A poem for my ex

[RDawg]

Been broken up for 5months...

 

She said I could contact her in November, by then it will be 6 weeks of strict NC. I have been wondering how I will do it. I've decided to send her flowers and a poem. What do you guys think? ( No need to comment Don Ho, I allready know what you'll say..)

 

You left me in the autumn,

several “get your ex back” books I bought.

I didn’t have the self control to practice what they taught.

 

I became my own worst enemy,

I was turning into a stalker!

I begged and pleaded but nothing helped,

Not booze, nor gym,

It was you I needed!

 

Be a man you said,

don’t be a puppy dog..

Well it takes a MAN to go no contact,

‘cause it really is a slog.

 

Six weeks of your absence has left

me feeling kinda blue,

I miss your smile, our chats,

I miss cooking meals for two!

 

As a final apology for my disrespect,

For losing my temper and all the other things I now regret,

I hope you will accept these carnations?

And meet me for a drink?

I promise there will be no expectations..

Edited October 14, 2010 by RDawg
spelling

[Billie The Puppet]

Your poem topped with flowers screams push me away further.

 

The lyrics them selves flow but the intent is setting up for failure. Admitting to get your ex back strategies not so wise.

 

She most likely is with someone else.

 

Mine was but strung me along. It came out though via a friend. They knew I was hoping to reconcile and didn't want me to keep thinking she will come around. I'm still hurt and she is still in my heart and mind but there is nothing in my control to change that.

[JP2009]

I agree with above poster. I would suggest not doing so. I also was strung along. She didn't have anybody but she had other interests and slept with at least one of them while stringing me along. It is just going to hurt you more if she says "Thanks for the poem and the flowers but I have found somebody else".

[RDawg]

Thanks for your responses guys.

 

Maybe it does scream "Wuss!" It's such a fine line between wuss and romantic though, hey?

 

She allready knows about the ex back books Billie, I showed her some of the stuff when she came round for dinner in August. She was especially interested in Mat Hustons "Train Your Girlfriend Manual". Hehe.

 

Since she's expecting a call in November maybe my best tactic is to not contact her till December, that should surprise/ impress her. But ja, one worries about them meeting someone else, so time is of the essence. Having said that there's not much one can do to prevent that from happening.

 

I'd like to know if and when she does meet someone. I think it's better than living in doubt. As for the heartbreak... come on guys, man up for goodness sake.. !! A final round of rejection is not going to stop me from continuing to fight for her.

[Don Ho]

Maybe it does scream "Wuss!" It's such a fine line between wuss and romantic though, hey?

 

NO!!!! DO NOT send any poem or flowers!!! It doesn't scream Wuss, it screams PUSSY!! Geez Bro, you're not together. There is no "fine line" of being romantic. You will look and feel like a fool and an idiot if you do that.

Since she's expecting a call in November maybe my best tactic is to not contact her till December, that should surprise/ impress her.

 

She said contact HER in November? WTF? Why is she calling the shots and why are you letting her? Contacting her in December will "surprise / impress" her? WTF are you thinking? I would let her contact you. Period. If she wants to talk or wants you she WILL contact. She could meet someone anytime. There is NOTHING you can do. Chasing, pining, begging and so on will only push her away.

 

A final round of rejection is not going to stop me from continuing to fight for her.

 

Bro, get a grip. Now you're sounding like a stalker. Fight for her? WTF are you talking about? She BROKE UP with you and you can't "fight" for someone that doesn't want to be with you. Not to be a prick, but yeah, you need to man up and move forward with your life.

[SithLord]

Dude what the hell! Why would u show her them books, now u really blew ur chances man. Be ruthless and show no mercy. Best way to move on is to forget her! U shouldn't concern urself with her feelings because it doesn't matter. U should be thinking about u and u only....why would u even consider writing a poem? Everything u doing, do the opposite....anytime she appears in ur brain think of the bad. The problem is we make the relationship greater than what it really was. It's time to grow some nuts and be the man....

[RDawg]

Ok so you obviously don't like the poem. Let's forget that and look at some other strategies. This is the second chance section, not the coping section, we want positive input on how to get them back, no more of this "just move on and if they want you they will get in contact" stuff, ok?

 

Don Ho, my BRO, you've done it twice! So in your case it didn't turn out to be worthwhile, maybe in my case it is?

