I did it, I broke NC B/ of his bday etc... :/

[LoveTNT]

After over a month. It hurts to know that I emailed him a happy b-day etc yesterday, and I haven't heard from him. But today I was like, since I already broke it I'm going to text him and ask him if he would like to talk about how we currently feel.

 

Yes I've let my guard down,(for a sec) but if he doesn't reply and doesn't want to talk then I'll know to leave him alone completely now, and continue with the healing process and move forward...

 

I'm not expecting to talk about getting back together I just want to know how we both feel.

 

Anyhow, I am feeling sad currently, so if anything this will help me to move on.

 

I think he's mad that I didn't reply when he asked if I still loved him,( 2weeks ago) if that's the case, honestly I'm done playing games.

 

Anyhow I didn't reply because I was still very emotional and I felt it was the best thing to do.

[bboy]

If he asks you about your feelings and you don't answer, the message is clear. (Punishment to the other)

 

Did you text him because you wish him a happy bday or because you wanted his attention?

 

Perhaps you should move focus from the "he did <-> I did" attention game and find out what you want yourself no matter of him?

 

At some point one part does it before the other one.

 

I don't think you want to experience the situation of realizing that you might be the one who have not moved on?

[LoveTNT]

I pleaded for 5 weeks for forgiveness and a second chance! I tippy toed around him because i didn't want to push him away. He wanted space. So i gave it to him. 3 weeks pass and then he emails me a simple "do you still" I had to be careful. If he would have emailed, " Hi, how are you? I was thinking about you and would like to ask you a question" then I would be open. But he didn't even try to call or say more, I felt like he was just trying to poke at me to see if my love was still there, so I was careful. I cried everyday day, and now I'm going to head home to cry my last tears. Now that I'm trying and more clear headed I would like to talk, but if this is a game, like one day he wants to, the next day I want to, then it is not respecting the love we once had/have or whatever the case may be.

 

ALl I want to do is speak to him in a mature respectful manner. We are adults, 26 and he's going to be 31 on Saturday... I though by now he would understand a bit more..

 

I left him alone because I did not want to play games and I felt that he didn't want to talk and he had his valid reasons and I had to respect him.

 

I did it out of love and respect.

 

I did not want to smother him,,,,....

[Shadowburn]

That's why everybody is saying here NC is the best and no reason for breaking it is actually a good one. Please keep NC and guard yourself from further pain.

 

Good luck.

[LoveTNT]

I felt like I had to put my pride aside. I knew there was a huge chance of getting hurt back on the battle field. My heart just wants to be there for him, I love this man. If we could work through our differences and pain I would want us back, that's why I'm putting myself out there. I'm not a grudge holder and I don't get so prideful that I cut someone out of my life completely until they have done something horrible to me. I felt there was things that we could possibly speak of. I'm not going in thinking that there's a big chance on getting back together. If it's not the case I will respect that, but I wanted to see how he was and how he feels about us. I'm just the type that put all the hurt to the side, and genuinely tried to come at him in a compassionate understanding manner. It's his b-day, plus I felt a month of NC might have been a good time to think things through and I wanted to see if he was open to speak.

 

This is how it went down ( I won't lie I am hurt, but I was hurt before anyways just a bit more strong and prideful because of NC)

 

I emailed him Tuesday wishing him a happy b-day.

I got no reply.

Yesterday, I thought to myself since I broke NC , this is a good time to let him know how I'm currently feeling, so I called him, but of course he didn't answer. So I left him a message. I then text him to please listen to the message and a few more words. He didn't reply. So I text him again saying, I reached out because I thought maybe we could speak in respectful terms, but all I'm getting is rejection, then I told him to tell me to leave him alone if that was the case. I wanted to hear it from him. So he text me back saying, that he will listen to the message and that he felt rejected too. He also said that maybe we can talk and that he was on his motorcycle and he would message me later. Around 11pm I decided to text him saying that we have degraded our connection and that I was hoping he would reach out but that a part of me felt that he was going to reject me and not call, as went down. Then I said apparently you have nothing more to say to me.

 

Ok that was last night. I fell asleep crying because I'm trying to respect him, I have not been mean at all. I know he reached out a few weeks ago asking if I still did, he didn't even say the word love, he just emailed me 3 simple words "Do you still?" I was so fragile at the time and was barely setting the stones down with NC full throttle. He had not contacted me in weeks. I was so heartbroken.

 

So this morning he text me this, I haven't erased it so I'll quote it...

 

" It's always on your time still. The birthday email was nice but all these demands make me mad, I wasn't suppose to go through all this without a partner but I am now. I am still angry. When I have peace maybe then we can speak. I don't know just let me be and stop forcing your time lines on me".

 

YIIIIPPPESS!!!

