I had such a strong and open connection with her, and now I have nobody in my life. I feel so unwanted - emotionally, sexually, and I feel really alone. I know that other people go through this, but I also have a bunch of other problems in my life that are all not helping at all, and a few of them relate to my own sexuality. I end up sending her emails telling her how much I love her and how much I miss her but I have not been getting any kind of love or affection back, only mild understanding.

 

I don't know what to do. I will be seeing a therapist in about a month or so but that's a long time from now. I meet people form the internet mostly, because I am a bit socially awkward and don't really know how to meet people in real life for romance - but I am also failing at that it seems.

 

Please help me.

[Don Ho]

Bro, first part is you need to stop contacting her completely. It will only make you feel worse. You HAVE to get out, exercise and go socialize as much as possible. Staying home or alone will only make it worse. You also have to try to not obsess so much. She is not the perfect woman and you are idealizing her. I'm sure if you tried you would find some negative points about her. Try to focus on them.

 

As for being socially awkward, get on the internet and find some groups that you can go to IN PERSON for overcoming shyness, increasing self worth and meeting people. I don't know why it would take a month to see a therapist, but see if there's anything you can do to get in earlier or find another. Get out of your cave and get out into the world. It does and will get better and easier, but sitting around is not going to work.

[Capthxc]

Bro, first part is you need to stop contacting her completely. It will only make you feel worse. You HAVE to get out, exercise and go socialize as much as possible. Staying home or alone will only make it worse. You also have to try to not obsess so much. She is not the perfect woman and you are idealizing her. I'm sure if you tried you would find some negative points about her. Try to focus on them.

 

As for being socially awkward, get on the internet and find some groups that you can go to IN PERSON for overcoming shyness, increasing self worth and meeting people. I don't know why it would take a month to see a therapist, but see if there's anything you can do to get in earlier or find another. Get out of your cave and get out into the world. It does and will get better and easier, but sitting around is not going to work.

This man is 100% right. And this is coming from someone who is also socially awkward. Our situations aren't much different. This most recent ex i met online, and like you i had the gut feeling that i wasn't going to love again, that i wouldn't find someone else because of my issues. But you know what? I overcame that. Sure, i might go for another 5 years before falling in love again, but maybe its for the best. I still get down on myself, often times i still put this woman up on a pedestal and tell myself shes the most perfect thing to come into my life, but keeping that train of thought wont help me. I obviously wasnt ready for this relationship since i pushed away someone who was nothing but kind to me. You may think she was perfect, but everyone has their faults. While i thought this woman was perfection personified, she was also very flirty with every guy she met, often times giving off the wrong signals. She made me wait 4 months before i got serious with her so she could break it off with her ex and move out, only to not give me the same curiosity in return, and left me after a month when my issues arose. She distanced herself off from me and lied to me about it not once, but twice, until i finally got a straight answer from her about it.

 

Trust me man, life goes on. Since the break up my life has done a complete 180. Since everything happened i've rekindled friendships with old friends, i'm about to get out of my crummy old job and actually do something i enjoy. I'm going back to school so i can meet new people. I've been prescribed medication to deal with my issues. I've connected with my family more then i have in the past 10 years. Me and my brother never really talked or connected before, but now we are making Friday nights our offical bar night and trying to pick up chicks whenever the chance comes around. Hell, i found out through all of this that hes going through something similar like me. Maybe my ex will see these changes ive made and reconcile and wonder what happened, maybe she wont. But that's not important anymore, whats important is me. And you need to keep this mentality as well.

 

If you sit around and dwell and tell yourself nothings going to get better than you're just putting a shell around yourself, and everyone will react to it in a negative way. If you actually go out and make a positive effort, things will turn around. I know how you feel, and i know while you're reading this you're saying to yourself "It's impossible, my social issues will keep me from doing this" but you cant let them hold you back forever.