 

I was so damn close in August: the initial meet up went good, the subsequent date went great - she ended up telling me how much I'd changed and by the end of the evening we were kissing like a pair of randy teenagers. Then the following week - dinner at her place and I went all wuss again, arguing, begging, aarghh... 10 steps back and it's all been downhill since then.

 

One last ditch attempt, c'mon ya bastids, give me some ideas.. She's agreed to contact in November now what approach do I take? This girl is open to persuasion I just need to be cool and quietly persistent. If I can get my foot in the door again as a "friend" that's also fine. She's not out looking for another guy, at the moment she is totally self absorbed and focusing on her studies.

 

And no, I'm not sitting around pining, this mission is one of a few I'm persuing.

[SithLord]

That's the problem, u think ur an exception to the dating cosmos. Feel the force, ur too busy thinking about how to get her back, when the realistic way of getting her back is not by trying to win her over. This is the problem 90% people don't listen. When u moving on with life and dating other women, ur stock value sky rockets. Ur ex will feel it in u if Ur still hook on her, when she should feel the indifference. Act cordial. U to busy thinking while she relaxing. Yeah I am in the right page "Second Chances" and in order to have a second chance u have to play ur cards right. Nothing u doing right now is working, again ur too blinded by obtaining her back.

[Billie The Puppet]

Ah the ex squared system, and you showed her the train your girlfriend manual?

 

I hope she didn't read it, had she you gave her all the knowledge she is not supposed to have at hand, so if you manage to get her back she will know the manipulation involved or at least question everything.

 

Wait a second in the ex2 system it says never let the ex know about these strategies.

 

So you ignore it, ask Don not to reply because you know what he is going to say which is exactly what Matt Huston would say. Heck he who cares least controls the relationship is right out of that book

 

Start listening to the advice use your head nit your heart.

 

Better yet continue doing what you are doing all you can get is rejection again.

 

If you can't do NC for yourself push her away until she starts to ignore you for herself. Thus NC is on her terms with no hope which may be what you need.

[SithLord]

Let the emotional aspect for females. Man up and like Billie use ur head, the muscle that matters. Again that was really stupid showing her that book. Move on with life and focus on urself... Doesn't matter what she feeling or thinking, what matters is u! I know it's tough and we all been there....

[RDawg]

Mat Huston's theory is to tell her you accept the breakup but you would like to remain friends. That way you manage to stay in contact and show her what a alpha male you've become again and the next thing you know you're having sex and you're back in a relationship.

 

Use your head not your heart. Ok I'm with you on that one, as I said I was doing well initially with the reconnect but went and blew it again, so maybe I went for it too soon.

 

So the best suggestion ( apart from give up entirely ) is :

- work on yourself

- continue to date other girls

- remain no contact until that point of total indifference

 

And then? Then can I contact her?

[Billie The Puppet]

Mat Huston's theory is to tell her you accept the breakup but you would like to remain friends. That way you manage to stay in contact and show her what a alpha male you've become again and the next thing you know you're having sex and you're back in a relationship.

 

Use your head not your heart. Ok I'm with you on that one, as I said I was doing well initially with the reconnect but went and blew it again, so maybe I went for it too soon.

 

So the best suggestion ( apart from give up entirely ) is :

- work on yourself

- continue to date other girls

- remain no contact until that point of total indifference

 

And then? Then can I contact her?

 

He also gets paid for the text he wrote. The contact offering to accept the break up and get in the friends zone truth is friend zone is always on ex's terms. Sure you may show up the alpha male but it does not gaurantee the attraction or spark. Ebooks and there to make money. The guide is completely useful if you are in a relationship and noticing signs not if your broken up. Make note because he is selling it as a get your ex back guide he needs you to break nc if she doesn't.

 

Your poem and flowers are a push factor you need a pull factor. NC and dating others could be that.

 

I know this forum is second chances and everything comes off negative but the point is if you are coming here you have not let go and fit a successful second chance you need to let it happen naturally and that is her wanting you back without your input.

[SithLord]

At the end it doesn't Matter.....stop focusing on her contacting you! What should matter what's important to u. I agree with Billie, you returning to her will be on her terms and not yours. Ex's comes back when you are completely not thinking of them and moved on with life. When your dating other people and ur ex returns back in your life, at that point u won't care man. Trust me. You u should have in ur head she's not coming back and not place that hope in your brain. Why stop life, when she's doing fine. Start asking yourself the right questions, why do you want to return? Should I return.

