No Contact for 2 Weeks. She just contacted me!!!

[mrbluenobody]

My girlfriend...of 4 months and I are now on a 2 week break and if she isn't interested in continuing our relationship I told her I never want to hear from her again (can't be friends). This came about because shes been acting distant so I confronted her. She said that she loves me but is not "in love" with me. Well, I'm translating this into no longer being "attracted to me". Although, that afternoon and the previous night we had a great time...she actually initiated sex between the two of us (something she hasn't done much of recently).

 

Anyway, after I confronted her and she told me that she was not "in love" with me (damn it's awful early to be expecting that) I told her that I was through..I was getting what stuff I had and we were done. When I did this she grabbed my arm ...pulled me back on the bed and said "please don't leave"....I'm afraid I may be making the biggest mistake of my life and if you leave like this I'm afraid you may not be able to give us another chance. Ok, so I became weak at this point and agreed on 2 weeks no contact which was her idea but we're still boyfriend/girlfriend which was my idea so she could see how it would be without me in her life.

 

Well, 5 days into no contact (yes, I've read everything about the proper thing to do when a girl needs space) she contacted me. Normally, I would've waited a day to respond but this is about her Dads cancer returning (puts me in a tough position). Anyways, here is the correspondence from about 3:30PM yesterday....

 

The reason I believe things went sour in the 1st place is because I was "ALWAYS" available to her and didn't make her work for my love/affection/attention. I want to change that by being unavailable during this break but I'm afraid last nights texting screwed that up.

 

Based on the correspondence below, did I screw up???

 

 

 

****BELOW IS OUR CORRESPONDENCE*****

 

 

 

Her: I know were not supposed to have contact, but I found out last nite my dads cancer is back and he started chemo again.....I've been holding it in and haven't told anyone. I had to tell someone....

 

Me: I'm sorry. I know how you feel That's really tough news. I'm glad you get to see him soon

 

Her: Thanks

 

Me: You're welcome.

 

***She has a best girlfriend here and other friends so she didn't have to tell me****

 

 

Ok...then she contacted me again at 9PM that same night (last night).

 

Her: It's worse this time. They put him on a much stronger chemo and he's still sick from his treatment LAST monday. 8:54 PM

 

Me: It's not an easy thing to watch someone go through.... How are you holding up? 9:18 PM

 

Her: Im just sad. Just makes me think about how things wont always be the same.......and someday they will be gone. Ofcourse ive known this, but just seems like it will be sooner rather then later. Just dont really know what to do with myself. Very unsettling 9:22 PM

 

Me: Yes, I've lived with that realization for quite some time. It's one reason why I try to appreciate what I have and not take things for granted. Life is very short. Hopefully your father knows how much you love him and that you're concerned about him. That would help lift his spirits. Is he still coming down to see you? 9:30 PM

 

Her: Yes, as of now....as long as he feels better 9:32 PM

 

Me: Very good. I know you're looking forward to seeing them both. 9:35 PM

 

Her: I am....thanks. I hope ur doing ok 9:36 PM

 

Me: Did you want to chat on the phone for a minute before you go to bed? 9:38 PM

 

Her: Thanks. I dont really feel like talking to anyone. Wish there was a hole i could crawl into for a little while. 9:42 PM

 

Me: Well, I'm doing very well. Hope you feel better and I hope your dad does well. 9:49 PM

 

Her: I appreciate ur kind words, more than u know! Feelin a bit alone right now, ur words are helpful. 9:52 PM

 

Me: I'm in a tough position because you know, under different circumstances, I'd be there for you. 9:57 PM

 

Her: I know you would. I dont doubt that for a second. I created that situation. Ill be fine.......just need to get used to my dad being sick again, and be positive that he will be ok. Have a good night and thanks again for listening! 10:01 PM

 

Me: You're welcome. Keep your chin up. Gnight. 10:04 PM

 

 

We're supposed to be under no contact but what was I supposed to do in this situation?? DID I SCREW THIS UP?

Edited October 14, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[SithLord]

Keep it strictly professional. If it's not about her dad, then keep it moving, she needs to feel u moving on, should told her u were going on a date, act cordial. Like the break up was the greatest thing....don't fall for the words, let the actions speak...fear for the weak, no mercy...be aloof.