 

Figured i would add another fault from my ex. She broke up with me through texts and AIM. She didnt even have the balls to call me up or wait another 2 weeks for me to come out and see her. Nope, the lowest form of breaking up. I think that's what pisses me off the most.

Edited October 13, 2010 by Capthxc

[really-broken]

Bro, first part is you need to stop contacting her completely. It will only make you feel worse. You HAVE to get out, exercise and go socialize as much as possible. Staying home or alone will only make it worse. You also have to try to not obsess so much. She is not the perfect woman and you are idealizing her. I'm sure if you tried you would find some negative points about her. Try to focus on them.

 

As for being socially awkward, get on the internet and find some groups that you can go to IN PERSON for overcoming shyness, increasing self worth and meeting people. I don't know why it would take a month to see a therapist, but see if there's anything you can do to get in earlier or find another. Get out of your cave and get out into the world. It does and will get better and easier, but sitting around is not going to work.

 

It is hard to stop contacting her completely, I do it for a week, sometimes two weeks but then I break. She was my best friend. But you are right, it makes me feel good sometimes, but sometimes i crash completely after it or the next day. She may not be the perfect woman, but also what are the odds that I will meet the perfect woman? She was the greatest woman I've known, that's for sure. Yes there are negative points about her but I guess I am resisting them and/or forgetting them. It's such a struggle, and it's such a painful conundrum in my mind. This whole thing is so painful.

 

I need to see a therapist anyway, because I have other issues I am dealing with which don't help me at all with this, including anxiety and depression. I sometimes feel like I'm going to die before I experience love again, and before I even get to see her again if it came to that. I need to take your word (and everyone else's) for granted that it will get better.

 

Yes I need to fix a lot of things about myself including my social issues. I hang out with friends but it's all very unfulfilling. I don't know. I feel so useless too. And I am so horny all the time, it's really quite a torturous combination.

 

Thanks for your comment.

[really-broken]

This man is 100% right. And this is coming from someone who is also socially awkward. Our situations aren't much different. This most recent ex i met online, and like you i had the gut feeling that i wasn't going to love again, that i wouldn't find someone else because of my issues. But you know what? I overcame that. Sure, i might go for another 5 years before falling in love again, but maybe its for the best. I still get down on myself, often times i still put this woman up on a pedestal and tell myself shes the most perfect thing to come into my life, but keeping that train of thought wont help me. I obviously wasnt ready for this relationship since i pushed away someone who was nothing but kind to me. You may think she was perfect, but everyone has their faults. While i thought this woman was perfection personified, she was also very flirty with every guy she met, often times giving off the wrong signals. She made me wait 4 months before i got serious with her so she could break it off with her ex and move out, only to not give me the same curiosity in return, and left me after a month when my issues arose. She distanced herself off from me and lied to me about it not once, but twice, until i finally got a straight answer from her about it.

 

Trust me man, life goes on. Since the break up my life has done a complete 180. Since everything happened i've rekindled friendships with old friends, i'm about to get out of my crummy old job and actually do something i enjoy. I'm going back to school so i can meet new people. I've been prescribed medication to deal with my issues. I've connected with my family more then i have in the past 10 years. Me and my brother never really talked or connected before, but now we are making Friday nights our offical bar night and trying to pick up chicks whenever the chance comes around. Hell, i found out through all of this that hes going through something similar like me. Maybe my ex will see these changes ive made and reconcile and wonder what happened, maybe she wont. But that's not important anymore, whats important is me. And you need to keep this mentality as well.

 

If you sit around and dwell and tell yourself nothings going to get better than you're just putting a shell around yourself, and everyone will react to it in a negative way. If you actually go out and make a positive effort, things will turn around. I know how you feel, and i know while you're reading this you're saying to yourself "It's impossible, my social issues will keep me from doing this" but you cant let them hold you back forever.

 

Figured i would add another fault from my ex. She broke up with me through texts and AIM. She didnt even have the balls to call me up or wait another 2 weeks for me to come out and see her. Nope, the lowest form of breaking up. I think that's what pisses me off the most.