[RDawg]

You're right SithLord, those are the questions one should be asking. The truth is I'm 39years old and I can honestly say this one is the best I've had, and I'm really kicking myself for my part in the relationships failure.

 

It's weird, after all my past failed relationships, the longest of which was 5 years, I thought I was imune to getting stuck on a girl. I've never fallen so hard and can't accept that something that began so well came to such a messy and premature end.

 

@Billy, I think those ebooks do contain a core of truth when it comes to the rules of attraction, and like you, I think had I known then what I do now I could have saved it and built the relationship into something pretty solid.

 

I think one of the biggest things for a lazy blighter like myself is that finding a replacement is hard work!

 

Editted to add: reading that poem again I must agree that it is truly cringe worthy! Geez, what the heck was I thinking..

Edited October 14, 2010 by RDawg

[SithLord]

eBooks contain a lots of truth. Sit down and really ask yourself why do you want to return to her and the con's of it...Look at me and my X, I let her go, my ego went crazy because she returned back to her ex boyfriend and slept with him... I went back to her for the wrong reasons when at the end i LEFT BECAUSE i was unhappy...

[Don Ho]

That's the problem, u think ur an exception to the dating cosmos. Feel the force, ur too busy thinking about how to get her back, when the realistic way of getting her back is not by trying to win her over. This is the problem 90% people don't listen. When u moving on with life and dating other women, ur stock value sky rockets. Ur ex will feel it in u if Ur still hook on her, when she should feel the indifference. Act cordial. U to busy thinking while she relaxing. Yeah I am in the right page "Second Chances" and in order to have a second chance u have to play ur cards right. Nothing u doing right now is working, again ur too blinded by obtaining her back.

Good advice. Yes, Bro, I did get two Exes back .... both times were a big mistake. So I have learned the hard way. But Sith is right, you have to change your energy by letting go mentally and dating other women and not contacting her. She has to be the one to come back to you, if you're chasing her or continuing contact with the mindset of getting her back, it's not going to work.

[SithLord]

Yes sir, how did ur exes come back? Nothing matters, the weak always die...Is time to be an...RDawg, the only person that matters is U...

[Billie The Puppet]

Hey Don out of the two exes you got back did either of them move onto a relationship after you broke up the first time? Also did you end it after they came back or did they?

 

I got two of my exes to come back before without trying it just happened one of which was off and on

 

The other was stupid of me a friend and I were dating a set of friends. My gf told her friend to dump my friend after " girl talk " I let my friend convince me to dump my gf as a revenge. I got back with her around her birthday. I don't know why to this day I let another guy tell me to handle the girl I was with.

 

Both those relationships ended mutually.

[Perhaps]

Been broken up for 5months...

 

She said I could contact her in November

 

 

Don't contact her in November. She'll contact you when she wants to talk. So, if talking to her might be pushing it, poems and flowers will completely kill your chances.

[Don Ho]

Hey Don out of the two exes you got back did either of them move onto a relationship after you broke up the first time? Also did you end it after they came back or did they? I got two of my exes to come back before without trying it just happened one of which was off and on The other was stupid of me a friend and I were dating a set of friends. My gf told her friend to dump my friend after " girl talk " I let my friend convince me to dump my gf as a revenge. I got back with her around her birthday. I don't know why to this day I let another guy tell me to handle the girl I was with. Both those relationships ended mutually.

 

Let's see. The first was years and years ago. She was still involved with her Ex, she and her family had moved 350 miles into my town. She dumped me for him (she had told me it was over but was still involved). The second time with her she met a guy that lived close to her and broke it off with me. A good, hard lesson about how women lie.

 

The second also went back to her Ex (again even though she swore she was done with him) and broke up with me. We got back together after a few months after (of course) she realized again he was a loser. She then met another guy she used to know in High School (twenty years later). I found out they had met up at the bar that night and hit it off. I dumped her because it just showed me she was a lying ho. They ended up getting married. A good lesson on how a cheater never changes and a leopard never changes her spots.

[Ajax]

 

A good lesson on how a cheater never changes and a leopard never changes her spots.

 

 

It's just some people's nature. The guy who introduced me to my ex told me last week he'd been talking to her mom and got the impression that her relationship and breakup with me fit her "pattern." When she starts to get close to someone, rather than let them in she panics and bails.

