6 Months after D-Day and the witch called...

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Well...I had quite the surprise when I got home from work yesterday. H said he had something to show me..and pulls out his cell. FOW called him 3 times and texted him a simple..."How are you? I just wanted to touch base and see how things are with you?"

 

Sheesh just typing it makes my heart pace again. My first reaction was...so did you talk with her? He said no...I wanted you to see it first..and maybe help me in a way to deal with it. I said simple..give me your phone. I called her up immediately...by the tone in her voice she might have expected it to be my H. I said if you have something to say to so and so...then you can tell me. She kind of fumbled and said oh sorry. I said "you will be sorry if you ever call this number again. As you can clearly see..**** is no longer interested in your services. Therefore do not insert yourself in my life every again...because honey...you sure as hell don't want me to insert mine into yours" and hung up! Ok...maybe that was the nicer version of it..but regardless...she deserved that!

 

I guess my question would be..what would posess someone to call after all the bullcrap they caused...I know i know...it wasn't only her..but the fact of the matter is...she tried the contact after 6 months???

 

I am extremely happy that my spouse was forthcoming with this by all means..and have told him that that means a whole lot to me...and it definately is progress towards a healthier and trusting relationship. But seriously...does this old hag not deserve a beating at this point? lol My goodness...just when I thought it was behind us...all this crap is put right in my face again. How does one cope?

[confusedinkansas]

My Ex AP is doing the same thing.

About every 2 or so months he sends a one liner email to me.

 

If you & your husband figure out how to stop it or WHY ON EARTH she's doing it....I'm game to read your story.

 

It is SOOO annoying! Good for you for taking matters into your own hands. My husband keeps telling me to just ignore him & he'll go away. That ain't workin! I hope your method works for you two.

 

I'd kind of be curious too if someone that's done this that posts here in LS - Tell us WHY!

 

Be Happy!! Good luck to you both!!

[Snowflower]

Ah yes, infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving!

 

The xOW in my situation also sought out my H at 6 months past d-day so to answer your question, I don't think it is unusual at all for this to happen. And from what I've read on these boards, an attempt by the AP at contact at 6 months or even later is common.

 

Don't worry about it.

 

What is your H's reaction to all this? That is the most important thing. It sound like he did good to show you the message. Pay attention to what he does and doesn't do in this situation because that will tell you a lot about his intentions.

 

It sounds like you are harboring a lot of anger toward the xOW...all perfectly normal. Please just make sure that you don't transfer the anger that you feel for your husband toward the xOW. I'm not saying that is what you are doing and you are perfectly within your rights to not like her--just make sure your H continues to take the majority of the blame. As you work through your anger and put blame where blame is appropriate, it will be the best way to rebuild a healthy relationship with him.

[someday]

Well, I think you did just fine. You didn't contact her, your H didn't contact her...she opened that communication from you.

 

When my H's xow would call he would also show me or let me listen- I never contacted her because, well, truthfully she's a bit unstable and I believe that any type of contact from him or me would have been like feeding her drama- she so wanted to stay in our lives.

 

Just let this incident go...theres really no need to keep it, right? Simply more water under the bridge.

[Spark1111]

Well...I had quite the surprise when I got home from work yesterday. H said he had something to show me..and pulls out his cell. FOW called him 3 times and texted him a simple..."How are you? I just wanted to touch base and see how things are with you?"

 

Sheesh just typing it makes my heart pace again. My first reaction was...so did you talk with her? He said no...I wanted you to see it first..and maybe help me in a way to deal with it. I said simple..give me your phone. I called her up immediately...by the tone in her voice she might have expected it to be my H. I said if you have something to say to so and so...then you can tell me. She kind of fumbled and said oh sorry. I said "you will be sorry if you ever call this number again. As you can clearly see..**** is no longer interested in your services. Therefore do not insert yourself in my life every again...because honey...you sure as hell don't want me to insert mine into yours" and hung up! Ok...maybe that was the nicer version of it..but regardless...she deserved that!

 

I guess my question would be..what would posess someone to call after all the bullcrap they caused...I know i know...it wasn't only her..but the fact of the matter is...she tried the contact after 6 months???

 

I am extremely happy that my spouse was forthcoming with this by all means..and have told him that that means a whole lot to me...and it definately is progress towards a healthier and trusting relationship. But seriously...does this old hag not deserve a beating at this point? lol My goodness...just when I thought it was behind us...all this crap is put right in my face again. How does one cope?

 

Yes, a phone call at work 8 months later...He told me all about it....