 

Friggin women, man. I know a lot of what you're saying is right, but also my ex wasn't perfect, but she was all that I needed. I don't really need someone to be perfect. She is also very nice to me, given that she still replies to my emails - but I know that I deserve someone who wants me. I guess the hardest part is letting go of the love and the care, and the thinking about potential future and all that. It is so hard to understand for me.

 

Love is just something that I've never experienced before, and it is so related to a lot of things - friendship, caring, communication, sex, sleeping, doing things together, and when you associate all these things with one person, and then they disappear, it feels like the whole world fell apart. This is how it is for me anyway.

 

I don't know, I guess I need to have more sex and date more women and maybe have a few meaningless experiences in order to understand everything a little better.

[Capthxc]

Friggin women, man. I know a lot of what you're saying is right, but also my ex wasn't perfect, but she was all that I needed. I don't really need someone to be perfect. She is also very nice to me, given that she still replies to my emails - but I know that I deserve someone who wants me. I guess the hardest part is letting go of the love and the care, and the thinking about potential future and all that. It is so hard to understand for me.

 

Love is just something that I've never experienced before, and it is so related to a lot of things - friendship, caring, communication, sex, sleeping, doing things together, and when you associate all these things with one person, and then they disappear, it feels like the whole world fell apart. This is how it is for me anyway.

 

I don't know, I guess I need to have more sex and date more women and maybe have a few meaningless experiences in order to understand everything a little better.

Right there with ya once again bud. Had a few flings in the past but nothing serious, the only thing remotely serious before this other ex was a train wreck. I too, have fallen in love for the first time. And it feels like my heart has been yanked out of my chest. I can sit here and give all the advice that i want, but i still havent healed yet, and i probably wont heal any time soon. A big part of me is still expecting her to come back, because what we had really was unique, even she told me this multiple times.

[really-broken]

Every relationship is unique, and people give you advice but they don't know the whole story, they can only work with what they have.

 

However it seems that there are a few things that work across the board.

 

If I figure it out I will let you know. So far I am mostly a wreck, with maybe an hour or so of sanity a day.

[Capthxc]

Hah i know what you mean about the sanity. Keep me posted on your situation and ill try and do the same. There's someone else on this board with a similar situation to ours. It always helps to hear about how other people are doing in our situation.

[really-broken]

How old are you if I may ask?

 

I will keep you posted for sure.

[Capthxc]

26, going onto to 27 here soon

[Don Ho]

She is not the perfect woman and you are idealizing her. I'm sure if you tried you would find some negative points about her. Try to focus on them. As for being socially awkward, get on the internet and find some groups that you can go to IN PERSON for overcoming shyness, increasing self worth and meeting people. Get out of your cave and get out into the world. It does and will get better and easier, but sitting around is not going to work.

 

Guess you didn't read what I wrote or you CHOOSE to pine away. Bro, if she was the greatest woman she would still be with you. So, she is not. She is the best one (relatively) that you have dated SO FAR. The sooner you break these obsessive mind tracks you have, the sooner you will heal. You need to reframe the situation. She is not the only meaning to your life, not the only woman you will fall in love with, it was NOT perfect and so on. I could probably find 5 things wrong with her looking at a picture and another 5 in talking with her for 2 minutes. Yes, you are choosing to avoid those. Why? IDK, you like your anguish because then you don't have to face what's unhappy or uncomfortable with your life? Well the sooner you do, the better you will be.

 

"Awkward, depressed, a geek, boring, socially inept, shy" .... all excuses to not face life and go out and get involved. Great, now we have the co-dependent, introverted, this woman was my life, I got dumped twins, YOU and Capthxc. Supporting each other in your situations, I think, will just keep you in the position you are in. Come on REALLY. Stop making excuses and tell us tomorrow how you're getting re-involved in LIFE. Unless of course you're enjoying your misery.