[TLCbear]

You did just fine, however, I wouldn't let this become a habit or you will see yourself in the friend zone (or worse...mind games) ...that's not a good thing when you're wanting a second chance.

[mrbluenobody]

Thank you for the replies but I think I really blew it with this line.

 

"I'm in a tough position because you know, under different circumstances, I'd be there for you."

 

Basically doing nothing for instilling a sense of loss or urgency on her part. No?

Edited October 14, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[fabio10]

I think you did fine bar offering to ring her !!! I bet now when you look at what you wrote it seems like it was a different person and not you !? Thats cause your emotions are so high no contact will help you gain control but the 2week mark is not enough, she is vulnerable right now naturally thus she may get back together with you for the wrong reasons if you get me you have to be careful !

[seibert253]

Thank you for the replies but I think I really blew it with this line.

 

"I'm in a tough position because you know, under different circumstances, I'd be there for you."

 

Basically letting her know I haven't moved on and doing nothing for instilling a sense of loss or urgency on her part. No?

 

I don't think you blew it. You need to remain distant and do not "be there" for her. She's gonna try and bait you back into talking and texting. You need to keep that distance. Until she comes to you and says; "I'm sorry, I blew it, I love you, please take me back", you need to lay low.

[Cee]

This isn't the time to see if you can maneuver her contacting you so you can get your GF back.

 

Your ex GF's dad may die. Usually, when cancer returns, it is not a good sign. I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 20 so I know this first hand.

 

Be a completely platonic friend to her and listen to her. I think it's perfectly ok to send an occasional text saying "I am thinking of you and your dad. Hope things get better soon." I remember my friends will tell me how much they liked my dad and would tell stories about him. I liked that very much.

 

It is very hard to lose one's Dad at a young age. Or think you are losing your dad. Be supportive in a non-obtrusive or controlling way. If she pulls away respect that. Everybody deals with grief differently.

 

Good luck to your ex's father, your ex, and to you. This is a hard thing to go through.

[mrbluenobody]

FABIO

 

I agree. Offering to ring her made me feel very uncomforatable but In this situation, the cancer thing, I feel like..damned if you do...damned if you don't.

 

I agree though. Two weeks is not enough. We'll have to re-assess at two weeks if she contacts me then.

 

SIEBERT

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence and the advice.

 

CEE

 

I agree with you. Cancer is not a game and that is why the no contact situation is so tough. My brother died from cancer so i understand.

 

I feel like a heel for talking about no contact but I don't want to be an emotional tampon either since she has other friends she could speak too. And she only told me! Basically the reason our relationship ended up in this boat in the 1st place is because I was always available for her...especially emotionally...no matter how much SHE gave back she always GOT. She took me for granted, lost respect for me and I don't want this situation to be a continuation of more of the same.

 

Unfortuanately, I was supposed to meet her father, for the 1st time, next week. Since this situtation has happened that won't be happening and she's made no indication she wants that to change.

Edited October 14, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[SadGirl23]

She just wanted the one person she felt truly comfortable with (you) to feel for what she is going thru.. I call it misery loves company. But, how I look at things, I don't see how she could push those away who only wanted to be there to support and love, but like misery loves company, texts you to feel for her. Why should you not only feel sorry for your loss of the break/breakup, but also be there to carry her. Then when you try to say "Hey, if you need to talk on the phone, I'm here" then she comes back and says "nooo, its okay.." What kind of shyt is that? Man, if she didn't want to talk on the phone, then why should she bother you by texting you? texting is just as much impersonal. It's like, I'm sad, but I want someone to hear me, but I don't want to talk to someone in person or on the phone. that's weird! miseryy loves company.. that's all.. None of your problem. I Don't think your day should be even more worse because of HER problem. Now you got the whole worrying about not being with her and feeling sorry for her problem.. My ex did that shyt to me the other day, but in the back of my head, I was thinking.. that he shouldn't ruin my day with his problems..I'm not his girlfriend anymore, so his concerns, comments, complaints, sadness or anything else is not my problem anymore..

Edited October 14, 2010 by SadGirl23

[mrbluenobody]

SADGIRL....

 

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!! I don't feel so crazy now!! That's exactly what I was thinking when she refused the offer to talk on the phone. But that's what she has done often in our relationship. Is extremely affectionate but then doesn't want me around.