 

A surprise visit to his new office 2 years later....He told me all about it.

 

I called her directly at work (something I had never done) and told her to knock it off. She wasn't too stable, but I think she won't do that again.

 

To see if he is pining away for her as much as she is for him?

 

Nothing new and exciting going on in her dating life? Maybe to see if he is interested in re-initiaing a relationship, or to see if they could be "just friends?"

 

Because she actually believed he was returning to you out of fear? Or obligation only?

 

Your husband did the right thing in telling you immediately. If there is a next time, let HIM tell her off with you next to him.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

My Ex AP is doing the same thing.

About every 2 or so months he sends a one liner email to me.

 

If you & your husband figure out how to stop it or WHY ON EARTH she's doing it....I'm game to read your story.

 

It is SOOO annoying! Good for you for taking matters into your own hands. My husband keeps telling me to just ignore him & he'll go away. That ain't workin! I hope your method works for you two.

 

I'd kind of be curious too if someone that's done this that posts here in LS - Tell us WHY!

 

Be Happy!! Good luck to you both!!

 

 

I guess breaking their legs is outta the question huh?

I would suggest changing the phone number..although in my husbands case..he can't due to business reasons. But hell I'm also not going to torture myself with this chick calling him whenever she wants. I give you credit for showing your husband that too. That takes a lot of courage especially considering the circumstances.

Either way I told his sister about it..she's ready to go pounding on her door at this point! LOL

[jthorne]

She was fishing... for anything, but who cares what.

Good for you! Maybe she took the hint and won't bother you two anymore.

[whichwayisup]

Therefore do not insert yourself in my life every again...because honey...you sure as hell don't want me to insert mine into yours" and hung up

Oh she doesn't want that. You handled it really well.

 

Yes she was fishing, hoping that enough time had gone by that your H would reply and then the A would start up again at some point.

 

Good that your H told you and showed you the text.

 

Is there anyway to block her number on that phone since he can't give it up for business reasons?

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Ah yes, infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving!

 

The xOW in my situation also sought out my H at 6 months past d-day so to answer your question, I don't think it is unusual at all for this to happen. And from what I've read on these boards, an attempt by the AP at contact at 6 months or even later is common.

 

Don't worry about it.

 

What is your H's reaction to all this? That is the most important thing. It sound like he did good to show you the message. Pay attention to what he does and doesn't do in this situation because that will tell you a lot about his intentions.

 

It sounds like you are harboring a lot of anger toward the xOW...all perfectly normal. Please just make sure that you don't transfer the anger that you feel for your husband toward the xOW. I'm not saying that is what you are doing and you are perfectly within your rights to not like her--just make sure your H continues to take the majority of the blame. As you work through your anger and put blame where blame is appropriate, it will be the best way to rebuild a healthy relationship with him.

 

 

Thanks for your post Sunflower.

 

I guess he seemed a little shocked that she would try to contact him. I told him thanks for informing me..but at the same time...it really rehashes everything he has done to me again. It still hurts...although I may seem stronger then ever before..when something like this happens..you can't help but re-live that situation again..and yes I cried.

 

He said he was glad I took charge the way I did...and said that this should now confirm things for her. I told him if it doesnt then he's going to have to change his number..and thats that. I also told him that he;s the reason all this ***** is happening in the first place...GRRRRR!!! By no way would I put all the blame on the old wench..but now that she's done this...game is on now with me.

 

Damn he must've felt like crap though...cause that man cleaned and re-arranged the whole basement till midnight! LMAO

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Yes, a phone call at work 8 months later...He told me all about it....

 

A surprise visit to his new office 2 years later....He told me all about it.

 

I called her directly at work (something I had never done) and told her to knock it off. She wasn't too stable, but I think she won't do that again.

 

To see if he is pining away for her as much as she is for him?

 

Nothing new and exciting going on in her dating life? Maybe to see if he is interested in re-initiaing a relationship, or to see if they could be "just friends?"

 

Because she actually believed he was returning to you out of fear? Or obligation only?

 

Your husband did the right thing in telling you immediately. If there is a next time, let HIM tell her off with you next to him.

 

Thanks for the post Spark.

 

You see the thing that pisses me off the most was when this D-Day hit the fan ..her excuse was..he told me you 2 were seperated but living in the same home..and that he was moving out. Sure a year later..and he still hadn't moved you'd think she'd get the clue right??? But now this??? She's looking for trouble I think....

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Oh she doesn't want that. You handled it really well.