[really-broken]

Guess you didn't read what I wrote or you CHOOSE to pine away. Bro, if she was the greatest woman she would still be with you. So, she is not. She is the best one (relatively) that you have dated SO FAR. The sooner you break these obsessive mind tracks you have, the sooner you will heal. You need to reframe the situation. She is not the only meaning to your life, not the only woman you will fall in love with, it was NOT perfect and so on. I could probably find 5 things wrong with her looking at a picture and another 5 in talking with her for 2 minutes. Yes, you are choosing to avoid those. Why? IDK, you like your anguish because then you don't have to face what's unhappy or uncomfortable with your life? Well the sooner you do, the better you will be.

 

"Awkward, depressed, a geek, boring, socially inept, shy" .... all excuses to not face life and go out and get involved. Great, now we have the co-dependent, introverted, this woman was my life, I got dumped twins, YOU and Capthxc. Supporting each other in your situations, I think, will just keep you in the position you are in. Come on REALLY. Stop making excuses and tell us tomorrow how you're getting re-involved in LIFE. Unless of course you're enjoying your misery.

 

What you said in the first part is mostly right. Yes there are wrong things with her, but that's with me too, and the relationship was far from perfect but I think I did indicate that it was the best time in my life (so far, assumed). I do want to move on and am taking steps to do that, but it still hits hard sometimes.

[Don Ho]

What you said in the first part is mostly right. Yes there are wrong things with her, but that's with me too, and the relationship was far from perfect but I think I did indicate that it was the best time in my life (so far, assumed). I do want to move on and am taking steps to do that, but it still hits hard sometimes.

 

I didn't ask if there were things wrong with you and by saying that you're making excuses and minimizing my point. Perhaps that is still your unwillingness to let go. Sometimes it helps when you focus on the bad characteristics of an Ex rather than how great they were, how beautiful, how perfect. I could find fault with Angelina Jolie if I needed to. The sooner you take her off that pedestal and stop idealizing her and your relationship, the sooner you will feel better.

 

Yes, Bro it hits hard sometimes. As time passes those feelings will be less intense and less often. There is no magic. But you can make a conscious decision NOW to let go of your "perfect" thoughts of her and decide to start letting it go and start moving forward with your life. No, not easy. Hurts? Yes. But the best you can do is put your best foot forward. Sitting there continuing to pine away will only prolong your misery.

Edited October 14, 2010 by Don Ho

[Gt.ooh]

Well I got to say, I've made so much progress since I've joined here. I'm warming up to healing. I keep my mind on her still, but I don't run what if this or that...or what should have changed. I just think, don't make any conclusions. My break-up has been a rollercoaster. Driving across the country again leaving a brand new condo just moved into and I bought furniture, she was getting caught up with school etc. I believe I was her first love too. She has been with 2 other guys over a period of 5 years. We moved right in together after 7 months of dating. I think the thought of settling down with so many uncertainties after she's done her schooling scared her. She's made a decision in her life to set me free, and maybe find out more about herself. She told me she's never had to think about marriage or kids until me. So I need to give her space. She's still quite young (21), and I'm still young (23). She was really nice about the whole thing...I don't think either way anymore of I really wish to get back together or not. I'm just "being". I'm not ready to move on completely. But I'm no longer sulking at home. I go out with friends every chance I get. Just to get a coffee, or put a day permit on my GTO and roast on it.

 

I had to quit my job in Toronto, and I've finally after 2.5 weeks after the break-up.. I am working again and that has been a huge uplifter for me.

[Sivok]

Welcome, broken.

 

When i was 22, I entered my first relationship. I was awkward, didn't have too many friends, and had other issues going on as well. There never was much light at the end of that tunnel, and when we broke up, I hit a low I never experienced before. I got so depressed that my therapist had me take a 6 month leave of absence from school. It was horrible. Here are the steps I took to help me not only get over her, but get over my social anxiety as well:

 

1) Therapy. I went as frequently as twice a week and was prescribed medication. First couple of sessions you'll feel like you didn't get anything out of at all but stick with it.