 

Our relationship reminds me of the fable of the Frog and the Scorpion. The Frog and the Scorpion were at the bank of a river, and the Scorpion asked the Frog to carry it on its back to cross. The Frog told the Scorpion that he was afraid that she might sting him and kill him, but the Scorpion explained to the Frog that if she were to do that they would both die. The Frog agreed. The Scorpion climbed onto his back and the Frog began swimming accross the river. When they reached the middle of the river the Scorpion struck the Frog with her stinger. As the poison spread throughout the Frog he asked the Scorpion why she did it, for now they both would die. "I couldn't help it," said the Scorpion, "it's my nature."

[Billie The Puppet]

Let's see. The first was years and years ago. She was still involved with her Ex, she and her family had moved 350 miles into my town. She dumped me for him (she had told me it was over but was still involved). The second time with her she met a guy that lived close to her and broke it off with me. A good, hard lesson about how women lie.

 

The second also went back to her Ex (again even though she swore she was done with him) and broke up with me. We got back together after a few months after (of course) she realized again he was a loser. She then met another guy she used to know in High School (twenty years later). I found out they had met up at the bar that night and hit it off. I dumped her because it just showed me she was a lying ho. They ended up getting married. A good lesson on how a cheater never changes and a leopard never changes her spots.

 

What's interesting at least the way I read it it seems both of them not only went back to you (an ex) but they went back to another ex (Between ex's) and then met someone else new or from past after wards.

 

It's good to hear these stories so we can apply them to our own so we can stop ourselves from pining.

 

For me today the memories are hurting, it's a weekend but the first weekend I actually know she has someone new not just imagining it, plus the death of the grandmother on top of that.

 

I do have a few things to look forward to though, I ran into someone from my past she asked if I was free today but I am not due to the death I mentioned. I did ask for a rain check but we haven't decided on a time yet. I know she is single but don't know her intent in asking me. I mean it was like a girl I knew in junior high and first year of high school which is long gone considering I'm a few years past being done from college. Also supposed to go to snowboarding/skiing with my cousin, his friends and his girlfriend come ski season. (I'm hoping by then to be bringing a girl with). Tremblant which unfortunately in itself is a trigger as it's the first place I took my ex.

[andrew-bkk]

Our relationship reminds me of the fable of the Frog and the Scorpion. The Frog and the Scorpion were at the bank of a river, and the Scorpion asked the Frog to carry it on its back to cross. The Frog told the Scorpion that he was afraid that she might sting him and kill him, but the Scorpion explained to the Frog that if she were to do that they would both die. The Frog agreed. The Scorpion climbed onto his back and the Frog began swimming accross the river. When they reached the middle of the river the Scorpion struck the Frog with her stinger. As the poison spread throughout the Frog he asked the Scorpion why she did it, for now they both would die. "I couldn't help it," said the Scorpion, "it's my nature."

 

I love that!

 

Some women are truly poisonous.

 

Thing is, when they grow old, ugly and bitter, they still blame everyone except themselves.

 

I you ever think that a woman might be greedy or devious or dishonest or a potential cheat, then in all probability she is.

 

Avoid this kind of trash like the plague.

[naleylove23]

its a great poem and its always good to write out your feelings but i would NOT send it. ive done this once. sent a letter and got no response but it felt absolutely amazing just to write it down and get it all out there. kudos for that. anyways dont send it because you have the chance of setting your self up for possible rejection.

[RDawg]

An update : I cracked on Monday and phoned her. She must have been having a good day because she was really friendly, teasing me about not being able to wait another week before calling and laughing at my self depreciating humour. So she agreed to meet for a drink last night and it went great!!

 

We couldn't stop talking, there was so much news we both wanted to share. She was impressed with my dedication to gym and surprised to hear that I have been seeing a therapist to help me with my drinking problem. I was able to control my emotions and didn't mention anything negative from our past. We ended the evening by agreeing to limited contact - I told her I don't want to hound her but would really like it if we could start seeing a bit of each other again. So we agreed on some ground rules for our new friendship: we will start off by meeting for drinks after work once a week and have dinner with each other every second weekend.

 

Trying not to get my hopes up and it's gonna take a lot of self control to keep things light and casual. It was amazing to have her acknowledge that I was taking a risk by phoning on Monday not knowing what response I would get. I said it's all part of my new attitude : to be truly alive you gotta put your arse on the line!

 

I'll let you know how things go in the weeks ahead.