 

Yes she was fishing, hoping that enough time had gone by that your H would reply and then the A would start up again at some point.

 

Good that your H told you and showed you the text.

 

Is there anyway to block her number on that phone since he can't give it up for business reasons?[/QUOTE]

 

Well thats the funny thing. This chick is quite the tool...didn't even have a cell phone before. So she gets a cell (like its the newest technology in the world) and decides to dial my man up. She never understood and probably still doesnt know how I "magically" went on the internet and reversed her home phone number and got her address. Thats how I got my D-Day.

 

Anyhow..if worse comes to worse..he'll have NO choice but to switch. He can't block it at this point..I tried calling last night

[porter218]

Oh she doesn't want that. You handled it really well.

 

Yes she was fishing, hoping that enough time had gone by that your H would reply and then the A would start up again at some point.

 

Good that your H told you and showed you the text.

 

Is there anyway to block her number on that phone since he can't give it up for business reasons?[/QUOTE]

 

Well thats the funny thing. This chick is quite the tool...didn't even have a cell phone before. So she gets a cell (like its the newest technology in the world) and decides to dial my man up. She never understood and probably still doesnt know how I "magically" went on the internet and reversed her home phone number and got her address. Thats how I got my D-Day.

 

Anyhow..if worse comes to worse..he'll have NO choice but to switch. He can't block it at this point..I tried calling last night

Yea, the internet is great for stuff like that. I did the same thing then showed up at OWs door. I was heated! But after some time you will calm down and realize this is his fault...not hers. Sure, she did know about you, but come on...he did tell her he was leaving. He did sucker her into an A. I understand how angry you are...at her, at him. It is natural. Eventually she will knock it off, but other then showing you she contacted what has he done to earn your trust back? Has he told you all the details of the A? Where it would happen? When he would see her(as in what time of day)? How did he get away with this for a year?

[thomasb]

Porter, it is ow's fault. Her husband didn't make her pick up that phone and call. I was so glad a while after the affair we were able to move states away and get different cell numbers. It wasn't until then the harassment stopped. Although even my father was subjected to one drunken phone call from her. He is great though and gave her what for.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Yea, the internet is great for stuff like that. I did the same thing then showed up at OWs door. I was heated! But after some time you will calm down and realize this is his fault...not hers. Sure, she did know about you, but come on...he did tell her he was leaving. He did sucker her into an A. I understand how angry you are...at her, at him. It is natural. Eventually she will knock it off, but other then showing you she contacted what has he done to earn your trust back? Has he told you all the details of the A? Where it would happen? When he would see her(as in what time of day)? How did he get away with this for a year?

 

 

Yes I have gotten all that outta him.

 

He got away with it..well cause I let him. I was too involved in my life to even care what he was doing with his. We had very poor communication...our relationship was in the craps so to speak. We both kept everything bottled up and that was that. He lived his life..and I lived mine. Of course it all makes sense now why things got that way..as men are the worst to live with while their are affairing some ho. I chucked everything to him going through mid-life as most BS's do.

 

He would see her every other Friday night...when he was supposedly doing an after hours account...at her place..while her kids were gone to their dad's for the weekend.

 

Well...since D-Day...funny how he never has any after-hours accounts anymore! Actually his boss dropped the account...not sure if my telling him had anything to do with it...but he no longer has to travel those 2 long hours either way!

 

Weeknights and weekends totally involve my son and I...even having cooked meals ready for me when I get home. I'm not trying to picture that I have this grand life now after the affair..because EVERY relationship will always have their probs...and situations. Hell I'm not perfect either. But to say the least...he's put more effort in these 6 months then he has in the last 14 years. And that is enough for now!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Porter, it is ow's fault. Her husband didn't make her pick up that phone and call. I was so glad a while after the affair we were able to move states away and get different cell numbers. It wasn't until then the harassment stopped. Although even my father was subjected to one drunken phone call from her. He is great though and gave her what for.

 

Yes it is completely on her now for calling! I agree...sure he's got to take the blame for cheating on ME...but as far as the calling after everything thats happened...yes..shes the complete fool at this point!

[porter218]

Porter, it is ow's fault. Her husband didn't make her pick up that phone and call. I was so glad a while after the affair we were able to move states away and get different cell numbers. It wasn't until then the harassment stopped. Although even my father was subjected to one drunken phone call from her. He is great though and gave her what for.