 

2) Social Anxiety CBT group. I found a free group online that met once a week for a few months. It worked wonders and had me doing things I've never done before (speed dating, karaoke to songs I've never even heard of before, starting conversations with random people at an open market, etc).

 

3) Picking up a new hobby. I bought a guitar and started taking lessons.

 

4) Exercise. After each session, things seemed a little brighter.

 

5) A Eurotrip. A bit extreme, but yeah, my friend offered and I accepted. Not only was it the best time of my life, but I returned with all my social anxiety completely erased.

 

Since then (about 18 months time), I've been in two more relationships. Both breaks up I handled much much better than the first. If anything, it showed me that my first wasn't as great as I thought she was, and I do have the capacity to find someone that can make me happy. I know you can do this too. Hope this helps!

[really-broken]

I didn't ask if there were things wrong with you and by saying that you're making excuses and minimizing my point. Perhaps that is still your unwillingness to let go. Sometimes it helps when you focus on the bad characteristics of an Ex rather than how great they were, how beautiful, how perfect. I could find fault with Angelina Jolie if I needed to. The sooner you take her off that pedestal and stop idealizing her and your relationship, the sooner you will feel better.

 

Yes, Bro it hits hard sometimes. As time passes those feelings will be less intense and less often. There is no magic. But you can make a conscious decision NOW to let go of your "perfect" thoughts of her and decide to start letting it go and start moving forward with your life. No, not easy. Hurts? Yes. But the best you can do is put your best foot forward. Sitting there continuing to pine away will only prolong your misery.

You are right, but there is always that lingering feeling that we may get back together in the future when she comes back - that's not for another possibly 9 or 10 months but obviously I can't remain in this state for that whole time. This is my first time dealing with any of these emotions. I know what you are telling me makes sense to you, and possibly to me, but in my mind it is not as easy as putting her down from the pedestal.

 

I'm actively looking to date, and take all the opportunities of distraction, but at the same time I am proved by myself that what I had with her was really what I was looking for all these years, and now I don't have it.

 

I know you are tempted to group me as a "whiner" but take a second to think that maybe my situation is unique in its own ways. I appreciate your help but all that you are telling me is much easier said than done.

[really-broken]

Well I got to say, I've made so much progress since I've joined here. I'm warming up to healing. I keep my mind on her still, but I don't run what if this or that...or what should have changed. I just think, don't make any conclusions. My break-up has been a rollercoaster. Driving across the country again leaving a brand new condo just moved into and I bought furniture, she was getting caught up with school etc. I believe I was her first love too. She has been with 2 other guys over a period of 5 years. We moved right in together after 7 months of dating. I think the thought of settling down with so many uncertainties after she's done her schooling scared her. She's made a decision in her life to set me free, and maybe find out more about herself. She told me she's never had to think about marriage or kids until me. So I need to give her space. She's still quite young (21), and I'm still young (23). She was really nice about the whole thing...I don't think either way anymore of I really wish to get back together or not. I'm just "being". I'm not ready to move on completely. But I'm no longer sulking at home. I go out with friends every chance I get. Just to get a coffee, or put a day permit on my GTO and roast on it.

 

I had to quit my job in Toronto, and I've finally after 2.5 weeks after the break-up.. I am working again and that has been a huge uplifter for me.

How long has it been since the break up?

 

She was my first everything pretty much. I mean I fooled around here and there and dated a few people before her but when we met we just had a lot of chemistry, and fell in love. She was the first girl to ever show me love, and I am *24* (I was 23 when we met) I used to be really shy in the past and run away from romance, now I am not but also the desperation in me is a turn off so I'm still less likely to meet women.

 

I am not her first, and she's been with a few guys but none in the way that we were together according to her, but I think she's loved before. We definitely both loved each other though. She is more promiscuous than me so I don't know why I was so shocked when I found out she already found someone to sleep with.