 

So I replied:

 

" Ill respect that, I love you, I truly do. I want nothing but goodness for you. I don't want anger to win. I hope that you respect the time I needed as much as the time I want to respect that you need. I will leave you alone, hoping that we'll speak someday."

 

 

My friend tells me to send him something for his birthday and to show him that I still care and want to work on things(for one last time), but It's obvious he still needs space and once again upset.

 

Honestly I feel that he wants to be angry because it keeps him from speaking with me and trying to move forward. It just really is a shame it seems like a game. He wanted space and I gave it to him, now he's using it against me to make himself believe I did it because I didn't love him anymore.

 

I don't want to play games I just want to be honest, and be kind and see if we could work through the anger, but what I've learned is that some people can run with the anger and never look back.... That's truly a shame, because it's not only hurting me but it's causing damage to his heart.

 

But I can't say how long it should take him to heal, it's his life and his heart.

 

Any Advice LS peeps?

[fabio10]

Hi, Im sorry you are hurting, in my opinion and IM FAR FROM AN EXPERT but from a man's point of view I see where he is coming from when he sent you that email he put his neck on the line bigtime, and you ignored it, this more than likely festered in his mind bringing up large amounts of anger, then you contacted him for his bday still without answering his question until he ignored you and then you said you loved him, he more than likely feels that when it suits you its time to talk ! You should back wayyyyyy off leave him alone and let him calm down and then let him come to you.

[Hersheys]

Save yourself more pain and hurt. Don't wait anymore for this man to come around. He's using his "anger" towards you as a reason to avoid speaking to you.

 

Respect his wishes and let him be. Leave him alone from now on. Don't keep breaking NC after a few weeks or a month. NC is not meant to test the waters on an ex after a a couple of weeks or months. Some of us here have broken NC many times and ended up only with a curt and polite response from our dumpers and some even rejection.

 

Read the last line of his text over and over again.

[LoveTNT]

Hi, Im sorry you are hurting, in my opinion and IM FAR FROM AN EXPERT but from a man's point of view I see where he is coming from when he sent you that email he put his neck on the line bigtime, and you ignored it, this more than likely festered in his mind bringing up large amounts of anger, then you contacted him for his bday still without answering his question until he ignored you and then you said you loved him, he more than likely feels that when it suits you its time to talk ! You should back wayyyyyy off leave him alone and let him calm down and then let him come to you.

 

 

Thanks,

 

But I didn't respond because the last time I had contacted him I asked him to please call me, he was to busy, so I said ok well talk when YOU are available. SO weeks pass, I'm crying and dying and I'm on LS doing my thing getting stronger getting advice about NC, so I start NC, FULL THROTTLE and after 2 weeks of NC I see him at a bar and he looks all surprised he comes and says hi and I'm very nice but in the back of my mind knowing he hadn't called me back yet. SO after that quick run in 2 more weeks pass, I'm thinking Daaaaang he truly just doesn't love me anymore. THEN BAAAAAMB! I'm hit with the simple email "Do you Still", so smart ass DON HO gives me advice to leave him alone that if he truly missed me he'll do more contact that it's not enough, which I agreed with. I didn't want to hear from him unless it was him wanting to meet an reconcile or to just talk, but not just a simple email. SO i felt I had to stick with NC untill I was strong enough to be able to speak to him and hear whatever it may be, even if he's seeing someone etc. And I feel I can now.

 

But understand I put myself out there for 5 weeks straight, I mean reeaaaally put myself out there and took full responsibility for what I did to hurt us.

 

GUYS can just live off of anger to keep them moving forward, but that's a lie. It's WRONG!

 

When you love someone you don't let ANGER win! you just don't.

 

And I'm not blaming DON HO for his advice ahaha he wasn't the only one that said to let myself get strong before entering the war zone again.

[LoveTNT]

Save yourself more pain and hurt. Don't wait anymore for this man to come around. He's using his "anger" towards you as a reason to avoid speaking to you.

 

Respect his wishes and let him be. Leave him alone from now on. Don't keep breaking NC after a few weeks or a month. NC is not meant to test the waters on an ex after a a couple of weeks or months. Some of us here have broken NC many times and ended up only with a curt and polite response from our dumpers and some even rejection.

 

Read the last line of his text over and over again.

 

Thanks, I have been reading it. My problem is that I tend to see past all that and try to be understanding and put myself out there because I love him and I know I wasn't perfect. But you are right he is using his anger to avoid me... I wasn't trying to test waters with NC, I just didn't want knew hurt at the time and wanted to strengthen myself. I came at him to speak and I was not expecting to get back together, **** I would have a appreciated a courteous responsive, Like,"I'm not ready, I 'm still hurt, I hope you're good, take care".....

 

But pray for me people to stay strong, haha :/

 

NC, you ma boy again...

