dyermaker Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 First of all, please consider the nature of our relationship before offering "stock advice"--things are quite different for us, and it would help if you had some sort of context into my situation, by reading my initial threads in Dec of 2003, and possibly Jan of this year. Anyway, one thing we do is write letters. She's a bit sick today, so she went to bed early, upon her parent's request. "What if you had an essay due? On the life cycle of a potato?" I asked, but to no avail. "She'd tell me I should have finished it on Friday, and she'd be right", she replied, dejectedly. "If you told her that you Love me?", I asked, now concerned more with prolonging our conversation, and less with actually acheiving anything more than that. "She wouldn't believe me." she replied, following with words of regret that she had to leave, which were replied with you-don't-have-to-be-sorry's and i'm-just-teasings. But then I had a nice thought. "What if I told her," I asked. "What would you say?" she questioned. "I'm not sure," I said, dissapointed in myself that I couldn't immediately think of something to say, "I'll get back to you on that." "Don't worry about it, she's not ready anyways" We then spent another ten minutes saying goodbye, a rather hurried departure when compared to a typical one between us. Now I want to write a letter, as if it were to her mother. It's crucial to understand that this is a love letter to her, not really a letter to her mother--but I wanted to write it in the third person, both satisfying what a mother would like to hear, while subtley making her feel good too--does that make any sense? I've written letters before, some of you have read them. Those are different though, this one's more contrived, and that's what I want it to be. Her mother has four other daughters, and I'm in Love with the second one. The first one had some bad experiences with adolescent relationships, and so she's quite jaded on suitors. According to her, her mom's "big on religion and chastity, and down on trivial, immature relationships" Again, I'm not trying to inform her mother that I'm in Love with her daughter, I'm just writing the letter as if it were so. Any ideas on what a mother would want to hear? Any good lines to put in there? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 If I were someone's mother, I might be of use to you, however I'm not. Maybe Arabess has some thoughts.. Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Here are the things I would want to hear if it were my daughter: - That your love for her is mature enough that you want her to pursue her goals. - That you recognize that I and others are likely to assume that, because of your youth, your relationship won't last. Rather than insist with words that this is not the case, you are willing to prove it with time. Lots of time. - That your love for her is great enough to want her to pursue her goals. Yes, that's a deliberate repeat. My #1 concern would be that my 15yo daughter (I think that's how old your gf is?) would make a decision to abandon school, college or career plans in order to be with you. If I felt that this was your intent or even if this was a likely outcome of your r/s with my daughter, I would be more likely to try to exert counter-pressure in some way. On the other hand, if I understood that you loved her and wanted to remain in parallel to her until such time as it was reasonable for you to be together, I would be greatly reassured. - That you like me, her mother. Only assuming this is true. False flattery is of no benefit. -That your love for her is selfless enough that you want her to pursue her goals. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
A Thought Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I am not a mother yet either, but I do have something to say about the idea of a letter. My sister is ''seriously involved'' with a young man, they are both in their later teen years. Shortly after they began hanging out frequently and becoming more involved, He wrote a letter to both of my parents explaining his thoughts/feelings regarding my sister. Although, I am unsure of the exact content, because obviously it was not for me to see, I do know that it impressed my Mother and Father regarding his attitude and character as well as the fact that he was willing to admit to them that he truly cares for her. It demonstrates that you care enough to take time and energy to connect with them somehow, especially if they have not ever met you. Obviously, your situation could vary drastically from my sister's and her parents may have different thoughts on relationships, but I just wanted to let you know from one point-of-view. Good Luck~ AT Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Ahhhh Dyer, you are much more creative than I am. However, I LOVE the 'second daughter' reference. As a Mom, I would want to know what makes my second daughter different from all the other daughters in the world, including my other three. Not just something like her eyes or her smile.....but the way she is sometimes silly, gets ketchup on her chin and giggles over a Simpson episode. The way she cries when she hears certain music, the kinds of books she reads and what are her passions. You know...the kind of stuff you would only know and pay attention to....if you really loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 You know...the kind of stuff you would only know and pay attention to....if you really loved her. I bet you came up with some real wonderful things. Care to share????? Or is this still a mystery letter? Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 I'm just interested, and tell me to mind my own business if you like, but if your GF wants to show the letter to her mum will you be OK with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dyermaker Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 I haven't even started, it's among the most difficult things I've ever brainstormed. Originally posted by gaia I'm just interested, and tell me to mind my own business if you like, but if your GF wants to show the letter to her mum will you be OK with this? Yes, I'm writing it with precisely that in mind. It's my own belief that there's no way she'll see it, but I wanted to write it as if she could. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 And you SHOULD! This could be FINE READING at the wedding!! ...and the twins bedtime story....Dyer 1 and Maker 2..... Link to post Share on other sites
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