 

Basically, this is why we just took a break. We had two days of closeness....things seemed great....hell..the evening we decided to take a break was because she started acting distant. Ealier that same day we had spent 20 minutes passionately kissing on the beach like we did when we 1st met. She initiated it. Then that night she tells me she loves me as a person but isn't in love with me and where do we go from here!?!

Edited October 14, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[TLCbear]

She just wanted the one person she felt truly comfortable with (you) to feel for what she is going thru.. I call it misery loves company. But, how I look at things, I don't see how she could push those away who only wanted to be there to support and love, but like misery loves company, texts you to feel for her. Why should you not only feel sorry for your loss of the break/breakup, but also be there to carry her. Then when you try to say "Hey, if you need to talk on the phone, I'm here" then she comes back and says "nooo, its okay.." What kind of shyt is that? Man, if she didn't want to talk on the phone, then why should she bother you by texting you? texting is just as much impersonal. It's like, I'm sad, but I want someone to hear me, but I don't want to talk to someone in person or on the phone. that's weird! miseryy loves company.. that's all.. None of your problem. I Don't think your day should be even more worse because of HER problem. Now you got the whole worrying about not being with her and feeling sorry for her problem.. My ex did that shyt to me the other day, but in the back of my head, I was thinking.. that he shouldn't ruin my day with his problems..I'm not his girlfriend anymore, so his concerns, comments, complaints, sadness or anything else is not my problem anymore..

 

I agree. I didn't get the "not wanting to talk on the phone" either...that's why I said not to let it become a habit because it's seems like she going to try and play the mind games, not to mention put him in the friend's zone. Once you're there, you're there.

[mrbluenobody]

But, I believe she possibly isn't interested in me as a lover anymore but wants to keep me as a friend so she'll have the emotional support.

 

Not gonna happen

Edited October 14, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[mrbluenobody]

Update: Well, the very next night she texted me again saying she knows it isn't fair to ask but If I would come over and console her because she's having a really tough time (which I could see).

 

I went over with the intention of giving her a shoulder and to re-establish our boundaries ( no communication) for a longer period of time. Needless to say...after I was there for a bit we picked up right where we left off.....as if we there was nothing wrong. We made love that evening, snuggled and kissed passionately for a loooooong looong time. I ended up staying the night and we made love again in the morning.

 

We talked and cried and cried and talked. Ultimately, she said she's confused about what she wants and I got her to admit that she wants to be single, to figure things out, so it is over between us.

 

I've never been in a situation like this before. Usually when a relationship ends you can put your finger on a few things as to why. In this case, she was still attracted to me, had a great time with me, and loved affection. The one thing she had said was she wasn't "in love" with me yet and she thought she should be. I still thought it was awfull early to tell because we'd only been together for four months. But, then again, she and I only spent 2 to 3 nights a week together and she didn't seem to want to increase that amount of time over time.

 

All in all I'm heartbroken. She was the "one" for me. I'm 37 yrs old and I've never been with someone I'm more compatible with than her.

 

She told me I was her best friend and that it was so unnatural to just all the sudden never talk to someone again. I told her that I could never be "just" friends with her and that we'd have to cut off all contact for good. She said she wished she could check up on me every couple of weeks but agreed with no contact. She said she was just so confused and she still thought she "might" be making the biggest mistake of her life and told me that if she realized in a couple of months that she had made a mistake she was going to contact me.....because, even though I might be with someone or no longer want her, she'd have nothing to loose.

 

I don't understand.....I'm so sick. This has devastated me emotionally. I really thought I'd found my soulmate this time.

Edited October 17, 2010 by mrbluenobody

[reknown29]

Im 38 and going through the exact same thing. The girl is in her 20s. I wonder if that has something to do with it?

 

I just got a text from my girl saying she wants to see me. I had sex with her a few weeks back and then she started texting all the time, but always saying, I will never get back with you. To this day she says, can I come over, then she says dont think this means were getting back. So cruel man. Ive been heart broken. I love this girl but Im seeing she doesnt feel the same way. I keep moving on and then she contacts me... I start all over again with the pain.

Feel lucky you are able to call it off. Im constantly debating, should I hug her one more time? Every time I see her we hug for hours and passionately kiss like were back together. So confusing. Its mental abuse. Your really lucky not to deal with what Im dealing with.

 

Good Luck, there are 3.5 billion women in the world.