 

It feels so bad. I feel like I am so inferior and helpless, powerless. I know her situation doesn't help at all because she's in a different place by herself, but at the same time I guess I am mad at the circumstances, and at myself.

[really-broken]

Welcome, broken.

 

When i was 22, I entered my first relationship. I was awkward, didn't have too many friends, and had other issues going on as well. There never was much light at the end of that tunnel, and when we broke up, I hit a low I never experienced before. I got so depressed that my therapist had me take a 6 month leave of absence from school. It was horrible. Here are the steps I took to help me not only get over her, but get over my social anxiety as well:

 

1) Therapy. I went as frequently as twice a week and was prescribed medication. First couple of sessions you'll feel like you didn't get anything out of at all but stick with it.

 

2) Social Anxiety CBT group. I found a free group online that met once a week for a few months. It worked wonders and had me doing things I've never done before (speed dating, karaoke to songs I've never even heard of before, starting conversations with random people at an open market, etc).

 

3) Picking up a new hobby. I bought a guitar and started taking lessons.

 

4) Exercise. After each session, things seemed a little brighter.

 

5) A Eurotrip. A bit extreme, but yeah, my friend offered and I accepted. Not only was it the best time of my life, but I returned with all my social anxiety completely erased.

 

Since then (about 18 months time), I've been in two more relationships. Both breaks up I handled much much better than the first. If anything, it showed me that my first wasn't as great as I thought she was, and I do have the capacity to find someone that can make me happy. I know you can do this too. Hope this helps!

 

Hi Sivok,

It seems like we've had similar experiences in many ways. I really do need therapy but I feel like I can't speed it up because I am on a waiting list. I need to research some more options, but where I live there are only a few well known places that aren't too expensive and they all have waiting lists.

 

You are right, I also might benefit from a group of some sort. I will look that up. CBT seems to be very promising.

 

I have a lot of hobbies, and I do practice them, but during certain times of the day and night I get really bad and lonely and anxious, and it's hard to do my 'hobbies' during those times usually. I definitely should pick up a new instrument though.

 

I can't afford (time or money) right now to go on a euro trip, but I think you are right that traveling is important.

 

A lot of people seem to tell me that I will find someone whom I will have a better relationship with, and I will experience love and romance again, and I have a glimpse of hope at that, but at the same time when you're in the dumps it's hard to see properly. Even my ex told me that I will find someone "better".

 

I need to lay all my thoughts out on paper, and figure this problem out properly.

 

Thanks for your help.

[Gt.ooh]

How long has it been since the break up?

 

She was my first everything pretty much. I mean I fooled around here and there and dated a few people before her but when we met we just had a lot of chemistry, and fell in love. She was the first girl to ever show me love, and I am *24* (I was 23 when we met) I used to be really shy in the past and run away from romance, now I am not but also the desperation in me is a turn off so I'm still less likely to meet women.

 

I am not her first, and she's been with a few guys but none in the way that we were together according to her, but I think she's loved before. We definitely both loved each other though. She is more promiscuous than me so I don't know why I was so shocked when I found out she already found someone to sleep with.

 

It feels so bad. I feel like I am so inferior and helpless, powerless. I know her situation doesn't help at all because she's in a different place by herself, but at the same time I guess I am mad at the circumstances, and at myself.

 

Well I'm going to be honest. She really was my first everything... in a literal sense, and physical. Like you I was quite shy, couldn't get myself together when it came to women. I'll tell u though, my ex asked me out. Even with the circumstances as they are now, I have learnt so much from her about life and about myself. We connected on so many levels. I have no regrets, and I'm hoping for the best.

 

It's been about a month exactly since the day I left Toronto..

[really-broken]

Well I'm going to be honest. She really was my first everything... in a literal sense, and physical. Like you I was quite shy, couldn't get myself together when it came to women. I'll tell u though, my ex asked me out. Even with the circumstances as they are now, I have learnt so much from her about life and about myself. We connected on so many levels. I have no regrets, and I'm hoping for the best.