 

I am a BS and I do know how As affect you. Yes it is OWs fault for picking up the phone...but it wasn't 100% her fault about having had the A. She was told he was leaving. I know all too well how much a MM can pull that wool over some OWs eyes. My x did the same thing to his OW. He told a few of them that he was separated from me but living together till he figured out what to do. Total lie. We were together and seemingly happy at the time. Some of these guys say whatever they have to, no matter how stupid it sounds, to keep the A going. It is a part of the healing process to begin to shift the blame back where it rightfully belongs. The thing that worries me about this particular case is that we don't know why she is calling. What if she gets the occasional call from MM asking her how she is? We don't really know that yet. Its not always as one sided as you would wish to believe. This guy had an A for a whole yr with this woman without PortuguesePrincess80 knowing about it.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I am a BS and I do know how As affect you. Yes it is OWs fault for picking up the phone...but it wasn't 100% her fault about having had the A. She was told he was leaving. I know all too well how much a MM can pull that wool over some OWs eyes. My x did the same thing to his OW. He told a few of them that he was separated from me but living together till he figured out what to do. Total lie. We were together and seemingly happy at the time. Some of these guys say whatever they have to, no matter how stupid it sounds, to keep the A going. It is a part of the healing process to begin to shift the blame back where it rightfully belongs. The thing that worries me about this particular case is that we don't know why she is calling. What if she gets the occasional call from MM asking her how she is? We don't really know that yet. Its not always as one sided as you would wish to believe. This guy had an A for a whole yr with this woman without PortuguesePrincess80 knowing about it.

 

Really?? Because would he be so forthcoming in showing me the message...and the missed phone calls on his phone? I highly doubt that. I think he's trying to be genuine and up-front about this. I really can't knock him down for showing me...cause thats just showing him how insecure and irrational I am....in which I am not!

 

I have gone back and read a few of your threads..and realize your H has done this to you on more than one occasion..3 to be exact. I am having a very hard time comprehending the 1 thats happened to me...let alone 3. There is no way in hell I would ever put myself in this "working it out" situation again..and he clearly knows this. I'm not saying that it will never happen again...but what I can say is if it EVER does...theres nothing more to work on and thats just me! I may be young...but I sure as hell ain;t stupid or worthless!

[porter218]

Really?? Because would he be so forthcoming in showing me the message...and the missed phone calls on his phone? I highly doubt that. I think he's trying to be genuine and up-front about this. I really can't knock him down for showing me...cause thats just showing him how insecure and irrational I am....in which I am not!

 

I have gone back and read a few of your threads..and realize your H has done this to you on more than one occasion..3 to be exact. I am having a very hard time comprehending the 1 thats happened to me...let alone 3. There is no way in hell I would ever put myself in this "working it out" situation again..and he clearly knows this. I'm not saying that it will never happen again...but what I can say is if it EVER does...theres nothing more to work on and thats just me! I may be young...but I sure as hell ain;t stupid or worthless!

 

I am glad he is showing you these things. That is a good sign....just please make sure your eyes are open. A cheaters best defense are partial truths. Also it is great to hear he is putting forth more effort in the M.

 

As for my xH and our saga...I only commented on yours because I do see similarities to my xHs behavior. Keep in mind I had a first D-day too. And I know hearing about 3 you may wonder why. Well the 1st one was the only one I stayed and tried to work things out. The second one blindsighted me too but I packed him up and filed for D. We were 11months into our D(12months to finalize where I live) when he showed seemingly great change and I decided in order to feel OK with a D I had to make sure I wasn't making a mistake. I gave it one last try and then gave up. The last time I didn't wait for a D-Day...I left on pure suspicion. The actual truth came after I left. Lots of these things didn't come to light till long after they were done.

Please get into counseling with your H. Don't just shove this under the carpet with hopes it will not happen again. You have to find out why it happened in the first place and address that. It is a lot of work to put a M back on track after something like this.

Edited October 14, 2010 by porter218

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I am glad he is showing you these things. That is a good sign....just please make sure your eyes are open. A cheaters best defense are partial truths. Also it is great to hear he is putting forth more effort in the M.

 

As for my xH and our saga...I only commented on yours because I do see similarities to my xHs behavior. Keep in mind I had a first D-day too. And I know hearing about 3 you may wonder why. Well the 1st one was the only one I stayed and tried to work things out. The second one blindsighted me too but I packed him up and filed for D. We were 11months into our D(12months to finalize where I live) when he showed seemingly great change and I decided in order to feel OK with a D I had to make sure I wasn't making a mistake. I gave it one last try and then gave up. The last time I didn't wait for a D-Day...I left on pure suspicion. The actual truth came after I left. Lots of these things didn't come to light till long after they were done.