[fabio10]

I have to say I'am Don Ho's biggest fan without him, salibal and Dusty I would still be an emotional wreck, NC is the way, you need to heal, I get you put yourself on the line but you did break up with him in the first place just if I was in his shoe's I would be getting alot of mixed feelings from you in a relative short space of time making me question alot of things !

[LoveTNT]

I have to say I'am Don Ho's biggest fan without him, salibal and Dusty I would still be an emotional wreck, NC is the way, you need to heal, I get you put yourself on the line but you did break up with him in the first place just if I was in his shoe's I would be getting alot of mixed feelings from you in a relative short space of time making me question alot of things !

 

 

Don't you DARE use an exclamation mark on me! ha-ha.

 

Mixed signals, how is that? I was healing and he knows I would be down to work it out of things worked in that favor.

[fabio10]

Haha you sound just like my ex I got the whole 'HOW DARE YOU' ALOT I just think that if I were him and a girl dumped me but then wanted to work things out I would be very hard to persuade, my ex dumped me and is trying to contact me alot I aint responding but I do really love her but its ME time now, I think she dumped me as a knee jerk reaction to her confusion. Now I'am not defending your ex in the slightest but just try look at your situation from different point of view, could you honestly say you have not sent out mixed signals ???? Im sorry your hurting and I hope it works out for the best .

[LoveTNT]

Haha you sound just like my ex I got the whole 'HOW DARE YOU' ALOT I just think that if I were him and a girl dumped me but then wanted to work things out I would be very hard to persuade, my ex dumped me and is trying to contact me alot I aint responding but I do really love her but its ME time now, I think she dumped me as a knee jerk reaction to her confusion. Now I'am not defending your ex in the slightest but just try look at your situation from different point of view, could you honestly say you have not sent out mixed signals ???? Im sorry your hurting and I hope it works out for the best .

 

So since I broke NC should I go full throttle, after All I'm the dumper. I'm very passionate and I need to check him and prove him wrong. I do love him and care about him, he's being such a baby!! I might just go to his loft and leave him a gift!! Kill the sucker with kindness. I'm not stalker status but I haven't tried to that extent, he did so much for me. Even if we never get back together, I win because I wasn't the one that let anger consume it all.

[fabio10]

I aint sure, are you sure you even know what you want ??? You could go NC give yourself time to heal and get over him or the time apart could bring you closer together. Or you could now try and chase him that will either push him further away or he may well come round. I cant really tell you what will happen.

[LoveTNT]

I do love him, I want nothing but goodness to come out of me reaching out. Since I went NC for 5 weeks I realized, I'm a bit stronger to actually try to reach out one last time, if I get rejected I do. At that point I'll know for sure he is done with me. I know he still loves me, although he shows it in an awkward way. He's just being stubborn and i'll respect his healing. I'm not going to cry and be annoying. I'm just going to come at him sweet and silly. Try to instill sweet new memories that will over power the bad ones. He's being a total brat though... It's like he wants me to be the one putting effort now because he did that for so long, but then he says things like let me be, I'm mad, then he gets mad when I don't reach out to him. I'll kill him with kindness, Not because I'm playing games, but because above it all he was super good to me, it's just lame arguments and life's frustrations that got to me and he's trying to protect himself from hurting more so again, which I understand believe me. But, I'll try again just because at the end I'll KNOW i did everything I could. I'm not coming at him all psycho, but compassionate.

 

It's not like we cheated, or there was abuse etc.. it's just we let life's BS get the best of our connection. He isn't with anyone else. Like he said in his message, he didn't want to go through all without a partner, but that he is. If he or/ The day he's seeing someone or has a GF, I will leave him alone for good. I don't do the crying and begging and mulling over it forever for a man that chose someone else. You just have to throw in the towel at that point.

 

But even though I still love him and would love to spend time with him, I feel that if he keeps ignoring or rejecting me, I will be healing more so, cause when someone tries and tries and gets pushed and pushed and rejected, one day you wake up and say F this, Peace out I'm done.

 

He makes it very clear he's lonely.

 

He's my Cherie Amour, I can't just give up. I'll know when it's completely dead.

 

I'm a strong young woman and all about being independent, working finishing school, but I can't just let my pride rule. I'll know when to goo NC for good again.

[LoveTNT]

Ok, So I'm back to slap myself! Haha :/

 

I guess you live and you learn from your own mistakes. NC is where it is at. Thank goodness his haunting birthday is over. He ignored me cause he's an angry hurt confused 31 year old REH-TARD!

 

Sigh..

[Leandro]

Ok, So I'm back to slap myself! Haha :/

 

I guess you live and you learn from your own mistakes. NC is where it is at. Thank goodness his haunting birthday is over. He ignored me cause he's an angry hurt confused 31 year old REH-TARD!

 

Sigh..

LOL the REH-TARD is hilarious!! Don't worry about it. Stick with NC.