 

It's been about a month exactly since the day I left Toronto..

Where are you now?

For me it has been a little more than 4 months since we broke up, and I have not slept with anyone else (though I've been on a few unsatisfying dates.)

 

If it's only been a month, I would say give it more time and it will get better, but in my case it's been 4 and it didn't get better ^_^ but it certainly became different. It's like I walked to another part of misery, or something like that.

 

I am sure things will get better and people get through these things, but I think in our cases maybe because we're late bloomers it is more difficult.

[Gt.ooh]

Where are you now?

For me it has been a little more than 4 months since we broke up, and I have not slept with anyone else (though I've been on a few unsatisfying dates.)

 

If it's only been a month, I would say give it more time and it will get better, but in my case it's been 4 and it didn't get better ^_^ but it certainly became different. It's like I walked to another part of misery, or something like that.

 

I am sure things will get better and people get through these things, but I think in our cases maybe because we're late bloomers it is more difficult.

 

I'm in BC, where we're originally from. I'm definitely going to give more time. a month is nothing... I know people get through this. In their own time...as their situations change throughout.

[xinchao123]

Hi bro,

hey man it was my first love who dumped me 3 weeks ago as well. I felt exactly what you're feeling and it's extremely normal, extremely normal my friend, especially for first lovers right ? I would suggest you thinking the same way and feeling miserable for some time, cause if you truly have a heart, you must be in kinda feelings, which begins the healing process !

BUT, that's only short term, what I really want to remind you is that it's YOU who make yourself happy, do you need a punch in the face to realize this ? .j/k man after 1 or 2 weeks you will yourself realize this and the sooner the better.

CLOSE this chapter of your life,although it is a happy one, it has to end, you're still young, and there are a lot more interesting ppl coming to your life. what I want to say is you believe what LS'ers say, and start improving yourself from TODAY, work out, try some new hobbies and ESPECIALLY, BREAK AWAY FROM YOU, yeah go socializing, go to charity events (that's what i'm doing to keep occupied) whatever....just try not to be over-sociable cause you cant, just be less shyer ok

Talking will never work, acting will. And I hope tomorrow when you wake up you would want to go jogging for a while instead dying in bed.

[Banega100]

i'm mega socially anxious and also have depressive sht going on, and throughout that, i got a girlfriend who was a model! Although, it admittedly resulted in her leaving me.

 

the point is, anything is possible for you. You just have to reject the shadows in your mind that hold you back. And you have to work on yourself constantly. That's what ive learnt, and thats definitely my major lesson from my last relationship.

[really-broken]

i'm mega socially anxious and also have depressive sht going on, and throughout that, i got a girlfriend who was a model! Although, it admittedly resulted in her leaving me.

 

the point is, anything is possible for you. You just have to reject the shadows in your mind that hold you back. And you have to work on yourself constantly. That's what ive learnt, and thats definitely my major lesson from my last relationship.

 

Yes this makes sense. I learnt it over and over that fears are irrational and that you have to take risks to meet new people and find lovers. And I see evidence everywhere that anything is possible. I still have not figured out women though, and although I do try to meet new people both in real life and on the internet, I still struggle with that.

 

I don't know. I know I am relatively attractive and intelligent, unless a lot of people are lying to me, but maybe it's because I'm not tall, or because I'm sad or depressed, or girls don't desire me because of some quality that I have but no one will tell me about- maybe lack of self esteem or maybe something about my ethnicity? I don't know! But I have my last relationship as proof that I was at least desirable at some point. Though my ex did mention that part of our breakup was due to my anxiety disorder (which really was not that bad before we broke up). I guess desperation also plays a part.

 

I just have to be patient with myself, and understand that everyone moves on at a different pace and that it's ok to feel hurt. It still hurts a lot sometimes.