Please get into counseling with your H. Don't just shove this under the carpet with hopes it will not happen again. You have to find out why it happened in the first place and address that. It is a lot of work to put a M back on track after something like this.

 

 

I hear ya girl..and I appreciate your responses. As for MC...this isn't something we (and I do mean me more so than him) are comfortable with. First off..I am stubborn..call me stupid but reading about it..and discussing things at home is just as useful to me. I hear too many horror stories where they were going to MC ..I don't see what a counsellor is going to say or do that we cant do on our own. This comes from the 2 involved. I know why he got to that point...we both do! This matter has never and will NEVER be swept under the rug. I won't let it..but I always won't dangle it everytime something goes wrong either. Thats just not fair..and very immature.

 

I believe we have a whole different appreciation for each other...and our communication is what will get us through it. Trust is going to be built on actions...and thats as much as I can say for now. Never take anything for granted...and never let bitches who call your man think they got away with it! LOL

[porter218]

 

I believe we have a whole different appreciation for each other...and our communication is what will get us through it. Trust is going to be built on actions...and thats as much as I can say for now. Never take anything for granted...and never let bitches who call your man think they got away with it! LOL

 

hahaha! Well I simply told his last OW..the one I showed up at the door of "I hope you have enough room in your house, cause he is all yours now!" I think she soon regretted the A. Bit off more then she could chew. lol

[lizzibeth]

I think this is probably what every BS hopes for, that her husband will come to her when the OW goes fishing. And you handled it like a champ!!

 

You should be proud of him for telling you and proud of yourself for sticking together instead of letting it come between you.

 

Two united can always defeat one.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I think this is probably what every BS hopes for, that her husband will come to her when the OW goes fishing. And you handled it like a champ!!

 

You should be proud of him for telling you and proud of yourself for sticking together instead of letting it come between you.

 

Two united can always defeat one.

 

Thanks a lot Lizz!

 

I really am proud of him since this whole ordeal happened...and this has really proven a lot to me. But at the same time...my guard is still up!

[pureinheart]

Well...I had quite the surprise when I got home from work yesterday. H said he had something to show me..and pulls out his cell. FOW called him 3 times and texted him a simple..."How are you? I just wanted to touch base and see how things are with you?"

 

Sheesh just typing it makes my heart pace again. My first reaction was...so did you talk with her? He said no...I wanted you to see it first..and maybe help me in a way to deal with it. I said simple..give me your phone. I called her up immediately...by the tone in her voice she might have expected it to be my H. I said if you have something to say to so and so...then you can tell me. She kind of fumbled and said oh sorry. I said "you will be sorry if you ever call this number again. As you can clearly see..**** is no longer interested in your services. Therefore do not insert yourself in my life every again...because honey...you sure as hell don't want me to insert mine into yours" and hung up! Ok...maybe that was the nicer version of it..but regardless...she deserved that!

 

I guess my question would be..what would posess someone to call after all the bullcrap they caused...I know i know...it wasn't only her..but the fact of the matter is...she tried the contact after 6 months???

 

I am extremely happy that my spouse was forthcoming with this by all means..and have told him that that means a whole lot to me...and it definately is progress towards a healthier and trusting relationship. But seriously...does this old hag not deserve a beating at this point? lol My goodness...just when I thought it was behind us...all this crap is put right in my face again. How does one cope?

 

I don't understand why he showed you her phone call, it almost sounds like a game. It sounds as if the R is over, so what was the point?

 

If she doesn't threaten your M, then why give any time or energy towards the exR.

 

It just sounds like a strange dynamic to me.

[PortuguesePrincess80]

I don't understand why he showed you her phone call, it almost sounds like a game. It sounds as if the R is over, so what was the point?

 

If she doesn't threaten your M, then why give any time or energy towards the exR.

 

It just sounds like a strange dynamic to me.

 

First off..it was HIS phone...not hers!

 

She IS threatening my marriage...because she was the fow! Why is she calling after 6 months NC???

 

Whats so strange about MY h trying to be clear cut and honest with me after all this? Don't you find it strange that this OW is calling him after 6 months no contact? I guess you being a fow...you wouldnt see anything wrong with that I suppose!

[bentnotbroken]

She was fishing... for anything, but who cares what.

Good for you! Maybe she took the hint and won't bother you two anymore.

 

 

I agree with all except the won't bother you anymore. Some slow people never take the "hint":rolleyes:and move on. I would have loved to been the fly on the wall to see if she wet her paints when she heard your voice. And good for your hubby.